Courtship Story: Quinton & Allison
I will likely be linking randomly to Seasons of Courtship throughout this discussion. They have some great, inspirational and practical information that I think families will find very helpful.
One of the most helpful things to us has been watching and hearing about other families who have walked through the courtship process. It’s always helpful to glean from what has been beneficial and what has not as we think about how it will play out in our own families.
The following is one such story…there are so many, and I will post several of them throughout this series to give you encouragement and ideas.
“…I’d always wondered just what being grilled by a prospective father-in-law might be like. The experience actually turned out to be rather enjoyable. We had some very late nights where it seemed like nobody wanted to break up the party! We discussed my purpose in life, my strengths and weaknesses, and most of all, why I wanted to marry Allison!
On October 4, Dana informed Allison of my interest. Then…I waited. And waited. After a nail-biting week, she finally replied that she was willing to get to know me….”
The rest of the story…The courtship story of Quinton and Allison
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Tags: dating & courtship, family/parenting
dating/courtship, family/parenting, Uncategorized | Word Warrior | 
August 17, 2009 10:00 pm
Thanks for sharing such a sweet, sweet story.
How beautiful. And what a concept…to wait on the Lord for our mate. This was not the path my husband and I chose, and while I don’t regret marrying him in any way, I do wish we had handled ourselves in the manner that we should have, by God’s standards (being that we both considered ourselves Christians) and not by the world’s.
Thanks for sharing this website. I sent the link to my husband this morning to hear this thoughts. We’ve already decided that our children will be going through at least some form of courtship if they are called to marry (our kids might also enter consecrated religious life, which is another adventure of its own!), but we’re not certain yet what exactly that looks like, so I’m sure this website will be a treasure-trove for my husband, in particular!
While I don’t necessarily agree with everything the courtship model stands for, I really love this story. I LOL’ed at him asking her to marry him a cemetery.
Very interesting.
Great link! I had no idea this site was out there and will be sharing it with some ‘courtship’-minded families.
Have you ever read the book ‘Handmaids of the Lord’ (I hope that is the right title), from Crystal Paine? I have read and re-read it several times and right now it is out on loan. It has several young ladies talking about what they are doing while they ‘wait on the Lord’ for their future – also what courtship is (or was, if they married) inside their families. Very encouraging!
Maybe your oldest would consider doing a guest post on this topic?
I found this story very interesting, although I didn’t agree with all the concepts. We follow more of what is known as a betrothal pattern, although we do agree in a “between friendship and engagement” period merely to let the couple’s heart bond, versus “figuring out if they are the one.” We personally feel that that aspect (are they they one?) is the father’s job (with input from the daughter, of course).
I was also concerned about the daughter’s involvment in “serving the Lord” via ministries, which is a dangerous deception that has crept in the church. The daughter’s ministry is first to her family, and then to her husband at marriage. I’m not trying to be critical, but I’m seeing more and more of this as time goes on (and this is coming from a stay-at-home daughter who was once considering missions work in Moldova). I feel that delaying marriage is taking God’s timetable into your own hands. Committing to serve the Lord until you’re twenty-five sounds noble, but what if it’s the Lord’s will for you to marry before then? I just feel that this is not biblical.
All that aside, I did enjoy the family’s story. It’s refreshing to see more and more people striving to enter marriage God’s way.
I think I’m getting a handle on this. You see somebody that you think would be a good wife, after observing her and maybe talking to her a little. You ask her father if he would be willing to allow you to marry her. If he says yes, and she is open to the idea, then you keep company by seeing each other at each others’ homes, always with parental supervision, or maybe going on a group outing like a church function. You write letters to each other a lot telling each other about yourself, and your goals. You don’t spend time alone together and get intimate in any way. If you decide that you love each other and that you would have a good life together, you get engaged. If you decide you are not right for each other, you don’t get engaged.
You don’t just date lots of people to see which one turns you on the most, after being intimate to some degree with all of them.
The word “courtship” sounds kind of vague (so does betrothal), because these are old-fashioned terms (to me) and have no meaning for us today do to our present dating practices.
Anyway, it sounds good. I’m just trying to figure out the specifics.
Mary,
Those terms are very vague, and can mean completely different things to different families. Each set of parents needs to set a standard for each child.
In our home, with our daughter only being 9yo, we emphasize that young, single people need to remain emotionally pure as well as physically pure. That is a harder line to draw! Focusing on being friends, regardless of gender is where we are teaching right now.
Listing to my radio this morning an Author was talking about the dangers of even cuddling. And you know, the more I thought about it, he truely is right. You wouldn’t cuddle with another man after you got married, so why before. There is no reason for teens to be alone together on the couch laying down snuggling! I wish my parents had made me court!
Alexandra,
I agree with you, particularly about daughter’s ministry being to her family/community.
Mary,
That’s a pretty good overview. To me the biggest parts of biblical pursuit of mates vs. dating is, 1. Spending the teen time to grow, mature, develop gifts and talents, train, etc. instead of pursing intimate relationships with no intention (very harmful, IMO) and 2. more parental involvement, prayer and just approaching marriage more seriously. It amazes me that our culture thinks it is odd to involve parents in probably the most important decision of a life time.
Tawny,
Your point is presicely the one I often make, but even take a step further. It really doesn’t make sense to do anything during your teen years, before you’re even considering marriage with a guy that you wouldn’t do after you’re married. Someone said, even when you’re single, you’re likely still someone’s wife. Proverbs mentions doing your husband good “all the days of your life”…to me, this includes keeping your heart and body pure for him.
Alexandra and WW,
I would disagree with you a little on what a young women’s role should be once the parents determine that she is old/mature enough to be married. God knows when and if a person is to be married. To assume that someone going on a mission or anything else is outside of God’s will is very limiting in the view of the Lord. By this reasoning (I think) Mary Magdelene as well as the other women who were mentioned as Christ’s disciples and constant followers would be outside God’s will. I don’t think Christ would have allowed that. He was, and is, sinless. I am not saying it is always right nor will I say it is always wrong. This is where hearing God is so important. Jesus said His sheep hear His voice. Especially during ocassions that are not specificaly mentioned in the Bible it is important not to lean on our own understanding but be obedient to the voice of God. I’d truly be interested in knowing if there are verses to back up the opinion you have expressed. I am not above admitting I have not memorized the entire Bible.
Thanks
Hmm… have y’all been thinking about this in regards to your eldest daughter?
(Per the post on her cuddling with your newest baby – it got me thinking!)
Y’all are such great parents to be so concerned about this — truly, you’re a blessing to your children.
I always enjoy reading these!
Wonderful story!
Maybe I’m stating the obvious here, but the only way this works is if the two individuals already have a real relationship with Jesus. How else can a man comprehend the sacrifice he is expected to make as a husband, modeling the role of Christ for His church?
In our ministry we recommend the courtship model for our singles, regardless of age. For us, a courtship period includes outings with a qualified chaperone (i.e. no “double-dating”), and no kissing, hugging, etc. Surprising as it may sound, the single adults are very supportive of this policy. Both young women and men appreciate the protection for their hearts.
But once again, for this to work, your heart really, truly has to belong to God first. It cannot be taken out of the context of faith. Don’t expect secular copycat programs to work (e.g. so-called “abstinence programs” in the public schools, stripped of any reference to an Almighty God.) Accountability is the key. But then, we’re supposed to seek the Lord first anyway, right?
Kelly L,
Let me clarify…this is not a black and white issue for us, nor do I think there is Scripture that gives us clear guidance.
I DO think that it can be dangerous to underestimate the ministry of home and by default place pressure on families to find their daughter a “more important” ministry.
We would consider the Lord’s leading in this area. But our “default mode” is that there is a wealth of ministry opportunity when a daughter is at home (not necessarily inside her home all the time, perhaps around the community, in the church, etc.)
One example from my friend right now…her 19-year-old has been staying with a family whose mother was dying, to help homeschool the daughter and take care of household chores. She was required to be gone several days at a time, but still a very needed ministry that she was able to do because she was still home.
Does that make sense?
Kelly,
Now I understand what you meant and I agree. And I agree that people tend to put a glorious spin on some ministries while neglecting the home based ones. What your friends daughter is doing is what I hope my daughter will have the grace and love enough to do one day, if the Lord leads. Thanks for taking your time to respond. I was just re-reading my comment; sorry if I sounded accusatory regarding not letting the Lord lead, it wasn’t meant. It is hard to convey emotion through typed words. Well, some of it, anyway.;)
“Let me clarify…this is not a black and white issue for us, nor do I think there is Scripture that gives us clear guidance”
I think you see very clearly here. Bless you.
The VF just announced the engagement of a Peter and Mandy. No last names were given. Anyone know who they are?
The more often I visit this blog, the more often I’d like to do this. Well done!