I have just been able to sit down and really read and think through your comment (and the others)…

I also feel for you and hope that you will be encouraged and strengthened through this difficult situation.

The first thing I think of is simply doing everything you can to “tie the heart strings” with your daughter and encouraging your husband to as well. I agree with Leslie that “normal” isn’t necessarily what God intended, and I really believe He intended a warm relationship between parents and children (and siblings) where honor and respect abound.

That said, it can be much more challenging when she has a strong peer group. But if you’re aware of the need for relationship, I’m sure you can find lots of ways to foster affection and joy in that pursuit.

And I really agree with Cottage Child here:

“I think it’s wrong to ask a husband to micromanage both his work and yours.”

When Proverbs 31 speaks of the heart of a husband “safely trusting in her” I think of this application.

And as CC hinted, I’ve believe it could be very effective to show your husband on paper the potential earnings/savings of coming home vs. working outside. There is a lot of money to be saved by the switch, and a lot more potential with the extra time and energy at home, even without any extra earning.

Some may disagree with me, but I whole-heartedly accept the notion of appealing and suggesting things as a wife. If he is not irritated by it, I would consider giving him literature on the topics of homeschooling and courtship. Both mine and my husband’s hearts were turned mostly by things we had read and heard.

I pray the Lord leads and guides you…so glad to hear of your “happier spirit” too!

First and foremost, pray over this, with gratitude – it’s easy to see the less than perfect aspects of a situation and let it overwhelm you, and you take no action instead of doing what you can.

My own husband was not a believer until after our first daughter was born. He was raised by an at home mom until his jr high years, but I don’t think it ever occurred to him (mostly because we idolized our lifestyle) that I wouldn’t work outside our home after babies were born. Even after he came to Christ, he was not familiar with the Scriptural direction, nor was he thrilled with the idea of a significant lifestyle change. But I quit my job anyway. I didn’t really ask him. That may sound un-Biblical, but I saw that he was a)worried about our lives and our money and b)I could better manage our lives and our money from home, resulting in about the same income and lot better quality of life. I wasn’t looking for an argument, and I mean that earnestly. I was solving the problem, which is one of the reasons he likes me. He didn’t know what to do, and when I brought it up it was like I was reminding him that I thought he wasn’t doing enough for me. So I took the initiative. He didn’t exactly jump up and down when I showed him the initial numbers, but he saw my plan and that it was doable. I’ll tell you too (with his permission, he loves when he gets to say he’s a new creature)there was some significant selfishness on his part. I just ignored it – I didn’t try to correct him, I didn’t argue or pout, I didn’t demean his point of view, I just smiled and kissed him and kept on going with the plan – as hard as I’ve tried, I’m a complete failure at doing the job of the Holy Spirit. My job was/is to love and respect him, care for him, care for our home and our children. So I did, with purpose, and he sort of just stood there for about 3 months with his mouth hanging open while I figured it out. It wasn’t really an item for his consideration. He was busy with his own spiritual directives.

Again, this is just me, but I started with selling my car (again, I didn’t really ask) and buying a cheaper one. No payment, a little emergency fund from that. Next, I sold the guest bedroom furniture – including the linens and drapes, and set up my office on a card table with shelves made out of cardboard boxes and 1×2’s, packnplay in the corner. That netted another nice chunk, covering about 2 weeks salary less usual work expenses. Next, I started hacking away at our household expenses. Another week’s net there, and that was a permanent adjustment.

And then I went to work in my office. I had a following for my product, so it made it somewhat easier. But my point remains the same, and you have a little ace in your back pocket – a 13 year old. She’s old enough to work, and imho should. School will probably take about 4-6 hours of her day, if you’re teaching her, and there are a good two hours minimum for the two of you to start a garden or gardening business, clean houses together, grocery shop or cook for folks who are spread too thin, tutor other children, keep other children, pet sit, errand business, make pretty things to sell on etsy, a million possibilites. If you’re a professional and can practice from home, teach her areas of your business that she can manage if it will facilitate your earning more.

I believe the saying “happy wife, happy life”. I also think I’m responsible for my own happiness and peace of mind in the domestic realm. Your girl needs you, and even though it may not seem that way, your husband may need to see you to take the first step toward what you want to believe you’re serious.

Don’t ask, do. The Bible outlines the specialization of labor, so to speak, for men and women, and I think it’s wrong to ask a husband to micromanage both his work and yours. The (my) lack of initiative is often disguised as a desire to appear as a submitting wife. I also think all the permission asking can be used as an excuse to provoke so the wife can pout about how her husband won’t “let” her do anything (ahem, my original strategy, which did not work).

This is meant to be an encouragement, not a fuss or even a criticism, fwiw. Strictly a recounting of my situation. You’re much clearer on the need than a lot of women are, which is a giant first step. Use that sense of urgency to do what you know will benefit your family, honoring God and your husband. Not complicated, really, it’s not.

I am sorry for your heartache regarding your children. I don’t have the answers for you BUT, a Christian school is not a guarantee. i did just want to say to you that what you described in your 13 year old many be common, but I don’t think it is the normal God intended. People at my church will ask question all the time about their teens: Do you have a problem with this or that and I have to be honest, I don’t. We have required respect AND taught our children (oldest almost 17) that our family is way more important than friends and when we see the balance starting to shift, we correct it immediately by filling his time with family activities and togetherness.

I fill terrible that your husband won’t let you quit working. It is very hard to tell our children to follow God’s word, when the leader of the household will ignore it. (I have this problem on some “smaller” issues and I see the fruit that comes from them). I am sure you have tried, but if you haven’t, try showing your husband scripture that backs up your desire to be a stay-at-home mom, homeschool, and that dating is not biblical. This has worked for me in the past, but not on everything. I will be praying for you and your family.

Marcee,
If God trusted you enough to give you your children, then He has given you the ability to raise them as He wants. Seek out, from Him, who you ought to fellowship with who will help train you. He is our best trainer, but He uses others too. Don’t forget He chose YOU to be their mom for a very specific reason, it is not an accident.

The good news is that in our weakest moments God is more able than ever to demonstrate His power. It’s the whole irony of the Christian life, no matter our particular calling. If you so wish to read it, I wrote a piece on the beautiful inadequacy of Motherhood, using Moses as an example….

See Motherhood, Moses and the Beauty of Broken Vessels