I too have dealt with a busy husband who owns a business. My husband recieved some advice from an older, wiser, business man who told him he needs to set his priorities and let others know what they are. When those unexpected calls come after business hours, it is ok to turn them away and ask them to come back or call back when the business is open. He can even explain that this is his family time and would be happy to help when business is open. It may sound harsh to some, but many people will be understanding and probally embarassed that they intruded.

There are other options as well. I don’t know if they may apply to your situation or not, but one of my favorite things to do is go with my husband on errands. Often he has running around to do in the evening, we dress the kids in their PJs, pack them in the car and go with. We have the opportunity to converse or just be together. If there are chores to be done on the farm, doing them together will help them get done faster, and you have the time together as well.

It sounds like you are trying the best you can, now the best option may be to pray that God shows you and him a way. He is the God of the impossible.

God Bless,
Rachel

Oh, I hear exactly what you’re saying…and we deal with that some, and in fact, many men are so geared to provide, that they do just keeping pushing through the demand instead of stopping long enough to assess the big picture to see if there is a feasible way to make life less hectic. They simply don’t feel like they have the time to stop! Especially when you own your own business. We deal with this too

And perhaps, if you discuss your concerns with him, even express that you feel like others are taking all of him and you’re “missing out”, the two of you could begin to think/work toward a logical solution. Often (don’t know if this is your case), a man may not even be aware that his wife feels *lonely*. Not easy, for sure, but where there’s a will, there is truly a way.

Not such earth-shattering advice, but maybe it’s a start.

Looking at different avenues of “passive income” is something we’ve done a lot and have actually come up with a few things here and there that earns us some extra money in an effort to free him up.

And prayer–lots of pouring out to God about what is truly your heart’s desire.

I think our circumstances are a little different than some. We own a very busy business (auto repair) and I don’t really think he HAS anything left to give at the end of the day. He deals with people all day…lots of rude, demanding people pulling him in all directions and when he gets home he really doesn’t want to talk to anyone. Understand- I don’t blame him for that- and I let him have his space. I know he needs it and I don’t “expect” anything in return from him.

We also have a farm that eats up any evening and most weekends…it really is constant work. I truly understand how he feels. I spend my days putting out whatever fires I can at the business and at home so he’ll have less to deal with.

I think he wishes he could lighten his load, but it is nearly impossible when you’re the owner/manager of a business. People just refuse to let him have any down time it seems. Our home phone is unlisted…so what do people do? They either call our parents to find out our number or they show up on our doorstep (after business hours) wanting their car fixed or free advice. He is so good at what he does, people demand to deal with him and not our employees or even me.

He is a good man and a good provider- this comment is not about blame or ripping him apart. I guess what I need to know is how to keep myself “fresh” and keep on meeting his needs with a glad heart, knowing realistically that he may never be able to give back.

Maybe our situation is such a rare one that noone is able to offer anything on this?

The solution seems obvious as I read over my own post. He needs to slow down…but that’s easier said than done! We’d sell the business in a heart beat if we thought we could find a buyer AND find a new occupation.

Without knowing to what extend your husband “doesn’t reciprocate”, I wanted to offer a few words that helped me…my husband is tender, but I think very few men are actually the “doting, romatic” types we long for.

Sometimes when our expectations change about his expressions of love to us, our attitude changes, and at that point we first begin to see some of our love language spoken.

What I mean is, I have my idea of what my husband should do to show me love–you know, undivided attention and engaging conversation, deep questions meant to search my heart on a regular basic, or fill in the blank for your particular desires.

But so often, he is knocking himself out to express love to me in the only way that comes natural to him–being faithful to work each day, checking the oil in the car, filling the car up with gas so I don’t have to, etc.

If I can lay aside my expectations and dwell on those things he IS doing, my heart becomes full of gratitude, then my words and attitude follow. Before long, he is so enamoured by my show of admiration, that he DOES actually start to be more attentive and giving me more of “my” language.

Does that make any sense?

Sorry to confuse you so much. This post is not about those rare situations where one or the other spouse has a mental illness–I’m addressing general contexts of marriages, not dissecting individual problems.

Let me try again…

Many, many marriages are miserable because there is a lack of basic understanding between husband and wife. I am offering to wives a simple recipe for creating peace in a typical marriage setting.

When a wife is constantly complaining to her husband, he is not going to be responsive to her needs. When she is discontent or gripy, or quick to point out his weaknesses, etc., it does not make for a pleasant atmosphere in which a marriage grows.

I am NOT saying that the happiness of a marriage falls solely on the wife. I am telling you that there is a mystery in all of human nature that if we would get our minds off of our petty little expectations and cherish our husbands, life will be richer. It’s a simple point, really.