It does happen. About my 8th month of pregnancy, when ligament pains have me doubled over or I realize what a chore it is to walk to the bathroom. And then again, right after the baby is born, and I feel so LIGHT, and I can walk, and the birds are singing and the sun is shining and I’m ready to get back into shape and feel normal.
The thought comes….”I don’t know if I want to do this again. I’ve put my motherhood time in, right? I mean I have a house full already! It wouldn’t be wrong to just…stop, would it?”
It may not be. I don’t know the answer to that question. But I do know the answer that comes back to me every time:
“God is intricately working out the details of our lives, governing every step, hand-crafting every life. And this life is about glorifying Him. And…there’s more to this life, to my life. The lives He gives me are eternal. And, I don’t “choose to have babies.” No one can. I can only choose not to. Do I want to be the clay in the Potter’s hand, and see what He has in mind for His final masterpiece? Or do I want to sling myself off the wheel because I’m a little dizzy just now?”
That’s the answer I get; what He says to ME. That I CAN technically stop my next child from being born, and that may be OK. Or it may not be…I don’t think it’s always black and white. I do know that “it is He who has made us, and not we ourselves.” That pregnancy isn’t like sickness, something I think we are freely allowed to try to avert. That people are all that matter to Him compared to things and jobs and vacations…and even my temporary comfort.
But what if that one that I didn’t accept–what if he or she had a particularly crucial role in the life of another? (And don’t we all?) What if he or she would give birth to someone who had a critical role in the life of another?
It starts to sound like a fun premise for a science-fiction movie; one little move in history changes everything. But couldn’t it?
Are you the child of a woman who was the child of a fifth-born? Changed your life. Well, brought it into its very existence. It blows my mind. And THAT is why I don’t want to hinder what belongs to the Lord. Many things He gives me to choose; but I don’t feel qualified in the life-department. It just feels too big for me.
Does it make you think?
Jonathan Edwards–5th of eleven children
Benjamin Franklin–8th of 10 children
Napoleon Bonaparte–4th of 10 children
George Washington–5th of 10 children
John Wesley–15th of 19 children (Susanna, mother, 25th child)
Johann Sebastian Bach–8th of 8
Sylvanus Crosby (grandfather of Fanny Crosby)–19th of 19
Celine Dion–14th of 14 children