Diapers, Dishes & Dominion: Why You Need to Change Your Mind About Diapers

My friend, Leah, is another “mother in the trenches” with a vision as big as Texas. She has written a profoundly important book for mothers who are struggling with fear, insignificance and purpose.

Diapers, Dishes and Dominion combats the destructive message of “peripheral motherhood” and replaces it with the inspiring message of what mothers can do to change the world when they grasp their influence and responsibility.

Here’s a bit about the book:

“Change your mind about changing diapers and you could change the world.

It’s hard being a wife and mother. The constant barrage of feminist propaganda tells stay-at-home moms their lives are insignificant, and inner discontentment can spring up from the mundane frictions of daily routine. From many sources, Christian housewives are under attack every day. And for some of them, a bad day has become their whole lives.

Author Leah Smith was in that boat: plagued by shapeless anxieties and prod- ded by nameless longings. She was ready to give up on marriage, family… even life. And she didn’t even know why. One night, she asked God to liberate her from her fears. Right then, she began a journey of freedom into the truth. Her life has never been the same.

Diapers, Dishes & Dominion is a product of that journey — a summary record of the truths God can use to transform ordinary Christian housewives into His weapons of mass reconstruction. In simple and straightforward language, Leah exposes some of the most prevalent lies Satan uses to keep Christian women irrelevant in God’s Kingdom, and she presents biblical truths these wives and mothers need to know in order to change the world — one diaper at a time.

Every wife and mother who wants to make an impact needs to read Diapers, Dishes & Dominion.

The first step to changing the world is changing your mind.”

Listen to Leah’s interview with Kevin Swanson from Generations With Vision!

Going Green God’s Way: The Environmental Irony of a Large Family

Every now and then I suppose it’s fun to get to hear my southern accent and see first hand why I prefer to write instead of speak

I recorded this video about 3 years ago (Kyla, the baby is now 4) but decided to resurrect it.

Here is my disclaimer:

“I forgot to make the point with the divorce statistics that it is true that the more children a couple has, the more likely they are to remain together.

Of course there are exceptions–this is a “blanket observation”, primarily to point out the irony of the typical environmentalist’s gripe with large families, and not to be taken specifically for all families…not all large families are resourceful, and many single people are very resourceful. That, of course, is not the point.” 

Worldview of Children: Our View Does Change the World

Fertility is a tricky thing…most consider it a private issue with little consequence except how it will affect their own family vacations (unless you encounter a family with more than three children, and then you’re allowed to prod into their sex lives …but I digress).

However, it is my particular opinion that NOTHING changed our culture and the face of Christianity as much as our changed worldview of children. NOTHING. (Try your mind at the “connect-the-dots” related to our view of children. I won’t get to it in this post; perhaps another day.)

And for that reason, I also believe it is our urgent duty to challenge each other, in the body of Christ, to consider our worldview here.

Your worldview shapes every decision you make. Everyone has a worldview, whether consciously or not. If you don’t deliberately form your worldview around the principles and laws of God’s Word, you will take the default view of the culture and that will shape your life choices. For a Christian, that is very serious. “Do not love the world or anything in the world”.

A worldview refers to the framework of ideas and beliefs through which we interpret the world and interact with it.  A worldview describes a consistent (to a varying degree) and integral sense of existence and provides a framework for generating, sustaining, and applying knowledge. (From Wikipedia)

Regarding children, the fundamental questions must be answered for us to form a correct worldview. Who creates life? What is their purpose?  What is our purpose?

And we begin to unravel that...that our purpose here, according to Jesus, is DYING daily, leading those whom the Lord has given us to Life, serving and teaching them to serve–the essence of bringing a lost world to know Christ…then our worldview will get turned upside down and it will change everything!

Think about how little our culture’s punch list for life has to do with the few things with which we are charged from Scripture? I would even challenge you to stop here, and make a list with two columns. “What society expects of me and my children” and “What the Lord has asked of me and my children”.

We ask the wrong questions when we get tangled in things like, “Is it right or wrong for a Christian to use birth control?”

That question can have important implications in sorting through a biblical view of children, but if often leads to wrangling over words.

The important thing is simply our starting place. When our thoughts chase after His thoughts (“Your thoughts are not my thoughts, says the Lord…”), we allow Him to guide our choices instead of assuming the status quo.

We start with the job we were given on this earth…”to wash feet”, essentially. Doesn’t that encompass nearly everything Jesus commanded?

And we work our way from there.

Children are given to us as gifts, as tools, as a heritage, as added numbers to His church, and as a means by which we are changed, challenged and formed more into the Lord’s image. Children are His people, showing us the keys to Heaven (“unless you become like a little child…”) He knows. Christians cannot make light of turning fertility on and off like a faucet. Children are not for us. They are not for displaying and showcasing. They are His “to do and to will of His good pleasure”. May we be honored to serve as vessels, ushering them into the world and then immersing them in His love.

Busy Moms “Get Real” Series, Part 5: “I Can’t Get it All Done!”

“Remember the principle of gardening: a lot of sweat and tears are required before the reward of harvest. It’s the same with mothering.”

A reader sent me an email that is not unlike many that I receive, so I decided to include an excerpt and answer it here in a post. I know we all struggle with many of the same things, so I hope to encourage you “in the trenches” (And, dear friend who sent the letter, I replied to you but the email delivery failed. I hope you don’t mind my posting your question here, the only way I could answer it, without your name, changing a few details for anonymity’s sake.)

A mother writes:

“I have 6 children – 3 who are homeschooled and 3 little ones (1 of those we do some preschool type things with, but not alot). Here is the problem I have: I can’t seem to get it done. We start school and generally just do the basics and school goes on all day long. There are lots of starts and stops to my time with the small children, but it is draining to continue on with school that long. Then, with school lasting so long, I struggle with the household chores. I’ve become very disorganized because I just don’t have the time. It hasn’t always been like this, but I am failing somewhere and I’m looking for some/any guidance. It has become overwhelming and while we want to continue homeschooling I am ready to give up.

Maybe it just comes down to too high of expectations on my part….I really feel like a failure.”

Dear Mother,

You are NOT a failure. It is important to remember that our enemy wants you to believe that. He wants you to give up, to be overwhelmed, he wants to destroy your optimism and ultimately your family. But here’s the good news: “Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world”.

AND…we have to keep revisiting our long-term vision….keep perspective. The academic advantage is only one reason why we homeschool. Imparting our family’s values and worldviews, tying bonds of fellowship, nurturing relationships, building character–there are a myriad of other reasons that should encourage us to dig our heels in. That’s our starting point. Now take a deep breath, and let’s get practical…

Almost everything I would tell you involves “simplifying”. Everyone’s life is unique and varied; but most of us could stand to simplify.

Stuff.

The more I live the more I believe this one thing is slipping from our hands as Americans, but is vital to our “success” as families. We MUST be deliberate about simplifying our lives in every way possible. Less is almost always more. The more we own, the more we do, the more we owe, the less we have left to give each other, to invest in our relationships and practical, important things like sitting around the table at night enjoying a meal together. Take inventory and look hard. Pare down, starting with clothes in your closet. Clean out drawers, under beds, pots and pans, dishes, cabinets–with every thing you purge, the lighter you will feel. Take a weekend or two and get the whole family involved. It’s much better to enjoy owning fewer things you really love than owning a passel of so-so things that demand your precious time to keep them, organize them, clean them and maintain them.

Activities.

If you’ve read my blog long, I’ll sound like a broken record. Busy moms can’t be all they need to be with too many extras. The same simplicity principle applies here. A few activities can enrich your life. Too many will suck it out of you.

Meals

Meals can become much less stressful with a little planning and forethought. The crock pot is your best friend. Find some great recipes (there are a gazillion crock pot recipe sites) and get supper started in the morning. Making double batches of meals and freezing one for a busy night is another great way to give yourself some relief. It takes virtually the same amount of time and cleaning as one meal.

Household chores

• Get as much off counter tops/tables, etc. as possible–it will be easier to clean surfaces.
• Designate “clutter patrol” about twice a day…get everyone to do a quick pick up. Very little ones can help a lot with this and even think it’s fun.
• Keep a “give it away” bag handy to toss things. As soon as it is full, put it in the car to drop off.
• Consider designating one day for thorough cleaning. We do this on Fridays because moods are more cheerful since it is “movie night”. I also only require reading on Fridays and let them off from textbook work (we “school” year ’round). This is also the night we try to have people over-extra motivation for the cleaning.
• Spray sinks and toilets with a bleach/water combination for a quick, clean feeling
• Train your children to avoid putting clean clothes into the laundry hamper. Clothes can usually be worn several days before washing, especially during the winter.
• Encourage everyone (and model it yourself) to keep clutter at bay by carrying at least one object “closer” to its destination each time you go to a different room.
• Keep baskets to catch clutter. Baskets in the living room can catch quickly-tossed toys; baskets at the entrance can hold shoes; keep baskets handy for those items that seem to be used a lot but make a mess and need to stay close.

Homeschooling

Before we even address strategies, make sure basic obedience/character issues are being addressed. If there are problems with bad attitudes or disrespect toward Mom, the school routine needs to be laid aside until these foundational problems are solved.

After that, the”secret”, I think, is laying aside pressures and expectations, honing in on YOUR family’s definition and goals for education, and working from there. Relax. Multiple research findings conclude that a “good education” is encapsulated into “being literate, numerate, and having the ability to reason”. This does not require hours of formal instruction, but rather a casual lifestyle that facilitates a constant thirst for knowledge. Good conversation with parents in tune to asking questions and probing their children to think is more than most students get in an average day.

The importance of providing enough space for creative exploration, problem-solving and hands-on learning cannot be underestimated. Small chunks of instruction–a 15-minute lesson on the concept of multiplying, telling time or a brief overview of how weather works can be far more beneficial than two hours worth of worksheets.

“Teaching” is going on all the time. Don’t become a slave to a textbook or curriculum; use them as tools, not tyrants. (I have taught 5 children to read by phonics with no formal curriculum.) Bath time, driving time, walking together, day or night–all hours of the day provide opportunities for teaching, especially teaching little ones. As they get older, self-directed study becomes more natural because their appetites for learning have been whetted.

There is much, much more on this philosophy in my ebook, Think Outside the Classroom.

Extra tips for “finding” more time:

• Don’t answer the telephone before noon. This has potential to revolutionize your life.
• Multi-task. Have a child do some of his reading to you while you feed the baby or give a bath; meal plan in the car; read to the children during breakfast or lunch…etc.
• Dictate a grocery list to a child while you drive (added spelling lesson bonus).
• Remember to delegate chores; taking the extra time to teach little ones to help keep order is well worth it. A two year old can be expected to put his dirty clothes in the hamper, put shoes where they go, pick up toys and other similar chores with occasional reminders.

Some overwhelmed moms may need a “mommy helper”. In a day where grandmothers, aunts and sisters aren’t as readily available (or willing) to help a young mother, she should not feel ashamed if she needs an extra pair of hands. If you don’t have a community of support, you may consider hiring someone to help with basic chores, running errands, etc.

More than anything, keep it in perspective. Even the busiest, most exhausting days are fleeting. Keep a clean home but don’t obsess if it isn’t like you would prefer. Teach your children to be orderly but remember they are children. Enjoy them, capitalize on the wonders of the curious years, and find as many ways as you can to simply enjoy life where you are and the children in it. Remember the principle of gardening: a lot of sweat and tears are required before the reward of harvest. It’s the same with mothering.

(And don’t forget to run barefoot in the sunshine every now and then )

Part 1:  Margins

Part 2:  Housework Again?

Part 3:  When Technology Hurts

Part 4:  Children Are More Than an Organizational Problem

Balancing Your Life: Healthy, Happy Homemaker

I wanted to wrap up the “Balancing Your Life Series” with some inspiration and resources to inspire you.

I don’t think there can be balance in your life without talking about balancing your responsibilities as a homemaker with physical and emotional health.

I can have all my homemaking ducks in a row (which never happens, by the way!) but if I’m physically under par or emotionally drained, things aren’t going well.

I recently wrote “Easy Health for Busy Moms” because I wanted to show women how easy (and painless) it can be to ease into a healthier lifestyle. Small changes can make a big difference in the way we feel and feeling well significantly affects our performance as wives, mothers and home-managers.

I’ve touched on keeping our spiritual lives vibrant (though much more could be said), but emotional health is closely tied to our physical health and can make such a difference in the way we function! Besides a healthy diet and exercise (I mention an excellent 5-minute exercise in the book!), I am of the opinion that women who are productive are emotionally healthier.

That will look very different for different women, but part of our nature that reflects our Creator is…creating! I think we have to be careful to make room amid all the chores and work that must be done to create, produce, and enjoy being a homemaker.

For some, it may be a ministry of hospitality, making cards to send to someone who needs a kind word, sending a meal, or some other venue of service.  Some enjoy turning a simple meal into a culinary work of art.  Some sew, some paint, some garden, some are simply encouragers and exhorters of others.  Some enjoy entrepreneurial endeavors and act as their husband’s helper exercising those gifts.

What do you enjoy?  Consider it an important part of your homemaking duties. This is the secret–homemaking is NOT just about the nuts and bolts of keeping a house. It’s about the freedom to create a home that is bustling with productivity, using our gifts to bless our family and those around us.

As you seek to become more organized, remember the goal:  making a home that radiates joy, freedom and the love of Christ.

Some resources you may find helpful:

Sarah Mae’s new ebook:  31 Days to Clean

The Fly Lady:  Getting Organized

Back to Scratch:  Saving Money in the Kitchen

Think Outside the Classroom: A Practical Approach to Relaxed Homeschooling

Balancing Your Life: The Notebook

Keeping a household notebook may be one of the keys to a busy mother’s sanity. There are as many ways to organize it as there are women, so consider what works best for you.

I have found that though there are some really pretty/fancy homemaking journals out there, a three-ring-binder actually works the best because it’s the easiest to tailor to my (ever-changing) needs.  Tabbed dividers make it simple to organize and you can always print a pretty, personalized cover to slide in the front.

Here are a few things I like to keep in my notebook:

• To-do lists for each day (sometimes this is too tedious, but it’s a good thought )
• Phone numbers (emergency, neighbors, doctors, etc.)  This is especially good for the children when they are staying alone.

• Chore lists–a list that can be revisited and revised as needed.

• Meal ideas/menus and favorite recipes.  You can slip recipes into page protectors.

• Goals for the school year, personal goals, etc.

• Spiritual reminders.  Bible verses or reminders about our need to love our husbands and children can be a huge help if we look at them each day.

• Christmas list–gifts and cards.

• Calendar

• Budget forms/spending forms

In my opinion, the secret to making a household notebook work is keeping it highly visible.

If you are ready to get started or update your household planner, Organized Home is a great place to print forms for your notebook. Have fun!