I am the youngest of five and growing up we attended a church which had and still has, a very strong children’s outreach work. It has certainly been blessed by the Lord, with many children from broken homes being saved.

Problem was, as a child, I hardly ever saw my father, who is an elder at the church. His weekly evening schedule, after a long day at work was:

Monday – youth group
Tuesday – bible study at church
Wednesday – youth group
Thursday – preparation for sunday sermon
Friday – prayer meeting
Saturday – normally my poor Dad had a migraine, if not he would be doing door-to-door evangelism, very rarely we would be able to have a family day together
Sunday – church in the morning, rush home for lunch, out to take afternoon evangelistic childrens meetings, rush home for tea, out in the evening until 9pm for church and fellowship.

So, as you can see from that schedule, bearing in mind he got in from work at 6pm and was normally out the door to church at 7pm, we *never* saw Dad!

I’m 23 now, and married. It’s only been in the past couple of years that I’ve actually got to know my own father. I remember at University, he came to pick me up at the end of term, alone, without Mum. I was so nervous – what would we talk about? Would it be awkward? It was! Poor Dad has tried his best – I would never say he was a bad father, but my older siblings, who only spent part of their childhood at this church, have a much closer relationship with Dad than me. It makes me so sad.

The church has been challenged about this, and clearly think that the mother should be solely responsible for the children, and should not complain if her husband has to spend most of his time ministering in the church. I’ve heard many comments from ladies who feel that they were effectively single parents because of all the time their husbands had to spend at church. This can’t be right!

Those statements are so hard to hear, especially when we tasted the joy and wonders of motherhood. AND it’s hard to know what to say in the small window of time you have with a person like that. I always just silently pray that the Lord would bring me the right words…the words that would continue to resonate in their hearts and cause them to be more tender toward their children.

Or at least try to express the love and joy I feel as a mother…perhaps she has never seen that. Anyway, it was good that you had the brief time to plants seeds!

I am troubled for this young mother and her little girl. We exchanged information and politely said our goodbyes. My friend and I went on with our afternoon of cosignment shopping. I did enjoy my “girltime” (first time in a few years) it was nice to come through the door to my babies yelling “mommy’s home”. I loved that!! I wonder if that young mother can appreciate hearing those words every afternoon or is it burdensome to her.
I would have posted this comment on my own blog but encase she looks me up there, I didn’t want to hurt any feelings. I’m just curious how others would have responded to another mom making these kind of statements regarding lack of appreciation for motherhood.
Sorry Kelly for bring this long comment on your blog. I just appreciate all the good encouragement that you and the ladies here have to offer.

What I don’t like about Dobson’s advice is a sense of “entitlement” and the “30 minutes EVERY day” as if without it mothers will collapse.

Typically speaking, when mother is healthy, at home, embracing her job, it’s like any other job–it’s challenging at times, but not overwhelming, especially if the children are being trained to obey and respect the rules of the home. And I agree with what others have said about the moments in the day that present themselves for a “breather”…early in the morning, during naps (we nap religiously), etc.

So, just to say I don’t think it’s a blanket statement either way…this is our blessed job, and we should take advantage of God-given rest, but not come to expect it as an entitlement “away” from our children.

I agree! As members of a local church, we need to be ACTIVE members…shaping the church as family integrated. Our little church has some age-specific events, such as youth night, but there is no reason parents should avoid participating in these events, too.

Build the family, build the church!

Stuff like that is so subjective, and so ultimately inessential to the Christian walk. It infuriated me that mothers beat each other up over such silliness.

I’ve never been a huge fan of Dobson–he’s always struck me as Dr Phil with a Christian veneer–but if an individual mom needs or wants a few afternoons a week to read a book or exercise or whatever, can afford help with housecleaning or really any other sort of help to make her family’s life go smoother (even if it means she works a few hours a week)–that is nothing for me or anyone else to judge.