No subject is perhaps as controversial as this one. I recently got a very heated email from a pastor’s wife “lashing” me for “the wound I inflict” on parents who send their children to public school. I’ll be honest, I felt a bit shocked simply because of where my intentions lie. Be assured…I’d rather be guilty of inflicting “the faithful wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6) than to offer a “deceitful kiss as an enemy” for the sake of being liked and avoiding strife. I don’t speak about this subject for ANY reason than to communicate what I believe is truth, the only loving thing I can see to do. There is no condemnation except what one may find in discovering the facts.

Additionally, in discussing the issue of public school, though it may seem so, I am not “against” the individuals–schools, teachers, administers–who make up the real arenas. (I’m related to many of them and love them dearly!) It’s the system–a long-standing agenda–with which I disagree. I pray you hear my heart.

I will be writing several more posts on this topic after Christmas, when we return from Colorado (Merry Christmas to you all!!)…but the following excerpt from an article in the Washington Post is a great, thought-provoking beginning to our conversation:

“A longtime friend on the school board of one of the largest school systems in America did something that few public servants are willing to do. He took versions of his state’s high-stakes standardized math and reading tests for 10th graders, and said he’d make his scores public.

“The math section had 60 questions. I knew the answers to none of them, but managed to guess ten out of the 60 correctly. On the reading test, I got 62% . In our system, that’s a “D”, and would get me a mandatory assignment to a double block of reading instruction.

It seems to me something is seriously wrong. I have a bachelor of science degree, two masters degrees, and 15 credit hours toward a doctorate.

“I help oversee an organization with 22,000 employees and a $3 billion operations and capital budget, and am able to make sense of complex data related to those responsibilities.

A test that can determine a student’s future life chances should surely relate in some practical way to the requirements of life.”

When an Adult Took Standardized Tests…

“The parent’s part is to train them for life, to send them out of the home ready for whatever duty or mission God may have ready for them….What we want to do with our children is not merely to control them and keep them in order, but to implant true principles deep in their hearts which shall rule their whole lives; to shape their character from within into Christlike beauty, and to make of them noble men and women, strong for battle and for duty. They are to be trained rather than governed. Growth of character, not merely good behavior, is the object of all home governing and teaching. Therefore the home influence is far more important than the home laws, and the parents’ lives are of more moment than their teachings.”

It has grieved me more and more to realize that, as a result of a number of factors, I think parents–even Christian parents, are largely unaware of their purpose. Too often children can be seen ruling over parents as the parents strive, the best they can, to maintain some control, but really feeling helpless to the manipulation, dreading certain circumstances where the lack of control is made obvious.

I bumped into acquaintances recently at the grocery store. A mom, dad and their two-year-old. With barely our hellos exchanged, Mom said, “We’re just trying to get through this with her. She’s the child you hear screaming through the store. We’ve tried bribing her, we’ve tried threatening her, nothing works.” I know the girl enough to know that nothing is wrong with her. She’s a normal little toddler exerting her will. I’ve also observed the “problem”. A new set of parents, enamored with her antics, allowing her to rule the home. A misunderstanding of the privilege of growing her to maturity, helping her discover the safety of authority and the necessity of self control.

From our distorted sense of “why” we are given children (they are actually not for us, but for Him) to a society driven by self-indulgence, this generation seems largely unprepared to bring up responsible, mature children who will become responsible, mature adults. And that’s just the beginning for believers who are also instructed to bring up children who will live fully for Him, reflecting His character in all they do.

I just want to encourage you with a few practical words if you are a struggling parent.

• Do not get confused about what authority is and isn’t. So much new-age parenting (and yes, it exists in Christian teaching) forsakes the wisdom of Scripture and teaches that a parent doesn’t have a “right” to claim authority or to require obedience. That is simply a lie and will destroy a child.

• Authority is established EARLY. I have said, “the battle is won or lost in the high chair”. My eight month old is beginning to test the boundaries around him. It seems like a little thing, but when he squeals in anger because I don’t get the spoon to his mouth fast enough, it’s an opportunity for me to help him begin to understand self-control. I can pause, tell him “no” with a calm but serious tone (he gets it!) or, I can do the easy thing and give him what he wants as quickly as possible, laughing at his “cuteness”. But that cuteness will turn ugly fast and soon I’ll find myself in a grocery store line blushing because he’s using the same tactic to get what he wants there, only louder. Yes, from the time they are born, we move them forward; it’s our job to “grow them up” in a thousand ways.

• Don’t flippantly tell a little one to do something that you aren’t prepared to see accomplished. If you don’t really care if they pick up the toy, don’t ask them to. If you do care, make sure they obey when they are told.

• If you are getting angry at your child it’s most likely because you are not requiring obedience. Tell them clearly, get them to answer you so there’s no question whether they heard you, then follow through the first time if there is disobedience.

• Understand that your diligence or lack thereof has huge implications for the “success” of your children. The degree to which you help them develop self-control and self-governance and respect for authority, will enable them to be better husbands and wives, friends, employers, employees, and children of God. Yours is a grave responsibility if you have been given children!

“Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.” Proverbs 19:18

The parent’s part is to train them for life, to send them out of the home ready for whatever duty or mission God may have ready for them….What we want to do with our children is not merely to control them and keep them in order, but to implant true principles deep in their hearts which shall rule their whole lives; to shape their character from within into Christlike beauty, and to make of them noble men and women, strong for battle and for duty. They are to be trained rather than governed. Growth of character, not merely good behavior, is the object of all home governing and teaching. Therefore the home influence is far more important than the home laws, and the parents’ lives are of more moment than their teachings.

-J.R. Miller, Homemaking

More thoughts on this quote coming up!

(For the record, because there were 3 prizes and different criteria for the first prize, the drawing was quite complicated and took me over an hour to ensure statistical integrity and accuracy in the odds )

I did no less for this contest and am pleased to announce the three winners of the $300, $200 and $100 gift certificates to Vision Forum!

The winner of the $100 GC is: Anastasia!

The winner of the $200 GC is: Genieve from A Lily Slowly Blooming!

AND….the winner of the $300 GC is: Crystal from A Well-Feathered Nest!

Congratulations!!! If you ladies can email me your mailing addresses through my contact form that would be most helpful.

I am so thrilled for you three and pray the Lord uses theses resources to bless you and whomever else they touch!

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“In a nutshell, home once was, and I believe should still be, a center of productivity. In essence, we should be making stuff–all kinds of stuff! One of the greatest fulfillments belonging to a person, particularly a woman, is that of creation. For when we create, we reflect the image of our Creator, and that reflection points the world to Him….

So, what does a productive home look like? I can only offer a glimpse, because your gifts and talents will vary from another’s, and there is too vast array of activities to mention. But depending on your strengths and interests, it could include (though not limited to) a number of the things below:”

Finish reading “Why Would I Want to be a Homemaker: Part 2″

This philosophy is universal, but it sure does resonate with this mother. My main new year’s resolution is to simply be more sturdy and resilient.

“I want them to witness a serenity of character…a steadfastness of spirit, regardless of externals. I want them to see a calm captain at the helm of this ship….and rest in knowing they are safe in this harbor.”

I’m very optimistic by nature, but I’m still prone to get bent out of shape fairly easily.

We’ve been reading some books about “bygone days” and something that strikes me is how hardy those women were! I find it terribly ironic that in our day of “empowerment”, most women can’t hold a candle to the kind of pluck those pioneer women had!

What would you do if you didn’t have any food in the pantry? I would cry.

One woman we read of during a hard year pulled up her skirts, marched out into the woods and found weeds–yes I said “weeds” that were edible, canned them, and served her family using the most creative combination of spices she had.

Now that’s pluck, my sisters! She didn’t complain to her husband about his lack of provision, and by all appearances, she hardly missed a beat, determined to press on with her job to provide meals for her family.

Few of us are forced to face such dire circumstances. And I don’t know about you, but I still find it very easy to complain or get discouraged.

But I want my children to learn something different. I want them to witness a serenity of character…a steadfastness of spirit, regardless of externals. I want them to see a calm captain at the helm of this ship and rest in knowing they are safe in this harbor. (Please no “I thought the husband is the head of the ship” comments …you know what I mean)

Admittedly, calmness is not my best trait. Chock it up to personality, life experiences or other unknown factors, I have quite a passionate personality which has its downfall in the sporadic notions of emotions out of control.

So this year I resolve to be a woman wearing the “ornament of a meek and quiet spirit”…notice “spirit”. Most women read that verse and picture a physically quiet, mousy girl with her head bowed low.

That’s not the picture. It’s the woman in control of herself, resolved to face trials and joy, whatever may come, like a placid river with its depths reaching deeply and drinking from the Source of all peace.

Let it be so…

Just 2 days ago, on Tuesday, as our family prepared to sit down to dinner, Ellia sent us rushing out the door to the emergency room.  Standing in her little, wooden chair, watching me cook as she often does (but won’t anymore ), she turned around in the chair, and while holding the back of it, the chair fell, slamming her hand between it and the tile floor.  As soon as I scooped her up I saw blood spilled everywhere and all but panicked.  Even when I ascertained that it was “just a finger” (as my husband tried to remind me to calm me), her finger was split almost in two, from tip to joint, with a tremendous amount of blood. All’s well that ends well, I suppose, and after a long wait in the ER, we got her stitched up and my blood pressure down. There’s just something very traumatic about your baby being hurt, “just a finger” or not.

That hasn’t been my only near-heart-attack this year…

My husband thought it would be fun to take the kids on a wagon ride, pulled by our draft horse.  Leading it by a rope in front, he had no idea that Rex would “freak out” a few minutes into the ride.  He took off in a full gallop with Aaron still holding the rope, trying to stop this huge beast from running away with Avalee and Brooks.  Once the rope had given him 3rd degree burns on his hands, he was knocked down, and run over by the wagon.  The horse continued speeding away into the woods with our children.  Finally the wagon broke with the horse dragging the front axle and the cart hitting a tree.  God, in His tender mercy, held my babies inside the cart.  After a panicked few minutes figuring out where all the blood was coming from, we were able to treat only a gash in Brook’s head and a banged up lip on Avi.  I’m too old for this.  Aaron is still not fully recovered from his injuries of a torn shoulder ligament

The near-tragedies have been balanced with joy, however!  As we anticipate the birth of our son in March, the Lord reminds us of the sacredness of life and of our responsibility as parents to nurture these little ones and point them to the glory of our Creator.  Contrary to popular assumption, every one of our children is excited beyond words for this little one’s arrival.

We rejoice in the friendships among our children!

We also rejoice to watch them grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus. As Bria becomes a woman, we are so humbled by God’s goodness through her. She is a best friend, an example, even to her parents, of a heart thirsty for the things of God.  Her constant joy, love and gifts to this family are beyond measure.

Bria is enjoying all the freedoms and young energy to pursue her loves and gifts…she is developing a photography business, has an incredible gift of sewing clothing without a pattern, is still enjoying her love of violin and piano,  is devouring every book in the house and in all her delicacy, is a strong, sturdy, athletic girl who loves to work and be outside.  I wish I had been less occupied with trivial pursuits when I was her age, and had the freedom of spirit she enjoys.

Mallie, as each child does, brings her own unique personality to the mix.  She is, hands down, THE most affectionate child I’ve ever known.  She runs to me, periodically throughout the day, just to “give me love”, and then scampers off to play again.  Her smile is infectious, her laugh contagious and she’s been nicknamed “My Squishy”.

One of Brooks’ favorite things to do is to ride Ellia around on this rolling box

Ashton sneaking some sister love after her bath…

Kyla loves playing in the hay with the others.  We are blessed to live on my parents’ farm, so adventure is never far away.  (Children, PLEASE do not fall in the cracks of the hay….)

We almost escaped the year with hardly any sickness until a few weeks ago, when the stomach virus wreaked havoc through our house.  There’s always a bright side…the children are much more calm and quiet and they love to snuggle!

Ashton has really grown in his love and gift of art.  We are blessed to host art lessons at our house each week and he has started his own website, hoping to expand it soon!  He sold some of his work at various craft shows this year. Nothing like cash in hand to fuel his entrepreneurial fire!

Summer fun at the creek on our nature walk.

Just because she’s so cute

Alexa is a rare gem.  I could wax boastful as a parent and list all her amazing qualities, but I won’t.  She loves to make things–sewing, crocheting, etc.  But her real gift is in the kitchen.  She loves to cook and she’s great at it.  What a blessing to us!

Another perk of living on the farm is raw milk and butter, enjoyed immensely this year.  Don’t be mistaken though…it’s hard work.  Aaron and Bria handle that task and just laugh at me when I offer to do it.  (What’s with that?   Oh well, it’s really convenient on cold, rainy days.)

Avalee–funny, cute, spunky, smart–this, my fourth-born child, the first child born to us after our decision to “let God”.

I wouldn’t think of closing this post without telling you all what a blessing you are to me.  As we wrap up the 3rd year of Generation Cedar, the Lord has taught me so much and has encouraged me through these friendships here. Please know how warmly I think of you all and how blessed I am to share this little part of the net with you.

Above all else, may we glorify Him whose birth we celebrate this season, and may we His love spur us on to remain faithful to share it with all those around us!

Would I have chosen her–no name, despised of men,
Unable even to afford a blanket to put him in?

Would I have chosen Nazareth, the least expected place,
To usher in Redeemer-Christ, to hold the whole world’s grace?

The story–every strange detail–His character unfurls,
God displays His grandeur through the humblest of the world!

Worthy to be exalted but content to be despised,
Confounding through this “foolishness” what the world calls wise.

A King’s triumphal entry is announced with baby wails,
The only royal fanfare–the swishing of donkey tails.

Can you love this Savior who was helpless when He came?
Can you give yourself to One who exchanged His fame for shame?

Look again inside the trough that held life-food for beasts–
The Bread of Life sent there for starving man’s redemptive feast!

“A corrupt heart loves the comforts of the Word, but not the reproofs (a pure heart delights in them both.): “They hate the one who rebukes in the gate.” (Amos 5:1O). “Their eyes flash with fire!”…”When they heard these things they were cut to the heart, and they gnashed at him with their teeth.” (Acts 7:54). When Stephen touched them to the quick, they were mad and could not endure it.

Question: How shall we know that we love the reproofs of the Word?

Answer 1: When we desire to sit under a heart-searching ministry. Who cares for medicines that will not work? A godly man does not choose to sit under a ministry that will not work upon his conscience.

Answer 2: When we pray that the Word may meet with our sins. If there is any traitorous lust in our heart, we would have it found out and executed. We do not want sin covered, but cured. We can open our breast to the bullet of the Word and say, “Lord, smite this sin.”

Answer 3: When we are thankful for a reproof: “Let the righteous strike me; It shall be a kindness. And let him rebuke me; It shall be as excellent oil; Let my head not refuse it. For still my prayer is against the deeds of the wicked.” (Psa. 141:5).

David was glad of a reproof. Suppose a man were in the mouth of a lion, and another should shoot the lion and save the man, would he not be thankful? So, when we are in the mouth of sin, as of a lion, and the minister by a reproof shoots this sin to death, shall we not be thankful? A gracious soul rejoices when the sharp lance of the Word has pierced his abscess.”

-Thomas Watson