Why I’m Not Teaching My Children to Follow Their Dreams

“What if your daughter wanted to be an interior designer? Go to school and become a professional? I’m only asking what if. Would you push her to stay at home or to follow her dreams?”

I was asked this question during a topic about a woman’s calling to be a “keeper at home”.

I could write a book about all the ways a woman is free to “be all she can be” and still remain in the realm of helpmeet and keeper at home, about the glories of being freed from the slavery of someone else’s clock and schedule and agenda.

But before all of that, we must be grounded in the basic teaching of Scripture about the call of a Christian, which directly opposes the teaching of feminism.

Notice in the comment above…”follow her dreams?”

I can not find anything in Scripture that encourages us to “follow our dreams”. In fact, quite the contrary. My Bible says to “deny yourself and follow Me”. Oprah Winfrey says to “follow your dreams”.

Fundamental to all that we teach our children should be a denying of self, at all costs, and a “seeking first the kingdom of God”. Dying to live, seeking what is eternal, others before ourselves–that is the theme that weaves true Christianity. Have you read the story of Christians who lived in the catacombs? Such sacrificial living is so foreign to us we can’t even imagine it. The giving up, not only of “all our dreams”, but even the very security of life and the simple joys of daily sunshine pushed these Christians to live in unthinkable conditions. They understood “losing your life to save it”.

Now the irony is that if we desire obedience above all else, He will give us the desires of our heart. But obedience is paramount; not following my dreams.

(As an aside, since coming home to work full time for my family, my “dream” of becoming a writer has become a reality in ways I never could have planned on my own. I know He cares about our loves and gifts.)

This is why man’s wisdom is so dangerous. It is most often driven by flesh–my dreams, my goals, my ambitions, my desires. Obedience requires faith to do what I cannot understand; to believe what may not make sense.

In my flesh, it may not seem reasonable to be a keeper at home. But if the Bible says that being a keeper at home keeps the Word of God from being blasphemed, then it is not my job to question the logic. I just have to obey in faith, and watch how mysteriously wonderfully God adds “all these things” unto me.

Am I teaching my children to follow their dreams? No; I’m teaching them to follow Christ, in whom all their dreams will be fulfilled.

“For the kingdom to shine we must not seek to do great things but seek to die great deaths. We could be heroes, if just for one day.” R.C. Sproul, Jr.

The (Lost) Art of Being Graceful

Is “the graceful woman” lost in today’s “anything you can do, I can do better” world?

I find the study of women in society and how drastically they’ve changed over the years to be positively riveting. And I like to ask questions about it. “Why?” “Are we better for it?”

Gracefulness conjures up a number of characteristics: poise, eloquence, refinement, beauty.

I think of the Proverbs 31 woman as graceful. Not “fragile”, though gracefulness surely must contain “delicacy” in her demeanor, but a strength and dignity that exudes from her. I picture calmness, stateliness, a self-controlled form in movement and carriage. I imagine, since “the law of kindness is on her tongue” that her words come from a disciplined spirit (it’s a law that rules it!) and carry a certain weight of dignity and import because they are meaningful and not wasteful.

It is hard to find gracefulness these days. I’ve tried. And when I do see a woman who displays the rare manners that were once highly sought after and cultivated, she stands out.

I’m not talking about “putting on airs”. But I do find it perfectly acceptable to “practice” gracefulness until it becomes habit.

The Bible speaks of letting our adornment be of the “inner man”…a meek and quiet spirit. And as we seek those characteristics that Christ Himself so perfectly demonstrated, our outward demeanor will meet it.

I want to be a woman whose inner character spills into her outer deportment. A woman of grace and true beauty, not the idolatry of beauty found on the magazine stand.

What is “gracefulness” to you? Perhaps we have been so influenced by the masculine sirens of the feminist movement that we must revisit some basic etiquette. I’m thinking out loud…would love to hear your thoughts!

Preparing My Two-Year-Old for Her Wedding

I ran across this older picture of Mallie. So yeah, maybe as we read through Proverbs 31 we'll hang out in the "clothes herself with fine linens" section.

“Unless God gives you the unique gift of singleness, the Bible says ‘it is a good thing’ for you to get married and have a family. Raise your hand if you hope to be a wife and mother one day”, I asked my little girls, down to the two-year-old.

And then I read….

“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12

That’s packed full of good stuff! “Who can find her?” She was rare then and rare now. An “excellent wife” isn’t just born. I want my girls to know that raising children and being a wife is a monumental task. One that will require all their energies, all their hearts and all their attention. It will utilize all their gifts and creativity. It will take enormous wisdom and fortitude. It is a full time job. That is, to be an “excellent” wife. A “virtuous” wife. It’s a job for which they must begin now to prepare.

We must do the counter-cultural job of teaching our girls, from a young age, that they are likely entering upon the job of a lifetime–a job that will change the world if they embrace it. We must be willing to bear the criticism (ironic, isn’t it?) and teach them to as well. We must learn to give an answer in truth and in love.

It always stumps me that the job of helping a husband, running an efficient home and raising the next generation has been ridiculed into a tiny corner until it is hardly recognized as a “job” anymore. Marriages, the ministry of home, children-turning-adults…how could any other pursuit be more worth our following?

That part doesn’t surprise me. What does surprise me, and saddens me, is that Christians followed suit. We know better. And until we reclaim the home as a place in which soldiers are raised, marriages become a reflection of the gospel, and the family gains enough strength to reach beyond itself and lend a life-saving hand to the lost, we will continue to wonder why the church is impotent and our society ravished.

Yes, it takes time to undo generations of effects that pull some from home. But we have to have a “true north” starting point. We have to recognize truth before we can follow it.

It is our one mission, dear Church, to glorify Him with our lives. It is our mission to stop bending the knee to a humanistic god. It is our mission to raise children who will carry the Light of Christ, the Hope of the world, into the next generation.

Let’s do it.

Confessions of a Woman Duped by Feminism

Since it doesn’t look like there’s a baby in my very near future and I’m largely restricted (no pun intended) to the couch these days, I thought I might as well bring up a controversial discussion  Maybe it will make me go into labor.

I received this email from my inbox last week and it pierced my heart…

“Dear Kelly,

I wanted to write to encourage you to keep speaking on the hard topics–I wish someone had told me.

I went the typical routine–high school–”what are you going do now”–college–then pursuing my “good job” because that’s what you do and besides, you need to be able to take care of yourself.

I get married in my early twenties, we made good money and we spent it well:  nice house, new furniture, two new cars, vacations, etc.

When my first baby came along, I was blown away by my love for her. And not once had I thought about (or been told) that given the lifestyle we had acquired, I would be forced to go back to work when she was just a few months old.  It floored me.

But surprisingly, no one else seemed to think it odd that I was struggling.  It’s what everyone did.  Of course we were obligated to find best day care and that would make all the difference, and then I could carry on, guilt-free, fulfilling my duty as a wife who made half the income.  But when I handed my tiny baby over into the hands of someone I barely new, I might as well have given her my heart too.

Here’s the one thing I can’t get past: if feminism is so “liberating”, why did I feel so enslaved, without a choice, (emphasis mine) bound to a decision I didn’t want to make?  The choice was being a mother who could take care of and nurture this beautiful gift God had given me, or handing her over to a complete stranger and go back to my “liberating job”, because I’m a woman and I can do what I want to do.

What kind of choice is that? “You can have it all?” No you can’t.  And it’s cruel to even suggest it.

I know not all women will feel this way, and from my experience, it’s because the whole movement itself was intended to callous a mother’s heart toward her children and family so she would be more aggressive in the man’s world.  They knew unless she was brainwashed to think that motherhood was just a side job and anyone else could do as good as she could, women would never “roar and conquer” in the man’s world.

And I’ll go ahead and add that I think the whole idea was Satan’s in the first place…what a clever way to destroy families than to get Mom out of the home?

But some of us kept our tender love in tact and have lived to regret that not one woman cared enough to tell me that the pursuit of motherhood was worthy of my entire devotion.”

Heart-broken,

Leah

 

Man Whisperer vs. True Woman

“The self-proclaimed feminist authors claim that feminism has made a mess of male/female relationships. “Feminism teaches women that they are equal to men, but when it comes to love, romance, attraction, and chemistry – men don’t fall in love with a woman because she is an equal. Men fall in love with women who are their compliment: feminine, loving and appreciative.”

Gotta love it!  Turns out the Bible is right after all, we just have different motives for following its principles.

Read the rest of Man Whisperer vs. True Woman

Don’t forget to come back and tell me what you think!

Stop Denying the Truth About Feminism and Its Harmful Effects

All it takes is a word about feminism, like yesterday’s post, and the feminists jump up to defend it.  ”Feminism is ONLY about choice,” they say.  ”You sound ignorant when you stereotype feminists as being against the stay-at-home mom.”

Many women still desperately want to believe that feminism is only about total freedom of choice.  That it’s only about valuing all vocations and making sure no one is abused.  No doubt, many women who call themselves feminist do sincerely hold to these claims. But the movement itself doesn’t even pretend about its agenda.  It is not about choice.

One only need listen to its proponents to hear its agenda:

Gloria Feldt, leading feminist activist and former CEO of Planned Parenthood, was interviewed by the NY Times, clearly stating the truth about feminism.  Why are feminist still defending what is being openly taught?

“It should be acceptable criticism to point out that, although everyone has the right to make their own life decisions, choosing to “opt out” reinforces stereotypes about women’s priorities that we’ve been working for decades to shatter, so just cut it out. And, the “individual choice” women have to become stay-at-home moms becomes precarious when they try to return to the workplace and find their earning power and options reduced. If we could see child-rearing as a necessary task and not an identity, and if we could collectively recognize that facilitating it benefits us all, we would go much further in guaranteeing women’s choices than we do when we are expected to uncritically celebrate every individual’s decisions.” From Where is the Female Steve Jobs

In case you missed it, here’s what Feldt is saying:

“Technically women have a choice but if you make the choice to be a stay at home mom you destroy everything feminism has worked to gain so we must criticize (and that should be acceptable) the women who choose to stay home with their children.  Oh, and raising children is just a task that anyone can do.”

Perhaps you get tired of my talking about feminism.  Perhaps you don’t realize how important it is that we understand its true colors and recognize its dangers to the family and ultimately to all of us.  I get really impatient with the defense of feminism and the accusations that I’m simply “uninformed” when there is such blatant evidence of the feminist agenda splattered across the NT Times and everywhere else you care to look.

There is no reason to get upset at those of us who oppose the true agenda behind feminism.  It is precisely because I desire to defend women and children and families that I fight so vehemently against it!  I know the typical replies: “Because of feminism women can vote and women can work and women can do such and such.” Let it be said that I don’t propose that nothing good has come out of the feminist agenda.  But the harm far outweighs the benefits (I for one don’t get excited about “my right to vote”.  I had a right before women’s suffrage.  The right to stay in my cozy house while my one-flesh husband casted our house vote )

I don’t have to be a feminist to recognize the incredible value of women.  I don’t have to be a feminist to feel empowered.  I was crafted by the Master Creator with the ultimate gifts and abilities to make the world a better place.  As feminists continue to destroy the blessedness of home, let us weep for their destruction and never stop proclaiming the truth that God’s blueprint for family is the only hope for salvaging society.