Former Feminist Applauds Michelle Obama…. “Women Can Make Husband/Family Successful By Leaving Her Career”

Michelle Obama has created more than a few feminist waves by making the decision to leave her $273,000 career in order to support her husband and family.  She said she wants to

” — feminists hold on to your hats — be a mother, a wife and to support her husband in every way she can in his job as President….She is, perhaps, the perfect example of a new kind of career woman who, instead of wanting it all for herself, wants it all for her family.”   from Mail Online

Feminist Bonnie Erbe sheds a telling light on true feminist thought in her response (and they tell me feminists are just for “whatever women want”???):

“I think it is a sad state of affairs that Americans are more comfortable with a non-threatening first lady than with a career woman, but it is also a stereotype that screams to be abolished. Michelle Obama is just the person who could have done it, but she decided against it. Instead, she caved into advisors’ demands (My note:  I’m doubting the validity of this statement).

The truth is, until that stereotype becomes history, all women will suffer less power and clout in the workplace.”

But Michelle has had some applauding too.  I’m so encouraged to see others FINALLY taking notice of what is so logical in the success of a healthy family, and actually being bold enough to say it!

Megan Basham uses the first lady as an example in her book called “Behind Every Successful Man”…

The title is not just a trite twist on the familiar concept behind every successful man; it has much greater meaning than that. Basham argues that by using all your talents, skills, education and qualifications, you can make your husband’s career a stellar success, and your family life spectacularly happy.”

 And listen to this…

“…the best of both worlds–a woman enjoying using her honed professional skills (read:  gifts and abilities) to enhance her husband’s career, but at the same time having the freedom and pleasure of spending more time with her children.”

It gets even better…

“Basham, an American author, dyed-in-the-wool feminist and successful career woman earning significantly more than her husband, explains it this way:

‘What my friends had in common is that they left school planning to spend most of their adult years working in their chosen fields, and expecting always to derive a lot of satisfaction from their careers.

‘Several years ago, I started to notice that among many of us, as other areas of our lives expanded, the enjoyment we derived from our jobs began to shrink. Work began to seem more like an intrusion on our real lives than a vital part of it.’

She and her successful career girlfriends wanted to spend more time enjoying being mothers and wives. But there was a financial imperative as they were all fully paid-up members of the two-income economy.

We realised we had to start looking at our dilemma from a new angle, and to start seeing our marriages as our own little business enterprises and our husbands as partners in that enterprise.’

Makes you wanna shout Amen–it’s what we’ve been saying all along!”

Basham said she really began to see things differently after reading about John Adams and his wife, Abagail.

“I was fascinated by the relationship between Adams and his wife. He relied on her in almost every aspect of his work — and in the midst of the goal-setting and strategic planning they wrote each other intimate, teasing and tender love letters that revealed the sweet partnership they had in all things….

Her strength, confidence, intelligence and eloquence were nearly as significant to her husband’s success as his own were. Adams so clearly valued his wife’s insight, and cherished her companionship, that there could be no question of her being anyone’s lackey.’

They eventually grew to become ‘almost one soul in two bodies’.

In a word, Basham’s tells women they have the power to make their husbands successful or to cause them failure.  By seeing his potential and nurturing that instead of his weaknesses, she can be a partner in a very successful enterprise. 

An enterprise…I submit that it’s really difficult to share the same enterprise when you are both solely devoted to entirely different enterprises, no?

Because, and GET THIS–it’s not about “his success vs. my success”…not when you understand what God said at the beginning… “the two shall become one“.  And live that way.   It’s about OUR success as a family; the cogs and wheels working together to create one operation that functions correctly.

That’s how to get your cake and eat it too!

“A woman must share her husband’s love with his work and the fire of his spirit, or make him a thing not lovable.”    ~J.R.R. Tolkien

 

Excerpts taken from Mail Online

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44 Responses to “Former Feminist Applauds Michelle Obama…. “Women Can Make Husband/Family Successful By Leaving Her Career””

  1. You’ve been reading my mail, haven’t you? Really, we just had a meeting of the minds, and beginning June 1st, we no longer have “my husband’s business”, we have a family owned and operated company. I’m even the President. It pays to know the owner. He’s ALWAYS actively been involved in and supported my business, never once said, “that’s your job”, and I’m embarrassed to tell you how many times that phrase has crossed my lips with regard to his work life. And he’s still successful – I can’t wait to see what working with him instead of around him will bring.

  2. Ashley says:

    When a man comes home from a war, there are parades and holidays in his honor. People hail him as a hero. And every year of Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day people will praise him.

    Yet little thought is given to the women that support them. They become single mothers in a sense- most times to very young children. They spend time writing letters and sending packages. They stay up to all hours of the night so they can get a chance to instant message husbands. They constantly worry. Yet they are never remembered.

    No wonder women want to leave the home, what they are doing isn’t as respected as what the man is doing.

  3. Word Warrior says:

    Ashely,

    You’re right in a sense, and I see two sides to that.

    First, it is because of the devaluing of the family–namely, the wife and mother, that society doesn’t “notice” the honor in her roles. The feminist movement has had a HUGE part to play in this fact. That’s the irony; the feminist movement CLAIMS to be *for* women, all the while tearing down her most crucial contributions to the world.

    However, as Christians, I think we must be careful not to choose what we do on the basis of whether we get praised or not. That’s really the opposite of what Christ teaches. Obedience is done for the sake of obedience; serving is done for the sake of OTHERS. It is not our own honor that we should seek. That’s the beauty of a life sold out to Christ. It is free to give, serve and yes, sacrifice, with little recognition. In the flesh–impossible maybe. In the spirit, joy and peace.

  4. Ashley says:

    If you aren’t going to praise everyone, then no one should get praised. Why should the men get all the glory?

  5. Word Warrior says:

    Ashley,

    Oh I didn’t say “this group should be praised but this one should not”…as believers, none of us should be orchestrating our lives for praise…all should be done simply for obedience, in humility.

    To me, the picture of a godly family is not “the husband gets all the glory where the woman gets overlooked”…it is simply that the FAMILY as a unit is seen as a God-glorifying entity. Soli Deo Gloria–“For God alone and through God alone”…that should be the striving of every Christian home.

    This is why humanism and feminism has done so much damage–they have sought to make individuals autonomous–every man for his own–when this is not how I believe God meant it to be. We MUST see ourselves as part of a body, not one member functioning alone. Within the family and within the church, we are all working together for the glory of God, not for any one person.

  6. Annette says:

    This is a very encouraging post in light of all the negatives going on in our country today. Praise the Lord.
    Ashley, I know the situation you described must be painfully difficult, and I know it is a sacrifice that goes unnoticed by most. Know how much it meants to your husband, and know that God sees. In the end we will be rewarded if our motives are right and if we are faithful. Being recognized by God is worth so much more than being recognized by man. Grace and peace to you, dear friend.

  7. Deanna says:

    In my opinion…Mrs. O still has an agenda and it’s not to be a homemaker.

  8. Word Warrior says:

    Deanna,

    There may be lots of truth there.

  9. Mrs. Lady Sofia says:

    I would have to agree with Deanna’s comment. She states that she quit her job in order to help her husband’s presidency. What happens when he is in longer in office? I could easily see her going back to her $273,000 per year career job.

    I think this has less to do with being a keeper at home and focusing more on some kind of twisted political agenda.

    I’m sorry I seem so negative. I just don’t tend to trust what people say in government/political circles. I keep thinking are they serious, or are they just trying to get attention.

  10. Mrs. Taft says:

    I agree with Lady Sofia and Deanna…I am suspicious of Mrs. Obama’s intentions and what she is REALLY doing, but I am encouraged by the discussion it has produced.

  11. Leslie Viles says:

    I think one of the reasons she quit is simply because it would be a logistical nightmare for her to maintain a separate career. Being the first lady is a career in itself.

  12. Ellowynna75 says:

    The topic of this post isn’t titled, “How Do You Measure Mrs. Obama’s Intentions”, is it? Just checking, because I read much negativity here, on others. Possibly us keeping our own attention on ourselves more than others might be helpful. A good point I get out of the bible is to look at our own hearts and motivations, not place others under exam.

  13. Word Warrior says:

    Ellowynna,

    I certainly agree that the post wasn’t meant to highlight the intentions of Mrs. Obama; I was hoping to have more conversation about the book from Basham and the increasing awareness women may be having about their important roles in helping their husbands.

  14. […] Bookmarked a link on Delicious. » Obama Stumps Feminists – michelle obama […]

  15. Deanna says:

    The Bible does indeed tell us to JUDGE/examine all spiritual matters.

    It really gets me how so many get on to you if you have an opinion other than theirs. They don’t want you to voice yours for sharing concerns about what’s out there and yet they have done exactly the same thing toward the one that is sharing what’s out there. Somehow they just don’t see it that way…it’s judging.

    The judge not lest ye be judged card is played alot. Because you have spiritual discernment and express a concern, doesn’t mean the same thing and it’s not being used in the same content.

    A serious and personal Bible Study needs to be done with the Holy Ghost being the teacher.

    God bless you, Kelly.
    I enjoy your post and how you write.
    Shine on and keep blogging my Dear.

    ~Deanna~

    If you know what I mean!

  16. Raquel says:

    I do not think you offered an opinion, I think you were nasty and negative towards Mrs. Obama. I don’t see anything in the Bible that allows anyone to be vindictive.

    I see that you are often bitter and mean, Deanna. Maybe you should have a serious and personal Bible Study with the Holy Ghost being the teacher?

    Blessings

  17. Elizabeth says:

    I agree with the comments above regarding Michelle Obama. I am quite confident that she will resume a professional career in some fashion after Obama’s presidency. It seems to me that she is in an extraordinary situation in which maintaining a separate career would be very difficult and would likely meet with a lot of public resistence.

    I have a feeling that the American public will not accept a presidential spouse with a separate career until that spouse is a man.

    Meanwhile, I do think that the First Lady should receive a salary for the public duties she performs, such as hosting state dinners. That stuff is WORK that benefits our country and she is doing it for free.

  18. Deanna says:

    No more comments on this post after this one. Enough said.

    Raquel, My Dear, I’m just sure of it when Jesus went to chase out the money changers there was fire in his eyes and a whip in his hand. I can just hear him cracking the whip and the sound of tables hitting the floor as he turned them over…He probably came across as vindictive to some that didn’t understand.

    In my opinion, He certainly wasn’t concerned about being politically correct or coming across as I’m gonna hurt others feelings today.

    I think perhaps you’re hearing what you want to hear by my comments. If you think I’m bitter and mean, well that’s what you believe.

    It’s sometimes is difficult to know the actual tone others are communicating in when you don’t physically hear their voice. Would you not say?

    I have fellowship often with the Holy Spirit while doing Bible Studies and I strongly suggest it for others. Tis so sweet to have a close and meaningful relationship with him.

    Oh, one more thing before I quietly fade into the woodwork, sometimes I come across as a strong cup of coffee, kind of like Peter.
    I really don’t have hours and hours to eloquently compose a delicately written comment making sure it doesn’t offend anybody. Even if I could put a great deal of time into this, I really don’t think it’s possible to please everyone all the time. There will be those that misunderstand everything I say and voice it.

    Like my Daddy says, when you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, the one that gets hit usually yelps.

  19. Elizabeth says:

    I have a couple more thoughts on the post (and apologies if this is a double post — I may have accidentally pressed “submit” on a prior version of this comment):

    1) I doubt that Ms. Basham was every a “dyed-in-the-wool feminist” as she now claims. I have noticed that a lot of these women who write stand-behind-your-man books claim that they were once staunch feminists — but I am not sure what they mean by that exactly. Just having a job and earning more than your husband doesn’t mean that a woman is a feminist. The question is whether she was ever committed to achieving women’s social equality. Somehow I doubt it.

    2)Word warrior says:”. . . it’s not about “his success vs. my success” . . . ”

    But it seems that you all DO htink that it is about “his success vs. my success.” You think that if you have any success outside a supporting role in you family that it will somehow threaten your husband’s success or detract from it. The whole point of the solution you advocate (the woman embracing a subordinate role) is that you can’t imagine a husband and wife each succeeding in separate careers without it turning into a competition.

    I think a lot of it has to do with your assumption that there has to be a hierarchy. I imagine that you also think that without assigned roles in the hierarchy, everyone will be jockeying for position. So of course the solution you advocate for women is to simply accept a subordinate place in the hierarchy from the outset and without question.

    But feminists don’t accept the notion that there has to be a hierarchy in marriage. Without hierarchy, the concept of competing with your own husbnad for the higher place on the power ladder is moot.

    Of course, for this to work, you have to marry a like-minded person. If you don’t believe in hierarchy and your husband does believe in hierarchy, then yeah, you will be engaged in power struggles with your husband. So I can totally understand why women in conservative religious circles or conservative communities may find it just easier to go with the subordinate role rather than fight it all the time. (That’s basically what the “surrendered wife” author is saying women should do.)

    I am not going to fault any woman for going with the flow. But feminists, both male and female, are working hard to provide alternatives.

  20. Word Warrior says:

    Elizabeth,

    Your theory sounds logical, but it’s still misunderstood. For example, we don’t embrace a “subordinate” role. Feminists have a difficult time with the language because it *sounds* subordinate–that is, apart from understanding it through the lens of Scripture. THAT is the major obstacle, I think, in trying to discuss this issue. The proper view of biblical marriage actually places the wife in the highest position of honor–“her husband praises her in the gates”…nothing subordinate in it.

    I also think it’s a matter of misunderstanding terminology. When a feminist hears “head” or “submission” she shudders, because she has a wrong understanding of those words. It really isn’t the picture you imagine!

    If you came into my home and observed my marriage, you probably wouldn’t see anything of a “subordinate” nature. We both discuss most everything, and my husband never “tells me what to do” in the sense I think feminists imagine.

    I simply acknowledte that GOD has placed him in a position of responsibility–(not one to be coveted, by the way,) not because he is better, but because God said it works.

    If you don’t know Christ, you can’t possibly understand. Because the husband’s role is a mirror of Christ’s; And Christ “ruled” with more humility and love than the human mind can imagine.

    While it may be possible for two people two “have separate successes” and operate as egalitarians, there is lost sense of unity and combined purpose. When God created marriage, he said that the husband was “incomplete” and his wife was the completer. As such, marriage was meant to be an entity that becomes “one”. One flesh. So yes, when he is successful, I am successfull, and vice versa. It doesn’t mean a wife can’t *do* anything outside of wash his socks (stay tuned to my enterprising series).

    And ultimately, I think the picture has nothing to do with careers anyway. In a biblical sense,(non-Christians won’t get this) it’s not about what we’re doing to make money. It’s about two people, living out the picture of Christ and his church, taking dominion over the earth and spreading the gospel through their lives.

  21. Elizabeth says:

    Hmmm. I think hierarchy in a marriage tends to undermine a sense of unity. After all, hierarchy places you in a different role than that of your husband. When you both have the same role, it is easier to understand what the other person is going through. Hierarchy on the other hand tends to put barriers between people. There is a reason that employees aren’t usually best friends with their employers. Hierarchy tends alienate people from each other.

    I believe you when you say that your husband doesn’t tell you what to do, at least in the sense you imagine feminists imagine! So I absolutely accept that your husband consults you and he doesn’t bark orders at you. But you said that he bears a role of responsibility over the family. That surely has to come with authority over the family as well. It is that authority that feminists object to. Feminists would object to that authority no matter how much the husband praises his wife or how nice he is to her. The praise and the kindness doesn’t make it okay that he has the last word, and it doesn’t make it okay that she is required to play a supporting role.

    You mention that the husband’s position in this arrangement is not to be coveted. And I would totally agree with that. I think sometimes that people have a caricatured view that women just want to be in the man’s position. But feminist men and women would argue that hierarchy and gender roles are unfair to men too.

  22. Word Warrior says:

    Elizabeth,

    We’ll just have to agree to disagree, and though I’m not sure if you’re a Christian, I know that to a non-believer “the wisdom of God is foolishness to man”.

    It makes as much sense to me for you to say that “there are no gender roles” as it does to try to convince me that each part of a seat belt has the same function. Neither part is better or more valuable; but they’re distinctly different, which is the only thing that allows it to function properly.

    And in essence, Christian women don’t submit to their husbands. They submit to God, from Whom we get our orders. Freedom and submission ironically go hand in hand. I find tremendous comfort and freedom in the way my husband solemnly regards his role as my “protector and authority”. He understands his position is not because he is a man, but because God has put him there. It has nothing to do with ruling,. It is about security.

    It’s knowing that when I obey God and regard His design as the best, I’m am under a protection like no other. And he uses my husband as an instrument of that protection.

    It is a wonderful place to be.

  23. Kim M. says:

    Did you hear the true story of the woman who was coming home from a speaking conference and wanted to drive at night? Her husband said “I’d rather you not” (she said that is a nice way of him saying “you may not”).
    He wanted her to spend the night there and drive the next
    morning. She, being a Christian, submitted to her husband (although inwardly she thought it was silly). The next day (think daylight), she was on her way home and had a tire blowout. A couple of minutes after her car was stopped, she took out her cell phone to call for help. No service. A few minutes later, one of the preacher men who had been at the conference stopped to help her.

    What would have happened to her if she had not submitted to her husband?

    He was lovingly protecting her (because God gave him that protective sense), and being her God-given head took his role seriously. Her life and at the very least, her safety, was not compromised because she and her husband take their God given roles seriously. This is just one simple example of how it works.

  24. Rachel Falaschi says:

    Elizabeth,

    I understand your concern about roles. But God has often used the human body as an example, so I will try to do my best here. The brain and the heart are equally important for the human body, without one there cannot be life in the body. How silly it would be for the brain to say, I am more important than you heart. For if the heart stopped beating the brain would die, and how silly it would be for the heart to say I am more important than you brain, for without the brains instructions, the heart could not beat. I like to view the husband and wife relationship as a brain and heart. Only one is in the head, but they are both equal in importance.

    I have also heard it said that when God put the responsibility of the family on the husband, he did not necessarily give him ultimate authority, oh no, he’s is the one who will answer to God on judgment day for the way his family was. He will have to answer for the disharmony, brokenness, etc. I will willingly give that over to my husband!

    Like Kelly has said before, our idea of what responsibily and submission look like, are a lot different than God’s idea.

  25. Elizabeth says:

    Kim,

    Specific examples are very helpful. Here are some of my reactions to your example.

    This example goes far beyond the idea you sometimes hear that the husband gets the final say if there is a disagreement between the spouses on a family decision that can’t be resolved (like which town to live in or which school to send the kids). In this example, the husband is dictating his wife’s travel plans! (I also think that would be shocking by itself to most feminists. No yelling or violence necessary.)

    I think the justification that it is for her own good reduces the wife to not just a subordinate status, but a childlike status. Like a child, she (under this rationale) needs to have someone make decisions for her own safety. This doctrine, and perhaps the woman herself, do not recognize that she is perfectly capable of assessing the possibilities of danger and making her own decision about whether the risk of driving at night is worthwhile.

    This example presumes that, in his God-given role, the husband somehow has better judgment about safety than the wife does. I don’t believe men have better judgment about safety. Men die in silly daredevil stunts all the time. (I am reminded of last Christmas when my husband sliced a a huge gash deep into his thigh even after I advised him that it was dangerous to try to cut evergreen branches on his lap. Does that story show that he should always submit to my admonitions?)

    I have been stranded by the side of the road before with a blown tire and no cell phone. The moral I took from that experience was to buy a 10-ton jack and learn how to change a tire quickly myself. It certainly didn’t occur me that I shouldn’t take long drives at night (something I do quite regularly.) The problem with one adult dictating another adult’s safety decisions is that it always easier to restrict another person’s freedom by making rules like “Don’t drive at night.” But sometimes those rules are not worth it for the people who have to live under them. I would personally rather take my chances on a deserted road alone late at night than to give someone else authority to make basic decisions for me.

    I disagree with the premise that the husband’s authority provides greater security. But more fundamentally, I disagree with the idea that trading your freedom for protection is a good trade-off. My view is best summed up in the old American saying: “Those who would sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither.”

  26. Elizabeth says:

    Rachel,

    Appreciate the comment! We certainly agree that neither spouse is more important under either system.

    The part about the husband having to answer to God is interesting. I differ from you in that I would not willingly allow my husband to bear the lion’s share of accountability before God for our marriage.

  27. wordwarrior says:

    Elizabeth,

    It’s nice of you to feel that way, but you must realize that it is not in your power to “willingly allow” anything. That’s the beautiful thing about the arrangement GOD ordained from the beginning…there’s nothing you can do to change what God has already given to your husband. He can accept his responsbility, or he can deny it; either way, it is unalterable.

  28. Word Warrior says:

    Elizabeth…

    One other thing…it is pointless to discuss the issue of “what God ordained in marriage” if you are not a follower of God. We believe that God sets up rules and principles for our good, and sometimes they don’t make sense on a human level. But we trust Him, and it turns out to be true and right every time. From a purely human perspective, what you’re saying makes sense.

    But God didn’t ask us to operate that way. He asked us to “lean NOT on our own understanding”. Apart from this light of truth, you have no way of understanding the Scriptural terminology of “submit” and “leadership”, etc. That is NOT meant as an insult to you, please consider.

    But this debate is like talking from two different planets, with two different sources of information.

    I talk about these things here because feminism has indeed done more to destroy marriage and the family than perhaps any other group. It can be proven. And that is painful. So I write, turning over the truth of God’s Word hoping it will fall on fertile soil and sprout into changed lives.

  29. Elizabeth says:

    Thank you, Word Warrior. I will go back to just reading for now!

  30. Mother of Dog says:

    I talk about these things here because feminism has indeed done more to destroy marriage and the family than perhaps any other group. It can be proven.

    You have no idea what Feminism is Kelly. You use the word like Socialism. You know only that you fear it. That’s about all.

    Kudos Elizabeth!

  31. Word Warrior says:

    😀
    Since I know nothing of feminism, stay tuned…after this series, I plan to let the feminists themselves do the talking.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-430702/How-feminists-tried-destroy-family.html

  32. Word Warrior says:

    MOD,

    Another thought…how do I “know nothing of feminism” when I am literally quoting from the feminists themselves? Could it be that you just want to believe what you think feminism is, while denying absolute evidence that it is more than just “for women”?

    I said, *feminism has indeed done more to destroy marriage and the family than perhaps any other group*…Compare with what Linda Gordon–who echoes MANY otherfeminists said:

    “The nuclear family must be destroyed, and people must find better ways of living together. … Whatever its ultimate meaning, the break-up of families now is an objectively revolutionary process. … “Families have supported oppression by separating people into small, isolated units, unable to join together to fight for common interests. …” -Linda Gordon

  33. Word Warrior says:

    And…

    “No woman should be authorized to stay at home to raise her children. Society should be totally different. Women should not have that choice, precisely because if there is such a choice, too many women will make that one.”

    Simone de Beauvoir, author of _The Second Sex_, the book that is credited with launching the mainstream of the modern feminist movement —

  34. Lucy T says:

    Kelly ,
    I don’t know how you do this day after day.I get exhausted only skimming over the back and forth of these comments.I am praying for your strength and for eyes to be opened and hearts to be touched through your efferts.I was blind and now I see!

  35. kc says:

    amen lucy…wow kelly do you ever just feel like charlie brown? praying for you to lean on Him to fight the battles. awesome post by the way!

  36. Kim M. says:

    Thank you Kelly, I didn’t have time yesterday to get on the computer very much. Thank you for answering Elizabeth’s response to mine when you talked of God ordaining roles in marriage. I do have another thing to add.

    Elizabeth,

    You said, ““Those who would sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither.” I really can’t get over the irony of that statement.
    I guess then that none of us deserve liberty or security, because most women submit to someone. The working woman SUBMITS to an employer who does not love her. Therefore losing way more liberty than this home-maker! 🙂 I was in the corporate world for several years; I know.

    We all submit whether we will admit it or not. I choose the guy who loves me and doesn’t smother my freedom. 🙂

  37. Kelly Brown says:

    I really like your post. Does it copyright protected?

  38. Word Warrior says:

    No, you can re-post it–but I would appreciate a link back.

  39. tasbags says:

    The idea that feminists “hate” children and families is just so twisted.

    Try telling my mom, who raised three strong, happy, successful kids, has an amazing marriage of 25+ years, and has always worked 40+ hours in a position of leadership outside the home, that she is “anti-family.”

    My brothers and I (I’m a woman, btw) respect and admire her strength and her intelligence. Her example–and our dad’s support and respect for her (and his own hard work, of course)–has made all three of us better partners in our own relationships.

    If our mom had *chosen* to work at home, whether as a homemaker or as a self-employed person, because that’s what made her happy, I’m dead certain that we would have admired her equally. Because in that scenario, Mom would still be showing us that she values her own needs and desires, and acts accordingly.

    There is nothing instrinsically “female” about putting one’s own needs dead last. Many feminists need and love raising children and being in long-term, committed relationships, and they make it work.

    And by the way, here’s what feminism really means: Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings.

    IMHO, we all lose when we get lost in a pointless discussion about whether or not “men and women are the same.” Not all men are exactly the same as each other, to begin with! Not all women have exactly the same needs and desires!

    We are all human beings, with an astonishing diversity of needs, desires, and abilities.

  40. tasbags says:

    Oh, and anyone who’s going to turn around and claim that my brothers and I “missed out” on Mom’s nurturing and affection because she worked outside the home:

    She is the warmest, most sunshine-y person I know, I remember getting a million hugs from her when we were little kids, she was *always* there for us when we needed her, she and Dad came to every school event, sat through endless sobfests during our awkward teenage years . . .

    Man, I could go on for hours. We were truly lucky kids.

    • Paula says:

      What bothers me is that so many people in patriarchy and complimentarian movements have proclaimed feminism to be one of their number one enemies. The definition of feminism is the belief in the social, political and financial equality of men and women. What is wrong with that? The Lord Jesus the Christ treated men and women equally, why can’t we? Why do we expect women to grovel at their husbands’ feet? I’m married….oh, I bet some women are already pitying him, thinking I’m a banshee ruling the roost… Umm, no. I love him! He’s my best friend, and we love each other even more than we did six years ago when we got married. We walk together as equals, and there are only two children in this household….I’m not one of them, nor does my husband treat me as such. We speak to each other lovingly and with deep respect. I’m a feminist, by the way….and I stay home with the kids.

      • Word Warrior says:

        It’s lovely that you define feminism as: “the belief in the social, political and financial equality of men and women.”

        But there all sorts of misunderstandings/problems in your comment. For one, no one (at least not I or most of the women here) believe in “groveling at your husband’s feet”. Perhaps, since you feel like *we* misunderstand the definition of feminism, you can relate to the frustration of being so misquoted and misunderstood.

        Those of us who believe in BIBLICAL explanations of marital roles believe in equality and agree with you that Jesus was the first liberator of women. But, equality doesn’t negate roles, or demean anyone in those roles.

        A different role in marriage doesn’t make me less or my husband more. At all. In fact, according to Scripture, husbands have the more “demeaning” role if there is such. He is called to lay down his life daily for his wife–a sacrificial role that, by default, elevates his wife. That’s certainly not the “groveling” you have in mind.

        Also, your definition of feminism is a broad, general one that most people like to think, but the TRUTH is, and if you would study it you’d know, that feminism can’t stop there to be effective. Even secular, former feminists attest to the damage done to families and society, in general, because of the precipitating factors involved in the whole of the feminist movement.

        It’s a fact, as far as I am concerned, and cannot be reasoned away.

  41. Quite good article. I basically stumbled upon ones blog in addition to desired to help point out of which I have actually liked studying ones webpage in addition to content. Anyway I’ll possibly be following ones give in addition to When i wish to help read ones webpage once again.

  42. Jennifer says:

    Wow, another example of a woman expecting exoneration for leaving a career. And her true colors have shown how she nurtures her husband: on Valentine’s Day or their anniversary a year or so ago, they were both asked what their worst complaints of each other were. Barack said, “I have none” at the same time as Michelle said, “Oh, there are too many to list.”

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