Comments on: How Can a Wife Cope with an Unbelieving Husband? http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-wife-cope-with-unbelieving.html Wed, 08 Feb 2012 15:36:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: Harley Lacassagne http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-wife-cope-with-unbelieving.html/comment-page-1#comment-56377 Harley Lacassagne Tue, 27 Dec 2011 11:33:07 +0000 http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-a-wife-cope-with-an-unbelieving-husband.html#comment-56377 air filters for cars... air filters for cars…

]]> By: anomynous http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-wife-cope-with-unbelieving.html/comment-page-1#comment-19847 anomynous Sun, 14 Mar 2010 04:25:32 +0000 http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-a-wife-cope-with-an-unbelieving-husband.html#comment-19847 Wow, how I needed to hear this. I have been married for almost 47 years, and in the beginning my husband and I both went to church. He says he is a Christian. But every church we went to, he found something wrong, and within a year...sometimes just months, he quit, and wouldn't let me go with the kids either. We used to have devotions with the kids after supper every night, but it got where I had to have them on commercials because he didn't want to miss any TV. I quit that because I felt that was teaching my kids to only allow God time if you could work it in. that was wrong. Finally when my youngest son was about 13 I decided I was taking his to church every Sun. My dh would make sure there was just enough gas in the car on Sat. when he came home from the office, to get back to town on Monday morning. We live 14 miles from town. I was teaching painting at the time, and would have to use my tithe to buy gas for us to get home from church...he took my earnings to pay bills. At times he took my tithe. He has only been to church for about 2 months in the last 10 years. He doesn't like me to go, but so far he has not told me I can't go anymore. The discussions that all of you have had are really very good. I too, know that I can't be the Holy Spirit...I can't do the convicting... it has to be Him! I have prayed till I am blue in the face, but I won't stop! I try to be as sweet as I can. I don't ask him to go with me anymore, because he gets so irritated. The funny thing is, the church I am going to now, is one that he and I helped to start over 20 years ago. He was hurt by a man there...who is now dead, but my dh says no way is he going there. If I quit going there so he would go somewhere else, it would be the same thing all over again...he LOOKS for something he can find fault with, and then quits. I'm tired of church jumping...I want a church home, where I belong, and I feel like I have found it. Only my faith in the Lord Jesus and my assurance that one day my dh will come back to Him is what keeps me going. I KNOW that my prayers will be answered. I must keep on keeping on. My grown children are watching both of us. I want them to see Jesus Christ in not only their mom, but also their dad. Wow, how I needed to hear this. I have been married for almost 47 years, and in the beginning my husband and I both went to church. He says he is a Christian. But every church we went to, he found something wrong, and within a year…sometimes just months, he quit, and wouldn’t let me go with the kids either. We used to have devotions with the kids after supper every night, but it got where I had to have them on commercials because he didn’t want to miss any TV. I quit that because I felt that was teaching my kids to only allow God time if you could work it in. that was wrong. Finally when my youngest son was about 13 I decided I was taking his to church every Sun. My dh would make sure there was just enough gas in the car on Sat. when he came home from the office, to get back to town on Monday morning. We live 14 miles from town. I was teaching painting at the time, and would have to use my tithe to buy gas for us to get home from church…he took my earnings to pay bills. At times he took my tithe.

He has only been to church for about 2 months in the last 10 years. He doesn’t like me to go, but so far he has not told me I can’t go anymore.

The discussions that all of you have had are really very good. I too, know that I can’t be the Holy Spirit…I can’t do the convicting…
it has to be Him! I have prayed till I am blue in the face, but I won’t stop! I try to be as sweet as I can. I don’t ask him to go with me anymore, because he gets so irritated. The funny thing is, the church I am going to now, is one that he and I helped to start over 20 years ago. He was hurt by a man there…who is now dead, but my dh says no way is he going there. If I quit going there so he would go somewhere else, it would be the same thing all over again…he LOOKS for something he can find fault with, and then quits. I’m tired of church jumping…I want a church home, where I belong, and I feel like I have found it.

Only my faith in the Lord Jesus and my assurance that one day my dh will come back to Him is what keeps me going. I KNOW that my prayers will be answered. I must keep on keeping on. My grown children are watching both of us. I want them to see Jesus Christ in not only their mom, but also their dad.

]]> By: Jennifer http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-wife-cope-with-unbelieving.html/comment-page-1#comment-19743 Jennifer Thu, 11 Mar 2010 18:20:11 +0000 http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-a-wife-cope-with-an-unbelieving-husband.html#comment-19743 Wow. This is one area that isn't talked about that often and there aren't a lot of books on it either. It is a lonely place to be sometimes. I'm married to a professing Christian who I don't beleive it saved. I know it isn't my call to make but "Christian" is used very loosly these days and I believe "saved by grace, not of works". My husband believes his confirmation vow and forgiveness each week by his apostle at church. So, I beleive I am married to a man who isn't truly a Christian. We attend different churches. We've been married for 5 years. When I was first married, I didn't really go to church though I had been brought up in a Christian home and am a Christian myself. I guess I had sort of fallen away. A year into our marriage we had a difficult miscarriage. I was angry at the Lord and had many spiritual battles. But our gracious Lord always has a plan and it was through that tragedy that He gently brought me back to Him. Four years later I have two little ones and am closer to the Lord than I have ever been. My little ones attend church with me three times a week and I do hope to homeschool them. My greatest desire for them is to come to know the Lord truly, to love Him and want to serve Him. Each Sunday during alter call, I go down and fervently pray for the salvation of my little ones and for my husband. Tears usually stream down my face. My husband and I have talked many times. One night I was on my knees on the floor before him in his chair as we talked. I cried and told him I loved him so much but that I beleived he wasn't saved and wouldn't be going ot heaven. He was kind of like, "um, ok". It was very anti-climactic since I had been praying and praying about talking to him that night. I do not want to get to heaven and have hte Lord ask my why I didn't share my thoughts with my husband. So I did. I have been blessed with a wonderful older woman at church who, after sharing that and the rest of the story said, that my conscience was now clear. I had given him a clear presentation of how to be saved and explained the truth to him. If he wants to discuss it further, he will but in the mean time, do not badger him. Just leave it; be a loving, caring and devoted wife. I asked her how I deal with his "claim of CHristianity" when I was sure it wasn't real. She said, "Take him at his word and pray for him". Our little ones are 3 and 1 1/2 and I am not yet sure how to handle questions that will eventually come about why daddy and mommy attend different churches. I do not ever wish to be disrespectful of my husband for I love him and want to honor the Lord with my marriage. At the same time, I want my children to understand the truth about grace, mercy and the sacrifice of Christ and not be confused by a religion of traditions and works. Anyway, is there a limit to the length of my comment? LOL. My husband and I have a fantastic relationship and a good marriage. I can trust in his leadership and his decisions in all but the areas of faith. When we married, I didn't give much thought to future children and had no idea that my heart would break for them the way it does. I would give up all for the salvation of my little ones. But it is a gift that they must choose for themselves. I pray that the simplicity of it isn't marred by any false beleifs they may be exposed to. If anyone has any ideas about how to explain that "mommy and daddy beleive different things to children, but mommy is right", I'd appreciate it! Wow. This is one area that isn’t talked about that often and there aren’t a lot of books on it either. It is a lonely place to be sometimes.

I’m married to a professing Christian who I don’t beleive it saved. I know it isn’t my call to make but “Christian” is used very loosly these days and I believe “saved by grace, not of works”. My husband believes his confirmation vow and forgiveness each week by his apostle at church.

So, I beleive I am married to a man who isn’t truly a Christian. We attend different churches. We’ve been married for 5 years. When I was first married, I didn’t really go to church though I had been brought up in a Christian home and am a Christian myself. I guess I had sort of fallen away. A year into our marriage we had a difficult miscarriage. I was angry at the Lord and had many spiritual battles. But our gracious Lord always has a plan and it was through that tragedy that He gently brought me back to Him. Four years later I have two little ones and am closer to the Lord than I have ever been. My little ones attend church with me three times a week and I do hope to homeschool them.

My greatest desire for them is to come to know the Lord truly, to love Him and want to serve Him.

Each Sunday during alter call, I go down and fervently pray for the salvation of my little ones and for my husband. Tears usually stream down my face.

My husband and I have talked many times. One night I was on my knees on the floor before him in his chair as we talked. I cried and told him I loved him so much but that I beleived he wasn’t saved and wouldn’t be going ot heaven. He was kind of like, “um, ok”. It was very anti-climactic since I had been praying and praying about talking to him that night. I do not want to get to heaven and have hte Lord ask my why I didn’t share my thoughts with my husband. So I did.

I have been blessed with a wonderful older woman at church who, after sharing that and the rest of the story said, that my conscience was now clear. I had given him a clear presentation of how to be saved and explained the truth to him. If he wants to discuss it further, he will but in the mean time, do not badger him. Just leave it; be a loving, caring and devoted wife.

I asked her how I deal with his “claim of CHristianity” when I was sure it wasn’t real. She said, “Take him at his word and pray for him”.

Our little ones are 3 and 1 1/2 and I am not yet sure how to handle questions that will eventually come about why daddy and mommy attend different churches. I do not ever wish to be disrespectful of my husband for I love him and want to honor the Lord with my marriage. At the same time, I want my children to understand the truth about grace, mercy and the sacrifice of Christ and not be confused by a religion of traditions and works.

Anyway, is there a limit to the length of my comment? LOL.

My husband and I have a fantastic relationship and a good marriage. I can trust in his leadership and his decisions in all but the areas of faith. When we married, I didn’t give much thought to future children and had no idea that my heart would break for them the way it does. I would give up all for the salvation of my little ones. But it is a gift that they must choose for themselves. I pray that the simplicity of it isn’t marred by any false beleifs they may be exposed to.

If anyone has any ideas about how to explain that “mommy and daddy beleive different things to children, but mommy is right”, I’d appreciate it!

]]> By: Patricia http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-wife-cope-with-unbelieving.html/comment-page-1#comment-11204 Patricia Thu, 28 May 2009 15:07:21 +0000 http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-a-wife-cope-with-an-unbelieving-husband.html#comment-11204 I am a saved wife and ever since I became closer in my walk with God. My husband who I love with all my heart is unsaved and has been beat up by demons. I know that we are in a spiriture war fare. I am still going to love him with all my heart even thought is rebellious. The bible says that we are new creatures in christ and all belivers are to love with all thy heart. They hated Jesus so we will also be hated as well, but the good thing is wives is that GOD wins in the end. Yes, sometimes I want to throw in the towel, but God is keeping strong to fight the enemy. I am a saved wife and ever since I became closer in my walk with God. My husband who I love with all my heart is unsaved and has been beat up by demons. I know that we are in a spiriture war fare. I am still going to love him with all my heart even thought is rebellious. The bible says that we are new creatures in christ and all belivers are to love with all thy heart. They hated Jesus so we will also be hated as well, but the good thing is wives is that GOD wins in the end. Yes, sometimes I want to throw in the towel, but God is keeping strong to fight the enemy.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-wife-cope-with-unbelieving.html/comment-page-1#comment-9026 Anonymous Wed, 04 Mar 2009 21:06:00 +0000 http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-a-wife-cope-with-an-unbelieving-husband.html#comment-9026 My husband and I have been married 17years.(2nd time for both of us) When we first married, we were living in the world, doing the drinking and party. About 4 years ago I got saved and attend church on a regular basis. We also have two girls (14 & 8) at home. My husband does not attend church, he will go for something the girls are involved in (Christmas program, etc). He doesn't tell us we can't attend church or stop of from going, nor does he try to put us on guilt trips about attending church. I do know that he mentioned not liking the church due to things that used to take place when the church first started, but we all know, things and people change. I have read in other posts where the wives stopped attending the church or just didn't go because husbands didn't like the church, not sure I totally agree with that and if I am wrong, then please give me more insight on this issue.<br/>I know the husband is the head of the household or is suppose to be, but what if you have a husband that doesn't want to take on responsiblity of that household, or does, but not in the Godly/Christian way?? This is something I stuggle with everyday. I am trying to teach my girls one way, but they see other ways of living by the way their dad lives. I must mention, that my husband no longer drinks or goes to parties since I got saved and stopped doing those things, he does still curse, which our girls hear on a daily basis. I try to accept the things the my husband says or the way things need to be done according to him, but again I struggle with this, and I have to admit, I am very head strong, which I think I need to pray over.<br/>After reading most of these postings and seeing what others have gone through or continue to go through, have given me a different insight on some things. I think that one thing that I have been doing is saying, God, if my husband was in church, things would be better and I life would be more prosperous, but I am thinkign that I am using it to my own advantage instead of what it will do for my husband, I am not sure who wrote that in their blog, but Thank you, that opened my eyes.<br/>I feel that once we arrive home from church our christian values get shut out. It's a whole different atmosphere. And as for the girls, they attend church regularly as well, not that they always want to, but that is one thing I do make them do most of the time, staying home usually isn't an option for them.<br/>I do at times ask my husband to attend church and the girls give him an attitude about not attending church, but we don't push the issue, I am just hoping some day it will register with him that he needs God and church before it is to late. My husband and I have been married 17years.(2nd time for both of us) When we first married, we were living in the world, doing the drinking and party. About 4 years ago I got saved and attend church on a regular basis. We also have two girls (14 & 8) at home. My husband does not attend church, he will go for something the girls are involved in (Christmas program, etc). He doesn't tell us we can't attend church or stop of from going, nor does he try to put us on guilt trips about attending church. I do know that he mentioned not liking the church due to things that used to take place when the church first started, but we all know, things and people change. I have read in other posts where the wives stopped attending the church or just didn't go because husbands didn't like the church, not sure I totally agree with that and if I am wrong, then please give me more insight on this issue.
I know the husband is the head of the household or is suppose to be, but what if you have a husband that doesn't want to take on responsiblity of that household, or does, but not in the Godly/Christian way?? This is something I stuggle with everyday. I am trying to teach my girls one way, but they see other ways of living by the way their dad lives. I must mention, that my husband no longer drinks or goes to parties since I got saved and stopped doing those things, he does still curse, which our girls hear on a daily basis. I try to accept the things the my husband says or the way things need to be done according to him, but again I struggle with this, and I have to admit, I am very head strong, which I think I need to pray over.
After reading most of these postings and seeing what others have gone through or continue to go through, have given me a different insight on some things. I think that one thing that I have been doing is saying, God, if my husband was in church, things would be better and I life would be more prosperous, but I am thinkign that I am using it to my own advantage instead of what it will do for my husband, I am not sure who wrote that in their blog, but Thank you, that opened my eyes.
I feel that once we arrive home from church our christian values get shut out. It's a whole different atmosphere. And as for the girls, they attend church regularly as well, not that they always want to, but that is one thing I do make them do most of the time, staying home usually isn't an option for them.
I do at times ask my husband to attend church and the girls give him an attitude about not attending church, but we don't push the issue, I am just hoping some day it will register with him that he needs God and church before it is to late.

]]> By: Nessa http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-wife-cope-with-unbelieving.html/comment-page-1#comment-9025 Nessa Wed, 04 Mar 2009 20:12:00 +0000 http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-a-wife-cope-with-an-unbelieving-husband.html#comment-9025 I needed to read this today. Thanks so much for posting. You are truly helping others through this wonderful blog. I am so glad I found you and am adding you to my blogroll! I needed to read this today. Thanks so much for posting. You are truly helping others through this wonderful blog. I am so glad I found you and am adding you to my blogroll!

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-wife-cope-with-unbelieving.html/comment-page-1#comment-8691 Anonymous Wed, 25 Feb 2009 00:06:00 +0000 http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-a-wife-cope-with-an-unbelieving-husband.html#comment-8691 I have skimmed the posts. Lots of wisdom given. I have been married for close to 25 years to an unbeliever. I came to Christ shortly before we married and was ignorant of Gods Word. <br/>I also have the issue of him being bound by alcohol. <br/>I have learned and am learning much over the years. <br/>Let him be the leader even when you think he is wrong. <br/>He is the head, no matter who is the believer. Don't try to change him. When I gave up trying to change him things got much better. I got myself into this, God needs to get me out. I can still love him even if he is lost. Read 1 cor 13 and apply it to him.<br/><br/>About the children, I was allowed to homeschool all the way through. My daughter is now working on the mission field. While my sons are living worldly, although still profess faith in Christ. I have to say this is more my fault than my husbands, I was to full of spiritual pride when I should have let my husband take over with his sons-"they were mine" I thought in my heart. Well what does a woman know about raising men? What does a women raised without a father know? I think much of their current rebellion is an attempt to feel like men. But if I had allowed my husband more of a say when they were younger they may not feel the need to follow this road. Do not undermine your children's father!<br/>Trust God, and like I heard here already find the right counsel. I had many tell me to leave him. I quit going to them, and am glad of it. I have skimmed the posts. Lots of wisdom given. I have been married for close to 25 years to an unbeliever. I came to Christ shortly before we married and was ignorant of Gods Word.
I also have the issue of him being bound by alcohol.
I have learned and am learning much over the years.
Let him be the leader even when you think he is wrong.
He is the head, no matter who is the believer. Don’t try to change him. When I gave up trying to change him things got much better. I got myself into this, God needs to get me out. I can still love him even if he is lost. Read 1 cor 13 and apply it to him.

About the children, I was allowed to homeschool all the way through. My daughter is now working on the mission field. While my sons are living worldly, although still profess faith in Christ. I have to say this is more my fault than my husbands, I was to full of spiritual pride when I should have let my husband take over with his sons-”they were mine” I thought in my heart. Well what does a woman know about raising men? What does a women raised without a father know? I think much of their current rebellion is an attempt to feel like men. But if I had allowed my husband more of a say when they were younger they may not feel the need to follow this road. Do not undermine your children’s father!
Trust God, and like I heard here already find the right counsel. I had many tell me to leave him. I quit going to them, and am glad of it.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-wife-cope-with-unbelieving.html/comment-page-1#comment-8645 Anonymous Tue, 24 Feb 2009 00:32:00 +0000 http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-a-wife-cope-with-an-unbelieving-husband.html#comment-8645 Big thanks to Jess in Peru. I have that site bookmarked and will listen to those programs when I have some spare alone time!<br/>-Becky Big thanks to Jess in Peru. I have that site bookmarked and will listen to those programs when I have some spare alone time!
-Becky

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-wife-cope-with-unbelieving.html/comment-page-1#comment-8582 Anonymous Sun, 22 Feb 2009 21:11:00 +0000 http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-a-wife-cope-with-an-unbelieving-husband.html#comment-8582 What a good subject to blog about Kelly! Thank you for opening up the anonymous identity on this subject. Coincidentally, this topic was the sermon at church today. Praying for all of you who requested it. What a good subject to blog about Kelly! Thank you for opening up the anonymous identity on this subject. Coincidentally, this topic was the sermon at church today. Praying for all of you who requested it.

]]> By: Annette http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-wife-cope-with-unbelieving.html/comment-page-1#comment-8580 Annette Sun, 22 Feb 2009 19:59:00 +0000 http://www.generationcedar.com/main/2009/02/how-can-a-wife-cope-with-an-unbelieving-husband.html#comment-8580 Wow~<br/>I would love to hear privately from the commentor with a large family who was married 27 years. I know what you mean about being careful in who you get your advice from. Will you write to me?<br/><br/>I think the statements made by one of the first ladies who commented on this post summarize the three most important things one can do in the case of an unsaved husband. "My advice to anyone in this situation is of course, pray without ceasing, but also to love unconditionally. Let the Holy Spirit do the work, don't try to do God's job for Him."<br/><br/>Cheerfulness and respect are two things I would like to add to the list. Wow~
I would love to hear privately from the commentor with a large family who was married 27 years. I know what you mean about being careful in who you get your advice from. Will you write to me?

I think the statements made by one of the first ladies who commented on this post summarize the three most important things one can do in the case of an unsaved husband. “My advice to anyone in this situation is of course, pray without ceasing, but also to love unconditionally. Let the Holy Spirit do the work, don’t try to do God’s job for Him.”

Cheerfulness and respect are two things I would like to add to the list.

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