More About Raising Sons
Yes, one of the goals of the feminist movement is to de-masculinize our boys; after all, the weaker men we can produce, the stronger women appear to be. And like every other feminist influence, it happens so subtly, we often don’t realize it.
For example, how are fathers portrayed on sitcoms? Like an idiot. Do we laugh “innocently”?
What happens to boys in school who can’t sit still and pay attention? They’re drugged.
How often are little boys forbidden to play with guns or weapons? We must understand that this tendency is not one that leads to violence, provided that parents are raising healthy, stable children. Their tendency toward fighting is a God-given instinct, and we must be thankful for this protective instinct, nurturing it instead of squashing it!
Our society is trying to raise a generation of impotent wimps; and it has made great strides. We’re even seeing it in the church…who is initiating most of the teaching, planning and activity in most churches? It’s the women. Do you know why? Because we’ve told men we can do it, and frankly, they are perfectly content letting us!
“The nutshell of it all is, it is a glorious thing for women to be revered, protected, and honored by men.”
And what about the two-income family syndrome? Now hubby has to “pull his share” at home with the dishes, the laundry, the children and the household chores. And while I’m thankful for a husband who goes beyond his call of duty to help me, many women now enter marriage with a 50/50 expectation which is as unnatural as a fish out of water, and ultimately causes conflict and strife.
So how can we thwart these influences in our boys? I mentioned a few things yesterday, and I thought I would add a few more practical suggestions today.
Concerning chores: I believe it is important for a boy to learn to do household chores, but I think we need to be careful to balance it properly. Give boys as many of the yard duties, trash duty, and other such “boyish” duties as possible. And don’t expect them to “see everything”. Simply give them instructions about what to do, or make a list, and save yourself the frustration of wishing they would just “get it”.
Look for ways to “put the boys in charge”. It may be a small thing, but try to develop the habit of placing your boys in leadership roles. Get him familiar with the terminology of words such as “responsibility, diligence, protection, leadership,” etc. If I ever catch my sons stopping to check on a sibling that is hurt, I make it a point to say something like, “It is such a blessing to see you protecting your little sister.”
Encourage the boys to always let others go first. It is important that we instruct our boys to be strong, and yet serving, and selfless. Whether it’s going through a door, getting out of the car, eating at meal time, we try to encourage our sons to let the girls go first.
We haven’t quite got this yet, but some families practice the chivalric tradition of having the boys wait to be seated at the table until the ladies have sat, and standing up when a lady enters the room. This used to be the standard code of behavior for a gentlemen, once when womanhood was truly revered. (Isn’t is interesting that feminists would have you think women have always been treated with disdain; when is the last time a room full of men jumped up to give you his seat when you entered the room?)
BTW, that was my next point…teach your boys to be observant of those around him, always insisting on offering a lady or an elder his seat.
Teach your boys to look for ways he can assist girls and ladies. If he sees a lady carrying something, teach him to offer to carry it for her.
What are your ideas? It is appalling that most of these things I’ve mentioned actually offend some women! It’s just a reminder of how warped our thinking is.
The nutshell of it all is, it is a glorious thing for women to be revered, protected, and honored by men. It is one of God’s gifts to us, and we have trampled it! Let’s purpose to ignite this natural inclination in our boys, and raise strong, women-honoring men!
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family/parenting | Word Warrior | 
October 23, 2007 10:01 am
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I just want to thank you for your blog. I am a SAHM of an 18 mo. old boy and am due with another boy in a month. I am so encouraged by the things you write.
I want my son to be manly men and not be wimpy like I see my brothers being and so many ‘boys’ around.
I am so grateful that the Lord led me to your site and has used you to minister to me!
THANK YOU!! ~Mandi
Thank you so much for these reminders. If it were up to me, our future sons would be total pansies. It’s always been hard for me to recognize and understand the “otherness” of men, and I’m so glad that I have my husband to help me do it right when our babies come along. I’ll have to get used to the idea of our kids running around with toy guns!
LOL!
I don’t see the harm in teaching boys how to handle themselves in the kitchen or other traditionally “feminine” chores.
My husband is handy with a skillet and knows his way around the grocery store—which has been a complete blessing since I’ve been off my feet a lot with this pregnancy.
I think teaching boys the value of hard work–no matter what that work may be–is the principle we need to teach our sons.
My youngest boy also enjoys playing house with my daughter–and I don’t discourage that. Granted, he’s usually playing the role of The Dog. But he enjoys it and so does she.
Great post Kelly. While I have a little girl right now. I appreciate articles like this. I personally would teach any sons I’m blessed with basic household chores so they don’t starve when out on their own and so they understand what their wives do all day. But you’ve hit the nail on the head about letting boys be boys, and encouraging their boyness!
Love the photos. I haven’t been on in a few days so I just saw them.
Elizabeth,
I hope you didn’t misunderstand me…I clearly said, “I believe it is important for a boy to learn to do household chores, but I think we need to be careful to balance it properly.”
I started to go into detail about WHY it’s important to teach our boys about keeping house (to help their pregnant wives
, or to keep a house in the event of living alone, etc.) but I didn’t see the need to expound.
I certainly don’t advocate letting boys off the hook with household chores! Just that we need to be sure to mix plenty of “manly” work in there too, so they don’t feel burdened by the constant doing of chores that are not their natural bend. They simply need the “release” that other chores afford.
But for all practical purposes, yes, a boy absolutely needs to know how to do basic household work!
I gotcha Kelly.
I wasn’t disagreeing with you at all.
In fact, I’m grateful that my husband teaches my sons the manly stuff, too, like fixing the fountain, re-paving the cobblestones, etc.
Thanks, Elizabeth!
Great Stuff. But I have a problem Maybe you can help. I am the mom of 1 DD and 3 DS. I already see me in her- fussing at her bros. Bad News— Well my real issue is My oldest son is 6 and embraces the manly thing whole heartedly. My 4yo son however is quite the wimp. Any suugestions for how to toughen him up and encourage him to embrace his manly side.
I was so encouraged by your newletter the other day. Today we pulled out a great book and read it. Thanks for the advise.
Lor