New Wave of Feminist Giving up Careers to Stay Home

“because they want to“, the rest of the title reads.

This article fascinated me simply because the conversation contained the same conventional points anti-feminists have been making for years (and getting scolded for) but yet they were made as if it were newly discovered information. And somehow, because these are self-acclaimed feminists who are choosing to leave a career, their decision seems to be more validated by the public.

This, of one woman who left her career as a financial adviser and “has no plans of returning”:

“Rather than a sacrifice, she feels it is a privilege to oversee ‘not just what they do, but what they believe, how they talk to other children, what kind of story we read together. That’s all dictated by me. Not by my nanny or my babysitter.’”

Even Anne-Marie Slaughter, still pushing for work-place programs so women “can have it all”, admits:

“…this new breed of women could be on to something. ‘Are there characteristics inherent in sex differences that make women more nurturing and men more assertive?’ she asks in Lean In. ‘Quite possibly.’”

I am greatly encouraged, whatever way it comes, that the obvious, natural pull to nurture one’s children is returning, even among the feminist-minded. God be praised and may the peace that these women speak of confirm their conclusion that home is worth their all.

“Family is what is important in life – not pushing papers at some crap job.”

Well, that’s one way to say it.

Read the rest of Rise of the Happy Housewife

Feminism: The Real War Against Women

Though feminism has been touted as “all about protecting women”, feminism has killed more women than the holocaust and all other wars put together. Feminism has brought a steady increase in violent crimes against women. Feminism has attempted to stamp out the importance of motherhood, mothers raising their children and the stability of home life, evidenced in an ever-increasing cycle of individual break down, marital breakdown, family breakdown and societal breakdown.

And we’re happy about this?

And now, still not content with the damage they’ve done, we’re on the brink of erasing all protective measures of our women in the military. Because seeing our daughters drafted to war one day would be the final triumph and ultimate celebration. (*sarcasm)

In Sweden, you can send your child to a gender-free preschool so he, I’m sorry, so “your child” can be de-brainwashed from the “dangerous indoctrination” that there is a difference between male and female.

A mom of a preschooler in NY is outraged because her son’s teacher encourages “gentlemanly” behavior, specifically, encouraging boys to let girls go first. “This adorable little boy, who is only beginning to learn the ways of the world, just got his first lesson in sexism…” Without even defending why I think she’s wrong, here’s a tip: if you aren’t willing to teach your own son what you want him to learn about the world, don’t complain about his teacher’s worldview.

If feminism ever had, somewhere within its core, a sincere desire to protect women and prevent abuses (and I think some at least thought that was what they were fighting for), it has gone badly awry, scoffed at the Creator in the most disgusting way, and we are reaping the judgement of our own foolishness. While I’m not naive to the real abuses women have suffered, the feminist answer was the wrong one.

Steven Wedgeworth, in Women at War said something profound–something of which we must ALL remember and remind ourselves:

“We need to make this message plain: Feminism is chauvinism. It shares the belief that traditional “women’s roles” are undesirable and second best. As such, it seeks to make women as much like men as possible. The irony in all of this is that it is almost always a step down….It should also be obvious that this means a net loss for humanity. (Emphasis mine.) Whereas we previously had more, man and woman, we now have less, man and man-aping woman.”

and, this is key:

“The home used to be a center of agriculture, economic affairs, and education. For the woman to be a “homemaker” was to be an executive over the central nervous system of society. It was to be a master of arts. It was to be a farmer. It was to be a maker. It was to be a temple, a sacrament, a superlative. Perhaps I’m idealizing things a bit, as the past could indeed be quite dull and gloomy for all genders. Still, I don’t think I’m saying anything that Dorothy Sayers didn’t already say. The home used to be the place of oikonomia. As it lost that function, the notion that anyone would be stuck there became torment. To combat self-alienation, we’ve got to recover a true sense of “the home.” In what ways can it be that place of central affairs today, or perhaps more importantly, what analogous locations (and vocations) can we emphasize as especially important for “home” life?”

Our view of home changed our view of women. The true view of women never needed to be defended. We only needed to go back to the original design, glory in our created differences, and let the Creator, who knows how to best run His universe, tell us what is best for us.

“To win the war against women, we have to prioritize women.”

Home must be revived and restored to mean more than “a place people sleep and sometimes eat”. We must persuade the masses, again, that shaping the next generation is a pretty big deal and needs a full time, devoted, intelligent, powerful, wise mother to do the job. We must find and relish our real power–that the Lord has given us–for ruling the world.

Also, don’t miss this excellent article, by Col. John Ripley. on The Assignment of Women in the Armed Forces.

The Difficulty of Mothering Alone and a Call for Older Women

In my last newsletter I asked for feedback about the topics you would like to see covered here. I got a ton of wonderful replies–thank you!!

A common “voice” I seemed to hear revealed the difficulty and challenges of motherhood. Motherhood is already hard. But motherhood that embraces home education, being with children all day (and possibly having more children than the average) and being deliberate about raising mature men and women of God–that is an “in the trenches” kind of life and really, it’s new to so many of us.

I’ve heard from women who are tired, feel alone and are discouraged, and while I ache to read it, I am ever more challenged to try to make this a place of encouragement, refreshment, and fuel for the journey.

I believe one of the most tragic and unfortunate reasons young mothers are struggling is the absence of support by older women in the family and church. Though Scripture so carefully describes the church as a body, with each member looking out for the needs of others, I believe many young mothers feel like “amputated limbs” left to figure it all out and muscle up the strength to battle by themselves.

This was never God’s intention. Of course the unraveling has been gradual and complicated. As the importance of the work of mothers has been de-emphasized in the culture, the feminist influences have reached the church as well. As career has taken precedence over raising the next generation, even mothers choosing to stay at home with little ones are going back to work afterward, leaving a dearth of Titus 2 mentors to under-gird the next generation of families.

Because the blessing of children has been undermined by a materialist culture, a woman with more than a few children isn’t only left alone, but scoffed for her “irresponsibility”. As most are convinced that the government should be the ones educating our children, she is further scoffed for attempting to do it herself.

No wonder there is such loneliness! Truly God’s heart must break as the church has neglected to care for this hard-working member of the Body.

So I would encourage younger and older women in this way:

If you are an older woman with grown children, your ministry is ripe! There are young mothers who would so love a friend to come alongside them, talk with them, encourage them and help them. Please don’t think your work is over. And don’t buy the lie that “you’ve done your part and now you get to cruise”. There is always work to be done until He returns. We are to be about our Father’s business.

If you are younger, seek out an older woman and befriend her. Look for wisdom. Sometimes, in our autonomous culture, women may simply not want to interfere. Tell her you need her and don’t be afraid. Admit your struggles.  We must learn to be more transparent with each other, acknowledging that trials are NOT a sign of being out of God’s will.

And finally, remember that Jesus struggled, the disciples struggled, men and women of faith have always struggled, endured persecution and “worn themselves out” for the Kingdom’s sake. It helps me when I give myself a new perspective, a pep talk, a reminder that “good things are hard things”.

I will be attempting to address and invite you to chime in on some of the subjects women have written me about. I’m thankful there is this medium for encouragement, though it is no replacement for real relationships. Stay the course for we will bring our talents before the Lord. Let us be faithful stewards, even in our weaknesses, of what He has given us. Let us relish the joys of this season for it is quickly passing.

“Let us lay aside every weight and measure which so easily besets us and run with patience the race that is set before us.”

This. is. good. work.

(Need practical help and encouragement as a mom? When Motherhood Feels Too Hard–the book that will change the way you parent.)

Why I’m Not Teaching My Children to Follow Their Dreams

“What if your daughter wanted to be an interior designer? Go to school and become a professional? I’m only asking what if. Would you push her to stay at home or to follow her dreams?”

I was asked this question during a topic about a woman’s calling to be a “keeper at home”.

I could write a book about all the ways a woman is free to “be all she can be” and still remain in the realm of helpmeet and keeper at home, about the glories of being freed from the slavery of someone else’s clock and schedule and agenda.

But before all of that, we must be grounded in the basic teaching of Scripture about the call of a Christian, which directly opposes the teaching of feminism.

Notice in the comment above…”follow her dreams?”

I can not find anything in Scripture that encourages us to “follow our dreams”. In fact, quite the contrary. My Bible says to “deny yourself and follow Me”. Oprah Winfrey says to “follow your dreams”.

Fundamental to all that we teach our children should be a denying of self, at all costs, and a “seeking first the kingdom of God”. Dying to live, seeking what is eternal, others before ourselves–that is the theme that weaves true Christianity. Have you read the story of Christians who lived in the catacombs? Such sacrificial living is so foreign to us we can’t even imagine it. The giving up, not only of “all our dreams”, but even the very security of life and the simple joys of daily sunshine pushed these Christians to live in unthinkable conditions. They understood “losing your life to save it”.

Now the irony is that if we desire obedience above all else, He will give us the desires of our heart. But obedience is paramount; not following my dreams.

(As an aside, since coming home to work full time for my family, my “dream” of becoming a writer has become a reality in ways I never could have planned on my own. I know He cares about our loves and gifts.)

This is why man’s wisdom is so dangerous. It is most often driven by flesh–my dreams, my goals, my ambitions, my desires. Obedience requires faith to do what I cannot understand; to believe what may not make sense.

In my flesh, it may not seem reasonable to be a keeper at home. But if the Bible says that being a keeper at home keeps the Word of God from being blasphemed, then it is not my job to question the logic. I just have to obey in faith, and watch how mysteriously wonderfully God adds “all these things” unto me.

Am I teaching my children to follow their dreams? No; I’m teaching them to follow Christ, in whom all their dreams will be fulfilled.

“For the kingdom to shine we must not seek to do great things but seek to die great deaths. We could be heroes, if just for one day.” R.C. Sproul, Jr.

The (Lost) Art of Being Graceful

Is “the graceful woman” lost in today’s “anything you can do, I can do better” world?

I find the study of women in society and how drastically they’ve changed over the years to be positively riveting. And I like to ask questions about it. “Why?” “Are we better for it?”

Gracefulness conjures up a number of characteristics: poise, eloquence, refinement, beauty.

I think of the Proverbs 31 woman as graceful. Not “fragile”, though gracefulness surely must contain “delicacy” in her demeanor, but a strength and dignity that exudes from her. I picture calmness, stateliness, a self-controlled form in movement and carriage. I imagine, since “the law of kindness is on her tongue” that her words come from a disciplined spirit (it’s a law that rules it!) and carry a certain weight of dignity and import because they are meaningful and not wasteful.

It is hard to find gracefulness these days. I’ve tried. And when I do see a woman who displays the rare manners that were once highly sought after and cultivated, she stands out.

I’m not talking about “putting on airs”. But I do find it perfectly acceptable to “practice” gracefulness until it becomes habit.

The Bible speaks of letting our adornment be of the “inner man”…a meek and quiet spirit. And as we seek those characteristics that Christ Himself so perfectly demonstrated, our outward demeanor will meet it.

I want to be a woman whose inner character spills into her outer deportment. A woman of grace and true beauty, not the idolatry of beauty found on the magazine stand.

What is “gracefulness” to you? Perhaps we have been so influenced by the masculine sirens of the feminist movement that we must revisit some basic etiquette. I’m thinking out loud…would love to hear your thoughts!

Preparing My Two-Year-Old for Her Wedding

I ran across this older picture of Mallie. So yeah, maybe as we read through Proverbs 31 we'll hang out in the "clothes herself with fine linens" section.

“Unless God gives you the unique gift of singleness, the Bible says ‘it is a good thing’ for you to get married and have a family. Raise your hand if you hope to be a wife and mother one day”, I asked my little girls, down to the two-year-old.

And then I read….

“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12

That’s packed full of good stuff! “Who can find her?” She was rare then and rare now. An “excellent wife” isn’t just born. I want my girls to know that raising children and being a wife is a monumental task. One that will require all their energies, all their hearts and all their attention. It will utilize all their gifts and creativity. It will take enormous wisdom and fortitude. It is a full time job. That is, to be an “excellent” wife. A “virtuous” wife. It’s a job for which they must begin now to prepare.

We must do the counter-cultural job of teaching our girls, from a young age, that they are likely entering upon the job of a lifetime–a job that will change the world if they embrace it. We must be willing to bear the criticism (ironic, isn’t it?) and teach them to as well. We must learn to give an answer in truth and in love.

It always stumps me that the job of helping a husband, running an efficient home and raising the next generation has been ridiculed into a tiny corner until it is hardly recognized as a “job” anymore. Marriages, the ministry of home, children-turning-adults…how could any other pursuit be more worth our following?

That part doesn’t surprise me. What does surprise me, and saddens me, is that Christians followed suit. We know better. And until we reclaim the home as a place in which soldiers are raised, marriages become a reflection of the gospel, and the family gains enough strength to reach beyond itself and lend a life-saving hand to the lost, we will continue to wonder why the church is impotent and our society ravished.

Yes, it takes time to undo generations of effects that pull some from home. But we have to have a “true north” starting point. We have to recognize truth before we can follow it.

It is our one mission, dear Church, to glorify Him with our lives. It is our mission to stop bending the knee to a humanistic god. It is our mission to raise children who will carry the Light of Christ, the Hope of the world, into the next generation.

Let’s do it.