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Can we fully believe that children with special needs are used by God, perhaps in the profoundest of ways, to show us our deep needs and to present us with opportunities to serve “the least of these” and therefore Christ Himself?  In a culture assuring us of our right to demand comfort and ease, we destroy ourselves as a people when we destroy these precious “imperfect” lives that keep us fully human.  And the joke’s on the “perfect” us.  Strong bodies, sound minds–yet so often spiritually depraved as a result of our bodily prosperity.  As R.C. Sproul, Jr. said of his disabled daughter, “She is my spiritual better”.

Following up from Part 1 of Children With Disabilities, I thought the subject undone without a practical look at how the body of Christ should…no, MUST respond to these children and their families.

Adoption

I have been challenged to take an honest look at the subject of adoption.  Most of us maintain that it is a “calling”, but sometimes I wonder how conveniently we use that word to relieve ourselves of any pressure or responsibility we might feel if we considered what is asked of all believers.  Of course it’s not a reality for everyone. It doesn’t seem so for us at this very moment.  But have we been open to the possibility?  Have we trusted that God, if He wills, can provide in that area just like we trust Him to provide for those He gives us through the womb?  Perhaps some were meant to adopt and others were meant to fund those adoptions.  These are merely conversations we’re having that I think we all need to have.

Bearing Burdens

Secondly, I feel certain that helping families with special needs children is a command, inclusive in the command to share all of one another’s burdens.  Frankly, the body of Christ at large seems fairly lousy at sharing one another’s burdens and the state has happily taken over that job.  Will we give an account?  I think so.

I’m an amateur at this conversation.  Most of this post is just a random musing as I have not given this subject enough thought in the past.  This would be a great time for those of you in the trenches to jump in and share what you perceive to be the most important way fellow believers can help in these situations.

Pro-Life Hypocrites

A concluding thought comes to mind about children–disabled or not–and what I believe the birth control culture within the church has done to make us “pro-life hypocrites”.

The same woman who gasped in horror at the young couple when she found out they were expecting their third child never offered a meal or a hand to relieve them.  Does she really have a right, then, to flout her staunch opposition to abortion?  If all the women in her church espouse this conflicting view, this young couple would be forced into an ethical corner were they to find out the Lord has blessed them with another child.

And what has this woman done to relieve the lives of the couple with a disabled child?  Offered her best advice on birth control methods?

I submit that it’s time we draw a line in the sand of our own hearts.  Are we truly pro-life?  If so, it’s time to act like it.

What a thought-provoking article I read at Boundless called, Girlie Christianity. It struck so many chords with me.  It opened up a rivulet of thinking that brought some clarity to topics we discuss here often.  It really made me think.  I think you will love it.

“Maybe Christianity is sort of girlie….”

“All the music was so sentimental and touchy-feely,” he said. “And it went on and on as though the musicians were trying to work us up into a sugary trance. One more refrain of ‘His Banner Over Me is Luhhhv’ and I think I would have passed out. You know that song?”…

“Wait, I’m not finished. It’s also hard to sing. I used to think that’s just because I’m not a great singer, but I can sing other songs. This time it hit me. The problem is that most of it is pitched way too high for male voices. Wouldn’t you call that girlie?”

“It would certainly raise questions,” I answered.

“It sure raised questions for me. Then, when the offering was collected, a woman from the choir crooned a solo.”

“A hymn?”

“Not like that. More like Jesus was her boyfriend. I was actually embarrassed.”

“Oh.”

“And the sermon was gooey. Do you know what I mean? Lots of sweet sentiments about luhhhv, just like Nathan said — but nothing uncomfortable, nothing challenging, nothing that forced you to think, nothing that made you want to go out and do hard things….”

“Understand, Professor, I’m not against love. At least I don’t think I am. It’s just —” His shoulders slumped again. “It’s just that I’m a little tired of hearing about it right now.”

“I’m not so sure you’ve heard anything about love.”

He looked up. “Huh? Isn’t that what we’ve been talking about?”

“No, I think we’ve been talking about luhhhv….“

Read full article

“Shaped to live properly in this family” = HARD WORK.  Crucifying flesh is a basic theme in Scripture.  Where do you think that happens?

The more I ponder it, the more I can see why the body of Christ does not function as it ought.  Given the statements I just made, its antithesis is also true.  And because we aren’t being fully engaged in our families or learning to live properly among its members, the family is broken.  When the family is broken the church is broken.

And when I say “broken family” our thoughts default to divorced and single-parents homes.  But by “broken” I mean something as simple as children not taught to defer to each other because they are too busy or not together enough or the parents too distracted.  Broken is a child who doesn’t honor his parents.  Broken is a husband and wife not on the same team.  Broken is a rejection of  “more members”.  Broken is a segregated family.

How can there be unity among the body of Christ if there isn’t unity in the home?  How can we be “members fitly joined together” when we are disjointed in our homes?  How can we yearn for a bigger church and spurn a bigger family?  How can we show the world the faithfulness of Christ to His bride and the love of a Parent-God if we can’t show it from our homes?

It starts here.  Here is where we learn to grow together and forgive each other and nurture our relationships.  We honor one another here or we can’t honor elsewhere.  We learn to serve each other here or we can’t really serve anywhere else.  Husband to wife, parents to children, sibling to sibling–this is our starting place.  If we miss it here, if the body is dislocated here, what hope is there that it will fit rightly in the Church?

I’m exasperated of seeing churches pull its members apart in every direction and then expect the church to be healthy!  “Go and make disciples”? First we must “stay” and make them.

There are a few topics that I jump on a soap box about. I’ve been accused of “majoring on the minor” about those topics. Two of them are the way we view children and the way we approach marriage.

Newsflash: Those aren’t minor topics. Just those two topics completely change our lives, our marriages, our parenting and our society.

My burden is for the body of Christ. People say, “you don’t talk about grace enough”.  I say if we understand grace properly it changes the way we live and I don’t think people are talking about that enough.

A believer who has been made so by the redemptive work of Christ should give his life afterward to pursing Him and becoming a disciple. His very life–the way he lives in every part–should reflect the life-changing power of the Savior. That is a point that shouldn’t have to be rehashed; that is why I don’t “talk about grace” more than I do. Grace is the foundational force which changes the way we live.

But we’re not living it.

And that’s what I feel compelled to talk about.

Godly marriage advice?

Recently an older woman, a woman who has been a Christian for years, a pillar-member of her church, asked me if my daughter was dating anyone.

Digging for a short answer I replied, “No, we’re waiting until she’s ready to get married before she looks for a husband.”

She turned to my daughter and said sincerely, with a sober face, “Just make sure he’s rich and treats you good, and if he’s nice-looking that would be good too”.

That was her shining, Titus 2 moment.

“But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction…But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.“ 1 Timothy 6:9

I was so deflated. I answered (gently, and with a smile), “Well, actually our main criterion is that he loves the Lord.”

If young women can’t get solid, biblical counsel from the matriarchs of the church, then where’s the hope?

Watch for a post soon on the problem with her question in the first place: why I think Christians should be appalled by the dating system.

I would encourage all of you older women to earnestly seek opportunities to teach the younger women what the word of God says.  Even in the small moments your words can have tremendous impact.

“Do you see that the church is completely dependent on what is taught in the homes of its people? Likewise the civil society is also dependent on it. What has happened over the last 50 years is that self-discipline is no longer being taught in the home, either because parents are not present or because they have chosen not to take the difficult task of parenting seriously enough.”

“A New Kind of Church” by Eric Rauch points out the error in Brian McClaren’s book, A New Kind of Christianity and poignantly describes the proper way we must think about the church if we desire to see its effectual power around us:

It starts in the home!

“Remember that God ordained three separate and distinct realms of government…The most basic of all of these realms is, of course, the family, and basic to the proper operation of the family is the practice of self-government. No family, church, or society will exist long with members that are not self-governed (self-disciplined).”

As I’ve said, we go to a family-integrated church where it is the norm for families to sit together, so it helps that the children serve as peer influences on each other.  “Everyone else is doing it.”

But here are some things we’ve done, some of which were given to me by older women:

After we pass the nursing stage (while nursing, I usually try to go back in after feeding, though sometimes I stay if baby is sleeping as we have a speaker in the cry room), we have the smallest ones sit on mine or my husband’s lap.  Gentle, whispering reminders serve to explain what’s expected (Shhh…we’re praying.  Be still…)

Someone mentioned in yesterday’s thread that the real training takes place at home, and I believe that to be true.  If the children are basically obedient and obey voice commands, church training follows fairly easily.

However, between the ages of 12 mo. and 2 years the training can be the most intense.  This is where a child, after proper voice commands, would be taken out for disipline.  The important thing is to bring him right back in.  If it persists, there would be a limit to the number of times I would take a child out for the sake of disruption, but I would certainly make a note of the areas of training lacking at home in this case and try to practice.  Sometimes a squeeze on the leg and a low whisper is all you need.  By the way, in most cases, my husband takes a child out.

If you take a disruptive child out to let him play, I believe it slows down and even hinders the process.  You’re only training him to know that misbehavior has a reward.

(With all that said, if this is a new thing, give yourself, and your child some grace.  Take it slow.  Set timed goals (half the service) and reward for meeting those.  Work on sitting still at home while someone reads.  Make sure they’ve gotten plenty of sleep, and consider whether he doesn’t feel well.  Don’t get discouraged!)

Another tip I got from my friend:

If you are struggling with a child, take him just outside the service–maybe in the foyer–with a chair facing the sanctuary.  Sit in that chair and pay attention as you would if you were in the service.  Use the same voice commands and discipline as before.  This way, it is less disruptive, the child is practicing, and you are maintaining your expectations and not just taking him out to “give up”.

Some families give their young children special books or drawing pads just for church.  I also think it’s important to talk about expectations and the meaning of worship before you go in.  It’s an excellent way to emphasize the reverence with which we are to approach the place of worship.

Stay tuned for some challenging thoughts from others on family worship.

A friend of mine brought up a very thought-provoking observation (thank you Mr. Schultz!):

Ask most people how they measure the success of their church and “growth” is almost always the first answer.  We generally acknowledge that a church “bursting at the seams” is doing well, while a church whose members are dwindling is looked upon as a sad, unfortunate plight.

And while there is a whole different discussion about the inaccuracy of our measurement of Kingdom growth (Jesus’ entire earthly ministry solicited less than 100 followers) as it relates to numbers, I find it entirely ironic and downright ignorant on our part that church growth is celebrated while family growth (where Christians should assume that added members will be discipled and brought up in the faith) is frowned upon and even discouraged.

Do we not ever think about our logic? Why can’t we at least be consistent?

What would you say (would you be bold enough to say anything) if when you arrived at church Sunday with a visitor, standing at the door is your pastor.

“I’m so sorry, she can’t come in.”

“Excuse me?” You ask. 

“We have too many members and quite frankly our budget won’t allow for another one.  Not only that but we’re just too busy to tell another person about the gospel.  What with all the new buildings and activities–we can barely keep up with the ones we have…are you crazy?  Do you honestly think adding another member is a wise decision?”

Go ye therefore, and ponder.

“Kelly, you seem to elevate this topic over the others…”

“Kelly, why do you interfere in personal matters?”

“Kelly, why don’t you just live and not talk about these things, and let the Holy Spirit work as he wishes?”

The Lord providentially brought this message by Dr. Voddie Baucham into my hearing (without my looking for answers), and I could barely contain the outpouring of my soul about “why” indeed, I am compelled to talk about the things I do.  In his profound message lies the answer.

Just personal matters?

It’s interesting that all throughout Scripture, instruction was given to the people of God as a group–a body.   Suffice it to say, our personal choices profoundly affect the “body”.  We are not separate entities, no more than your arm is separate from the rest of your body.  And while it is true, each man will stand or fall before the Judge, as Christians, it would be naive to assume that the body will not suffer if its members have a skewed, biblical world-view.  This, I believe, is the reason that Paul so carefully instructed Titus to “teach sound doctrine”; specifically as it relates to personal, daily living.  It’s the reason God repeatedly sent messengers to instruct His people.  (We are all messengers now.  And I believe our lack of understanding of that has caused the church to indulge in error without check.  We no longer “admonish one another” or check each other–which is why I said I’m thankful for the above questions and challenges some readers are willing to make.)

Why do I seem to elevate some topics?

The topic of children has mainly been the brunt of this comment.  It is important to understand a few things…one, I don’t discuss matters of salvation much here–admittedly the most important topic–because my blog is directed toward believers.  Hopefully, we’re beyond the fundamentals.

Secondly, I think few people realize how profoundly important our view of children is to the Kingdom work of Christ.  I truly believe a wrong view of children is one of the foundational errors in the church and has had enormous implications for our evangelism and spreading of the gospel.  We like to think it’s an isolated issue of privacy, irrelevant to anything spiritual.  And as Dr. Baucham so passionately articulates in his message,  nothing could be farther from the truth.  God has written in our very bodies His will for us concerning children.  He didn’t even have to mention it in Scripture, yet He continued to reinforce the importance of a right view of children.  Forget the details! They are so often what create the controversy during these debates.  The details can, indeed, be left for individuals to make choices regarding their family’s circumstances.  But let’s get our over-arching view of children right, consistent with God’s view of children! After that, the details are going to work themselves out.  I’ll let Dr. Baucham “bring it home”

His message–if we could just get this one thing– would radically change the face of our culture.  It’s big, ladies, it’s big!!!  Perhaps the family could gather around and listen during family time, but whatever you do, make time for you and your husband to listen to this 20 minute message.  Then pass it on!  It is so passionate, so encouraging and it’ll make ya wanna shout!

Dr. Voddie Baucham’s message:

The Centrality of the Home in the Evangelism and Discipleship of the Next Generation

Platt is the real McCoy–he has a profound grasp of truth. This clip is only 9 minutes long–I urge you to listen.  Sometimes the simplicity of Scripture just smacks you in the forehead.

Added as an afterthought…

The profoundness of this message to me was the observation that Jesus spent most of his entire ministry with just 12 men–his spiritual children. Discipleship. He was not interested in numbers.   He focused on taking the few “His father had given Him” and pouring into their lives so that there would be substance to their walk, not just a profession of faith.

At the end of his ministry, “He only had 150 people to show for it”. That doesn’t mean he wasn’t concerned about seeing the Kingdom advance. I think that was exactly what He was concerned with, but understood that faithful followers were more than those who had “accepted Christ”. Only those with a deep, growing faith, willing to “deny themselves and take up their cross” could follow Him.

He preached a hard gospel; perhaps that’s why so few followed Him. Perhaps that’s why we can boast of numbers but not power to transform. Look at what we’ve done, and how opposite it is of Christ’s method!

His 150 little followers lit a blaze that kept Christianity alive and growing until today. There was substance there that enabled them to
remain faithful through the most tortuous of persecution.

Today, we coddle and bend over backwards to disguise any truth that may turn someone away. We preach comfort and grace but neglect to tell others their desperate need of a Savior because of sin. But our numbers don’t reconcile the mess we’re in.

Wow…got a little carried away–sorry. Just want us to really think!

Lord, my spirit is willing, but indeed, my flesh is weak.  Look on me and remember I am but dust, yet Image-formed and God-breathed.  Today is the day of  “worship”.  We all worship because You have created us for that end.  It is the object worshiped that differs from man to man.

And on this day, even those of us who call You our object of worship will still worship self in some sense.  Maybe that is a self-preservation you have built within; maybe it’s our constant battle to deny ourselves in order that we may truly find who we are.

Beckon my eyes heavenward, my heart to hush and listen to Your sweet voice, my soul to fall prostrate at your Majesty, my hands to cease and receive this day of rest as I simply bask in the love, comfort and power that is found in You…my Rock and my Redeemer.