Everything’s Not the Same: Turning Truth Upside Down to Erase Our Guilt

There is a cultural epidemic killing us (in the name of making us healthy). It’s the notion that you shouldn’t feel bad, no matter what. Feeling bad is the ultimate terrible thing, and we must eradicate all its roots. This ideology is also what causes such hostility to Christianity, but I digress.

We have pain sensors in our limbs and they cause us to hurt when we are injured. And though the pain isn’t pleasant, it is absolutely necessary for the health of the body. If we could alleviate the pain so that we could do whatever we want without feeling the consequences, it might sound nice, but it would have devastating results for the body. So it is with our lives; there is a time when “feeling bad” about something is the catalyst that brings healthy change.

One example is a recent pro-choice agenda to “Shout Your Abortion,” an attempt to normalize the murder of the unborn. Forget tearfully deciding to kill your unborn child because you feel desperate, even though you know it’s wrong. That’s so last decade. You shouldn’t feel bad at all. And once it is normalized completely, efforts to stop the genocide will die as well. That is an extreme example, but the same principles apply everywhere.

Image result for shout your abortion

Some things just are better than others, and even if you have to partake in the lesser, it behooves us to be honest about that. Breast feeding IS healthier than formula. It’s OK if you have to use formula. Your baby will be fine. But it’s not honest to deny the benefits of breast milk over formula.

As a working mother when my children were young, I was fully aware that leaving my babies was not ideal. I never pretended it was. Most of us don’t try to convince ourselves that fries are just as healthy as carrots; they’re not. We are a society who hates to feel like we are making a wrong or even lesser choice, so we justify, sometimes even to the point of insanity (#shoutyourabortion) .

I’ve been thinking about this since I read a comment on a friend’s facebook page. The commenter was defending her choice of daycare with this:

“I grew up poor and I’d much rather give my kids the things they need than have them grow up poor, home with mom like I did.”

Two things:

I would be willing to bet, this gal in America, did not grow up poor. I don’t doubt maybe her parents weren’t able to buy everything she wanted, but I’d put my money on the fact that she was fed, housed and clothed. Very few Americans grow up truly poor, and here’s the cool thing about kids: they mostly don’t even know. Not when they are young. By American standards, I grew up poor. I feel I had one of the richest childhoods imaginable, full of incredible memories and experiences. I never thought for a second we were poor. But my parents couldn’t even buy us insurance until I was 17. (We were in ministry.)

On paper, we have been “poor” most of our married lives. My children have exceedingly above all their needs met with plenty of extra to boot. They are happy and well-adjusted and if anything, far better off for our not buying them everything they ever wanted.

It makes us feel better to say we are “giving our kids more” but really, that’s not what makes healthy kids.

Secondly, research has consistently been clear that actually it is better for small children to have mom be their primary care giver if possible.

Sometimes daycare is necessary. I’m not denying that. Sometimes financial situations absolutely require it to live. No argument there. I’m certainly not saying a mother should feel like a bad mother if she absolutely has to put her child in daycare. But we can still be honest about the fact that it isn’t the BEST scenario. When we deny reality to convince ourselves that what we are doing is just as good when it’s not, it causes us to fail to strive for the better thing. To self-preserve.

If I’m convinced fries are just as healthy as carrots, I have stopped even the possibility of a journey of health and have given in to a junk food diet, convinced I’m going to be just as well off. Do you see? If I convince myself that debt is just as good as paying cash, will I ever strive toward financial health?

Let’s be strong enough and smart enough to admit when something is less than ideal, in order to work toward what is better.

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5 Responses to “Everything’s Not the Same: Turning Truth Upside Down to Erase Our Guilt”

  1. Kelli says:

    Thank you, spot on!

  2. Kelly Crawford says:

    Thanks, Kelli!

  3. Layne R. says:

    Yes! Thank you!
    That picture is so hard to see! Oh the precious beauty of the image of The Creator these mommies are missing out on! I just want to shout my heartache and frustration!
    Lord, we humbly ask for eyes to be opened and for women considering this “option” to be called out of darkness into your glorious light!

  4. 6 arrows says:

    I’m not on social media, but I hear regularly from those who are that non-PC statements often get shouted down today. I have a feeling the #shoutyourabortion proponents are uncomfortable with the women who have come forward with their abortion-regrets stories. Those stories don’t advance the narrative the shouters want heard.

    Quiet dialogue is out — yelling the opposite of the speech they wish they could silence is the MO of the day with a growing number of adults.

    And, yes, I think it’s guilt-based. Very sad.

    Good post and examples.

  5. Caroline says:

    I grew up in the 60’s at a time when social programs were just beginning for single mothers and other poor people. My father abandoned my mother and my siblings and me and never sent anything to monetarily help us as we grew up. He disappeared from our lives and continued to live a life of selfishness (he was an engineer with a good education and a good job) while we really didn’t have what we needed. I always needed new glasses (I had very poor vision from birth) which my mother often couldn’t afford to buy for me on time. We rarely visited the doctor or dentist. Fortunately, we have all inherited a very good immune system 🙂 We sometimes didn’t have enough food, and my mother had to choose between paying for oil to heat our apartment or groceries. It truly was an unpleasant childhood, and of course much harder for my mother who stuck by us and encouraged each of us to get a good education and be absolutely able to take care of ourselves. She didn’t want what happened to her to happen to any of her daughters. I married much later than my contemporaries and my husband and I were able to have only one child. I was adamant about making sure she had our attention (something that my mother who had to work because my father was gone wasn’t able to supply as much as she would have liked), the best health care, an exceptional education and higher education, and other perks of childhood and adolescence that have helped her to become a more responsible and confident adult. I understand the gist of what you’re saying in your post, and I believe we have given our daughter a strong sense of compassion for others and an understanding that not everyone is as privileged as she has been. I wasn’t home full-time, but my husband and I always rearranged our work schedules so she would be taken care of exclusively by us and my mother, who was so happy to have a grandchild to attend to in ways she wasn’t able to attend to us. I totally agree that we as humans know what is best for ourselves and our children and that sometimes we choose not to do the right thing. That’s the flaw in humanity, I suppose. The trick is to keep thinking and improving our behavior for the sake of others, but especially for those we are responsible for. Sorry this is so long! I appreciate your insight even when it differs from my own. I also appreciate your common sense.

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