Comments on: Children With Disabilities: Perfect for Us: Part 1

By: Sallie Gladu

Sallie Gladu — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 11:04:39 +0000

Websites you should visit…

By: Mandie

Mandie — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 01:48:05 +0000

I completely understand the writers intentions on the phrase “as long as they’re healthy” after reading all of the comments. I agree that this sentiment, over a long period of time, has put a stigma out there about perfection, maybe. On the other hand I think it also depends on the context that it is used: a friend of mine gave birth to her still born daughter 2 days after her due date. A few months later she unnexpectadly found herself pregnant again. You bet her response to people asking if she wanted a boy or girl was “as long as they’re healthy”! The translation was much different from most people’s. For her it was a non invasive way of saying “I don’t care if it’s a boy or girl as long as I don’t have to go through the pain of giving birth to a dead baby again”. It all depends on what our definition of healthy is. For my friend “healthy” simply meant *alive*. I guess the translation of the “boy or girl” comment really depends on the context of the experiences of the person who is saying it. Possibly for some they would never translate it to mean wanting a *standard* baby, but rather they just want a living baby.

By: Word Warrior

Word Warrior — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 13:00:47 +0000

May God shower you with grace as you minister to this little one! Thank you for your strength of heart and steadfast spirit against a culture of death.

By: McKenzie

McKenzie — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 04:49:14 +0000

I have a girl and a boy and both are healthy. I am almost 31 weeks along in my third pregnancy. Our first ultrasound showed that our baby (we now know is a girl who’s name is Mercy) was too small. We went to a specialist who saw a cleft lip and a club foot. This information alone was enough for the doctors to start to provide information about terminating the pregnancy.

We refused of course, but had an amnio to get more information, so we could be better prepared. The tests revealed that Mercy has 4p- deletion syndrome, which means she is missing over 200 genes out of her 4th chromosome. When the doctor told us this news she pushed us to terminate the pregnancy stating that there would be no quality of life and that there would be no way to be sure that the baby would die after birth! As though we wanted the baby to die! She told us she would terminate if she were in our shoes and to think of our other children and what a finacial burden this will be. This is exactly what we went through, the doctors telling us we were going to help our baby by terminating the pregnancy. The doctors didn’t even give us any direction or help for another month because they were wanting us to terminate.

We already know that so many people have been blessed by our baby who is not even here yet! I feel sorry for people who get news like this and only have doctors and nurses who tell them they are doing the right thing by aborting. I am so thankful that I have a great family and a great church to support us. I hope everyone can have a special baby in their lives to bless them!

By: Melanie

Melanie — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 12:55:37 +0000

Thank you! I have two special needs children. My son has Down Syndrome, my daughter has Aspergers. And after much thought and consideration, we decided on more children, and are expecting our third child in March. We have been guilty numerous times of saying boy or girl as long as its healthy. But in reality we mean it. I dont mean I wouldnt love it any less if it werent healthy. I just mean, I hope the Lord gives me a break! And if he doesnt Oh well! I consider my two kids “healthy”. They just have a special need. So I guess it is all in how you mean it. I praise the Lord for my kids every day, and I KNOW, that WE are the lucky ones!

By: Heather

Heather — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 12:01:39 +0000

I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my comments. I do understand your intent to set a guard at our lips to prevent ungodliness from taking hold.
Abortions happen because people suppress the truth by their wickedness. (Romans 1)
And you are right, I think, words and phrases do help people continue to suppress the truth. “Fetus”, “terminate”, “tissue” are all words that attempt to distract from the reality of a tiny life.
I do not want to seem disagreeable so I accept your clarification and agree.
Thanks for your thoughts on this issue.

By: Word Warrior

Word Warrior — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 22:22:44 +0000

overflowing,

This is a beautiful testimony!

By: overflowing cup

overflowing cup — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 03:52:49 +0000

Seven weeks ago I gave birth to a baby girl with Down syndrome (Noelle Victoria, Noelle reminds us of Christ’s coming into this world and Victoria to the victory over death His coming brought (2 Cor. 15: 57: But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.), and I cannot say “amen” loudly enough! Your post echoed many of the thoughts of my heart in recent days. I was just talking to my mom this morning and expressing how having Noelle gave us an opportunity to minister to those Christ calls us to minister to every day. I have thought about how people deprive themselves of opportunities to grow and be blessed by limiting their families–stopping before they get “too old” (that’s usually code I think for “too likely to have a child with disabilities”)(and as if God hasn’t arranged for a stopping point?) and preserving their “perfect” families and missing out. I know already how much Noelle has helped me to go to God as my refuge in a way I never have before. I read the Psalms and I understand them with my heart. I cannot tell you how thankful I am for how she has brought me closer to our great God. And in terms of wishing for a healthy child, after we found out early on there was a fairly high possibility she had Ds I was convicted throughout the remainder of my pregnancy that, while I would pray for her health, even more I would pray for God’s will: knowing His ways were higher than mine, I wanted His ways more than mine. Thanks for the encouraging words.

By: Word Warrior

Word Warrior — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 17:57:16 +0000

Heather,

I fully understand your point and as I said earlier, completely agree that it’s OK and normal to pray for healthy children. The thing I’m not sure of, though, is whether we give enough credence to our words which can so heavily influence our thoughts. “As long as it’s healthy”, in my opinion, has had devastating effects on many a parents’ attitude toward babies and I wouldn’t hesitate to say the very phrase itself could be responsible for many abortions now performed on less than healthy babies.

I guess I’m really picky about the language we use to convey thoughts because I believe it’s the very subtlety of it that can so strongly sway us in the wrong direction. (Same thing with birth control comments…people assure me that the comments people make are “harmless”, and I say they are not and greatly affect the way we think about children.)

The phrase nicely introduced the prenatal testing which now allows parents to abort a child with any defect. Why do some doctors even encourage abortions of disabled children unless they, too, believe that it’s only a blessing “if it’s healthy”? I can’t get past the fact that it does matter how we speak/think about this. That doesn’t mean it’s “wrong” to pray for healthy children or that we should be hoping for disabled ones. I thought that would be clear and I apologize that is wasn’t.

By: Heather

Heather — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 16:54:24 +0000

I too like other commentors, am not in complete agreement with first couple lines of the post. I do think that as Christian parents we can rightfully ask the Lord for a healthy baby without feeling badly over these desires. I think it’s like asking the Lord for safety when we or someone we love travels. No one is hoping for an accident, so why pretend we are? If He brings disaster to the trip, then we take refuge in His sovereignty that He knows what we need most.
While I understand the intent of the post, I think that the opening generalization was not very helpful in its articulation.
I too like others here have a little girl with DS and I did pray for health for the little one that came right after her. He is a gracious God and now we have three healthy children, despite the DS.