(Be My Valentine) True Romance Looks Very Different From a Movie

All of us were probably swept away at some time or the other. I remember meeting my husband. We worked together. Just seeing him show up made my heart beat faster. And for our 2 dating years, we stared into eyes and thought we were more romantic than any other couple. We were helplessly in love.

But we weren’t in love at all. Not even a bit. Love would have to grow. And be tested. And stretch and grow some more.

Now we are in love. In a true, steady, weathering kind of love.

We have walked beside each other through vomit, writhing childbirth, injuries, tears, dirty diapers, financial stress, bad breath, grief, losing all that’s familiar, rough, hard-working hands and a hundred other things that get in the way of staring deeply into eyes.

But when we do get the chance between nursing the baby and listening to the dreams of a newly become adult, our eyes mirror a history that is more romantic than any dinner date with wine. A history that bonds and glues hearts together.

And now we watch as our children find “true love”, our lessons not learned, and our notions that love is all sparks, and we forget that they can’t know love yet. They can find someone whom they respect, and enjoy and with whom they are compatible in different ways, but love? True love waits. In the most literal sense.

Hollywood can have its shallow romance that tries to pretend sparks and candlelight are the stuff of love. Those are nice, but they’re only additives.

Give me the man who fills my car up with gas, who washes dishes just because, who braves the cold to work for us, who lets me sleep in when the baby keeps me up at night, who never complains about my faults, who selflessly loves and leads us, who listens and encourages and comforts me just by his presence.

 

Now that’s romance.

My True Valentine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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23 Responses to “(Be My Valentine) True Romance Looks Very Different From a Movie”

  1. Lori Alexander says:

    Beautiful! True love is commitment through richer and poor, sickness and health, etc. I’ve been married 33 years and true, committed love is a wonderful thing that, unfortunately, fewer and fewer people are experiencing.

  2. Magriet says:

    I’m so happy for you Kelly. Real love indeed…

  3. Natalie says:

    Beautifully said Kelly, thank you for writing :)

  4. Lisa says:

    Do you think that it can be good to start a marriage when the “sparks” love has not happened? You said it is only additive, but you also spoke of various kinds of compatibility. So I’m curious.

    Captivated by hope,
    Lisa

    • Lisa,

      Yes, I do think it can be a good thing, and of course, “sparks” could be different things to different people.

      I think the sparks will disappear. And I think what’s left is what’s left ;-) So it better be good.

      • Lisa says:

        I love hearing about the long-term love of a good marriage. Thanks, Kelly.

      • Chrissy says:

        I am lucky enough to find that after 22 years, the sparks are still there. They are fed, much like an actual fire, by the oxygen that comes from making time and space for each other, appreciating what the other is doing, really seeing each other…and lots of kissing. Our children find the latter GROSS but the oldest told us the other day that he likes that we do it anyway, it makes him happy. Sparks, indeed. Our love is now shared with our kids, who show us so many sides of ourselves. The original love just gets deeper and richer..but no less full of sparks. Sometimes I can hardly believe it. So lucky.

  5. So true… that’s my kind of romance too. :) My DH knows that the best foreplay is mopping the kitchen floor! LOL

  6. Laura(yet another) says:

    Several months ago, an acquaintance of mine (who is about 18) was talking about needing a summer job, but said that she specifically didn’t want a “stupid” one… Upon being asked what that meant by several people, she said being a grocery store checker, a waitress or other kind of low-pay service job. I challenged her mindset and she replied by saying that she didn’t want to waste her time being young doing things that she hated (and that somehow getting A’s in high level math should exempt her from such work…)…oi…I know this isn’t directly related to this post about love/romance, but in a way it is… Many would view this young lady as a stellar young woman–smart, disciplined, good student, Christian etc. Yet lurking under her pretty face was a nature that was repelled by dirty or undesirable service work… She didn’t seem to see any benefit in learning to do what you dislike and with a willing attitude… I know she wants to be married someday and have a family. I just wonder how she would cope with the limitations, frustrations, and exhaustion of marriage and family living… She seemed to want a job that “fit” her right off the bat, as though she was looking for a life career or something. And yet I seem to see this mindset more and more among the younger generations. Young women who “just don’t like to cook” or “suck at housework” and yet are top students or creative geniuses… I shudder at the kind of marriages they may produce someday. Marriage to my own wonderful hubby has stretched me more than any other thing I have attempted… and has changed me in ways that nothing else could have… Where exactly do these young ladies get these ideas?

  7. Carolina says:

    Very true. Beautifully written. The last paragraph, that´s my husband too.

  8. Laura B says:

    This is so beautiful! And so very true. A husband that stands beside you through the thick and thin (even the thicker waistline, lol) is true love indeed. It’s one thing to have someone gazing into your eyes; it’s quite another when they’re choosing to gaze, even though you’ve given them reason to not want to gaze at all! :)

  9. Jamie says:

    very different *than* a movie, not “from*

  10. 6 arrows says:

    Lovely post. :-) I echo Carolina — that last paragraph is my husband, too.

    “…comforts me just by his presence.” Amen. That is becoming more and more true all the time. It is such a peaceful feeling, a deep blessing from God I could have never anticipated early in our marriage. One of the beautiful things about growing older together.

  11. Kristen says:

    Well put, Kelly! Thank you!

  12. Claudia says:

    So well told, Kelly! My story is much the same. And “…we forget that they can’t know love yet” is just what I need to tuck away for some future date. Thanks.

  13. Kelly L says:

    So agree!
    I was just telling my daughter the other day that true romance is having a husband who LOVES to talk to you and be with you. He turns down free dinners to come home and be with his family. Not because I’d ever ask, because his desire is his family.

    All this Valentines Day stuff brings out interesting conversations in a 13 year old who has a lot of non-homeschool friends who have boyfriends… ;)

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