There are people who have to work outside of the home out of necessity. For them I would suggest working systematically to eliminate all debt and be working towards a goal of the mother being able to work less and less until finally she can come home. You can’t put a price on a full-time mother. I have tried it both ways and I assure you no amount of effort can make up for being absent.

Also, I am assuming that when one poster was talking about daycare being a temporary problem and that preschool and school would be soon, they must be talking about the public school system. This is problematic when you look at scripture and how we are supposed to raise our children. Covenant children should not be put into secular humanist schools. We wouldn’t send them to a muslim school or a hindu school, especially so we could claim “free childcare” so we can continue to work.

I know what you give up when you quit work. I know it is a difficult transition and being a full time Mom is harder than working full time.

I also wanted to point out that realistically, the first 21,000 I made went to the expense of working. This was with 2 children, but when adding the expense of Social security, the higher tax bracket, the additional tithe, and then all the other expenses for working the first 21,000 dollars was not even mine. I personally don’t think money should be your sole motivation for coming home, but if you need to show it to your husband, then remember to add everything. You might think you will never stop and pick something up, but after caring for sick children, working, cleaning, laundry, sometimes you just can’t face one…more…chore.

1) I do think that a small percentage of women in two income households work outside their homes out of necessity – I’m questioning the wisdom of working outside the home when it isn’t necessary, as I agree with WW’s statement that it’s a mandate from Scripture that our post is home.

2)I never lived like I had a triple digit income – part of my point. Nearly half went to taxes, and half of that to work-incurred expenses – extra car, childcare, etc. Net profit for 50-60 hours a week at work: about 20k a year. My carefully structured budget crumbled at the daycare door, like it does for many Moms. Incidentally, I have always subscribed to the dollar per serving philosophy of meals, and cook/shop/eat accordingly. With that in mind, about $350/year is what lunch costs ME, and based on what most working folks eat for lunch, that’s cheap. Even if you pack lunch, that food cost something. I’m surprised at the number of friends I talk to who don’t factor in that cost. It’s just an observation.

3) I think it’s crucial for a woman to develop industry from home. Again, as I understand it, that’s a huge part of the Prov 31 example. It does a lot for my sanity since I get to talk to people who are over 3 feet tall every once in a while . I think it also provides first hand experience to the kiddos about quality of work and quality of life, be it school or career, one typically enhances the other. Joanna, you are who I want to be when I get all this straightened out. There was no criticism from me with regard to work, certainly not in the context you described.

3) I don’t know much about childcare these days, but last I checked pre-school cost more than daycare, and even upon entering public school, quality afterschool care is astronomical. It’s not a temporary expense, and will continue to get more expensive over time. And sick days and holidays and summer all continue to happen.

Love.

Yes, I agree that not all women work out of selfishness (and I don’t think I’ve ever indicated that). I’m fully aware of difficult/tricky situations that may require women to out of the home for a season. I do emphasize the importance of Christian women maintaining that their “starting point”, that is, our default thinking and encouragement to other women should be to “teach the younger women to love their husband and children, to be keepers at home, etc.) I don’t think it’s a made-up opinion, but a mandate from Scripture that we like to neatly “re-interpret”. If our situation requires us to be away from raising children and helping a husband, we simply need to be always looking and trying to return to as close a picture of the keeper at home Scripture describes as we can.

That said, I’m a hearty advocate of women earning money and ministering to the community. In fact, I wanted to address something you said…

“But some women *do* work out of financial necessity, out of love for their family, and to serve their community. I think this is something that needs to be acknowledged, especially as we reach out to the poor and needy in our communities.”

I believe it is the church’s responsibility to reach out–though for the most part we’re not doing it. And when I say “church”, I don’t necessarily mean an establishment, but the people that make up the church. In Proverbs 31 we see a keeper at home who cares for her household, runs a home business AND reaches out to the needs, because she is available to do so. I would love to see women freed up to take over that role again more than we’re seeing it now.

I totally hear where you’re coming from; but I also see the slippery slope once we make allowance for moms to leave home full time. Does that make sense?

By the Cottage:
I spend $288 a year on lunch for myself regardless if I work or not. The $100 is based on the few times I decide to not pack a lunch and grab something simple for lunch.

Childcare:
Childcare expenses only last for a short period of time before preschool and school starts. Just a thought as you consider these calculations.

Overall, I was just trying to make the point that in doing the calculations it should be based on individuals. I have seen these calculations on the cost of working on a lot of different websites before. I just hate for everyone to see these calculations and think, “oh you poor working women who really work for nothing”(and thank you to Kelly for saying that you don’t make that assumption).

So I offered up my own break down of expenses. You can believe them or not. It doesn’t matter to me because I’m not engaging in a debate on whether women should stay home or not. I’m more engaging in a debate on the caculations that I think give an inaccurate picture.

As Kelly said, if you want to stay home, you can make it happen. If I wanted to stay home, I know I could make it happn. But I don’t want people thinking I work for nothing. Because I don’t. My pay covers our retirement (so we don’t have to depend on Social Security), a literal 10% tithe that we give every month, and few extra niceties in life. Not to mention the intangible things like job satisfaction and working to help others (I’m a social worker).

I make almost all of my husband’s lunches, and the rare times he goes out to eat, it’s usually because his boss is treating him and his coworkers because of their extraordinary work (not to brag on him!). I haven’t calculated exactly how much we spend on his lunches, but I don’t think it can be much more than if he were eating at home.

Sometimes I sense an an attitude here that any woman who works is doing it out of selfish ambition. But again to mention a difficult situation in my own past, my own mom worked for a time when I was growing up. Primarily because my dad’s insurance wouldn’t pay for the costly surgeries I needed to survive. My parents alternated working day and night shifts so one of them could be with us at almost all times to try to get out of debt, and as soon as she could, she stopped working and stayed at home with us. the poor and needy in our communities. For her, working was a difficult sacrifice. I’m very thankful for her sacrifice, in some ways you could almost say I owe her my life because of her sacrifice.

But some women *do* work out of financial necessity, out of love for their family, and to serve their community. I think this is something that needs to be acknowledged, especially as we reach out to the poor and needy in our communities.

I’m working–y’all can decide whether I’m working “at home” or not, if you must–teaching homeschoolers piano for about 10-12 hours a week. My kids spend time with other homeschooling families during that time, and with their grandma and grandpa, and have a great time (does that mean am I letting other people raise my children?). But I’m teaching in my mom’s house (out of my house) and at a church (out of my house) and at my own house (in house). But because I’m doing this, my husband doesn’t have to take another job, so he gets to spend more time raising our kids, which I feel–and he feels (he’s a very involved dad)–is extremely important. And I feel like I’m sharing the love of music with another generation, and that is important, too.

You work, Kelly, on this blog and your other online projects probably at least as much as a part-time worker might work out of the home. I do think it’s important to be with our kids, I really do and I appreciate your heart for your family, but I think it’s also good to acknowledge that women have found some creative ways to balance kids and earning income, as you have.

Sorry, didn’t mean to write a book on this!

In response to Janelle,
I just wanted to point out that if you put your baby in Childcare to return to work, you most likely will need to use disposable diapers, instead of cheaper cloth diapers. Also, you are WAY more likely not to breastfeed, or to give up on breastfeeding early. If you do try to breastfeed while working, you will need an expensive pump, bottles, and possibly more gas money for a lunch break feeding. If you decide to use formula- quote from The Cottage Child above “when you’re dropping your real life infant off at real life day care, suddenly your baby just got cuter and more important”, same goes with the brand of formula, quality of water, and the type of bottle. One site I visited estimated the cost of formula feeding to be between $750-$3000.+ /yr. Just a few more things to consider that will eat away at your income. I also think your Childcare cost estimate is very low, or I live in a very expensive area. Here, the lowest price for a full day at daycare is $29/day. Even part-time, (3 days a week) this is still much higher than $3000. per year. My Sister is attending college part-time, and pays $650/month for her 2 year old to attend part-time daycare. She spent months researching and visiting less costly homes/centers, and decided it’s true, You get what you pay for! Just some thoughts.

In fact, at one point our children were in a more expensive center. I happened to “pop in” one day unexpectedly to find my child sitting in a diaper on the dirty, rubber mat leading to the outside exit of the classroom. And the waiting list for this center was several months long!

Once again, I’m not saying that all stay-at-home mothers are super perfect with super perfect households (myself included especially). But this isn’t about what everyone else is doing, this is about doing the best I can by the children God has entrusted to my care.

Of course, there were some sympathetic supervisors who would turn a blind eye, especially if a person had more than two children. But that wasn’t always the case.

Can you imagine what implications this has during the flu season? If you can’t, I’ll tell you. I will never forget how one parent whose child was at the same daycare as mine was telling me about how they sent their child on to school even though early that morning they had a fever of 101+ (they gave them a “good dose” of Motrin to mask the fever). Needless to say, within days other children in this class, including mine, came down with similar symptoms. .

By the way, I’m am in no way trying to say that just because you stay at home with your children they will never get sick. We’ve had our share of illness this year because we’re around other people, including other children, who are infected themselves.

To the gal who commented that children in childcare typically have more incidence of illness, requiring more medical care costs, excellent point. Not to mention that it is usually the Mom who takes said child to the Dr., missing work, which costs more still. Even if Dad takes the kiddo to Dr., someone is missing work and burning hours. I would throw in the cost of an extra Dr visit, prescription and a day off (not much fun spending your vacation time in a waiting room) – minimum 2k a year. And there’s the added stress, your additional sick days, and suffering work performance because you are rightly distracted by thoughts of your child in day care.

Just thoughts from a former six-figure earner who learned better than “but my income is how we live, and my work completes me”. Not really, much to my self-important dismay Love.