It’s Time for Truth…Leaving Home Should not be an Option!
I heard a great sermon this week about “Christian feminism”, and the pastor said, with no apologies, that we have embraced feminist thinking to the point that we don’t even recognize it as feminism anymore. My favorite point he made was this:
“If you choose marriage, you choose a full-time job, ordained by God as
part of His created design. I don’t know why that job is looked down upon;
if you don’t want it, don’t get married.”
Of course, I would never advocate “not getting married” in order to pursue a career. But his point is valid…we treat the occupation of marriage and motherhood as if it is some fringe activity, or a hobby, able to be properly executed with our left-over time. NOT SO!
And our feminist thinking within the church kicks against that notion. We will not be told that “our place is in the home”…we want to be homemakers only if we choose to be homemakers. But let’s think about it for a second…
If I get a job as a lifeguard at the public pool, I am expected to be there, every minute, in order to fulfill all my duties properly. Now if I decide that I don’t like sitting out in the hot sun for hours on end, I could choose to get down from my chair; I could choose to find another job, and I could choose to just pop in the pool arena every now and then to make sure things were going OK. I could even hire someone else to do my lifeguard job, while I go do something else; but if I am the lifeguard, I am responsible for what happens at that pool, whether I am there or not. I could call myself the lifeguard, but I would be a lousy one.
Because if someone needed me, I wouldn’t be there. If there was dangerous horseplay, I wouldn’t know about it. If someone started to drown, I could not save them. I could not manage my “domain” of the pool unless I was fully there, mind, body and spirit, all the time. My leaving and allowing people to drown would not be because I didn’t care about the people swimming, but because my selfish motives drove me to abdicate my responsibilities.
I can become a wife, and a mother, but if I leave my “station” as manager of the home, I have left my home open to disaster. If my presence is somewhere else most of the time, my attention and affections are most likely there too. The needs of a well-managed home are tremendous…no one can fulfill them adequately if she is away. She can settle, and justify, and compare, and decide that she’s doing OK compared to so-and-so…but that’s not our standard.
We are called to be help-meets and crowns to our husbands, keepers of our homes, mentors of our children, helpers to those in need around us–it is an honorable, important and yes, full-time job. It involves duties that many women jokingly dismiss as outdated occupations of the past. We are responsible for learning how to cook nutritious meals…it affects the very quality of life of the people we love. We are responsible for being thrifty, and utilizing our skills to save money…that is one of the important ways we help our husbands and show respect for his hard work. We must know how and practice keeping a clean home; it is a place that should represent order and beauty and should be welcoming to those around us. We should understand basic first-aid and health remedies. The list could go on and on. All these skills should not be optional. They should be considered a serious part of our profession. Would a man consider being a doctor without committing to study, learn and practice, with all his energies, the art of medicine?
I guess I get tired of the political correctness that has so infected the church. Hardly a pastor or church leader would dare speak this way to their congregation. For he would greatly offend; but look at the offense being done to our Christian homes, our husbands and our children! (And remember what Christ said about offending “these little ones”?) (More about our offense to children tomorrow…)
I just wish our spiritual leaders would get a backbone and stop being afraid of speaking truth…women who, for some tragic and unavoidable reason must enter the workforce should be treated as a grave exception, and we should be trying to remedy their plights. Older women should not be asking young girls graduating high school questions like, “So what are you going to do?” They should be saying things like, “Are you getting prepared for marriage? How are your homemaking skills? Is there something I could help you with?”
Other than the unfortunate exceptions of women forced into the workplace away from their homes, we should not allow this egalitarian notion that “whatever you want to do is fine”…what if my husband came home and said, “you know, I’m just tired of working…I think I’ll quit.” No one would advocate such behavior! Men are to provide necessities for their families, and that’s a societal norm. It should be just as unashamedly acknowledged that women are to be managers of their homes. He has a job, and I have a job–equally important, but supremely different. Period. Why should I be given the option to forsake my responsibilities, just because I want to?
Am I missing something here? I know we’ve discussed this subject before, but it’s such a crucial one!!! It’s so black and white to me, that I have to pray for grace when speaking to people and this subject comes up. What are your thoughts?
Related posts:
working moms | Word Warrior | 
September 4, 2007 8:49 am
Audio available soon!
I’m slowly being converted to this way of thinking, and I was wondering if you could please tell me some Scripture that backs this up, about being a helpmeet and the husband in the workforce. Thank you.
I really want to know what kind of church you go to. I grew up in a Methodist church and I’ve never heard a pastor or anybody in the church with this line of thinking. I really love it though, and I think I’d like to look for a church that embraces more of your philosophy. I looked on that list you posted awhile back and most of the ones in my area seem to be Presbyterian. I have some Presbyterian friends though and they’ve never mentioned this either… is there a certain sub-group where this is gaining popularity?
ANON,
Slow conversion is great–I think we all arrive at different points slowly. And since feminism was a slow “brainwashing”, we might expect that biblical thinking would take some time too.
Specifically, the mandate of being a helpmeet is given to us in Genesis, during the creation of mankind. God specifically lays out our roles and explains that a wife was created for Adam because he needed a helpmeet. Many would argue that for some famliies, a wife working outside the home is fulfilling her duty as helper, but there are many strong arguments that would logically refute that point. (I’ve covered some of them in detail in my former posts.)
Ephesians 5:22-33 stands to argue that if a husband is to be the head of his wife, she cannot serve both he and another, rendering due service and respect to her husband. (“A man cannot serve two masters…”)
Then of course, Titus 2 gives specific instructions that the younger women are to be taught to love their husbands and children and to be keepers at home.
There are others (Prov. 31 as an example of a woman who fulfills her many duties at home, INCLUDING helping with the income) but these are a few basic verses.
There are many indirect references we can deduct from Scripture, using our logic…for example, Prov. states that “a child left to himself will bring his mother shame”. We are seeing that everywhere–the abdication of child-training by mothers who have bore children only to hand over the responsibility of raising them to someone else. How can a daycare full of children with a few underpaid workers take care of all the physical and emotional demands as well as the ongoing task of character training? And that doesn’t even touch Spirutual instruction! They may be well-cared for, but they are being left to themselves, spirtually speaking.
Anyway, keep searching the Scriptures, and praying that the Lord would show you His plan…it is a narrow way, but a sweet way indeed!
Kelli in the mirror,
That list I posted a while back was Presbyterian, but a “subgroup” as you mentioned of mostly reformed doctrine (I belong to a reformed Presbyterian church). “Reformed” doesn’t always refer to Presbyterian (there are reformed Baptist, and others), but refers to a doctrine in line with the Protestant Reformation movement under the leadership of Martin Luther, John Knox, John Calvin, and other such men. (For more about the reformed faith, you can visit http://www.eefweb.org/info/THEOLOGY.HTM)
Let me be clear, though, that it is not just the reformed faith, specifically, that embraces these ideas I write about. My church happens to be strongly supportive of women fulfilling their duties at home, and allowing God to be sovereign over the womb, (God’s sovereignty in every area of life is one of the strong tenets of the reformed faith),but you will find many in the reformed faith that do not hold to these beliefs (women working at home, etc.).
And generally speaking, I think you WILL find the majority of folks who embrace this philosphy to be of the reformed faith, but I don’t want to limit others, because I know they’re out there!
It is very frustrating to find a church that lines up with this doctrine…I know because we went through it. There just aren’t that many available. But I would challenge you to keep looking, and asking, and visiting, and searching the web (Vision Forum has a list, I believe, to help people locate a “family church”).
Kelli in the mirror, or anyone else interested…
Here’s is the direct link to Vision Forum’s “search page” for a family-integrated church, who, will also usually embrace the biblical role of men and women as well…by the way, our church is listed as a “paedo-baptist” church on this site, even though we consider ourselves presbyterian.
http://www.visionforumministries.org/projects/ncfic/
Kelly, thank you, THANK YOU for wording it so boldly. In my opinion, when researching possibilities for ANY activity outside her basic duties (in which I include home business, giving lessons, volunteering, hobbies, etc), each woman should prayerfully consider how much of herself she can give to this pursuit, at this season of her life, without making her family feel deprived. 8 or 10 hours in an office every day?! I don’t think so!
This is a grave matter. Often I told, ‘but women save lives as doctors!’ or ‘but women help children as teachers!’ – but I don’t think ANY pursuit, no matter how just and right and noble in itself, can justify giving most of our time to someone else than our family.
Here’s something you said:
“Men are to provide necessities for their families, and that’s a societal norm.”
Oh how I wish it were!! But now, so many men don’t take the responsibility to provide for their families; after generations of making men feel not manly, incapable, and not needed by their families, what can we expect?! We need strong manhood and responsible masculine leadership!!
I think it’s funny how some folks just can’t grasp the fact that God created male and female–to be different, of course, and to have different roles. I have heard the surprised comment that there are very few women mentioned by name in the Bible, compared to men. (For example, what were the names of the four women on the ark?) This is one great clue to us that we are to be involved in different occupations: men to be in charge of the family and of running the world, and women are to be his encouragement and support. I have read that the original sin is blamed on Adam. We are all sinners through him. But, who was the first to sin? Eve. Adam was in charge of Eve, and therefore also in part, responsible for letting her eat of the fruit. He was there with her, after all. It just goes to show that God has ordered His creation, and given each creature a place and purpose. The Bible would have been written much differently if God did not mean for there to be a succession of our male-female roles. God is head of the man, man is head of the woman, and that is the way God has intended and designed it to be.
Whether or not a woman has more skill or ability in an area than a man, she should not seek out a job away from her home if she is married. She needs to honour her husband by devoting her time to his needs and to their children. Working an outside job, or even a job at home as W.W. has mentioned, distracts also her mind from focusing on her family. How often do people take the worries and triumphs of their careers home with them after hours? It is not that simple. No one can live two completely separate lives. And the time we spend thinking of other things, and doing other things, and not concentrating on building up our families, cannot be re-claimed. We just miss out.
Another thing that happens when a woman accepts a job in the place of a man, is that this man looses out. I don’t think it is God’s intent for women to compete against men, even if they may be more qualified. I think you would all be able to think of an example, such as professional football…Who wants women on those teams? Professional footbal was made for men. I also dread to see the day when both men and women are drafted…
There is plenty work that needs to be done within families and within homes that women should be involving themselves in. We should not need day care centers, nor “homes” for the ageing, nor psychiatrists…hair dressers…Maybe I am going too far with this. I think that there are lots of little things and big things we women overlook in our home-making jobs, and we give those jobs to outsiders. It would be better if we do as much as we can for our families, first.
Although, I have to admit, I chose to go to a female OBGYN doctor, because I am uncomfortable revealing that part of my life with another man. I know that midwives were women, and am comforted with that fact, though at the same time I do feel guilty because this woman has a husband and young children…What is the ideal situation in this case?
-B.
Great post Kelly! I’ve been wondering a lot lately why we don’t give the homemaker and stay at home mom the proper respect. Obviously we still don’t consider it a profession and maybe that is the first step to changing things.
I know I have even referred to myself as “just a stay at home mom” when people ask what I do. I need to stop that!
I also like what Anna mentioned. And I agree, that more and more men today don’t feel an obligation to support their families. It’s an unfortunately side effect of women’s rights! I remember back when I was in college, early 1990′s, and the men in class were talking about finding a girl who would work and support them!
We’ve got a lot to do to turn this mess around.
Kelly
Boy, talk about being a lifeguard who walks out on the job… Twice last month I read articles about parents accidentally killing their young children by forgetting them in the car at work.
August 24, ’07 headline: http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=3518626
Did you catch that? “Her mother is a staff physician at St. Louis Children’s Hospital.” !!!
And in the second case: “in the parking lot of Glen Este Middle School, where the girl’s mother, Brenda Nesselroad-Slaby, is an assistant principal”
Read what Tristan Emmanual has to say. It’s also a short article.
http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=57064
I think of Anna S.’s point:
“Often I’m told, ‘but women save lives as doctors!’ or ‘but women help children as teachers!’ – but I don’t think ANY pursuit, no matter how just and right and noble in itself, can justify giving most of our time to someone else than our family.”
Don’t get me wrong. My heart truly goes out to those parents. Accidents happen. Even Jesus got left in Jerusalem for three days! But what is this preoccupation with salaried careers for mothers worth?
And re: anonymous (“B.”): I too feel uncomfortable going to a male OB/GYN. On the other hand, the midwives and nurses I’ve gone to have been downright comforting (they spend so much time with a patient), and of course, they were all women. I can’t say that they were single or even necessarily empty-nesters. But I personally see women in women’s health care as a real service. They have a vested interest in women’s health, and frankly, I’ve just heard too many stories of men, MDs, nurses, orderlies, taking advantage of women who couldn’t defend themselves. Perhaps these would be for women called to singleness, or those who’s children have left home. Midwifery and massage therapy can both even be done primarily from home. With my first child my appointments were in her home. Of course, I would count a woman OB/GYN in the same category as a woman midwife. It’s just a modern update on this traditional female occupation. I’d be curious to hear other women’s thoughts on the idea of empty-nesters being in such professions.
Nursing is a great profession for a mom with a young family. You can work a minimal amount of hours and a variety of shifts to accomodate your individual family life.
The best OB nurses are the ones who have already have had children. I am a nurse (not OB) and intend to go back to it on a part-time basis after my third is born in Feb. I don’t see this as neglecting my children because I can work very part-time on the week-ends or “off-shifts” when my husband is home.
Women doctors are very important in many aspects of patient care besides just OB/GYN. I prefer women doctors no matter what problem I have.
I agree with you ladies, that even in the noble medical profession, mothers need to put their families first. However, this does not mean that every woman who works does not do this.
-Zan
I just wanted to add something about nurses. Nurses of both sexes take care of patients of both sexes. I have changed and bathed men and women of various ages.
There seems to be this idea that it is OK if females are nurses taking care of females, but nurses have a variety of jobs. They don’t just deliver babies and spend time with pregnant women.
I know a lot of great male nurses, too who haven’t molested anybody.
-Zan
Anon – I hardly meant to imply that it’s normal for male nurses to molest women. But it does happen, and women just aren’t statistically as likely to be sex predators. It’s just being cautious. Like not letting just anyone babysit your kids on date night. Most people are not child abusers/molesters, but one still should be cautious. But it is good that nurses can have such flexible hours.
About male doctors: when I go to the doctor, my mother goes with me and waits right there, in the doctor’s office, while the doctor is checking me behind a curtain. I wouldn’t be comfortable being alone with a male doctor, but this is a great solution for me.
If you have to have a male doctor or nurse, you have the right to request a female chaperone. There should be signs all over the doctor’s office informing you of this.
-Zan
What if your husband WANTS you to work?
I’ve wanted to be a SAHM. My husband wants me to work.
What then?
Kelly,
I know that this is an old post of yours but I am a relatively new reader and just wanted you to know that I have been SO blessed, encouraged and challenged by your thoughts.
I am exhausted or I’d write more, thank you for your efforts in helping families stad for truth.
Blessings from New England,
Emily