Population Decline: The Fall of Nations

I’m no scholar; but the common sense within me keeps asking,”Where has the common sense of the masses gone?”  It’s not rocket science.

“Oh, let’s give no heed to tomorrow, let’s live for today and enjoy our lives. Birth control rocks.” “Oops…seems we’ve made a bad decision…a population decline that likely cannot be reversed. That means a fallen civilization. Hmmm…that’s really bad news.”

But wait, more irrationality will ensue:

“Here she goes again…writing another post about birth control to defend her choices. Why can’t she just live her life and let everyone else live theirs?”

Really?  So it couldn’t have anything to do with real, widely publicized concerns about how our “personal” choices aren’t so personal, and so greatly affect our nation–the one in which my children and grandchildren will grow up?  If I ever got a tattoo, I think it would say, “because your choices affect me…a lot.” I “meddle” for bigger reasons than myself…and you should too.

“Depopulation is, thus, a truly genuine and notable crisis of disastrous proportions whose ultimate magnitude is still not completely known; the massive birth dearth is, therefore, quite undoubtedly real, not an extravagant exaggeration of supposedly overworked imaginations.”

The so evident destruction of society, culture, and civilization can be, however, prevented if the true cause for such pandemic devastation is plainly made better known. World Population Implosion is Real

Overpopulation?  Where do they get this stuff?  And why?  And why do we believe it?  Can we not do simple math?  Or does believing a lie just make it convenient to live for ourselves?

“Most people think overpopulation is one of the worst dangers facing the globe. In fact, the opposite is true. As countries get richer, their populations age and their birthrates plummet. And this is not just a problem of rich countries: the developing world is also getting older fast. Falling birthrates might seem beneficial, but the economic and social price is too steep to pay.”

“In the USA, where nearly one-fifth of Baby Boomers never had children, the hardship of vanishing retirement savings will be compounded by the strains on both formal and informal care-giving networks caused by the spread of childlessness. A pet will keep you company in old age, but it is unlikely to be of use in helping you navigate the health care system or in keeping predatory reverse mortgage brokers at bay.  Philip Longman, secular liberal The Global Baby Bust

Deuteronomy 30:5 says, “The LORD your God will bring you into the land which your fathers possessed, and you shall possess it; and He will prosper you and multiply you more than your fathers.” Notice the language of Scripture contradicts ours.  The words “prosper” and “multiply” usually aren’t found in the same sentence in our vocabulary.

“Longman says we should all be asking ourselves why nations would choose decline and death. You could understand why people in the poorest countries would forego large families, but why is it that, in the richest societies the world has ever known, the birthrate decline is the most severe?”

Read more: Population Decline:  The Fall of Nations

These statistics reveal an overall concern for our civilization, acknowledged even by the liberal media with no religious, “ulterior motive”. Apply it to the impact (or lack thereof) of Christianity for a completely different debate.

“The putrid pursuit of materialism unbounded leads to nihilism accepted and the proposition of death required by its own integral and Nietzschean logic; deliberate sterility is a prerequisite for, ironically, that joyless joy.”  World Population Implosion…

Longman also wrote a book called, The Empty Cradle–linked here is a succinct article about it.

Know Your Sheep: Parenting Our Children as Individuals

I have been so encouraged by Rachel Jankovic’s new book “Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches“.  It’s a short, easy-to-read, bite-sized book with BIG inspiration and practical how-to’s for a mom with lots of littles. You’re likely to hear a lot from what I’ve been reading over the next few days.

She brought up one of the most challenging thoughts I’ve had as a mother of many:  Do I “blame” my children for our large family?  Or do I parent them individually, treating them as children rather than “an organizational problem”? Rachel speaks of “knowing your sheep” and parenting with a “pastoral perspective”:

“…cleaning and sorting makes you look and maybe even feel like you have your act together, even if you seriously don’t.  What you are doing is finding a way to contain your children, control them, and keep their sin from making you look bad….Look to each of their souls and their needs.  If you are focused on upkeep of the house and the schedule, as long as your child is not interrupting that, you don’t worry about it.  If you are being a parent who is pastorally minded, you will stop whatever it is that you are doing to go see how your daughter is up in her bedroom.”

She explains that it is so easy to place organization and order above their real needs as children.  We can make things look orderly, but if there are emotional and spiritual issues being neglected, or character alerts being ignored, we will soon have a big, unmistakable mess on our hands.

“While your children are little, cultivate an attitude of sacrifice.  Sacrifice your peace for their fun, your clean kitchen floor for their help cracking eggs, your quiet moment for their long retelling of a dream….Prioritize your children above the other work you need to get done.  They are the only part of your work that really matters.”

(I think it’s worth clarifying, she was certainly not saying we shouldn’t strive for order and organization!  But it was a warning that perfectly marching children doesn’t equal a successful home.  Order is fine, but we cannot neglect the deeper needs of our children.)

She told a story that made me see her point clearly.  When 4 or 5 little people drag chairs up to the kitchen counter to watch/help me cook, it can be overstimulating and easy to feel frustrated.  It is certainly easier to make pancakes without 10 extra little helping hands in the bowl! But if it was just one child who wanted to help, I would be more likely to see it as a sweet, curious opportunity.  Just because it’s 5 of them doesn’t make them, as individuals, any less sweet and curious, and that needs to be embraced.  It is my JOB to figure out how to make it work.  I need to adapt.

“It is not their problem.  Individually they are being precious and curious and exited.  As their mother, I am responsible to see them individually, even when they are presenting themselves to me en masse.”

Father, let me know my sheep–these sheep You have given me.  Let me respond to them, with their individual needs, even among the numbers.  Let me not love order and organization to the detriment of their little souls.  Help me remember that the dirty floors are constant, but these children are ever changing, and I have but a few years to pour myself into them for the Kingdom’s sake.  Amen.

“Do Large Families Burden the Older Children?”

The following comment on the post, “Divine Appointment:  Babies are a Part of the Gospel Picture” is a common concern and one I thought deserved its own post to accurately handle the different aspects of the issue (a little longer than usual, but needful to cover each point):

“I agree with you that the church should grow both biologically and not-biologically. I also believe that large families are beautiful, but I have a concern here.

I have realized that in very large families like Duggarts or Wissmans, the ones who de facto are taking care of the little ones are not the parents but the older siblings, including the schooling part. The parents are too busy because of having such a large family.

So, what is the point of having so many children if you cannot take care of them personally and have to put them in the hands of others -even if they are the siblings?

In some large families, the older daughters grew so weary of caring for little children that they did not want to have children of their own later. I know that this is not the case in many other families, but it has happened in some.”

The Right Starting Point

I want to first address what I believe is our “starting point error”.  Notice the question:  “What is the point in having so many children”? which presumes that couples who give their fertility to the Lord have a motive other than just believing it is His domain and should be left to His sovereignty.  The “point” isn’t ours to figure out; God does with His creation what He wills and that is enough. The only point is what these couples feel is obedience to God. (By the way, very few families will have as many children as the Duggars, so we’re really talking about a hypothetical to use them as an example.)

Which brings me to the next point:  are we basing our decisions regarding life on pragmatism rather than principle or wisdom?

Conviction vs. Pragmatism

A couple who believes that God is the author of life and therefore the sovereign authority over when/how many/how often life is to come, doesn’t need to think about how that will play out practically. It isn’t irresponsible to obey what one feels is a directive from Scripture without thought of the outcome. (George Mueller comes to mind–a man who took thousands of orphans in, never turning one away, when often there was no food for the next meal.)

For example, if I have a conviction/belief that I am to honor my marriage vows, “for better or for worse”, I don’t take a pragmatic approach, drawing up a contract that allows me to recant in the case that financial hardship gets “too hard”.  I honor my vows with zero thought to whether or not we would be better off financially if we were divorced.

So, even asking the question, “but what if having too many children causes hardship” sounds odd to the ears of those who have committed to receiving their children.

And that brings me to the point of the question, “what if the older children have too much responsibility?”

God’s Design is Made to Work

Truly, we are a fallen people and there are parents who have asked too much of their children, or failed to love them as parents should, or failed to nurture them in the Lord.  This has always been the case, large or small families. The problem is not the number of children, the problem is sin and/or lack of wisdom.

But there are also factors playing into our 21st century mentality that cause us to view the balance of family and work inconsistently.  When we embrace ALL of what His word teaches us, the pieces of the puzzle fit together better.  But, often wrong thinking from places other than that Word muddles our perception.

Entitlement Culture

We’ve all bought into it.  We are such a prosperous, free, recreational and entertainment-driven culture that we’ve cultivated a pervading attitude of entitlement, especially among our young people.  Anything more than a smidgen of responsibility is held in suspicion. The “normal” workload of families and children from centuries past would threaten to kill an adolescent of our day, and his parents would most certainly be questioned.

Older children helping younger children is a normal state of family.  Or should be.  But because families are so segregated, teens given so much free time and entertainment, the idea of it is abnormal to us.

Is there a balance between an older child “helping and raising”?  Of course there is.  But it may not look quite like we think it should.  The comment, for example, mentioned “older children helping with school”.  I think it’s not only acceptable, but preferable.  No exercise facilitates learning as well as teaching someone else.The best thing we could do for our older children is to require them to help the younger ones learn. I wish I incorporated this more into our schooling.

Raising Servants in a “Crown Me” Society

I’ve spoken at length about the counter-culture responsibility we have to raise servants of Christ in a world that screams the opposite.  Families are the training ground for servant-hood.  It is very easy in this day to raise children who carry a victim mentality, but it is crippling to allow it.  Again, balance must be present, but we teach our children that it is a command (and privilege) to serve each other (and Mom and Dad must demonstrate that serving); anything else is disobedience to the Word of God.

You want truly happy children?  Get this one thing through to them: We are here to serve, not to be served.

Will They Want Children?

The single most important factor I see in how older siblings view the prospect of their own children is the attitude of the home.  Children who grow up in a happy home, balanced with work, love, play and affection have little reason to dread their own home full of that joy.  The quickest way to rob my oldest daughter of her joy is to separate her from her younger siblings.  She delights in them, despite that a busy home does require us all to work.

Furthermore, the analogy would seem ridiculous in another comparison:

Suppose the family grows its own vegetables.  Each year, the Lord blesses their garden and it becomes more and more prolific.  We all know that a blessed garden requires hard work.  Some of it is fun, some is drudgery.  But the fruit of the harvest makes it all worth it.  If a family is working together, praising God for His blessing, balancing work and rest, then the children grow up with a healthy sense of “how life is supposed to be”.

I submit it is the same if the Lord chooses to bless with a large family (which He doesn’t always do.)  The fact is that if we *couldn’t* choose, these discussions would not exist.  We would simply do what the Lord gives us to do, to the best of our ability and thank Him for life.

Our very ability to choose has clouded our reasoning and caused us to question what should be a natural occurrence.

When children couldn’t be prevented, no one questioned “whether we should have so many”.

They came, people figured it out.  Simple.

What are We Training Them For?

A pastor (I can’t remember which one!) said, “If someone asks you ‘What do you do’, you answer, ‘I’m a husband and a father or a wife and a mother’. It is a tragedy that we no longer view these roles as roles at all.  They are so secondary on our life’s to-do list.  And yet, they are actually foundational, making all else we do secondary.

Given that fact, what should we be MOST concerned with in the upbringing of our children?  Preparing them to be husbands and fathers, wives and mothers! If I were training for a profession, my professors would likely want me immersed in the field.  Why then do we fear immersion in the care of precious siblings? Whether our children marry or not, the most important thing they do in life will involve relationships with other people.  Preparing them in a life of loving and serving others should be something we seek, not avoid!

Principles Hinge on Principles

Lastly, I would submit that a family who commits to doing the best they can with all the principles from Scripture, will find that things take care of themselves.

If a couple believes God should open and close the womb as He sees fit but ignores the principles of training up their children in obedience and love for the Lord, they bring hardship into the family and that will burden the older children.  It’s not loving to my oldest children to receive children from the Lord, then ignore my parental responsibility and expect them to have to deal with the consequences of that.  That IS a burden.

It’s taking the whole counsel of Scripture and putting it into practice in our homes. God hasn’t created us for a purpose and left us clueless as to how to carry it out.

Balance. Work, rest, love, joy, service, humility, laughter–a proper sense of what God has created us for will instill in our children what they need to carry the torch with their own families.

We Don’t Love Children, We Love Drywall

My brother and his wife just announced that they were expecting their third baby.  (Welcome to the world of “the large family”, bro!)

Someone asked about our parents’ reaction to the news.

“Oh, they’re very excited!”

To which the (Christian) someone responded,

“They have 50 grandchildren and they’re still excited?!” (That was sarcasm, by the way; they have 14.)

We know the reality behind the joke–“more is only better if you really value the thing multiplying in your life“.  Money, accolades, vacations–we can’t get enough.  Cavities?  No more, thank you.

We say we love children, but we don’t put our money where our mouth is. “How do  you afford all those children?” Is that question an attempt to relieve the conscience?  Or do we really dislike multiplication so much we want to make the parents feel guilty? All the while, we’re borrowing money for bigger houses and get high fives for that.  As Kevin Swanson says:  “We LOVE drywall!”

“The very analogy of Christian marriage is to demonstrate fruitfulness just as we expect the church to multiply and fill the earth.  How can we wish for our churches to grow and our families to shrink?”

I’m not talking here of splitting hairs over when and if it’s ever OK to prevent children; we’re way beyond that.  I’m asking, Read more »

The Case For Siblings (When Mom Has Another Baby)

Loved this article…every word resonated.

“But everyone else seems to think that a new baby is bad for the other kids. Dozens of times, I’ve had strangers peer around my enormous belly to coo at the toddler, “Aww … now you won’t get to be the baby anymore.”

Thanks, lady. Thanks for informing my child that she’s suffering. Luckily, she doesn’t know what you’re talking about—and neither do you.”

Read the rest of The Case for Siblings

Children With Disabilities-Part 2: The Christian’s Response

Image from "DSALA"

Can we fully believe that children with special needs are used by God, perhaps in the profoundest of ways, to show us our deep needs and to present us with opportunities to serve “the least of these” and therefore Christ Himself?  In a culture assuring us of our right to demand comfort and ease, we destroy ourselves as a people when we destroy these precious “imperfect” lives that keep us fully human.  And the joke’s on the “perfect” us.  Strong bodies, sound minds–yet so often spiritually depraved as a result of our bodily prosperity.  As R.C. Sproul, Jr. said of his disabled daughter, “She is my spiritual better”.

Following up from Part 1 of Children With Disabilities, I thought the subject undone without a practical look at how the body of Christ should…no, MUST respond to these children and their families.

Adoption

I have been challenged to take an honest look at the subject of adoption.  Most of us maintain that it is a “calling”, but sometimes I wonder how conveniently we use that word to relieve ourselves of any pressure or responsibility we might feel if we considered what is asked of all believers.  Of course it’s not a reality for everyone. It doesn’t seem so for us at this very moment.  But have we been open to the possibility?  Have we trusted that God, if He wills, can provide in that area just like we trust Him to provide for those He gives us through the womb?  Perhaps some were meant to adopt and others were meant to fund those adoptions.  These are merely conversations we’re having that I think we all need to have.

Bearing Burdens

Secondly, I feel certain that helping families with special needs children is a command, inclusive in the command to share all of one another’s burdens.  Frankly, the body of Christ at large seems fairly lousy at sharing one another’s burdens and the state has happily taken over that job.  Will we give an account?  I think so.

I’m an amateur at this conversation.  Most of this post is just a random musing as I have not given this subject enough thought in the past.  This would be a great time for those of you in the trenches to jump in and share what you perceive to be the most important way fellow believers can help in these situations.

Pro-Life Hypocrites

A concluding thought comes to mind about children–disabled or not–and what I believe the birth control culture within the church has done to make us “pro-life hypocrites”.

The same woman who gasped in horror at the young couple when she found out they were expecting their third child never offered a meal or a hand to relieve them.  Does she really have a right, then, to flout her staunch opposition to abortion?  If all the women in her church espouse this conflicting view, this young couple would be forced into an ethical corner were they to find out the Lord has blessed them with another child.

And what has this woman done to relieve the lives of the couple with a disabled child?  Offered her best advice on birth control methods?

I submit that it’s time we draw a line in the sand of our own hearts.  Are we truly pro-life?  If so, it’s time to act like it.