She’s the fiery one, the sneaky one, the one full of life and passion. The one God sent to show me myself…to rub off the edges.
How can I imagine life without her? She’s the one born after our “final” decision to receive our children from God’s hand. Had we not been asked the question… not been challenged, not been given that book that made us ponder, not been prodded by the Holy Spirit–she would not be here. My fourth born child.
I am so inadequate as a mother! The strangers don’t know…they mindlessly quip phrases–”you’re a special woman”…oh, how they don’t know.
“My grace if sufficient for you; for when you are weak, I am strong.”
I must daily be reminded, in these little faces, of my own shortcomings. God packaged them so perfectly in a child, that despite their presence there, we would still love that child so completely; and yet be forced to reckon with our own sin nature every time we deal with hers.
I speak of “loving others as yourself” and “no raising your voice” and “put others first” and their faces, all looking at me bring the painful reality that I must say “I’m sorry” before I go on. How can I ask of them what I so often fail to do?
God doesn’t give us children because we deserve them, or because we are “special” or have more patience or ability…(chuckles) no, maybe it is the opposite. Maybe he gives them in abundance to those who need the most refining.
Maybe children are the gift of life from God that forces us to die, that sweet place where we become true vessels of His glory. I say, “Yes, Lord, make me more like You”.
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