I was sincerely asked, from someone who knows that I believe homosexuality is a sin, as expressed in Scripture, “What if your child was a homosexual? Would you change your stance then?”
Here’s my answer and I think it raises an important point we don’t discuss enough:
“No. I love him too much.
The same as I wouldn’t (or can’t) change my stance on other clear, moral issues from Scripture. But to better explain, let me offer a very real example:
My friend had a husband she loved very much. They had a happy family with grown children. Twenty-eight years into marriage she discovered that he was not only having an affair, but had had multiple affairs, for as long as they had been married. Upon being found out, he begged and pleaded with his wife not to leave him. He truly felt bad and wanted them to stay married, admitting that he had a sexual addiction. He said he “couldn’t help it” and had always struggled with pornography and sexual sins. She stayed a bit longer, feeling compassion and hoping the Lord would change him. He cheated again.
Now she (and I and you) have a choice here. The first is to ignore what the Bible says about immorality and adultery, based on the fact that this husband was “born” with these problem. We have to change our minds about what sin is, instead of acknowledging that being born with a sin nature means there are some things we might always struggle with. We would have to embrace the humanistic idea that “if it feels good it must be right.”
We would also have to ignore that adultery and pornography hurt people, even though that’s the reason God has said they are sins to be avoided. (It’s always ultimately about what’s best for us.)
But we would have to go much further than that. If we establish that adultery and pornography are inherent to his nature, it would be wrong to place any blame on him. In fact, it would be wrong to expect his wife to have a problem with his behavior. (Polysexuality, if it’s a born trait, should be treated like the color of one’s skin.)
He can’t apologize or admit wrong, since there would be no wrong to admit. Nor could he then, or should he, change.
I believe that my friend’s husband did struggle with sexual sin. I also believe that it is his responsibility to acknowledge and wrestle with that sin, going to all extremes to avoid it, just like I believe we must all go to extremes to avoid our own personal struggles with sin.
So would I love my child and have compassion on him if I discovered he struggled with homosexuality? You better believe I would. But I would insist that he take responsibility for his struggle with sin and I would walk with him through it.
But if he asked me to accept his behavior, refusing to admit that he’s wrong, (and getting mad at me for saying he is), I wouldn’t change my position. Anymore than I could tell my friend to “get over it” with a husband committing sin against her and wishing to be excused from it.
If we don’t draw lines in the sand, according to Scripture, about right and wrong, soon, we will be forced to accept every act of fallen humanity, to our detriment, no matter how badly it hurts ourselves, other people or families or societies. We’re very close already.”
As to the question, “How would you treat your son”? I submit this incredible piece entitled, “A Gay Son’s Tribute to His Mother.” I would pray, in any situation dealing with a prodigal, to have the same powerful love and perseverance.
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