The Proper View of Family (Are We Too “Inward Focused”?)

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about something a (Christian) commenter said on a recent post, “Learning to Think Rightly About Birth Control“:

“I really struggle with labeling the family as “the ripe mission” field and creating a “mini-church” in the family. Honestly this is probably the main reason I don’t homeschool beyond preschool–it’s a little to inward focused for me.”

She was trying to make the point that “the whole world is our mission field” and that paying too much attention to our families discounted the fact.

My heart breaks over this, a common view of family among Christians, who assert that the homeschooling movement has “created an idol of the family” (though some very well may have), giving a knee-jerk reaction that misses the biblical view of family and ultimately destroys this mission field first given to us.

Scripture is saturated with the proper view of the family, analogous to the church and the relationship between the Father and the Son. The institution of marriage was initiated by God, not the state, and was “set in motion” to be the very picture of a fruitful, thriving church.

Yes, the family is meant to look like a “mini-church” in the way it operates.

Dr. Joseph Atkinson writes:

“The family offers Christ and intercedes for its own members and those around it (priestly); the family is a sign of Christ’s love and faithfulness to a world that is enmeshed in the culture of death (prophetic); and the family serves its own members and those around it sacrificially (kingly).

By participating in the saving and redemptive nature of the Church, the family is profoundly rooted in the Church’s mission. The family has truly become a little church, or as it is better known, a domestic church.”

Regarding the original comment, there is hardly such a thing for a mother or father of young children to be “too inwardly focused”. In fact, during the young family’s life, it is probable that discipling their children, providing for their spiritual, emotional and physical needs is ALL they can do and these families need to understand that IT IS ENOUGH.

Theological Error (Ideas have consequences.)

I think our faulty view of the family stems from some theological error. First, we have “now-centered” thinking where God works over long periods of time to accomplish His purposes. So our evangelical mission is focused on making fast numbers instead of a seeing a steady growth of solid disciples brought up by solid Christian families, who will, in the right time, become ministers all over the earth. We can’t save people; we can only live for Him and be ready to give an answer of the hope that is ours. Therefore, the way we live–the way we operate in our families (since it is a living picture of the gospel)–is paramount.

Secondly, because of the accepted norm of birth control, life is now something we think we can choose or not, so children have become less valuable, more of a commodity and not viewed in our eyes as the Lord views them…”…for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven.” We don’t even realize it has happened, but it can be clearly seen as evidenced in comments like the one that prompted this post. Truly, our family is a mission field, ripe unto harvest, and until we have come to a correct perspective on our duties there, we are not fit for evangelism anywhere else.

God sent His son for the most dynamic Christian mission the earth has ever known, and yet we have no record of his ministry until he was in his thirties. When he left, he had around 150 disciples. Compared to our mega-church mentality, his mission work wasn’t too impressive. But He was about His Father’s business and He knew the long-term vision and the importance of investing in a few disciples, day in and day out, so they would survive the long haul, bearing fruit in their season.

One passage of Scripture that has become almost obsolete gives us a closer look at the importance of family:

“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8

This passage refers to financial provision. We know from Scripture that the spiritual life of a man is of far more importance than his physical life, and yet this verse speaks so strongly about the lesser of the two. How much more, if we do not give ourselves to the spiritual provision of our families, are we at fault?

The Heart of the Matter

“Give me your heart, my son.”

This is no longer the plea of the modern, Christian parent. Getting the hearts of our children is essentially “the heart” of discipleship, clearly demonstrated by our Savior as he walked with his earthly children. It is impossible to understand the necessity of this discipleship and worry about “too much inward focus”.

As a family functioning as it should (notwithstanding its own difficulties), it becomes the “city on a hill” the light in a dark world, the most effective form of evangelism.

We had better get inward focused if we want to see real outward change in the world for Christ.

Practical Ideas for Women Mentoring Women (In Titus 2 Fashion)

The last post, The Difficulty of Mothering Alone and a Call for Older Women, brought much interest and the question of “how can older women best come alongside younger women” and encourage them, building up the next generation?

This is by no means an exhaustive list of suggestions, so I hope you will, using your particular experience, offer suggestions as well!

• Verbal encouragement. This is so easy and so powerful! In a day where young mothers are faced with many forms of discouragement, just having an older woman “cheer her on” can bolster her strength. Consider sending a card or just pulling her aside to say, “I am so encouraged as I watch you faithfully raising soldiers for the glory of God”. Do not underestimate the power of words. You could even encourage perfect strangers in this way.

• Meals. We all know the relief the ministry of food can be. Perhaps a tired mother just needs time to catch her breath. You could send a few frozen dishes to be pulled out on a hard day, items for breakfast or even a gift card to treat the couple to a date. I can even imagine that an older woman, experienced with easy meal preparation, could bless a younger mom (who may not have been well-taught in the kitchen), with some simple meal recipes and ideas.

• Mother-Helper. Sending an older, young-adult daughter over to relieve a young mother can be a tremendous blessing to both families. She may watch younger children while the mother runs errands, or she may do light housework and/or prepare meals. I have both been a recipient of this service and have been able to send a daughter to help another mother, and the blessing of this kind of ministry is priceless.

• Teaching your skills. I know many young mothers are learning for the first time and would love to have an older woman either show them all or show her daughters some practical home-making skills. The same goes for music lessons, art lessons or any other skill you have. Many can not afford lessons and would be so thrilled by this gift. An elderly widow volunteered to teach three of our girls piano and both she and our family are SO blessed by it! (She has shared with me how teaching has “given her life” again when she felt like she had nothing to offer anyone.)

• Educational assistance. My thoughts here go to purchasing materials that a young family may not be able to afford but would appreciate. A magazine subscription to Creation magazine (or something similar), a set of science DVDs, a microscope, telescope, etc. Helping them enrich their educational atmosphere would be tremendously encouraging.

• Host a Visionary Gathering. What is that, you ask? A FABULOUS idea my friend, Natalie Klejwa, has put together for precisely this kind of thing. Better yet, her ebook telling how to start and lead one is now FREE!!!  Some older women may feel intimidated just asking if they can help but they could begin a group and do a general invitation within their church and neighborhood. I did this years ago and the women were so hungry to meet together and just fellowship and encourage one another. I highly recommend this excellent resource to build vision and inspiration among young women!

• Just ask. Breaking the autonomous relationships among us and letting people know you are available and willing to help may simply come by saying so. Ask a young mother (or even an older mother with younger children) if there is something you could do to help her. You may have to be a bit persistent to let her know you are serious, but she will truly appreciate it!

Feel free to share your ideas and I hope we are all encouraged to bear one another’s burdens and share in one another’s joy!

Where are the Great Saints? Tozer Part 1

“Great saints have always been dogmatic.

We need right now a return to a gentle dogmatism that smiles while it stands stubborn and firm on the Word of God that liveth and abideth forever.”

“This frightening hour calls aloud for men with the gift of prophetic insight. Instead we have men who conduct surveys, polls and panel discussions. We need men with the gift of knowledge. In their place we have men with scholarship—nothing more.

If the church in the second half of this century is to recover from the injuries she suffered in the first half, there must appear a new type of preacher….not the smooth-talking pastoral type who knows how to make the Christian religion acceptable to everyone. All these have been tried and found wanting.

Another kind of religious leader must arise among us. He must be of the old prophet type, a man who has seen visions of God and has heard a voice from the Throne. When he comes (and I pray God there will be not one but many) he will stand in flat contradiction to everything our smirking, smooth civilization holds dear. He will contradict, denounce and protest in the name of God and will earn the hatred and opposition of a large segment of Christendom.

We desperately need seers who can see through the mist—Christian leaders with prophetic vision. Unless they come soon it will be too late for this generation. And if they do come we will no doubt crucify a few of them in the name of our worldly orthodoxy.

“The church has lost her testimony. She has no longer anything to say to the world.”

Christianity is so entangled with the world that millions never guess how radically they have missed the New Testament pattern. Compromise is everywhere.

Keep your feet on the ground, but let your heart soar as high as it will. Refuse to be average or to surrender to the chill of your spiritual environment.

We need to learn that truth consists not in correct doctrine, but in correct doctrine plus the inward enlightenment of the Holy Spirit.”

-A.W. Tozer

When Christians Should Judge One Another

I heard it yet again.  One of the members–not just a member, an active “teacher/leader” in a church involved in an inappropriate relationship, evident to all.

Then there’s the man I know openly living with a woman.  Each of them had spouses just months ago.  They are active members of their church.

Another story is the church secretary/wife/mother–making meth in her home where she lives with her young children and husband.

The praise and worship leader who “really doesn’t know what he believes”–an admitted atheist.  (“But he’s so talented!”)

“For certain persons have crept in unnoticed…ungodly persons who turn the grace of our God into licentiousness and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ….these are spots in your love feast…” Jude

I could give more examples.  You probably could too.  Is the Bride of Christ content to ignore the Word of God and bring shame to the name of Jesus? Where are all the courageous Paul-teachers, since we obviously can’t read for ourselves, reprimanding what is so clearly a violation of God’s precepts?

Yesterday’s devotion was from 1 Corinthians.  Read carefully:

“It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you…And you are proud!  Shouldn’t you rather have been filled with grief and have put out of your fellowship the man who did this?….Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast—as you really are.

I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked man from among you.”

Paul’s words cause the hair on our necks to stand up today. “But we aren’t to judge!” is our favorite phrase because it’s easy.  Paul says, we ARE to judge. “But we all sin–we can’t judge!” Yes we do.  But understanding sin as the Bible speaks of it is crucial. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. Yet the Bible commands us to “not sin”.  Is that a contradiction?

No.  Sin is to be abhorred by a child of God. (“I write this to you so that you will not sin.” 1 John 2:1) And yet, none of us is without sin. The difference? It should hurt us (David describes even physical pain from unrepentant sin), it should grieve us, and we should do all we can to avoid it (“If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off.”

So to commit sin and hate it and repent of it is entirely different than to comfortably live in it.  That difference must be distinguished in order for us to live in accordance with God’s Word.

We aren’t called to judge the church because we are sinless, but because having the spirit of His redeemed, we are commanded to hate sin and judge it.

And why then is it so important–this urging from Paul to the church? It seems so harsh!  But, “A little leaven leavens the whole lump.” Our very love of the Bride of Christ–His people–should compel us to follow His provisions for protecting her.

“But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.”

Then this morning, Oswald Chambers brings more clarity to this issue:

“None of us liveth to himself.” Romans 14:7.

“Has it ever dawned on you that you are responsible for other souls spiritually before God? For instance, if I allow any private deflection from God in my life, everyone about me suffers. We “sit together in heavenly places.” “Whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it.” When once you allow physical selfishness, mental slovenliness, moral obtuseness, spiritual density, everyone belonging to your crowd will suffer. “But,” you say, “who is sufficient for these things if you erect a standard like that?” “Our sufficiency is of God,” and of Him alone.”  -Oswald Chambers

Sin is serious. My unrepentant, stubborn sin will taint the church of God and cause others to stumble. And not only will I give an answer, but those who did not love me enough to “hand me over to Satan so that my spirit may be saved” (1 Cor. 5:5).

Sin forced Jesus to the excruciating cross.  To the children of God, our love for His immeasurable grace should constrain us from the love and pursuit of sin.

“But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving….Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not become partners with them;  or at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light.”  Ephesians 5:3-8

I wanted to add an important note:

In Matthew, Jesus gives specific instructions on dealing with sin in the church.  It should be noted that Paul’s admonition would surely include/presuppose the action Jesus tells believers to take in Matthew 18:

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. ¹⁶ But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ ¹⁷ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

Why Men Stay Away From the Feminized Church

Loved this article the cottage child sent me–I’ve had several conversations recently about this topic and keep running into pieces all sharing a common thought about it:

“…many people think of church only as a nurturing place that addresses personal needs, Pearcey said. Think: sitting in circles, sharing feelings, holding hands, singing softly, comforting members. An example of the feminization of the church is its music. Typical praise songs refer to Jesus as a Christian’s lover and praise his beauty and tenderness. Rarely do they praise his justice or strength, or refer to him as the head of an army leading his church into spiritual battle, like “Onward Christian Soldiers.”

Read all of “Why Men Stay Away From the Feminized Church”

Why the Church Doesn’t Notice Its Slide into Debauchery

I appreciate a reader sending me this article–simply written, crucial for our thoughts as Christians.

“…the church (according to Mr. Wolf’s observation) is sliding into debauchery along with the world, just at a slower rate. What is important to note is that this slippage from God is not so easily detected because the gap between church and world remains the same, and so we seem, to ourselves, to be doing OK.

There is a little thing called the “Overton Window.” It is the term for an insight by a Joseph P. Overton that at any given point in the stream of a population’s public life there is a “window” that contains or frames a range of opinion that is currently acceptable. Outside that window lie the ideas considered wacko….Yesterday’s “radical” is today’s “acceptable.” Yesterday’s “unthinkable” is today’s merely “radical”—and, with a little deft manipulation, will be tomorrow’s “acceptable.” Given more time and massaging, “unthinkable” can go all the way to “popular” and then “policy.” “

Read the entire article, My Frank Wolf Moment