My first pregnancy was a molar preg. It was very serious and I came close to having to have a hysterectomy. After surgery and 18 months I was cleared to try again. I had 5 healthy children over the next 7 years with only one loss in between #3 and #4 which they thought was also a molar.

My chances were then 1 in 4 of having another molar. After baby 5 I had another molar which required surgery. They told me absolutely no more babies.

I gave it to God and was willing to be done at this point. I didn’t want to stop, but didn’t want to risk my life anymore. Well, we accidentally got pregnant again. When I found out I was due on my birthday I was just sure this was God’s answer to me that I was supposed to have more. Nope, same thing again. I ended up having to have chemo after that pregnancy because my hcgs wouldn’t stop rising.

We don’t agree with using hormonal birth control and I am feeling forced to use a vasectomy which I have always been against. We are currently using natural family planning, but it is scary when my health is that much at stake.

I would love to hear any words of advice you have for me.

To VBAC Warrior….

I feel your pain!! I too have hyperemesis gravidarum during my pregnancies and there were moments when I would have been happy to die in my sleep. My life was never in danger, I knew it was temporary, but women who’ve only had “morning sickness” cannot possibly imagine what this feels like! My last pregnancy was terribly hard – women from church were taking turns caring for my other children, cleaning, and bringing meals while I struggled to hold down food one tiny bite at a time and at one point was even having hallucinations. I can totally relate to your concerns over being a burden to other people – not to mention not being able to care for your own children.

I had three children in pretty quick succession (age 3 and under) and begged and pleaded for my husband to get a vasectomy while pregnant with #3. I seriously turned those screws. My husband did not want one…did not think it was right and would have liked more children…but I put my hands over my ears and would not listen to my conscience telling me that my behaviour was wrong. Let me add, that up until this time I thought I had fully embraced the Biblical view of children and family but decided I had suffered enough and that it couldn’t possibly apply to ME :O)

My husband had the vasectomy and I was very happy about it. He was gracious and forgiving, and never held it against me. We were both under tremendous pressure from concerned friends and family to be “done” with having children to the point that it was hinted that if he “really loved me he wouldn’t put his poor wife through another pregnancy.”

It’s been six years and I never, ever regretted the vasectomy….UNTIL NOW. God has done a radical work in my heart in the past month or so. Little bits of truth were starting to trickle through (this blog was part of that!), and then we had a “false alarm” last month and I was surprised to see that although I was scared of the suffering I welcomed the idea of adding another little one to the family. My husband was excited in spite of the extra “burden” I would become. I began to realise what a blessing it would be to my family, (my children have often asked me to give them another sibling), to my small church that needs more children, and to the world in general to have another child raised in a loving, Christian home. In fact, I could think of no GOOD reason not to have another baby. ALL my reasons for not having another were based on fear and doubt, and a total lack of faith in God.

A few weeks ago I apologised to my husband for not submitting to his wishes and nagging and manipulating him to go through a vasectomy he did not want. I can’t begin to express how terrible I feel about the way I treated him. He had tears in his eyes. I told him that if he wanted a reversal I would support him, and if he didn’t want to go through another surgery I would understand that too.

And now we are in the early stages of planning a trip to a Christian doctor with a very good reputation, for a vasectomy reversal. Hopefully it works. It isn’t cheap, but thankfully we can afford to do it.

I’m scared, but excited. I know without a doubt that we are doing the right thing. I’m afraid of the suffering, but I have children who are old enough to help (my youngest is seven) and I have a plan for how to deal with it this time.

I know one family that adopted a sibling group and has no other children. The other families I know who have adopted multiple children also had multiple biological children. The number of bio children families have seems to be very closely related to the number of children they feel capable of adopting. The larger families have adopted the largest numbers of children, in my observation. The families who are open and willing to have a larger family in the first place, feel better equipped and more willing to take on larger numbers of adopted children as well.

You will all like this story. I was babysitting my friends’ two youngest children, a four-year-old girl and a one-year-old boy. We stopped at the grocery store on the way home. In the checkout line, the little girl was talking about how fun it would be when my baby comes. The lady in the next line exclaimed, clearly shocked, “You’re PREGNANT? Was it planned?” I didn’t say anything, too busy getting my jaw off the floor. But the little girl thinks and says, “God plans everybody.”

I do have a friend (expecting her 6th) who wants to get a shirt that says “not Mormon, not Catholic, just a Protestant who likes ***”. If only we were so bold. I think people would stop asking!