But How Do You Socialize Your Children? (Homeschooling)

I had a conversation recently with a lady that almost made me laugh since I had just watched this video.  Our conversation wasn’t as funny and she wasn’t as persistent, but it went something like,

“Are you still homeschooling?”

“Yes we are.”

“So, do you do that with a group?”

Pause….Here is where I wanted to say, “I’m pretty sure our family constitutes ’a group’. *smile*

“Well, we belong to a homeschool covering, yes.”

“But do you meet with a group and have classes?”
(Thinking to myself, “Um, wouldn’t that not be homeschooling?”) And yes, we have participated in co-op classes but I don’t think this was the activity in question.

I ended up giving an ambiguous answer, I think, because it’s difficult to paint the picture to someone who really doesn’t understand. It was an honest question.  She doesn’t know another homeschooling family so she really thinks the whole thing very weird.

This video, cute as it is, brought up the important aspects of homeschooling and socialization…plus it’s just fun to watch ;-)

My favorite point, and one some of us may not think about, is that for centuries a child’s main “social group” was his family and we never heard of a “socialization crisis”.  Schools were created to teach children who weren’t learning at home the three R’s; they were not created because we had a socialization problem.



111 Responses to “But How Do You Socialize Your Children? (Homeschooling)”

  1. That is hilarious, thank you – but, how will you socialize your children?

    Love the ending, when he stops talking to avoid hellfire. I’m going to use that next time (I never said I was properly socialized :) ).

  2. Taryn says:

    I like Rick Boyer’s book-The Socialization Trap(1995). We recently received a phone call tape from our local high school inviting us to a Heroin Forum because there is a problem with heroin in Long Island’s high schools. So if I didn’t homeschool, my son would be in school with heroin addicts,etc. I pray when I drive by a high school- for the Christians there and for coversions. We belonged to a co-op for a year but chose to not renew our membership. I’m glad that we had that experience.

  3. Renee says:

    Oh dear that video is HILARIOUS!!!! thanks for sharing!

  4. Jennifer says:

    The family’s only the beginning ground, though; kids need to learn how to get along with people they didn’t grow up with. Church is obviously one place, but what others do homeschoolers use?

    • Jennifer, lol, watch the video again, the “guy” explained it 48 ways to Sunday – it’s funny, but the socialization argument for classroom schooling is odd, since no where else in life do people hang out with 20 people their exact same and learning level. If being socialized means managing being around people different than us, the classroom setting is directly counter to proper socialization.

    • Kim M says:

      Jennifer, Did you not watch the video?

    • Word Warrior says:

      Before I answer that question, let me play the devil’s advocate:

      If children learn to respect their parents, relate to their family members in terms of respect, sharing, deference, etc., witness their parents interacting in public situations (which HS kids do a lot) then what more could be necessary for “learning how to get along with people they didn’t grow up with”? Why can’t those skills be transferred to other people and other circumstances?

      • Jennifer says:

        Nope, I confess I didn’t watch it; I’m leery of certain kinds of animation, and it looks a bit off-putting (I’ve always despised Japanese cartoon art or anything similar. Plus, I imagined the video was mostly a joke). Anyways, I wasn’t challenging, just asking. As for Kelly’s question, there will always be the hands-on situation, which is different from watching adults interact. I think the classroom is a great place; adults and teens spend time among people their own age all the time, so it’s not unusual or unnecessary for children to do the same. They interact with each other differently than they do with adults or older kids, so such mingling is necessary, I find. Socialization I’ll go further and say is very good. Plus, in various places in public school, children are around older groups anyway. If not public schooled, this is another reason why I like and understand Sunday school. If not that, I imagine there must be other places kids spend time with their peers, at various ages in their lives.

        • Word Warrior says:

          Jennifer,

          Watch the video. It’s not really a joke and he answers your question.

          I would submit a counter argument, as CC has brought up, to your “classroom socialization” theory…

          You said, “They interact with each other differently than they do with adults or older kids…”

          You are absolutely right. And the results of spending oodles of time with just their own age? An epidemic of youth who can’t even carry on a decent conversation with anyone outside their peer group. I’ve seen it a gazillion times, and it always leaves me scratching my head about the *real* socialization problem and why no one is challenging that!

          LOL! It would be far more appropriate to approach parents of public schooled children and ask, “But how do you socialize your children?” (It’s a general observation; I know there are schooled children with wonderful social skills, just as there are some homeschoolers with bad ones.)

        • Kacie says:

          You could put it on “play” and listen to it and open another tab so you don’t have to view the animation if you don’t like that style. I think the video was pretty funny, and you don’t need to actually see it — just listen!

        • Dawn Marie says:

          We need to ask ourselves WHY there is this idea that public school is healthy socialization anyway? Do you think the Columbine shooters were socialized in a healthy manner? How about the young people who have committed suicide because their life as school was so unbearable? Ask any grown-up who was bullied in school, “So how was your socialization in school?” They will not recount happy social memmories! How about kids who are in any way different? There are cases where even TEACHERS have badly mistreated them -which is a clue for all the other kids that this child will not be defended if picked on. That very thing happened to my brother and my husband. “Proper Socialization” is a cop-out for those attached to the idea of public education. There is not another reason that they can think of to shoot homeschooling down! Homeschool kids excell in nearly every scholastic feild. Tis weak defense is the only thing that they can come up with -and they do a terrible job at that too!

          • Jennifer says:

            The Columbine shooters are not an example of common teenage behavior. But they were obviously missing something else besides friendship: proper family attention.

          • tjMom says:

            Not to mention 2 years later, innocent kids in an elementary school, are brutally murdered… in an elementary school, something has got to give, i mean these schools are under scrutiny for cheating..kids are being killed,they are lying to our children, providing them with inaccurate info..etc..etc..

    • Kelly L says:

      That was tongue in cheek, no?

  5. Kim M says:

    Oops, cottage child… I must have been typing at the same minute you were.

  6. brenda says:

    Ha!! I had to quick look up Matt. 5:22. I started laughing. What a great way to end a conversation that’s going nowhere! :)

  7. Kim M says:

    By the way, Kelly, I laughed my head off. I’ve had that conversation too. I want to say that’s one of the BEST reasons out there TO home-school!

  8. Taryn says:

    My homeschooled son is 17- he has a job at a car wash and has many neighborhood friends. Michael owns a car and interacts with his married brothers, their friends(most play on the local men’s football team) and businesses that supply car parts,etc. Age segregation(socialization) is not a good thing.

    • Jennifer says:

      Socialization and especially spending time with one’s peers is very important. Everyone needs someone their own age or age group to relate with; no one else has nearly as much empathy for that exact age and what goes on there.

      • Jennifer says:

        I do agree that spending time with people of different ages is great; I absolutely love a young teen girl who’s very mature (and simultaneously very much a kid!) and I could probably spend hours talking with her. I adore spending time with the younger girls in our Youth group at Youth camp (so amazing being a counselor now) and our pastor’s wife is one of my biggest confidants. But at the same time, I do need time with women and men of my age. Younger people are great, but I need to discuss adult things sometimes; older people are great too, but depending on the people, it’s nice not to worry about being corrected!

        • Kim M says:

          A lot of my children’s friends are at least close to my children’s age. However not ALL of my children’s friends are the same age. For example- believe it or not- some of the first people my children like to go over to visit after church are two old, unmarried missionary ladies. They have fascinating stories and my children love to talk to them.

          The tendency with children who go to a conventional school is to think that they can only relate to children “in their class”.

          I think part of the problem in our society is there is no balance. Children need to be able to talk and relate to people of any age group. For example, a lot of us take our kids to visit people in nursing homes, so it isn’t difficult for our children to talk to an elderly person.

          • Jennifer says:

            Balance is exactly my point: kids need to be able to relate to adults, sure (I had lots of adult neighbors I always loved to visit, and teachers to talk to) but they also need some time with kids around their own age. And most parents know this. For homeschooling parents, I’m sure there are myriad areas to do this as well: neighboring kids, friends’ kids, playgrounds, kids’ teams, playgroups, etc.

        • Ginger says:

          “I do need time with women and men of my age.”
          “I need to discuss adult things sometimes.”

          I’m sorry, but none of these “needs” are biblical. Think about all the Christian martyrs. They didn’t suffer and die for lack of peer time. They were totally set apart for the cause of Christ.
          I think you mean to say: “I want. . .” or “I really love. . .”

          Your loving Lord is totally sufficient to meet your emotional needs. :)

          • Jennifer says:

            I’m sorry, but I find your answer strange and irrelevant. Actually, friendship is very much needed, we’re required to be adult in our manners and speech, and empathy is needed in friendship, all of which are relevant to my words. I find it weird and annoying when people brush off my needs out of the blue, claiming they’re not Biblical. If anything, this illustrates my point about being corrected.

      • Word Warrior says:

        (My former comment is more appropriate here.)

        Jennifer,

        Watch the video. It’s not really a joke and he answers your question.

        I would submit a counter argument, as CC has brought up, to your “classroom socialization” theory…

        You said, “They interact with each other differently than they do with adults or older kids…”

        You are absolutely right. And the results of spending oodles of time with just their own age? An epidemic of youth who can’t even carry on a decent conversation with anyone outside their peer group. I’ve seen it a gazillion times, and it always leaves me scratching my head about the *real* socialization problem and why no one is challenging that!

        LOL! It would be far more appropriate to approach parents of public schooled children and ask, “But how do you socialize your children?” (It’s a general observation; I know there are schooled children with wonderful social skills, just as there are some homeschoolers with bad ones.)

        • Jennifer says:

          Apparently you’ve missed my lower post about having watched the video, Kelly. And my point about the need for balance: spending time with older people AND kids of their own age is important. If anyone were to tell me they don’t think it neccessary for children to spend time with their peers, I’d find that very troubling indeed. Obviously, they DO, and many public schooling parents are very aware of the balance of socializing with different ages.

          • Word Warrior says:

            No one is saying “children don’t need time with peers”; they ARE saying that excessive time with peers (8 plus hours a day) is not ideal socialization nor is it balance. There is no biblical model for “peer socialization” and history reinforces that it is a non-need for healthy, productive citizens.

            • Jennifer says:

              In history, I think it showed the opposite: the exception, not the rule. And like I said, school exposes kids to various different ages.

              Thank you for clarifying, that’s important to me.

              • Based on what in history, Jennifer? – that seems to be an incomplete statement of opinion, rather than a factual contribution to the dialogue. I’d love to here your examples.

                • …or hear it – whichever. Gravy.

                  • Jennifer says:

                    Based on the examples of friendship in history, Cottage Child; what do you think? Would you like examples of people being stronger together than they are apart?

                    • That’s not really an answer, Jennifer. In history, people also claimed to see unicorns and visit with wizards, lol. That’s why I asked for the examples on which you’re basing your opinion. There’s really no need to be snappish. I asked a legitimate question, and you’re certainly within your right not to answer it.

                      I would suggest that if you would like empathy and understanding from those who don’t share your opinions (age has nothing to do with that) that you in turn show the same respect, rather than defaulting to the adversarial. Running commentary disputing the (equally valid) comments of others is one example of that, as an historical example and isn’t conversation, it’s monologue. It’s not conducive to conversation (I learned that in public school).

                      Now, I’ll ask again, because I’m curious, to what historical examples of friendship are you referring?

                    • Jennifer says:

                      You’re comparing historical companionship with wizards and unicorns? Good Lord. As a rule, I am respectful of others here, and there’s nothing wrong with posting dissenting comments to others I disagree with. I find calm patronization more irritating that outright offended tones and am now doubtful as to whether you’d take my answer seriously; the fact that you even ask surprises me. How often in history did you see people living almost entirely on their own? How many times did you see people attending social events, making friends, flourishing with groupwork? The Puritans, the Natives, the Victorians, the French, the Americans all had familial harmony as well as several minglings with neighbors. Children played together, young women socialized with each other, men and husbands loved talking to other men and other husbands. It’s a painfully clear fact that’s been around all throughout history.

                      “I would suggest that if you would like empathy and understanding from those who don’t share your opinions (age has nothing to do with that)”

                      Actually it does. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been told not to speak to older women in a certain way, rather than having my words addressed in a regular or Biblical context. I used to think age had nothing to do with that; I’ve been proven wrong.

                    • Jennifer, *sigh* – sorry we can’t find common ground here – I’ll invite you to reread my comment in the spirit in which is was intended. It’s not really a subjective matter, respect. It’s earned, not demanded, and not rendered out by argument. I guess that’s my historical understanding of friendship, with people of all ages.

                    • “You’re comparing historical companionship with wizards and unicorns? Good Lord.” FWIW, that’s a comment I would use as an example of disrespectful – it’s dismissive, and personally insulting, and intentionally inflammatory, without addressing the substance of the conversation. It’s anti-social ;) .

                    • Jennifer says:

                      “I would suggest that if you would like empathy and understanding from those who don’t share your opinions (age has nothing to do with that) that you in turn show the same respect, rather than defaulting to the adversarial. Running commentary disputing the (equally valid) comments of others is one example of that, as an historical example and isn’t conversation, it’s monologue”

                      You were talking purely about historical examples? It certainly sounded like you were addressing me personally, especially since you said all this after telling me there was no need to be snappish. When you added the line “as an historical example” it seemed out of place and threw me as to your meaning.

                      When I returned to this board this morning, I was surprised; I saw comments saying socialization (the type shown in the film, of kids spending time together) wasn’t necessary, which alarmed me, and someone told me my needs weren’t Biblical, which offended and exasperated. Both those things together greatly irritate and lent to my snappishness.

                    • Jennifer says:

                      Cottage,

                      “You’re comparing historical companionship with wizards and unicorns? Good Lord.” FWIW, that’s a comment I would use as an example of disrespectful – it’s dismissive, and personally insulting, and intentionally inflammatory, without addressing the substance of the conversation”

                      That’s ironic, because when I referenced history and what I saw as plainly obvious, and you used unicorns and wizards as an anology to my statement, I found that dismissive and disrespectful.

                      And see, adding a winky to your criticism like that mystifies me: are you being light-hearted, blunt, reprimanding, offended, or mocking?

                    • I was being light-hearted and blunt, as you put it, truthful is what I would define it as, thanks for allowing me to clarify. I wasn’t mocking you, though I am sorry if it seemed that way. We don’t see eye to eye, and that’s fine, but I’m still at a loss as to why you’re feeling so confrontational. I wasn’t my intention, and I really don’t care to beat it to death, we’re either missing each other or at an impasse. Sorry for any misunderstanding.

                    • Jennifer says:

                      I’m sorry too. Seems like we just have different ways of speaking as well as sometimes different temperaments/opinions, which may be partly what causes any word “crossings” between us or misunderstandings. I explained my reason for tension; other than that, I don’t know. Don’t worry about the winkie, others do it too sometimes, and it just occasionally confuses if the mood’s a little tense.

      • R. F. says:

        I’m sorry, but can you explain why it is so important for children to interact with children of their own age? I can’t think of any situation outside of school where people are lumped together by age.

        • Jennifer says:

          I already have, R.F. Remember empathy? Can I discuss certain adult things with a 12-year-old? Can I always expect to be understood and empathized with by people much older than myself, especially those who are more conservative? (This site alone says a resounding no). It’s an incredibly simple emotional fact.

          • R. F. says:

            Being understood by people has nothing to do with age. It has more to do with having similar world views and beliefs. Once again, where outside of school are people grouped by age where this is necessary?

            • Jennifer says:

              Once again: yes, it does have to do with age. A 10-year-old will relate more with another child than they will with a 90-year-old grandmother. I never said forced segregation is necessary; I’m talking about what children should be allowed to do, what they DO naturally. They gravitate to other children and should be allowed to do so. It’s perfectly necessary and important.

              • R. F. says:

                Of course children gravitate to other children to play. But the purpose of this post is pointing out the absurdity of socializing children with peers (same age people). There is no need to really “learn” it. It’s what kids do. Play with other kids. Why do they need to be with children their exact age in school for eight hours to learn it? I don’t see the necessity.

                • Jennifer says:

                  Yes, that’s true. I see your point.

                  I suppose the PS did this originally not to socialize, but to simply arrange children on the same learning level to one teacher.

      • Bailey says:

        If I might jump in late in the conversation…I’m sixteen. And I totally agree with the need for empathy, for where I’m at in life, for the struggles I’m going through right now.

        But I’ve been wrestling with the concept of whether my own peers are exactly delivering that.

        Case in point: My sweet mama and I had been disagreeing over certain aspects of my life…music, dress, boys. Teen stuff. (It embarrasses me to mention my naivete among you dear older women, but ah, well. :) ) And I talked it over with one of my best friends, a year older than me, who was sort of going through the same thing. There was a ton of empathy there…but it didn’t solve the problem. It just offered another one-sided view of the situation, fueled the idea that mothers just can’t relate to teenage needs in a satisfactory way.

        Then, coincidentally, I talked with her mother (for several hours…yay for Titus 2 mentors!). No, she didn’t exactly *empathize* with me in the sense that she was going through the same thing…but it helped so much more. She had gone through that stage. She had conquered it. And now she could offer the flip-side view of the same problem.

        So empathy is important, but I think many of us teens have been lied to that empathy is found only in our generation. Some of us, yes, have been smothered by the overzealous grandmother who is more interested in getting her point across than being sensitive to the actual need. Some of us just never have experienced the type of relationship with an older person and so think that there’s nothing else to be offered in the line of counsel and comfort.

        And it’s not to say that empathy and wisdom can’t be found in one’s own generation too…I have another best friend who’s only a few months older than me and find that her counsel closely mirrors that of my parents’ and Titus 2 mentors.

        The key is finding someone who can actually relate. Teens my age don’t necessarily deliver that. ;)

        • Jennifer says:

          I don’t think you’re naive at all :) Relation is everything, and that is part of having peers as friends. But your story’s a perfect example of why balance is important: we need friends in our season of life and beyond!

          I mentioned a 13-year-old girl I know earlier, and there’s nothing I’d love more than to be there for her as she goes through some of the things I did at her age; I’ve given her my support, thank God so much for the chance to do so and pray I can help her more. I also have a darling 15-year-old friend who is just amazing; she’s sweet, brilliant and amazingly deep. And another 17-year-old who’s witty and just awesome; what a range of blessings! And I’m certainly not above the occasional lecture myself, though I try to be gentle; there’s an adorable 14-year-old actor on Twitter with a great sense of humor, who’s occasionally naughty in jest and often uses the word “sexy”. Last night I tweeted him, “Honey, you’re only 14! Relax on the sexy stuff.”

  9. Angela Cribb says:

    I know someone just like that who reacted the same way when I tried to explain it to her. Too funny.

  10. Jennifer says:

    Watched the video, and those are GREAT ways to socialize your kids! Good answers. Hope they don’t think all public schooling parents are that dumb.

    Now I must listen to music to wash those robotic voices out of my ears.

  11. Jennifer says:

    I also hope the makers of the film aren’t so idealistic that they think public school’s the only place to find harmful influence.

  12. Katie Grace says:

    Oh how I needed a good laugh at the end of a long day!

    I’m wondering if any SAHMs get the same reaction because your children are not in daycare! Seems everyone is very worried that we have chosen to not do church preschool for our soon-to-be 3 year old because she won’t get any “socialization”! She just spent 3 hours tonight playing with a house full of children from the ages of 5 to 18 months. She shares, doesn’t hit, is not territorial of her stuff, and loves being a “hostess”! She even shared her cookie! Thanks, but I’ll keep mine with me so they can learn from me and my husband how to act in social situations. Parental supervision is needed in these formative years to cultivate correct behavior. I am blessed to be able to invest the time with my little ones and am in no hurry to give that job to someone else.

  13. Ruby says:

    Hahahahahaha!!!! That’s one persistant robot lady!

  14. Ginger says:

    I blogged about a very similar topic today: trying to communicate to people who can’t relate at all. It’s hard!!

    “Here is where I wanted to say, “I’m pretty sure our family constitutes ’a group’. :)
    I think you really should have.

    My problem w/ that video is that eventually she totally gives into the mainstream concept of socialization. She starts explaining all the ways that her kids are socialized in the way that the OCD lady means. That completely misses the point! My kids can develop godly character w/o being socialized. They can learn to live a life to the glory of God w/o being socialized. If they learn to fulfill the Great Commission and develop compassion for the lost, who cares if they are socialized?!
    The longer I homeschool, the more I have come to realize that biblical character is my ultimate goal. I don’t want my children to be “normal”. I want them to be strange and peculiar b/c they are swimming against the mainstream current for God’s glory!

    • HeatherHH says:

      I agree that I was kind of disappointed in how the video went. Instead of defining what socialization really is, and addressing how they learn to interact with those of all ages, and that homeschooling is better suited to that, it ends up listing a bunch of standard social activities.

      We have six children, ages 9 down to 3 months. We aren’t involved in all of those activities. We have church Sunday morning and evening, and Wednesday evening, but our children don’t go to Sunday School or Children’s Church, but visit with those of all ages after services. Our church has a potluck dinner once a month. We have a lot of family in the area, so we get together with grandparents or great-grandparents on average once a week. We invite a family or individual over for dinner once or twice a month. That’s about it. We don’t do homeschool co-op, or sports, or other group activities. And our children interact with others of all ages quite well.

      • Word Warrior says:

        Ginger and Heather,

        “She starts explaining all the ways that her kids are socialized in the way that the OCD lady means.”

        I agree. There is a whole different subject that could be discussed: socialization is not a biblical or needful activity–not in the sense that most people define it.

        And I was thinking about so many great men and women we’ve been reading about who lived on the frontier–no neighbors for miles, no interaction with anyone outside their families for weeks or months. They grew up to be, not only *fine*, but extraordinary. Why do we forget that?

        It’s as if a new definition of “socialization” has been invented as one more way to scare/force parents into a mold, making them feel inadequate so they’ll turn them over to the “professionals”. Not a biblical concept.

        Thanks for bringing that up!

        • Kim M says:

          One great Biblical example of someone who THRIVED without socialization was David. Remember he was the only one brave enough to kill Goliath, and he was actually alone most of the time tending his father’s sheep.
          Not that I’m saying we should completely isolate our kids, but there are no Biblical examples or commands that says we should socialize our children.

          • Jennifer says:

            Good Lord. The Bible covers many such topics in different words than the ones we use today, and socialization IS important. Requiring anyone to be alone for an extended period of time, or most of their lives, is very rare indeed; God knows our need for friendship. What you’re promoting is the exception, not the rule. David spent SOME time in isolation and ended up with more company for the majority of his life than anyone else in the country. We’re living in a different world today, one in which it’s rare for anyone to live a long time without a neighbor. The world is larger and there are more people to witness to and for kids to learn to interact with. This is VERY important, and I’m glad this video recognized that. How do you expect kids to learn about the mainstream current if you let them barely witness it? It sounds like we’re now teetering on the belief of “family isolation”, which I dislike extremely.

            “I was thinking about so many great men and women we’ve been reading about who lived on the frontier–no neighbors for miles, no interaction with anyone outside their families for weeks or months”

            A friend told me that he’d heard of a few such women dying of loneliness, lack of companionship of other women. We shouldn’t need the Bible spelling everything out: it gives examples all the time, and companionship and friendship, as well as witnessing, are all vital.

            • Jennifer says:

              I guess it depends what you mean by socialization, Heather and Kim. If you mean it’s unnecessary in the popular way, I agree. I simply maintain that kids need interaction with others, people of different ages and peers, rather than isolation (which I’m glad you don’t seem to promote). Frontier living is neither preferred nor common these days.

            • Dawn Marie says:

              Jennifer, what you are talking about is the rare group of extremely isolated families that homeschool. The truth is that the majority of homeschool families are very conscious of their kids needing other friends. I know that I am! My kids have a large group of friends that we regularly spend time with. Most homeschool families are all about their kids being able to function well in society! That is one reason why we homeschool! We want them to work hard and be exceptionally educated. We want to be able to give them the freedom to explore their talents fully and find their niche in life! We want them to be quick thinkers, effective problem solvers, and know how to appropriately respond to the authorities in their lives. I am giving my kids tools that they would not learn in public school!

              • Jennifer says:

                And that’s all I need to hear, Dawn: the understanding that parents have of their kids spending time with others. My fear was that a few were dismissing it. Thank you!

  15. Amanda says:

    I always remember one homeschooling Dad’s response to this question. “Hey, at our house, breakfast is a socialization event!” You could use that line next time. :)

  16. Taryn says:

    I don’t tell my grandchildren they have to share- that reminds me of socialism/communism. I tell them “…be ye kind…”(Ephesians 4:32KJB).

    • Lori H says:

      But Christianity is about sharing! Look at the end of Acts 2 – what was the church doing? I’ll use the KJB because you seem to prefer it, Taryn: “44And all that believed were together, and had all things common; 45And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need.” They had all things common; in other words, they shared. As Christians, we have an obligation to share with other Christians, not just because of kindness, but because we are one body and we have an obligation to do so.

    • Kelly L says:

      I’m not for socialism or communism either. But Heb 13:16 tells us “do not forget to do good and share with other…”I have always used that one with my daughter. In fact, I used it so much when she was little, I haven’t had to use it in over 5 years!

  17. Taryn says:

    Matthew 5:22(KJB)- “…but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.” I don’t know what the modern Bibles say in this verse.

  18. Taryn says:

    I just wanted to add that “ye” in the King James Bible is plural: John 3:7- “…Ye must be born again.”

    • Lori H says:

      We have lost so much of older English by opting for a simplified, you-only language. “Ye,” like the Modern English word “you,” is not necessarily plural. It is the singular formal form of you (the equivalent of the Spanish usted) and the plural informal form of you (the equivalent of the Spanish vosotros). Thou is the singular informal form of you (the equivalent of the Spanish tu).

      Many KJV-only activists, who must lack a background in Romance languages (that’s the only way I can think of to explain it), claim that ye and you are always plural. This is used to indicate the supposed “linguistic superiority” of the modern KJV (which has been changed significantly from the original 1611 KJV, by the way). They’re flatly incorrect.

  19. Lora says:

    One of my absolute favorite parts of HS my littles (2 of whom were previously PS)is when they do something quirky and totally different than their PS peers. It shows me that they are growing in their confidence to be who they are and not follow societal trends and pressures. We are to be in the world not of the world!

  20. Beth says:

    OH YES! I’ve had this conversation in its various forms too! I think my favorite part of this video is at the end where any further response would bring on hell-fire! ((snort)) I have SO been there!

  21. Margaret says:

    I really don’t like the animation/voices on that. For whatever reason, they annoy me.

    It was still funny and true though. :D

    Someone asked about SAHM’s, and yes I got the same questions when my kids were clearly too young for real school. People wondered why I did not put them in “school” (daycare) at 2 and 3 years old.

    All I know is, my kids were with me 99.9% of the time from birth through age 5, and they were *well* “socialized”. They had no problem relating to their peers or to people of other ages. When my oldest was signed up for VBS for his first time being away from me for several hours, he rushed into his class, and didn’t look back at me, didn’t even stop to give his poor mother a goodbye hug. lol I found that trying to force them into activities (like Sunday School) at 2-3 resulted in tears and many months of working at it, but if I just let them be for a few years, they were more than ready to jump into “social life” of their own accord.

    But family has definitely been the solid foundation for their ability to relate to people in the rest of the world. And I love that I could give them that foundation on a daily, hourly basis.

  22. [...] saw this very cute and very true video over at Generation Cedar this morning. It covers one aspect of the socialization issue that homeschooled families are [...]

  23. Kelly L says:

    So goo!!!! I am linking it on my FB.
    I know some have expressed a need not to do the things the mom explains, and if that is what God leads your family to do, great. We do belong to a group where a friend and I lead a hiking group monthly. There are many fun activities we join and they have co-op available, but I do not use it. My daughter is also very involved with softball. However, I am no longer (read: I used to be) so naive to think that just because God told our family to do it one way, that He is telling all families to do it the same way. (Not speaking to anyone, just showing my journey).
    It is amusing to think that God would have the same thing for everyone when He made us so unique with His purpose for us. That is the beauty of “socialization” within HSing, you can do what each kid needs, when they need it. Not a forced cookie cutter of what they should be doing when, which leaves many children in a neglected state.

  24. Word Warrior says:

    In my opinion, the whole definition, understand and concept of “socialization” has been misunderstood, hence the constant debates about what it is and how best to do it.

    I find it interesting that I don’t *think* the word even exists in earlier versions of the Webster’s dictionary. As has already been stated, for centuries families were the main source of socialization; it was never a fear that children would be ill-equipped if they weren’t spending large amounts of time with a peer group.

    It should go without saying that a child who is primarily at home isn’t always at home. It would take a near-impossible effort to live like an isolationist, keeping your children from normal, social interaction (think bank, grocery store, church functions, post office, etc.)

    Socialization is basically the necessary skills to thrive within a society. First we must ask, “what skills”? Communication, courtesy (although this one is largely missed, especially when the peer group is doing most of the socializing), problem-solving and, in my opinion THE most important social skills of all–self-sacrifice and self-control.

    How are these best taught? That’s the big hang up. It is my opinion that a certain amount of brain washing has been done to parents to convince them that they are not capable, or at least not optimal teachers of these skills.

    But family life provides a complete opportunity (given the normal social interactions of family life) to teach these skills, even if there is very little peer group involvement (although I know few homeschooling families who don’t supply plenty of peer group activity).

    All that to say, I would like to see people *think rightly* instead of having their beliefs swept along by the mainstream opinion that “families aren’t adequate”. Peer involvement is just extra; but not a necessary requirement for properly socialized children. That must be the baseline for meaningful discussions.

    • Jennifer says:

      Families are more than adequate; they’re essential, in fact. But yes, so is some outside mingling/fellowship. Great definitions.

  25. Kristen says:

    I think a lot of homeschoolers are more well-socialized than their ps peers. I was in a dr. office once for my son when he was a baby. I was sitting in the waiting room with only one other person – a teenage boy. He was wearing jeans, a pony tail, baggy t-shirt and had a calculus book on his lap. After a while he looked me directly in the eye and with a pleasant tone of voice engaged me in the sort of casual conversation one would have with a stranger in a dr. office. How old was my son? etc. He was polite, pleasant, confident and didn’t say “um” or “like”. I found out he was the oldest of 12, all homeschooled. His mom was in with the doctor with his youngest sibling who was special needs. Impressed my socks off. That, my friends is socialization. The ability to be comfortable, pleasant and appropriate in any situation with other people.

  26. jt says:

    I grew up being private schooled,home schooled and public schooled,I know the stereotypes that come with each form of schooling.My oldest just started kindergarten in a public school,my husband decided that was were he wanted our kids to get their education.It was a very hard thing for me at first,but I knew i needed to submit to my husbands decision,the Bible tells me to submit to my husband in everything.I have learned that God can be glorified in any circumstance and that He will take care of His own.My daughter is top in her class,loves school,and is still the loving God fearing girl that she was before she started school.
    I guess what I’m getting at is that we should be careful with a video like this.I know it is hard when someone doesn’t understand your decision in how you choose to school your children and the stereotypes get tiring,but this video is doing the same thing back to the person.It makes public school parents look like they just want a break from their kids,are robots,and that their kids are recieving a bad education.I can tell you as a public school parent that is as far from the truth as you can get.We as born again christians should not be slinging mud back when we are persecuted for our decisions,we should be rejoicing,praising God that this is happening because we are in obediance to Him.
    I know you did not put this video up with bad intentions,I just want you to be careful that you don’t allow Satan to use these kind of issues to bring dissention among believers.This video could be hurtful to a christian parent who public schools their kids because it puts a bad stereotype on them.I’m not offended,i have a quirky sense of humor and being a homeschooler at one point in my life I getthe whole lack of socializing stereotype,so yes I did get the video,I just don’t think it’s a very good idea.

  27. Kristi says:

    I attended public school, student taught in public school, and taught in a Christian school. My husband is a teacher as well. Now, we both home school our children.

    We would both say, in our opinion, that children attending schools together and in their “own” age group does not properly socialize them. In fact, it greatly hurts them. They don’t necessarily learn how to interact with others properly by being age segregated. They don’t learn how to properly love others by being age segregated. They don’t learn how to evangelize or have empathy on others by being age segregated. Being age segregated actually “cripples” a child into thinking they can not relate to anyone that is a different age than they are. Age segregation makes “age” a factor in life and teaches us to judge others based on their “age”. It elevates age in a way that it needs not be elevated.

    If I looked at an older woman as someone I could not glean from or help because she was older than I, than I view her with less value. She is a person created in God’s image – regardless of her age. If I look at a young two year old as a toddler and don’t sit with her at church and get to know her, I am treating her as less than Christ would. All people are of GREAT value – regardless of their age. If I walk into a room and see there is no one “my age” and conclude I will not be have a good time, I have lost an opportunity to minister to someone, get to know someone or share Christ’s love with someone.

    We had our daughter in a Christian school for 4 years. I remember her saying over and over again when we would be around children of different ages and encouraging her to go play with them, or to go interact with adults, she would say, “I can’t Mommy, they are not my age.” So, even at the little age of 7 she was starting to “think” and believe she could only relate to children around her own age. Or she would say, “I like so and so because she is 8 like me and I need to have a friend that is 8 like me.” Her little mind was being taught at the schools and in age segregated church activities that she had to be “divided” into age groups. No matter how we tried to teach her otherwise on this, we could not break through this little mindset. It was being taught in the school and in the church.

    I look back at this and she how far she has come. She is now 12 and we have been homeschooling and attending a family integrated church for some time. Those barriers have broken down. She now plays and interacts with all ages. She does not have any barriers. She can walk up and ask to hold a baby and play with that baby, interact with moms and dads, converse with the older men/women of the church and sit down to play a game with any age child. I have seen great growth take place. It is a beautiful thing to watch this happen. She can step up and help a mom with her baby, or sit down and laugh with other children and make them laugh. Part of this came when we brought her home and had the time to reteach her actually how life is. We became the disciplers of her heart. Showing her life through the glasses of the Lord and not through the lenses of the culture has allowed great change and understanding to take place.

    The Lord continues to teach us such good good things:

    http://goodnessandgraceblog.blogspot.com/2010/12/power-of-self-denial_14.html

    If I have to use the word “socialization” to define my child’s ability to interact with others successfully, I may be off base in my thought process and may need to reevaluate it according to the Word. We desire to raise children that are wise, mature and thoughtful. Children that love the Lord passionately and love others, regardless of their age. We desire for our children to have the fruit of the Holy Spirit in their lives. It seems “culture” needs to label right living and right behavior as being “socialized.” I think it could be better defined as living above reproach, living as Christ, living as the wise and not the foolish. My husband I so desire for our children to see people as people, created by the Lord with great value – people with souls that need a Savior.

    They will learn this as we teach them, as we model it for them and as we allow God’s Word to me their starting point on all things.

    Here is a wonderful new documentary on the issue of age segregation in the church and how it is affecting our children today:

    Vision Forum

    Search for the movie “Divided” – my husband and I just watched it – it is well done and clearly shows how we are hurting our children by dividing them into age groups. This young man does a wonderful job! (Plus it is on sale right now :) .)

    Socialization has become a hot button to others who don’t truly understand the heart of homeschooling – I have been asked “how are my children being socialized” on multiple occasions – it can be viewed as an attack question, or as an opportunity to help others “see” what they don’t understand. With tender loving care may I explain in love – may my response draw them in to desire to know more about it. :)

    Thanks, Kelly for posting this video and for your encouragement in God’s Word. You are a blessing to my life.

    • jt says:

      Kristi,
      I agree with you that kids in public school being only around other kids their age can harm there ability to be able to talk to people that our not in there age group.We live in a retirement community and have always made it a point that our kids get to know the people that live around us,i grew up being afraid of “old people”and nursing homes.I love to see my kids interacting with people that are way older than them,the kids learn so much from them and the people love the enthusiasm and energy the kids have to offer.My kids also talk and have a friendship with everyone at our church regardless of their age.My daughter just started public school this year and so far i haven’t seen it affect her ability to talk with people outside of her age group,but it is a concern of mine.I know that with God all thing are possible and even in a difficult situation He can still work in my daughters heart.I wouldn’t mind some prayer for my situation though it is not always easy having my daughter in public school.

    • Jennifer says:

      Associating with people of different ages is important, but so is getting to be with people who are in the same season of life as you. Much smaller children can’t play certain games, and many older adults wouldn’t want to; plus, there is the ability to relate that is unique among friends of a closer age to each other.

      • Kelly L says:

        Jennifer, while that may be your experience, and thus is validating your belief, there are other experiences out there. You have continually (over 3 times that I remember so far) said in this post alone that kids need someone their own age to relate to (in addition to other ages).

        Your opinion is very clear as you have reiterated in numerous times. But your experience does not make fact, nor does my or anyone else’s experience. There seems to be a thing that you want to confront anyone that says anything contrary to what you believe to be true. I would just encourage you to wait, ponder, and see if your repeated assertions are adding to the dialogue in a new, fresh way, or beating those of us who comment over the head with your same belief stated repeatedly. I say this to you not as someone who is perfect, but as someone who wanted to be right all the time too in the past. It is a waste of your time. If someone really is wrong, you can state your opinion, then pray it in. Saying it over and over will not change a person’s heart,; only God can do that.

        I am not trying to upset you. I have seen your tone (for the most part) get more calm and less reactive over the year, so I can see you are yielding to God more and allowing Him to move through you. That is awesome, and all of us should show that kid of progress! Just sometimes we all need a little nudge when we get off track. I sometimes get a whack if I wait too long.
        Really meant in love WITH NO WINKIES! LOL ( I know what you mean with those)

        • Jennifer says:

          Thank you Kelly :) I hope I don’t sound defensive now; if anything, most women here have known the same things I’ve observed in kids. I think it is an observational fact that kids can relate to other kids better than adults, in some ways (not just my own experience), but I guess it doesn’t always bear repeating just because others point out different situations :) I guess part of Kristi’s reply, including the recommendation of the film that basically treats Youth Groups like poison, triggered that particular last post *shrugs*

  28. Taryn says:

    I am not King James Bible only. I prefer the KJB. I do not agree with KJB-only activists like avpublications but prefer it like rapidnet.com. I do use Abeka, Christian Light Education and keepersofthefaith.com curriculums-all KJB only- for home education-and Christian Liberty Press(Reformed) for math and reading. My list says that “ye” is plural nominative. I was simply saying that “…be ye(plural) kind…” is like “Ye(plural) must be born again”. Jesus wasn’t telling Nicodemus that only he had to be born again but that we all must be born again. I agree with sharing if it is not forced upon someone as it is in my granddaughter’s daycare. I teach her rather the concept of sharing with kindness. My list says that “thou” is singular nominative and “thee” is singular objective.

  29. Charity says:

    Great video!
    I haven’t read the comments, so I apologize if I am repeating anyone, but I think so many people ask about “socialization” when really they mean “social life”. They don’t understnad the meaning of the word “socialization”, if they did, they would see clearly that it does NOT happen within the confines of a school. That having been said, maybe homeschoolers being asked this quesstion need to turn it around on the inquirer…what about *their* children’s (true) socialization? (Have you been around any teens lately? Most of them can’t carry on a conversation with anyone!)

    • Katie says:

      You’re right! It’s a misused, mis-defined word. If people mean “how do you have a social life” then they should be saying so. And that should be everyone’s immediate response when asked that question. If someone was misusing any other word we wouldn’t let it slide!

  30. Taryn says:

    Our Baptist church uses the King James Bible and the New American Standard Version. They teach that the NIV is not preferred because it is a paraphrase and has homosexual “editors”- Virginia Mollencott is one(NT). We only have the KJB in our home. We prefer KJB words like devil-not demon, hell-not hades, fornication not immorality,etc. I do like to listen to kingdombaptist.org- King James Bible only and visit a few KJB-only churches here on Long Island. Our church is not dresses-only but we enjoy visiting churches that are dresses-only as well. The only tv I watch is the Duggar family. I think they prefer the KJB- their book has only KJB/KJV Scriptures.

  31. JCB says:

    Being a former teacher and now a homeschooling mom, I always giggle when I hear the socialization argument because – some, not all, but including me – teachers are notorious for saying something like,”Be quiet class! This is not social time, this is learning time! You can socialize after school!” HA!
    Also it always makes me smile a bit when the first question is always are they getting proper social skills?, not are they getting proper educational skills?!

  32. Y.O. says:

    My interpretation of this ‘robot’s concern over socialization was that she really wanted to know, “How will your children become good socialists if they don’t go to public school?”

  33. Lady Rose says:

    Kelly,

    I saw this video on another blog site about a month ago.

    I thought that it was highly entertaining. Although I am truly a novice in my knowledge about homeschooling, the attitude of the female bear portrayed in this video borders a bit on insanity. :)

    Blessings,

    -Lady Rose

  34. Natasha says:

    I find it a little ridiculous that a parent has the audacity to to be so concerned over homeschooling and socialization. There shouldn’t be any fear about homeschooling. Where’s the same outspoken nosy fearful behavior when it comes to kids coming home to an empty house, or a family being torn apart by divorce? I don’t see many people questioning that kind of behavior. I get flack for not sending my kids to daycare on Facebook, but the same mutual friend gets nothing but sappy support over her divorcing her husband and destroying her four kids lives. How silly. Ugh.

  35. People are surprised when they find out that I homeschool, because my children relate so well to people in all ages.
    Homeschooling makes families a team, and not a group of people who spend most of their time separated.
    Kelly, would you mind sharing in general terms your homeschool schedule, the academic part? I always wonder how very large families manage. sometimes i think i am neglecting my youngest…

  36. Lori says:

    I really wish I had the time to read every one of these comments! I think I’ve gotten about half way through. We homeschool our children for many reasons. One of those reasons is the socialization issue. Folks can think whatever they will, I guess, but our boys are rather unique & don’t exactly “fit in” with their public school “peer groups”. In my public school experiences as a young person, putting a whole bunch of children around the same age together for many hours day after day was NOT a good idea at all! It bred all kinds of trouble, everything from unhealthy comparisons & competitions to unkind remarks & pranks to immoral thoughts & actions. Oh boy, this list could go on and on! Besides, We want our children to have a godly education & they certainly will not get that in a public school. There is no question as to what is more important in the lives of our children – Socialization or a sound Biblical foundation in their education? Obviously the latter. Our current fleshly ‘felt needs’ have absolutely no eternal bearing at all. Who are we here for anyway, ourselves or our God?

  37. Heather says:

    I read this a year or 2 ago and appreciated it. You all probably will too.
    Probably every homeschooling parent has heard, “But what about their socialization?” at some point. It’s really a silly question when you think about it, and I think the following story puts socialization is the proper light. I found this on another woman’s blog, but the author is unknown.

    Two women meet at a playground where their children are swinging and playing ball. The women are sitting on a bench watching and eventually begin to talk.

    Woman #1: Hi, my name’s Maggie. Those are my three kids in the red shirts – it helps me keep track of them.

    Woman #2: I’m Patty. Mine are in pink and yellow. Do you come here alot?

    W#1: Usually two or three times in a week, after we go to the library.

    W#2: Wow! Where do you find the time?

    W#1: We homeschool, so we do it during our day most of the time.

    W#2: Some of my neighbours homeschool, but my kids go to public school.

    W#1: How do you do it?

    W#2: It isn’t easy. I go to alot of PTA meetings and work with the kids everyday after school and stay really involved.

    W#1: Don’t you worry about socialization? Aren’t you worried about them being cooped up all the time with kids their own age? What if they never get the opportunity for natural relationships?

    W#2: Well, I work hard to balance that. They have some friends who are homeschooled and we try to visit their grandparents once a month.

    W#1: Sounds like you are a very dedicated mom. But don’t you worry about the opportunities they’re missing out on? I mean they’re so isolated from real life. How will they learn what the real world is like — what people do to make a living — how to get along with all different kinds of people?

    W#2: Oh, we discussed that at the PTA, and we started a fund to bring real people into the classrooms. Last month, we had a policeman and a doctor come in to talk to every class. And next month, we’re having a woman from Japan and man from Kenya come to speak.

    W#1: Oh, we met a man from Japan in the grocery store the other week, and he got to talking about his childhood in Tokyo. My kids were absolutely fascinated. We invited him to dinner and got to meet his wife and their three children.

    W#2: That’s nice. Hmmm. maybe we should plan some Japanese food for the lunchroom on Multicultural Day.

    W#1: Maybe your Japanese guest could eat with the children?

    W#2: Oh, no. She’s on a very tight schedule. She has two other schools to visit that day. It’s a system wide thing we’re doing.

    W#1: Oh, well maybe you’ll meet someone at the grocery store sometime and be able to invite them to dinner.

    W#2: I don’t think that is likely. I don’t talk to people in the grocery store — certainly not people who might not speak my language. What if that Japanese man you met hadn’t spoken English?

    W#1: Well, I never had time to think about. Before I even saw him, my 6 year old had already asked him what he was going to do with all the oranges he was buying.

    W#2: You let your children talk to strangers?

    W#1: I was right there with him. He knows that as long as he is with me, he may speak to anyone he wishes.

    W#2: But you’re developing dangerous habits with him. My children never talk to strangers.

    W#1: Even if you’re there with them?

    W#2: They’re never with me. Except at home after school. So you see why it’s so important for them to understand that talking to strangers is a no-no.

    W#1: Well, yes. But if they are with you, they could get to meet interesting people and still be safe. They’d get a taste of the real world, in real settings. They’d also get a real feel for how to tell when a situation is dangerous or suspicious.

    W#2: They’ll get all that in the third and fifth grades of their health courses.

    W#1: Well, I can tell you’re a very caring mom. Let me give you my number — if you ever want to talk, give me a call. It was good to meet you.

    Author unknown.

  38. Jennifer says:

    Ladies, I’m sorry to go off topic, but has anyone heard or seen the CNN (and other News) reports about the gunman entering a Florida school’s board and shooting at the members? All of whom miraculously survived? Well..that was my school board, in my own town. I’m still awed.

  39. Sarah says:

    My husband (30) and I (28 – went to public school K-3rd) were both 1st generation home schoolers and we are now home schooling our children. Neither of our parents were worried about “socialization”. My parents knew it was important for us to learn how to interact with others so they worked hard at providing many opportunities for us to learn – we opened our home to others. My siblings and I learned how to serve others and “socialize” with adults and younger children. To this day I don’t often interact with others my own age. Most people I interact with are older or younger than me. Worried about your children learning to socialize – open your home to your neighbors, church people, friends, etc. Teach them how to have conversations with adults, being interested in others not just themselves. Teach them how to serve younger children. This whole “socialization” idea has left us with a generation that only care about themselves. They cannot see past their own nose. Old people are boring and younger people are just annoying. We need to break this trend and teach our young people how to minister to others. After all – it’s not about us – it’s all about Him! I am grateful my parents did not fall in the trap so many, even home school parents fall into.

  40. Nicole says:

    Did you also see the video on big families? It is hilarious! The story of my life….
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwardOlXZ0c&feature=related

  41. I think Scotty and Haley have a lock on a contract but I think they will try to fit James into a band first, since Adam shows are doing well while his album only when gold I believe.

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