Homeschooling Myth Busters–Socialization–Part 2
I don’t know when the beaten-to-death subject of socialization is going to die, but until it does, I guess we’ll keep talking about it! It has become such a popular response to homeschoolers, that most people spout it off without even understanding their own accusation. “But how will your children know how to act in the real world?”
SOCIALIZATION (according to my Webster’s Dictionary): the act of bringing under public ownership and control.
I don’t think most people are referring to the above definition of socialization when they bring it up…although the public school institution does just what the above infers.
The word “sociable” may be a little closer: it means “fond of the company of others and apt to seek or welcome it.”
It think the main reason for the assumption that hs children can’t be socialized, is that the questioner pictures a child/children who never leave the house or have any contact with other humans. Which is so absurd, I can’t believe we even have to clarify.
If socializing my children is my main concern (and it is not, by the way), then the last place I would send them is into a building where they will spend the majority of their day with children all the same age, and very little interaction with wiser adults. The socialization they get in that setting is no where close to “real life”. And for many children, it can be extremely damaging and permanently impairing to their emotional well-beings.
I am amazed at how many teenagers I encounter who, when I speak to them, (Hi, how are you?) just look at me as if I’m speaking a foreign language. Is that socialization?
Preparation for real life? Sitting in a desk, in a room all day, with 25 other people my age, and a teacher trying to get us to learn something when I am much more interested in my “socialization”…not very realistic.
Back to our unsocialized homeschooler…we actually leave the house at regular intervals. We have many, many friends, we go to social gatherings, we welcome families into our home, and in a nutshell, we see our children becoming much more widely associated with people of many different ages and walks of life. They are comfortable and helpful with small children, and they enjoy conversing with the elderly…it’s a beautiful thing.
We want our children to find their self-worth in who they are in Christ, and not be measured, in their sensitive years, by what other children their own age deem them to be. (A few children are resilient to the cruelty and meanness of others, but most are not. Parents deceive themselves by thinking that exposure to ridicule at a young age will make them better, or tougher people.)
They have plenty of opportunities to learn to share (believe me!) just within our own family. My desire for my children is not only to learn to communicate well with people, but to be courteous, respectful, and welcoming to every person they meet…a feat difficult to accomplish among a peer segregated group all day.
We do not have to create “opportunities” for our children to socialize. Our lives are much more centered around a real-life model, so that the opportunities are present all the time. There is not need to join clubs, or groups in order to “expose” them…they are plenty exposed, sometimes more than I think is good!
I had an interesting encounter with a relative one day…she said, “Kelly, you’re children are so sweet and well-behaved–they’re precious.” An hour later she was arguing with me about how my children are going to suffer socially because they are not in school. (????)
And if my opinions and observations aren’t enough, I challenge you to look into the research that has been done. It is no longer a theory, but there is proof that homeschooled children fare better socially than their peer-segregated counterparts. (Bearing in mind that there are always exceptions on both ends of the scale.)
Just an interesting note…I was talking with a homeschooling friend whose two oldest sons were applying for entrance into college to pursue an engineering degree. (By the way, they both received full academic scholarships.) The college rep said to the mom, “we don’t tell people this, but we much prefer homeschoolers. They are just better all-around students!”
Disagree with homeschooling if you must, but please find a validated subject to base your opinions on!
I hope I haven’t been too harsh here…forgive me if I come across abrasively! I’m working on it, I really am!
For a light-hearted but cleverly written look at “the homeschooler’s problem with socialization”, click HERE.
Related posts:
homeschooling | Word Warrior | 
July 26, 2007 9:47 am
Hi Kelly! I enjoyed both of your posts on homeschooling so far, and I’m looking forward to reading more! As someone who spent 12 long years in public schools, I thought I’d chime in.
I was a naturally creative and curious child. I was also a quiet, gentle-spirited child, and I think few things could be as restrictive and unstimulating for me as a class with 35 (I WISH there were only 25!) other kids, buzzing during lessons and running around wildly during short breaks. I felt lost! I was a top student always, but I felt my success was more despite than thanks to what I learned at school.
I started reading at 4. When I started 1-st grade, the teacher wrinkled her nose disapprovingly – I was reading ‘too well’ for my age, she couldn’t keep me occupied long enough with things that were supposed to be ‘just right for me’. Because, whether we like it or not, when a teacher has 30 kids he must handle, it all becomes about keeping them quiet and occupied!
But back to socialization. Like you rightly pointed, socialization is supposed to help us function in real life. How is that supposed to happen in a carefully confined little space with lots of children of exactly the same age locked in together? If there’s anything less like ‘real life’, I’d like to see that!
There is a lot more to say about education in public schools, which I’m sure you will mention in your future posts.
We are a home educating family and the socialization question always comes up. I usually answer just as you have and ask when in their lives will my children be in a room with people their exact age. Our new neighbors were amazed at talking with our six year old and said they felt like they were talking with a 30 yr. old.
I usually just chuckle inwardly when the question comes up as it seems like a good question for people to throw out to make themselves feel more justified in using public education.
That wasn’t harsh at all. I thought you expressed your points beautifully and graciously.
Great post! I thought you did a great job articulating the truth here.
Anna S. I think your experience in public schoool was right on and more common they we realize! Thanks for sharing that.
I’m so glad you posted this. I get this question so much and honestly, I’m tired of answering it. I think you hit all of the important points and did it nicely. Bravo!
Does anyone really ask “So what about socialization?” anymore?
I know that was often the first response 17+ years ago when we first started homeschooling. . . But is it still a common concern?
Great post, Kelly. And try answering this question to social workers who are placing children in your home for possible adoption. Oh, have I had to answer this a few times (or so).
Blessings,
~Toni~
Hi Kelly! I just found your blog when we pulled your name as a winner for the Giveaway Contest at our blog! I am so blessed to have found your site and look forward to more time visiting. I have been reading through your posts and am greatly encouraged by what I read here. You have a wonderful ministry here and are touching the lives of many women. I was reading the debate in June and wanted to tell you how wonderfully you supported your Biblical worldview and how you touched my heart by all that I read. I am going to look into the book you mentioned as I am a “first-generation Christian, homeschooler, husband-respecting, stay-at-home mother and much more” lady. I am always on the look out for blogs like yours and resources that support our worldview. Blessings to you and your family.
Alycia
When you write of the student who only gets teasing and torment out of the public school system, that’s me. I was publicly schooled K-12, now attend a private college where I’ve met many others who were home schooled for varying periods of time in their lives (some just the early years, some just later years, etc.) With two exceptions, I’d say they’re all better socially than I am. I’m lucky if I can hold a conversation for 2 minutes; such things were never required as part of getting through school, and since I didn’t need it for school, I didn’t learn it. Same thing went for cooking, cleaning, and anything else needed in the REAL real world. Another argument the homeschooling parent can give to the public schooling counterpart, at least for younger grades, is that they don’t get recess in the real world, either. (I hated recess as a kid anyway. =-P )
Looking forward to reading more of these “myth busters,” because I was raised myself to believe a lot of the same things about home schoolers. So few families around here home school that it’s not odd at all to not ever meet a family that does, so you have no reality to compare to.
Jesusfreak84,
Thank you for sharing that insight from your personal experience…