The Case For Siblings (When Mom Has Another Baby)

Loved this article…every word resonated.

“But everyone else seems to think that a new baby is bad for the other kids. Dozens of times, I’ve had strangers peer around my enormous belly to coo at the toddler, “Aww … now you won’t get to be the baby anymore.”

Thanks, lady. Thanks for informing my child that she’s suffering. Luckily, she doesn’t know what you’re talking about—and neither do you.”

Read the rest of The Case for Siblings

Children With Disabilities-Part 2: The Christian’s Response

Image from "DSALA"

Can we fully believe that children with special needs are used by God, perhaps in the profoundest of ways, to show us our deep needs and to present us with opportunities to serve “the least of these” and therefore Christ Himself?  In a culture assuring us of our right to demand comfort and ease, we destroy ourselves as a people when we destroy these precious “imperfect” lives that keep us fully human.  And the joke’s on the “perfect” us.  Strong bodies, sound minds–yet so often spiritually depraved as a result of our bodily prosperity.  As R.C. Sproul, Jr. said of his disabled daughter, “She is my spiritual better”.

Following up from Part 1 of Children With Disabilities, I thought the subject undone without a practical look at how the body of Christ should…no, MUST respond to these children and their families.

Adoption

I have been challenged to take an honest look at the subject of adoption.  Most of us maintain that it is a “calling”, but sometimes I wonder how conveniently we use that word to relieve ourselves of any pressure or responsibility we might feel if we considered what is asked of all believers.  Of course it’s not a reality for everyone. It doesn’t seem so for us at this very moment.  But have we been open to the possibility?  Have we trusted that God, if He wills, can provide in that area just like we trust Him to provide for those He gives us through the womb?  Perhaps some were meant to adopt and others were meant to fund those adoptions.  These are merely conversations we’re having that I think we all need to have.

Bearing Burdens

Secondly, I feel certain that helping families with special needs children is a command, inclusive in the command to share all of one another’s burdens.  Frankly, the body of Christ at large seems fairly lousy at sharing one another’s burdens and the state has happily taken over that job.  Will we give an account?  I think so.

I’m an amateur at this conversation.  Most of this post is just a random musing as I have not given this subject enough thought in the past.  This would be a great time for those of you in the trenches to jump in and share what you perceive to be the most important way fellow believers can help in these situations.

Pro-Life Hypocrites

A concluding thought comes to mind about children–disabled or not–and what I believe the birth control culture within the church has done to make us “pro-life hypocrites”.

The same woman who gasped in horror at the young couple when she found out they were expecting their third child never offered a meal or a hand to relieve them.  Does she really have a right, then, to flout her staunch opposition to abortion?  If all the women in her church espouse this conflicting view, this young couple would be forced into an ethical corner were they to find out the Lord has blessed them with another child.

And what has this woman done to relieve the lives of the couple with a disabled child?  Offered her best advice on birth control methods?

I submit that it’s time we draw a line in the sand of our own hearts.  Are we truly pro-life?  If so, it’s time to act like it.

Michelle Duggar: Mother of the Year

The award ceremony for Michelle Duggar alone was worth the drive to Texas last week.  I cried again watching this gracious couple demonstrate true humility despite the public recognition the Lord has given them.  Hope you enjoy it too!  (Click the 4 arrows to enlarge, though this may cause the sound to be delayed.)

Unexpected Lessons at The Baby Conference

We have been in Texas at The Baby Conference this week with some dear friends if you noticed the blog was a bit quieter (well, except for the 90 something comments on the last post )  I pre-scheduled some posts and have hardly been on-line! (Challenging.  But very good.)

The Baby Conference was awesome and you can expect to hear some of the great things we learned over the next posts.

But today, I am processing the unexpected.  Yes, there were great speakers. There were great lessons and moments of inspiration.  But I cried.  A LOT.  I felt broken…in a good way.

I felt my deep need for humility and grace.  The cry of my heart throughout the conference was, “Lord, re-make me”.

After the second night as we met back at the house where we are staying, I was standing in the kitchen telling Robin about the serious reflections I had been having and all of sudden I looked, and she was shaking her head up and down, tears streaming.

She too, had felt a deep sense of renewal and we were both surprised at our encounter with a more honest look at our own hearts and a fresh desire to give over to the Lord some of those habits and sins in our lives that “so easily beset us”.  And unless you think otherwise, brokenness over sin is a good thing.

Mostly I think it was just meeting and listening to other women who possessed a grace and humility I do not.  There was a constant pointing to Jesus Christ as our motivation for everything we do.  I saw a clearer look at the simplicity of the gospel lived out–walking with the Lord, in humility, and allowing Him to have the glory for whatever comes to us.

The Lord showed to me child-like faith that allows us to walk steadfastly and not be moved.  To know that when we trust Him with all that we are and our heart’s deepest desire is to glorify Him, we can be sure and steady as the sun, come what may.

The Baby Conference was about babies.  How ironic that the Lord would use my babies–my role as a mother–to show me I must consistently seek to know Him more and love Him deeper.  The Christian life doesn’t end with us.  We are always making disciples.  We are ever speaking to those around us of His love.

We speak poorly, or we speak beautifully.

Reasons I Don’t Want to Have a Million Children

Interview between Holly Elliff and Nancy Leigh Demoss

Holly:

“And I remember vividly the day he (husband) came out of his study and said, ‘God has just given me the neatest mental picture of someday sitting on my front porch and looking out and seeing scores of children out there. And we have every temperament type represented. And we have every spiritual gift represented. And our children know how to relate to everybody in the world because they lived with all different types of people.’

And he had this wonderful vision of what it would be like and I immediately said to him, ‘Well, that’s very easy for you to say because I’m the one wearing the stretch pants for the next 20 years. And I’m sorry, but I just don’t want to go there.’ ”

And I really did not want to go there. It was a very frightening thing to me to think of taking my hands off that control in my life. And it took me about six months to work through what I believed the Bible said about that whole issue. And I became an avid student of God’s Word and just began to search the Scriptures for every reference to children, to children as a blessing, to God’s sovereignty in that area as far as opening and closing the womb and looking, honestly, for a way to avoid releasing that area in my life because my preference at that point was not to relinquish that area to the Lord.

As I did that, over and over and over, I found the same things: that God was the Creator of life, that God knew who He wanted to create, He knew what we were going to look like, He had a plan for every person–that it was all His business. It was not what I wanted to find in the Scripture, but that’s what I kept encountering. And I remember vividly one night sitting down at my kitchen table with a legal pad and a sharp pencil and making a list. And at the top of the list I wrote, “Reasons I Don’t Want To Have A Million Children.” And I began to make a list of all the objections I had to what I was seeing in God’s Word.

Everything I had on the list was rooted in selfishness. It came down to whether or not I was better at making decisions than God was. And it suddenly became very clear to me that this was a heart issue, at least in my life. It was a matter of me choosing, just like I said…God was Lord in every other aspect of my life.

We prayed through what to do with our money, we prayed through where we were to pastor. When we bought a car, it was a huge issue that we prayed about and trusted God to give us direction. But in this area it was as if we had said, ‘This area is ours to determine and we will make this decision.’ And for the very first time I was confronted with the fact that I had never really said to the Lord, ‘What is Your will?’ ”

Nancy responds:

“And really, again, we’re saying this is the fundamental issue of life, Is Jesus Lord of every area of my life? And I like the way you made that so practical because you said, ‘We went to the Lord and said, ‘Lord, what do you want us to do in this area of our lives?‘ And the fact is, you and I are not totally free until we have released ourselves, our lives, our future, our marital status, our childbearing, every aspect of our lives fully to the control of Jesus Christ. And somehow, when we come under His control, then we find that we really are free.

The Religion of Self: Choosing Childlessness

Interestingly, with this topic heavy on my mind this week, one of my readers sent me a link to a horrific site, which I won’t link to–a site that promotes a “lifestyle of childlessness”.

Of course what was blaring to me as I stared at the “top 100 reasons not to have kids” was how diametrically opposed each reason was to the life of a Christian.  Well, that’s mild.  In truth, here was a false religion of self-worship, just as God has hated and warned against from the beginning.  As I ponder a lot lately the “disease” of a self-centered culture and all the implications, there it was, staring from my computer screen, making no apologies anymore–”WORSHIP YOURSELF”.

Worse though, is that extreme as a site like this may seem to us, a careful look at it reveals hints of camaraderie many believers share regarding thoughts about children.  (“How will you….with those children?”) Let it not be.

(In fact, and I’m not trying to get flamed for this but…there is little difference, really, in “childless by choice” and “childless by choice after two”.  The premise is very close.) (Intended as a general observation, not a definitive statement for every family in every circumstance.)

Sometimes it takes an extreme look at where we are headed to reveal the errors in the way we are getting there.

Here are a few reasons the site gave for not choosing children:

1. You will be happier and less likely to suffer from depression.
2. (Assuming you get married), you will have a happier marriage.
3. You will have the capacity and time for meaningful, engaged, quality adult relationships.
4. You will be able to save for a comfortable retirement.
5. You are more likely to be an engaged and involved aunt or uncle because you are not jaded and worn down by your own kids.
6. You can fully pursue and develop your career.
7. You can fully pursue your educational goals.
8. You can decorate your home as you wish with as many beautiful and/or breakable things as you wish and you will not have to child-proof your house.
9. Your house will be free of junky, plastic kindercrap.
10. Your spouse will get all the love and attention he/she deserves. You will come first in your spouse/partner’s life.
11. Your pets will get all the love and attention they deserve.
12. You can eat whatever foods you wish at whatever time of the day you wish out in the open, whether it be a gourmet, exotic meal, or chocolate chip cookies.
13. You never have to yell, scold, correct or punish anyone (assuming your spouse and pets are well-behaved
14. Your home will be a quiet and welcoming oasis, instead of a chaotic zoo.
15. Your identity will remain firmly intact.
16. You will enjoy personal privacy.
17. You will get a full night’s sleep every night.
18. You will have the time and energy to exercise regularly and take care of your health and appearance.
19. You will stay informed and engaged in current events and will remain an interesting conversationalist.

“Show me Your ways, O, Lord, teach me YOUR paths.”  Psalm 25:4