Virtuous Wife: The Error of "Following My Dreams"
“What if your daughter wanted to be an interior designer? Go to school and become a proffessional? I’m only asking what if. Would you push her to stay at home or to follow her dreams?”
I answered this comment from an anonymous reader (a self-proclaimed “Christian feminist”) in the post entitled “She’s a Busy Lady!”, but there was another point I wanted to make–one I think is fundamental to this topic.
(BTW, anon, I do not wish at all to make you or anyone else “feel bad” or put down for your choices…only to share the freedom I have found through following God’s prescribed plan for women.)
I could write a book about all the ways a woman is free to “be all she can be” and still remain in the realm of helpmeet and keeper at home. But even before all of that, we must be grounded in the basic teaching of Scripture about the call of a Christian, which directly opposes the teaching of feminism.
Notice in the comment above…”would you push her to stay at home or follow her dreams?”
I can not find anything in Scripture that supports the teaching of our children to “follow their dreams”. In fact, quite the contrary. My Bible says to “deny yourself”. Oprah Winfrey says to “follow your dreams”.
Fundamental to all that we teach our children should be a denying of self, at all costs, and a “seeking first the kingdom of God”. Now the irony is that if we desire obedience above all else, He will give us the desires of our heart. But obedience is paramount. Not following my dreams.
This is why man’s wisdom is so dangerous. It is most often driven by flesh–”my dreams”, my goals, my ambitions, my desires. Obedience requires faith to do what I cannot understand; to believe what may not make sense.
In my flesh, it may not seem reasonable to be a keeper at home. But if the Bible says that being a keeper at home keeps the Word of God from being blasphemed, then it is not my job to question the logic. I just have to obey in faith, and watch how mysteriously wonderful God adds “all these things” unto me.
That’s what this blog is about…spurring us to study the Word, and then obeying it in the face of everything that stands in opposition…even “my dreams”.
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April 13, 2008 9:51 pm
I will most likely link to this. Why such a profound truth is so complicated for we Christians to grasp is beyond me. Thanks, Kelly.
wow thank you so much for posting that! Now I know what to say to people when they ask me that question. I’ve always wanted to know the answer to that question thank you for clearing that one up!
Have a blessed day!
Great post!
If Oprah said it, how can it be wrong!?
: P just kidding!
It just goes to show you that God’s ways and man’s ways are like oil and water. With all due respect to the commentor, I really don’t understand the concept of “Christian feminist”.
This is a wonderful series. It is not because I believe in all of it, either. It’s unashamed, Scriptural and focused in purpose. I have been so increasingly blessed by this blog, and the Virtuous Wife series in particular.
This blog makes me think of one of my posts called, Only Trust Him in the Easy Times.
What a blessing this place is!
Um, well, I guess I am a feminist in some ways. I believe women should have the right to vote and they should be able to wear pants without fear of going to jail. If I’m wearing make up and you do not like it, you do NOT have the right to beat me.
I may walk unescorted wherever I wish.
I can drive an automobile and own my own property.
If I were to move to Saudi Arabia, I would be a feminist. You betcha. I’d also be dead within two weeks probably.
I appreciate that I am not legally unable to hold a job. Should calamity or widowhood happen to me, it would be necessary to work. I do agree that staying at home is the best dream-come-true ever, though. Why would you not want to raise your own children?
Blessings to you and your blog, Kelly. I’m not really disagreeing with you, you know.
Just a quick note…
Even though I don’t have time to respond to every comment, I hope you all know how deeply I appreciate them.
I read and take to heart each and every one; I need encouragement too, and your comments surely provide it!
Know how appreciated they are!
I am the same kind of feminist as you, Mrs. C. But that isn’t really even considered “feminism” these days. I think it’s important to make distinctions between first, second and third wave feminism. I think most people can agree that first wave feminism is a good thing. First wave being; beating wives should no longer be legal etc. Third wave; there are no differences between women and men. I *highly* recommend the book “Feminism; Mystique or Mistake?” by Diane Passno.
http://www.shelovesgod.com/library/article.cfm?articleid=9814
I won’t copy paste this…but I remember I was talking about applying the scriptures to today and that I believe women can work and manage a household and a family. This article is really interesting. Please read.
And actually read the whole article…I found it quite enlightening, and helpful for those of us who believe that God has different plans for all of us, whether you work in or outside of the home.
The author of this article resonates much of what I’ve already said–being a “keeper at home” does NOT mean that you never leave your home or run a business. It does mean, though, that home is the center of your affairs. (The Proverbs 31 woman sold her goods to merchants–the merchants were the ones sitting in the market place selling them.)
There is a HUGE difference in a woman who operates a business from the sphere of home, and a woman who is enslaved to the demands, hours, and wishes of another.
Deborah was one of the rare exceptions in a time when literally no man was stepping up to the plate–her forced leadership was a disgrace, and a careful study of that story reveals it. It was not meant as a model for us to emulate.
Here is where the author and I sorely disagree:
“You can manage your home whether you stay at home or not. You can also delegate specific tasks, i.e. childcare, etc.”
If I am responsible for a full time job outside my home, and a full time job inside my home, I am less at both jobs, I have 2 masters (which is reproved in Scripture), and from a purely physcial standpoint is ridiculous. (How many of us have husbands who work two full time jobs?–He can’t.)
If you carefully hired someone you trusted to “manage” or “guard” (another interpretation of “keeper”) all your earthly treasures, would you be pleased if that person wasn’t actually WITH the treasures most of the day? Or if he delegated the guarding to some other person that you didn’t hire? (Deut. 6)
The author says she can’t find a verse that forbids women to work outside the home. I don’t know what part of “teach the women to be KEEPERS AT HOME” she doesn’t understand, but even taking that verse off the stand, the combined principles of Scripture and the laws of nature and common sense hold enough evidence for anyone who wants to see it.
And if that isn’t reason enough, one only has to take a look back over the last half of the century, since women have left home in droves, and evaluate the results of our families, marriages, children and society, to see that it has been a tragedy.
And lastly, the tone of the article echoes a sad trend I’m hearing a lot in less conservative Christian circles: “How far away from biblical principles can I get and still not be in sin?” rather than, “How close to obedience can I get, for the One Who has ransomed my life?”
Her article contains no new “arguments” about the keeper at home; and there may be a reason why all the women she spoke of are feeling such guilt…I know I did; and I’m so thankful for that wrenching guilt that would not let me go.
I know you feel that I am trying to bring guilt upon women; please understand that I am not! I don’t look down my nose at working women or feel I am superior. I say all I say out of love. I wouldn’t be so passionate if it were anything else! I am trying to “teach the younger women” what I see from Scripture, in hopes to strengthen families and marriages and relationships.
I want nothing more than for every woman to experience the joy and freedom that comes from a life submitted to the obedience of Christ…fulfilling the role that only she can rightly fulfill!,
I’m just loving every one of these posts! I was just talking to my older sister on the phone today, telling her that I have found a lot of encouragement and direction from your series! Can’t wait to see what else you write!
I work two part time jobs and I am a full time student. Having those jobs has not affected my schoolwork. I make straight A’s.
Can one not compare this to working a part time job and raising a family as the full time job? While I do work as well as go to school…my education is my priority. The same would go for family when I have children someday.
Another point is that perhaps if the husband would work part time as well instead of full time and the wife only work part time as well then they would all be together more. Sounds better to me than the husband being gone most of the time and only the wife home. More of both parents home for the kids. A little more balance.
My hubby and I often discuss the future and how we would like to balance work and family and travel. (being a multicultural family we would like our children to be able to see where their family is from and learn about their culture…that requires some travel and perhaps living in another country for awhile). We have both agreed that neither of us wants to work full time so that we’ll be able to both be there more for our children. My husband and I both want to steer away from the husband being gone 24/7 because he was working. (Like my dad was…and I always hated it) Our solution is that both of us would work…but work less than the average 40-50 hour workweek of most people I know in the workforce. Since we’d both be working neither of us would have to work more than 25 or so hours a week…leaving much more time for the WHOLE family.
Just my two cents again.
Oh and by the way I feel no guilt for wanting to work outside the home/(aka teach).
Have a nice evening everyone.
I made another comment after the one on which this post was based…I realized I was a bit rash but my comment showed where my reasoning comes from and why I got so fired up about it.
Anon,
We may have more likenesses than you think…I am all for Dad being home more; but not so Mom can have her career. We are always evaluating how we can “bring Dad home”, and work as a family–this is my ideal.
But the thought that is so hard to convey to feminist is that a woman working outside the home is really a curse. She was given a glorious job when she was created, along with the curse of pain in childbearing. He was given the curse of having to work hard to provide for the family. We have “glorified” the idea of women pursing careers and providing for the family, when in fact, it is like taking on a curse that was not given to her–a double curse.
I understand the concept–I used to be there. I know all the “enlightening” arguments. It doesn’t change the fact that to truly manage a home (which includes the territory beyond the home–i.e. community, church, extended family, etc.) requires 100% of focused time and energy.
I could get all into why the government has to steal so many of our tax dollars to fund this and that problem and how if women and families fully embraced the plan God has laid out for us, there would be provisions for nearly every societal problem that exists. I could really connect some dots if I had time (higher infidelity rates because of unnaturally close contact between women and men in the work force…etc.)
And again, it all comes back around to not “what is doable, or logical, or preferred, or desirable”, but “what does God say”?
And you never know, gal; when I was newly married and in college I was much stauncher a feminist than you
There’s hope yet!
Oh there’s hope…that I’ll never turn into someone who would tell my daughter she shouldn’t have a career. And I’ll always be a teacher. We’ll chat in 30 or so years and see how our kids turn out. I think mine will be just as well of as yours, without me being full time at home.
Again…my mom taught. And I turned out better than most kids I know who’s mom stayed home. Almost all my childhood friends in the little town I grew up in have become not so Christian…drinking, partying, sliding into depression, And ALL their mothers stayed at home. And were all Christian. They didn’t know how to adapt to being independent because they had been babied all their lives. And when they reached the real world…they fell. Hard.
And if you think I should have been raised differently then you need to talk to God, because he put me in that family knowing how my mother and father were despite the odds. I was given up to God by my birthmother, who I recently met. She said she made the decision to let God have me, and that she knew he would put me in the right home and that I would be raised according to his will. And I’m happy to say I believe I was. I’ve had people praying for me and my family since I was born. Prayer…not sitting on a high horse and telling women they should stay home, is what helps. My mother is the BEST mother I could have ever had, and her working made no difference.
Well my mother raised me wonderfully, and to say that my dreams of a teaching career and children are wrong are saying that my mothers similar dreams were too. And to say kids are neglected if a mother works outside the home at all is saying that I was too. Well I’ll tell you something, I sure wasn’t.
Really…I have already said many times I respect women who stay at home and that it is a wonderful choice of profession if it’s that woman’s choice. So are you just too perfect of a Christian to respect women who work and manage to raise great children and have a happy Christian family as well?
And again…you can interpret the scriptures differently. Yes the woman in proverbs sold goods to merchants and worked in the night. In those days perhaps that WAS the equivalant of working outside the home. Did you live in those times? I doubt it. So unless you have recieved some special instructions from God on how he wants those scriptures read, and how they apply to today, then they are still up for debate.
“Prayer…not sitting on a high horse and telling women they should stay home, is what helps.”
I’m sorry you feel so hostile. I honestly believe it is our job, as godly women, to “teach the younger women to be keepers at home, so that the Word of God is not blasphemed”.
I am not the one that said it; God is. If you feel angry about it, take it up with Him…otherwise, maybe this blog is not the best use of your time.
I simply said perhaps there are more than one way to interpret a woman’s role.
Yes the woman in proverbs sold goods to merchants and worked in the night. In those days perhaps that WAS the equivalant of working outside the home.
I’m only saying that none of us knew what exactly these things were considered back then. Perhaps it was considered working outside of the home while still managing it.
“Her forced leadership was a disgrace, and a careful study of that story reveals it. It was not meant as a model for us to emulate”
That’s such an unbelievable comment to me. Deborah’s role was NOT a disgrace, and my reading of her tale made it pretty darn obvious. Men came to her as a judge even while there were male judges, long before Barak came. Working outside the home is not a curse for numerous women, nor does it mean she’s not being a homekeeper. Such limited spheres lead to dangerous and often legalistic thinking.
“I can not find anything in Scripture that supports the teaching of our children to “follow their dreams”. In fact, quite the contrary. My Bible says to “deny yourself”.
God very often gives us dreams and desires for a future; nowhere does it say we must squash all visions we have or that this is what’s meant by “deny yourself”; good grief. We must give all desires to God, but this seems to imply that we only have dreams so we can deny them to be holy. Many major conservatives have tried to turn denying the flesh into denying the spirit, the desires of the individual soul.