Encouraging the Working Woman
“I am a mother who works outside our home. When I read your blog, I felt
pretty discouraged and even guilty. After spending time with the Lord and
talking with my husband, I wanted to reply. My profession is such that I can
make over twice as much as my husband. The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful
job and family friendly employer. It made sense for me to work one job, instead
of my husband working two jobs (even with him working two jobs, he probably
would not match my salary). There were times when I resented having to work, but
my husband felt this was best. I enjoy my job, it is a choice I make. It is much
better to decide to be happy where the Lord has put you rather than resenting
it! I feel that it would be wrong for me to stay at home while my husband was
gone almost all the time. It is also a matter of submission. There are probably
many more women who would love to stay at home, but circumstances are not such
that they can….Please make it a point to edify/encourage those of us who work
outside the home.”
“Today, we have paid more than half our debt…My husband is home now more than he has ever been.”
Just as the reader mentioned, sometimes a woman makes twice the income of her husband. I have a relative in this situation. This is where things can get really sticky because the current situation stems from wrong choices made much earlier. When a woman is given the option as an unmarried woman to have a career, it’s not always so easy to just switch gears after marriage and give it all up to become a keeper at home. She has become accustomed to her paycheck, and then after marriage, her husband does too. If you want to dig even deeper, this wave of women and career removes much of the responsibility of husbands as providers. Many of them anticipate that marriage will bring with it an extra income, and so their preparation for providing for their family may look very different than if they know they will be sole providers.
Once you’re there, however, it is difficult. The most obvious answer is to cut spending–drastically. Few are willing to do this. It’s a matter of priority. If being at home is truly a conviction you hold, however, you WILL do whatever it takes.
I’ll share a snippet of our personal experience to encourage you, if you’re in this situation. I did not make twice as much as my husband when I worked, but we probably shared the income 50/50/, and even together, it was not a lucrative income. We accumulated a lot of credit card debt after I came home as well, from a business failure. (Debt will often discourage even the idea of slashing a family’s income in half, but let me encourage you that it can still be paid.) When the Lord convicted us, we knew what we had to do, though it made no sense on paper (or to any of our family and friends!). I won’t say we didn’t experience financial hardship–we did. There were times my husband did have to pick up a part time job at night, which was not easy. We have made financial sacrifices, but they have not robbed our family one bit of joy and peace. If anything, I have said a hundred times, I would not trade the world for what we and our children have learned about faith, contentment, and the provision of God.
“Don’t underestimate what your God can do!”
But let me share the other side: Today, we have paid more than half our debt (it was a REALLY large sum), (we have only actually been working on paying it off for a little over two years–before that it was just the monthly payment which made no dent in it whatsoever). My husband is home now more than he has ever been. He landscapes one day a week in addition to his regular job, and the Lord graciously provided an extra job for him which only requires him to be gone 3 days a month. He makes a month’s salary in those three days! We are more comfortable than we have been since I came home. (We even took a vacation, paid for braces and prenatal care this year–all extra expenses!)
Which brings me to my next, and most important point about quitting work when it doesn’t seem feasible: DON’T UNDERESTIMATE WHAT YOUR GOD CAN DO! We forget that obedience brings blessing! And that we serve a God who parted the Red Sea for His people! All too often we think we know the best thing for our lives (even if it means doing something we know is not pleasing to the Lord), when God is pleading with us to let His power shine through our lives.
One of my life verses has been, “Faithful is He who called you who also will do it.” I Thess. 5:24
The Lord does not require anything of us that He will not make a way for. But we first have to get out from behind all our “reasons”, and social pressures, and comfort, and look up to a supernatural God whose ways are higher than our ways.
I have not missed one dollar (or pat on the back, or job-gratification) I gave up. But what I have gained being home with my children and being able to devote my life to the service of my family is priceless.
I’m not talking about easy things here…allowing God to be sovereign over the womb, slashing your family’s income in half–these are not journeys for the weak of heart in today’s society (although once they were the norm). But what joy can be ours when we grab hold of our Father’s hand, walk in complete faith, and watch him part our Red Seas!!!
That’s my heart…..yes, I do want to encourage the women who work….encourage them that they can come home and fulfill their calling and reap blessings unthinkable, and be a beacon of hope to other women and families. I really do believe the secret to reviving a society that is sinking fast, is the return of a loving, active, busy home where mom is serving the king of her home, and rocking cradles to rule the world!
Related posts:
frugal living/saving money, working moms | Word Warrior | 
July 16, 2007 7:22 am
Thank you for sharing this post. I left a career field with a large money making potential when I married and “came home” when we had a quite a bit of debt and financial matters did not work out on paper. The Lord has always provided everything we needed to live on and has brought many blessings to our lives since I became a “keeper at home”. We faced many issues with friends, family, and acquaintance for our decisions, but the Lord has always prevailed through the good times and bad. Our Shepherd always takes care of His flock and we must look to Him when we make ALL life decisions to assure that we are on the path He has chosen for us, not what the world might deem acceptable or correct.
You have a wonderful blog and I have loved reading several of your recent posts. I pray that the Lord might use your blog to bless many hearts!
)
Beautiful response to a tricky letter. I love how tactfully and gracefully you responded!
Equating sexual immorality with working outside the home is quite a stretch!
In your eagerness to make a point, you are adding emphasis to Scripture where there is none.
As such, if you consider working outside the home as immoral, then defying your husband’s authority is justified.
However, one must first believe your premise (that it is immoral), and that would take a good deal of Scriptural twisting & interpolation!
Amen!
I wish that everyone could see it that way. I have a neighbor who is close to giving birth and an acquaintance who has had a newborn and they will return back to work 6 weeks after having their babies. The babies will go to day care so they can go to their full time job. I really wish they could see that the two new cars, the trips, the “toys”, the clothes, etc. aren’t worth it.
“Help us be a beacon of light, Lord, to those around us who need to know there are other options…give us the courage and poise to tell them.”
Elizabeth,
You are wrong. I do not have to “believe my premise is immoral” to justify defying my husband’s authority. I have only to believe it is displeasing to the Lord. (And as I explained, for me, it would be sin.) I believe commiting acts of immorality is displeasing to the Lord, and I believe working outside my home, if there is any other option, is displeasing to the Lord. They may not be considered equal degrees, by a social standard, but I don’t think God sees it that way.
If my conviction is such that working outside the home would be sin for me, then it makes no difference whether you consider that to be equal with immorality. Many sins can be sin without being considered immoral.
WW: OK, I appreciate the distinction you make.
I thought you were saying that working outside the home was immoral in all cases and for all peoples at all times.
Your clarification resolves this. For you, it is displeasing to the Lord.
And for your reader, perhaps the Lord is pleased for her to work as evidenced by His giving her an excellent job.
Elizabeth,
I don’t believe the Lord gave her a job, I believe a person did. Everything good comes from the Lord, not every thing.
The couple in the news recently that got $50,000 in inheritance and spent it on video game stuff and a plasma tv, then used it to the neglect (starvation) of their children…according to your “logic,” the Lord must be pleased with them else He wouldn’t have given them $50K. It doesn’t work that way.
I agree with Bran.
My clarification was to say that I don’t believe working outside the home is immoral in ANY case. I do believe it displeases the Lord, and because I believe that, I believ it is sin. Equivalent to immorality not because it is immoral, but because sin doesn’t have degrees with God.
I would get lashed for saying working outside the home is a flat sin for everybody. I can say it is definitely sin for me because I’ve been convicted as such; the post was to challenge your personal “stance” on the issue. The point is, if you believe it is displeasing to the Lord (i.e. sin) to work outside the home, then you would be bibically justified to refuse even your husband’s request–JUST AS you would be justified to refuse reqests of immorality. That doesn’t make them “the same sin”, just both sins, worthy of equal justification.
(The initial question was that of a woman who desires to stay home but her husband doesn’t want her to. The implication in that question is that the woman has a conviction about staying home, and therefore, to her it is sin to do otherwise, and so (in my opinion) she could bibically decline her husband’s request.)
I would never agree with a statement such as “the Lord is pleased with her to work as is evidenced by His giving her an excellent job.” That is terribly misleading doctrine.
I just happened to stumble upon your blog and found this very timely post!
For me and my season of life, this post is very challenging. I am a first-time mom to a beautiful 8 month old girl. After 12 weeks of maternity leave, I had to return to work. I don’t mean “had” to as in both my husband and I work and we need to “maintain a lifestyle”. But rather, due to some unfortunate circumstances in the months leading up to her birth, he came to realize that God was calling him out of his job. We prayed about it a lot and sought counsel from the church elders. In the time immediately after leaving, he was able to spend a lot of quality time with his mother who died of cancer shortly after our daughter was born. It was such a blessing to him, and to us as a family, to have those memories.
Going back to work was the hardest thing I’ve had to do to date. It is an issue of submission right now, and as a Christian wife and mother, I want to follow my husband’s leading. My desire is to be a keeper of the home, and he knows where my heart lies. He is still seeking employment and has had several interviews, but nothing has worked out. I’d be home in a heartbeat and I’m anxious for this day!!! I am thankful that he is home with our daughter, but working [outside the home] is hard – I don’t envy that of anyone. I work all day and then have to come home and make dinner, do laundry and clean, as well as care for our daughter. It’s like working 2-3 jobs! I would much rather be at home (I’m not saying that’s not work!) but at least I wouldn’t have to worry about projects, deadlines, and the like outside of my house.
This season of life has been tremendously trying for me – and my husband as well. He feels burdened to find a job, but as yet the Lord has not provided one. It is building our faith in God (or testing it
) and definitely building our prayer life! We struggle, but the Lord always provides. Some days, when I am very sad and really missing my little girl, I say a prayer of thanksgiving that I am blessed with my health and a beautiful family, and a hope that one day I can look back on this time and see why he allowed this. For now, I remain a devoted, dutiful wife that yearns to come home. I am my husband’s helpmeet, and I pray I can do a better job of it once I am at home full-time.
P.S. You have a lovely family! I am one of 9, so I know how much fun big families can be.
Vicky,
I appreciate your willingness to share your heart with us. I remember the days, too, of crying all the way to work after I dropped my precious little one off for someone else to care for. (It’s great your husband is able to be with your daughter).
I feel for your dilemma…but I am very encouraged by your acknowledgment that this is not the ideal situation. I am glad you recognize the “insaneness” of women trying to hold down 2 full-time jobs, and readily admit that it’s not God’s design.
The feminist movement would have women believe that something is wrong with them if they can’t effectively hold down a job outside the home, and of course, belittle the husband that doesn’t “do his share” in the home. Both of which are just as unnatural as can be.
(This is where the “true home” gets minimalized; if the duties of the home can be discarded, devalued, or turned over to someone else, neither wife nor husband has to feel guilty about pouring all his/her time elsewhere.)
I pray the Lord leads your husband to a job quickly and you may embrace the desires of your heart.
First I want to thank you for your thought provoking website. It has challenged me to be a better keeper at home. I have thought, searched the Bible and prayed about this response. I am a working mom. My husband wants me to work. There was a time when I was very unhappy about it and it affected our marriage. I realized that this was not the attitude God would have for me. I agree that it is best for a mother to be at home, however, I think that it would be far more detrimental for me to go against my husbands wishes and open the door to my home and allowing resentment, unhappiness, etc. to enter my home. These would cause far deeper damage to my children. There are many verses in the Bible which command us wives to be submissive, have a meek and quiet spirit, don’t tear your house down, etc. I am praying that God would work it out for me to stay home, but until then, I will continue to work without moaning about it and be a good example to my children of how we should be content in whatever state we are in. I also believe that is this is not God’s plan for me that my husband will be held accountable as the leader of our home. I just wanted to share my heart regarding this. Have a wonderful day.
Anon,
Thank you for your thoughtful response.
I know how this woman feels… I too have felt this “guilt” which I now know comes not from the Father, but from the Enemy…as guilt is a wonderful weapon! Three years ago my husband married a confident, responsible, Christian woman with a college education. Within months the poor man had a sniveling child on his hands…and he did not like it. What has caused this transformation? Unfortunately, it was reading Christian blogs and books on how to be a woman of God. I was convinced that, although my husband respected me for who I was and God has knocked down numerous roadblocks in order for me to complete college as an orphaned young woman, I could not be a good Christian and work! All the blogs and books said so. Did God tell me this or convict me of this in any way? Nope. Was my husband unhappy that I did not wear an apron and rub his feet every night? Mmmm…no (although I do actually like caring for him and our home). Now, I listen for the voice of God to speak to me…and I listen to my husband who told me to stop reading such “nonsense” as he puts it…guard your home from ALL outside influences that may be trying to take you away from God’s plan.