Working Women–Another Problem
Just one more problem with women working outside the sphere of home and family:
We’ve discussed it before, a while back, but I think it is needful to revisit problems and keep fresh on our minds the “traps” of the working world as it involves wives and mothers…it’s just not always as simple as it seems…
April (with little ones being left at daycare) gets a new job. Great! More money. “better hours”, things are good.
During her two weeks of training (as a delivery personel), she rides with “John”, who is also married.
What? For 8 hours a day, for two weeks, two married people are going to spend exclusive time together in a car?
“Oh, that’s silly”, you say. “They’re mature adults…how ridiculous to think there is any danger!”
Oh, did I mention that “John” is divorced? Yes, he left his first wife for a woman whom he “got to know” at work.
Rare, you say? Not enough reason to question the ethics of women working outside the home?
What of the drastically, almost nauseating peak in the divorce rate over the last 50 years? Is it related? Is it normal for men and women to spend most of their day with other men and women who are not their spouses?
“Hello, Mr. Smith. How can I help you today, Mr. Smith?” chirps the well-dressed, perfumed secretary with a smile.
Mr. Smith returns home late in the evening to find that his wife has had a bad day, he steps over a few strewn toys, and she doesn’t even realize that the baby spat up on her blouse just before he arrived. He wakes up in the morning to find his wife also has morning breath…and boy does she look old without make-up!
Back at work…”Mr. Smith, I got all those accounts filed and your reports are on your desk. Could I get you a cup of coffee?” A paid help-meet who doesn’t have to live with most of Mr. Smith’s weaknesses…dangerous territory.
I know I may be painting a slightly exaggerated picture, but not much. How long could this be healthy for a marriage?
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands (it doesn’t read “your boss”)…
“A man cannot serve two masters..either he loves the one and despises the other, or hates the one and loves the other…”
“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”
These verses aren’t specifically related to women in the workforce. But do they hold principles we would do well to consider?
Your turn…
Tags: working moms
working moms | Word Warrior | 
February 13, 2008 12:22 pm
Oh, my. I can see how this would be an issue, unfortunatly. My husband’s co-workers quickly become his friends. I know that when we first got married I was very concious that he could easily meet someone more attractive than myself on the job. *winces* And there isn’t a very high radio of women in my husband’s line of work!
Since then I’ve learned to have more faith in my husband, but more importantly, in God.
If the wife to such a tempted husband also works, then their evenings are full of housework or errands. I remember hearing a working mom say that she had to go to the store, do laundry, and help with homework before the next morning. It was almost 7pm, and she was in the first trimester and exsausted! I felt so bad for her, because I get to do these things during the day.
It would be easy to think the wife didn’t have time for him, and to stop and chat with the pretty perfumed lady at work….who doesn’t mind because it’s on the clock. Ouch.
Interesting. I’ve thought of this, but never quite so clearly….
Truthfully, I’d never given this much thought. Thanks for presenting another angle. Of course, it’s fair to say that the horse is a long way from the barn so our hubby’s will always encounter women in the workplace. And despite my best efforts, the fact remains that I spend my days cleaning, cooking, and chasing toddlers and probably won’t ever look quite as sleek and fashionable as the women in the office. I think this is where prayer, faith, and trust come into play. Thanks for a thought provoking post.
Just to clarify…
I certainly don’t intend to plant fear in the hearts of us women whose husbands are along side women in the workforce…albeit, it’s a real matter with which to reckon.
Understanding this disadvantage has helped me to be more alert to not only my appearance, but my attitude to my husband as well. If I just take it all for granted, I can be slouchy, grouchy and allow Satan to get a foot hold. But being more aware of the dangers that lurk makes me a little more conscious of my efforts to be attractive but especially pleasant and helpful to my husband….we can’t change the fact that other women are there, but we can recognize yet another disadvantage, allowing us to promote homemaking all the more!
I’ve thought about this alot and very clearly. Actually, this is the number one reason why I think women shouldn’t work. I’ve seen wayyyy to many friendships at work and forced car riding, etc. lead to “close friendships.”
Time with another person and no strings attached and not seeing them in anything but their best. While seeing all the spouses faults isn’t a great idea.
I completely trust my dh and believe he’s totally devoted. But, like you, I am concerned about appearance for him b/c there’s a lot of pretty women out there whom he doesn’t hear complaining.
I am also happy he’s in a field with few women as I am the “jealous type.”
Actually, I am seeing this from the other side right now as a friend of mine has recently been out of the home volunteering a lot. She is getting lots of attn. her dh wasn’t giving and seeing just the best of all these other men…wishing her dh was more like them and eating up all the compliments from married and young men. I believe women are even more prone to being deceived (Eve) and it’s best to be home taking care of your own family.
Preach on ,sister!
Ronda, AZ
Thank you for this post! I agree. Ironically, my hubby’s last boss was a lady – she was incredibly nice though and I trusted her, as well as him. So I didn’t worry.
Still…I try to make myself and our home attractive despite being pregnant, feeling icky, and tired.
Kelly, excellent thoughts!
I work one 11-7 shift each week as a nurse (and no shifts once my husband gives me the okay!). You would be shocked at the number of married and unmarried women I see that throw themselves at doctors’ feet. Flirty, giggly, etc. It is really disgusting to me. I am so proud of the male doctors that turn their heads when they see one of the ladies approaching.
As women, we should be very careful NOT to put men in bad positions!
I once heard Billy Graham say that he wouldn’t even get on an elevator alone with a woman. He didn’t want people to talk. He explained that it wasn’t that he didn’t trust himself, but that he didn’t want to give the enemy any foothold through gossip. A great example!
-Lauren
My husband has been out of town visiting his grandfather and so I have been spending “our” time on your blog. I really appreciate your honesty and thought provoking topics. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. It is really causing me to think.
It’s good to get this truthful information out into the world. So many women are taught to believe they are “uptight” or jealous or whatever nonsense if they have concerns about inappropriate situations at their husband’s work. It is so unfortunate what is normal today. Once I was a house cleaner and on the way to client’s homes I had to sit in sometimes lengthy car rides with this older man that I felt very uncomfortable around. But I thought it was *me* being weird or over dramatic for feeling bad. If Christian values were more main stream, my employer wouldn’t have forced me into that situation. After I became a Christian and heard the views of some sane individuals I realized that it’s not us that’s crazy, it’s the world. I am so sick of all these male/female “friendships”. People are so naive, or they act like they’re naive so that they can flirt (and eventually cheat).
When I still worked in offices (I was still in my 20s and fairly naive), I was SHOCKED at the many people who were having affairs – some emotional, some physical – and all the flirting that went on, whether people were married or not. As a young single woman, I was “hit on” by married men more times than I care to remember.
My first boss, a woman, was having an affair with her boss. They were both in their 40s; she was divorced, he was married. I was in the uncomfortable position of having to pretend I didn’t know they were taking long intimate lunches together when his wife would call!
I am SO GLAD to be able to work at home. My hubby is a courier driver who occasionally comes into contact with women, but I do trust him implicitly. But you know, Kelly, it’s sometimes good to have a reminder about what my attitude should be toward him. Thank you.
God bless you and your family — Lisa
First of all how are you knocking the physical ability of mothers who are willing to support their families and protect their children. Mothers who take a stand and say I don’t want my husband to have to work a job that kills him so I’ll take on half of the load. You should be ashamed to know that you are knocking all of the single mothers in the world who take the burden all upon themselves; who go out into the workforce knowing that they are the sole providers for their children. you seem like a person who is not ministering to the world, but one that is condeming it. Sometimes the cirmcumstances that you are given are the ones you have to deal with. God blesses us all differently, just because you have the privalege to stay home with your happy family doesn’t mean that every other women in the world has that same luxary. Lets remember that in John 3:17 God said that he sent his son not into the world to condemn it but that through him the world might find salvation. I think we should be a little more concerned with the salvation of women rather then their employment.
God Bless – Phyllis
okay here goes i am a single mother i bust my butt to give my CHILDREN what they need, I have to work to pay bills food, clothes diapers i have been unable to depend ON A MAN!!!!!! i am very happy to leave my kids at daycare because my children know momma is coming back for us after she makes the money to feed us!!!! unlike some who are able to have a husband that supports them there are some some women who bust there butts to be mom and dad also i can see you many little ones to take care of I think you have your hands full with them dont worry so much about others. I have read your page many times with all these kids how do you have time to spend so much time on the computer. also there are some who know their boundaries about how many they can support so more power to the women who use common sense and close there legs. i think the world needs prayer even the christians.
Anon. and Phyllis,
I thought I’d address both of your comments since they included similar accusations.
If you went back and read some of my earlier posts you would know I have no intention of “knocking” single mothers, or women who find themselves in difficult circumstances. I have thought in depth about those hardships, and I grieve over the many women who are in them. I have blamed the church for not taking care of such women, and I have been sympathetic towards them. With that said, I still hold the belief that we should acknowledge that it is best for a mother and wife to devote her time to her family from home–stating the ideal is not automatically abusing the un-ideal.
I discuss issues on this blog that I think are harming the family. Working women, on the whole, has proven hurtful for the family and I cannot ignore that truth. Condemnation is not my aim…revelation is.
Furthermore, I wouldn’t call myself “priviledged” to stay at home. Blessed, yes, to have a husband who desires me to be at home, but we have made many sacrifices to make it possible, and the Lord has supernaturally blessed our step of faith.
Having many children does require lots of time. But jotting my thoughts down in a blog (this takes the place of the journal I used to write in) takes about 10 minutes a day…(except when I’m answering misunderstood comments
I don’t think my children are suffering to allow their mom a few minutes to “vent her passions”.
(They’re actually all in bed right now, and my husband and I are sitting here together commenting on this reply!)
But thanks for stopping in!
Kelly, thank you so much for your blog.
I completely agree with this and have witnessed firsthand a number of ‘emotional’ affairs that turn into ‘physical’ affairs in the workplace.
Do you have any posts about women who DESIRE to be a keeper at home but their Christian husband wants them to keep working?
That’s my situation.
thanks!
Kelly,
This post really hit a nerve as I am in this situation currently. I found an email from my dh to a female co-worker asking her to start a relationship; luckily she was a Christian and declined. We decided to try to save our marriage, but my dh had to find another job. My discernment peeked about a year before this when I began to notice him spending much time with the male co-workers who were single and too worldly. One even got written up for sexual harrassment! My husband refused to stop hanging around them and has become just like them – he’s even walked away from the Lord! I am a working mom; desperately trying to leave the workforce this year. So I don’t have a lot of time to devote to my appearance (one of my grips about being away from home all day), much less keeping the house clean and organized. While I certaintly don’t take the blame for my husband’s actions, working does make me impatient and quick to anger because I can’t do all the things I want for my family, my house or myself! I know that my working and my husband working around so many single men and women is not the best for us.
Anon,
Wow…thank you so much for sharing your circumstance. I’m am so very sorry about the struggles you have had.
What most impresses me about your comment is that you are right where the world is telling you you should be, and yet you are wise enough to know it is not God’s best…that is truly remarkable.
When I get angry comments from working women about all the difficult circumstances (single moms, abusive husbands, etc.), and they are accusing me of “knocking” other women’s situations, it’s not that I’m naive enough to think every woman can come home tomorrow; I just desire to see a shift in attitude–a world where most people recognize that it is ideal for wives and mothers to be home, and therefore seek solutions to make that possible. I’m just trying to uncover the very real problems that are there, and put our thinking in the right direction.
Thank you so much for sharing…I pray God would mend your marriage and make a way for you to come home!
Very well said in your response, Kelly. I don’t know if I could be so composed after the “close your legs” comment. I was even about to dish it out on your behalf but you handled it well; not striking back but also not backing down from the truth. There are many difficult situations; single motherhood being the main one. Staying at home should simply be more of desire while not always possible. Sometimes in fact, staying home is a sacrifice. I don’t stay home because my husband’s rich, I stay home because of conviction to be a more godly woman. We certainly go without…we don’t even have a car right now and it’s not like we don’t need one. The world would call me stupid for not working right now…I don’t even have kids yet, I’m a drain on society and have no value as a person according to our culture. It really is “rebellious” to live God’s word.
Being a stay at home wife/mother is not a privilege or luxury for most. Most of us have to work hard at being good stewards of our income and time. My husband does work hard to provide for us, but it can still be hard at times, and we do whatever we have to to remain true to our convictions.
We were talking about this very issue last night with our daughters (ages 13 and 17). If you will be completely honest, most women (I am not talking about the abandoned woman) that work outside the home, do so because of choice. Now they may honestly believe that they are working because they have to, but that is because they think that they are providing the best for their kids. So that the children can each have all they need/WANT! It’s not the children that are expensive, but the things they want. Children that are taught that they are here to honor God with their lives, and to serve others will realize that it does not take much to be content. Perhaps contentment is the rare jewel here?
Since my husband became self employed 2 years ago it has been HARD! We are living on less than half of his previous income. I cannot begin to tell how much we have grown. Our kids’s outlook on life is wonderful. They know it is not about STUFF, but about being faithful to God. Sure it is tempting for me to go to work outside the home at times, but the rewards of staying true to my calling as a wife and mother are worth the dying to self.
I do agree that there are situations that women are abandoned and mistreated, and like Kelly, I blame the church for not providing for these ladies. But the thing is, the church has also bought the cultural lie, the lie of feminism. I wonder how many of the abandoned women (and their husbands) pursued Biblical courtship, Biblical wedding vows, a Biblical marriage (woman RESPECTING and submitting to their husbands)? How many of these marriages are faithful in Bible believing churches? Or are these families looking to the world to set their standard for marriage, womanhood, manhood and child rearing? If we are doing as the Romans did, then we can’t be surprised when our world falls around us.
I also have to wonder where is God in all of this? Why would He tell us to be workers at home (Titus 2:3-5), productive at home (Prov. 31), caring for the children (Titus 2), loving and respecting our husbands (Titus 2, Corinthians) if that is not what He meant for us to be doing? He even said if we are not doing these things, it is blasphemy!
And if we are abandoned God tell us what to do for that too. The thing is we forget that God is in all of this. He did tell us what to do, He did not leave it up to us to try and figure it all out on our own. Our American Dream lifestyle has gotten so far from how God says we are to live that it’s all such a mess! If we don’t start turning from our wicked ways and humble ourselves before God, we will fall as Rome did. And it has to begin in the family and the church.
Press On, Kelly!
I am a young stay-at-home daughter.
I had an awful experience in the work place. I worked in a bank, My boss was disscusting. He was an older married man and he was always making lude remarks and passes at me.
I’m very glad the Lord, I serve, will be my judge. He knows my heart and soul. ” Do not Judge one another” those are Gods words not mine.
Sherry,
“Teach the women to love their husbands and children…to be keepers at home…SO THAT THE WORD OF GOD IS NOT BLASPHEMED”…those are God’s words(through Paul), not mine.
Kathy, Jeff’s Wife,
I think you articulated what I have always wanted to say. Despite the message of the world and the compromise of our culture, there is nothing purer than the absolute truth of the Word.
Kelly, thank you for your courage and boldness to stand on His truth. We can’t hide these Words under a bushel just because they are hard to hear.
Rebekah, Eric’s Wife ;0)
It is striking to me how similar this thinking is to that of groups like the Taliban or the Saudi religious police who impose intolerable restrictions on women’s life. While I understand that you would never identify with these groups, and I am not trying to demonize you, I want to point out that the rationale you are using here is the SAME as the rationale for prohibiting women from driving, prohibiting women from walking on the streets alone, and prohibiting women from going to the doctor. The rationale of the Taliban and the Saudi religious police is that if you allow women out in public by themselves, that creates opportunities for adultery. I understand that you don’t literally want to lock women up at home the way the Taliban would, but given that this is the same rationale you have asserted for keeping women out of the workplace, where does it end exactly? Where would you draw the line? When does it become worse to restrict women’s freedom than to make absolutely certain adultery does not occur?
So wait, women should stay out of the workplace because men are so weak they cannot stand to be near a woman without lusting after her?
He married the woman he married because he loves her.
If the sight of another woman pries him away from his bride, he isn’t ready for marriage. They shouldn’t BE married.
It’s that simple: until a person, male or female, is ready to ignore the temptation of adultery, they should not get married.
Marriage is a big commitment, and not sinning does not mean avoiding all situations that might possibly put you in the temptation of sinning. It simply means not giving in to that temptation.
We should not ruin the lives of working women by insisting that they get married and go home so that our men can not see them.
Hmm?
While sin has always existed (it is part of our fallen nature and lives in our hearts, not “out there” somewhere) modern life certainly makes it easier.
I see your concern about family neglect, Kelly. However, many Christian women, including authors, work, without their families falling apart. The idea that men will be tempted away from their wives by professional women says far more against working men than it does women. Perhaps you may like to read Mark Demoss’s chapter about dealing with women co-workers, in his book “The Little Red Book of Wisdom”.
What’s up everybody, I know YouTube video contains fewer bytes of memory due to that its quality is awful, but this YouTube video has great picture quality.
I think that a man will act on temptation if he has already consented to sin. A man who wants to cheat will find a way to cheat. A faithful man will resist temptation. I have known many honourable, faithful men who work daily with beautiful women. I have also been groped by a man standing behind me in line for communion in church.
I am a single woman in my 30′s. I have been a nurse for six years. In all that time I haven’t seen an “office romance” despite dozens of available women being present and many an emotionally intense situation encountered (eg. nursing a dying baby). I know only one nurse married to a doctor and none who had an affair with one.
Please don’t assume all working women are sexually available to every man who passes by. It would be nice to hear your suggestions for women who have to work-I have to work to eat, as I am unmarried and an orphan. How else am I to live? I wish I had the option of staying home. How would you suggest I conduct my life?