“Should the Lord give you the good gift of a husband or wife, and I hope He does, there are a few things I want you to know. Things that you may not hear from anyone else, and certainly not on TV or other media. Sadly, your church may not even tell you.”  Read the rest.

A man approaching retirement called the retirement office to inquire about his pension. Afterward, he was asked if his wife worked.

“She’s worked all her life making me happy”, he replied. “Yes sir, but has she earned money to receive her pension?” “When we got married we agreed on an arrangement”, he said. “I would earn the living, and she would make the living worthwhile”.

“Make the living worthwhile”…have we forgotten the very essence of that?  Have we forgotten to live for someone else, that doing so IS what makes a living worthwhile?

The Lord has really been working in my heart a lot lately about my role as a wife.  If I could sum up what I believe makes a happy, time-proof marriage, it would be this:

Live to make your spouse’s life better.

Our natural response may be…“why should I do that when he doesn’t do that for me?”

And we are so unwilling to take our eyes off of his faults, look at our own shortcomings, and realize we may be a large part of the reason he doesn’t respond to us the way we think he should.

My duty as a wife, and more importantly as a Christian is to be a “living sacrifice”, not as concerned with what I’m getting, than what I can give.

Do you want a joyful home?  Be joyful.

Do you want a tender husband?  Be tender.

Work on becoming the woman with whom your husband feels MOST secure–even with his greatest weaknesses (boy that’s a hard one!)

He has the whole world to make him feel inadequate, tired, unaccomplished or weak.

If he has one place to go, one person who will guard his reputation, his feelings, his manhood, one person who will make his living worthwhile, that man will run to that place…to that person…he will cherish it and will never leave.

(Photo by Bria, courtesy of Robin @ Celebrating Motherhood)

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” (John Lennon)

Is it possible, in this noisiest-of-ever-century, that we hardly ever hear, hardly ever see anything much?

Have you ever noticed your world when the power goes off? It’s not just that you can’t check you  email…it’s a deafening silence that might drive some crazy if it lasted long enough. All the hums and quiet roars are dead, and we are left with much less–or is it more?

I think if we don’t live on purpose, we won’t live at all. If we don’t see through the daily whir, and hear through the daily buzz, we might just miss the life we were intended to live.

If you’ve lived very long, you know that life isn’t that long. Can we say as someone did,

“I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.”

It’s not hard, really. It’s not “sky-diving and Rocky-mountain climbing”…

It’s another warm hug today.

It’s stopping, looking up, smiling, listening, being in the moment fully.

It’s choosing to cast a gentle glance in the direction of one you love, rather than a day-worn scowl.

A walk outside, closing your eyes, and raising your face to the warmth of an autumn sky.

Saying out loud to your children…”Isn’t this world glorious–the one our Lord created?”

Curling up to read Dr. Seuss again, ending with a tickle.

Noticing the forlorn look in your daughter’s eye and being willing to stop your day to draw it out.

Speaking words of life into someone’s heart, taking time to really hear what they are saying, instead of what you are going to say when they’re done.

All these smallish things, woven together over a lifetime…that makes a life well-lived.

Live deliberately if at all.

I ran across this older picture of Mallie. So yeah, maybe as we read through Proverbs 31 we'll hang out in the "clothes herself with fine linens" section.

“Unless God gives you the unique gift of singleness, the Bible says ‘it is a good thing’ for you to get married and have a family. Raise your hand if you hope to be a wife and mother one day”, I asked my little girls, down to the two-year-old.

And then I read….

“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12

That’s packed full of good stuff! “Who can find her?” She was rare then and rare now. An “excellent wife” isn’t just born. I want my girls to know that raising children and being a wife is a monumental task. One that will require all their energies, all their hearts and all their attention. It will utilize all their gifts and creativity. It will take enormous wisdom and fortitude. It is a full time job. That is, to be an “excellent” wife. A “virtuous” wife. It’s a job for which they must begin now to prepare.

We must do the counter-cultural job of teaching our girls, from a young age, that they are likely entering upon the job of a lifetime–a job that will change the world if they embrace it. We must be willing to bear the criticism (ironic, isn’t it?) and teach them to as well. We must learn to give an answer in truth and in love.

It always stumps me that the job of helping a husband, running an efficient home and raising the next generation has been ridiculed into a tiny corner until it is hardly recognized as a “job” anymore. Marriages, the ministry of home, children-turning-adults…how could any other pursuit be more worth our following?

That part doesn’t surprise me. What does surprise me, and saddens me, is that Christians followed suit. We know better. And until we reclaim the home as a place in which soldiers are raised, marriages become a reflection of the gospel, and the family gains enough strength to reach beyond itself and lend a life-saving hand to the lost, we will continue to wonder why the church is impotent and our society ravished.

Yes, it takes time to undo generations of effects that pull some from home. But we have to have a “true north” starting point. We have to recognize truth before we can follow it.

It is our one mission, dear Church, to glorify Him with our lives. It is our mission to stop bending the knee to a humanistic god. It is our mission to raise children who will carry the Light of Christ, the Hope of the world, into the next generation.

Let’s do it.

“She is a woman in control of her thoughts, feelings and emotions. I can almost see her, stately, svelte, smart, winsome…the kind of woman people clamor to be around.”

Proverbs 31 is a must-study for any woman serious about her God and her Christianity. Period. I have committed to refresh my vision every morning by reading through the passage of the virtuous woman.

Here’s my snap shot of the virtuous wife for today’s woman:

1.  The descriptions of the Proverbs 31 woman, I believe, are somewhat seasonal. That is, the passage encapsulates all that a virtuous woman strives to be in a lifetime, not necessarily all at once. We need not read the condensed version and feel overwhelmed; this is the course of a life, activities and responsibilities waxing and waning with the seasons. But, there are some traits that run constant in her character.

2. “The heart of her husband trusts in her…She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”

I don’t know about you, but this verse gets to my heart. This woman’s husband trusts her with everything–his reputation, knowing she speaks well of him, his money, knowing she respects his hard work, his feelings, knowing he is safe in her presence. She “does him good”. Pause here and reflect on that. If I only read one verse each morning, it will be this one. I want to do him good, to be a “crown” and not “rottenness” to him.

3.  ”She considers a field and buys it;…She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.”

She is an income-earning Diva. Or, for modern-day application, she was resourceful, and maybe being thrifty and saving her husband’s income is equivalent to earning one. I love this about her. Arguments are made from the passage that she was a “career woman”. There is no indication of that as we understand it from our modern day. She earned income by several different means, all allowing her to be flexible and tend to her priorities first. Her business wasn’t one dictated by someone who ignored the needs of her family. She was able to pick it up or lay it down as her time demanded. And her business savvy served only one purpose–to provide for her household. We know from the passage that whatever business ventures she pursued, her home was “well cared for”, they had no needs she hadn’t met, she had prepared for winter (probably through storing food and securing necessary clothing), and she was busy serving her family as well as those around her with physical needs. This is such an important thing to understand as we allow Scripture to shape our understanding about our roles as women. We are so NEEDED…sometimes to the degree it feels we’re pulled in every direction. But the virtuous woman guarded her priorities. She was able to be an asset to her family by earning an income AND take care of her household and those around her.

4.  “Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the time to come”…

Twice the passage refers to her being dressed in strength. This image is particularly important because it flies in the face of what feminists claim an “unliberated” woman is. The Proverbs 31 woman is NOT timid or inferior or incapable. All those years ago, despite what the culture steeped in paganism thought of women, God exalted them, giving them the highest rank of dignity. A virtuous woman is strong and free from anxiety about “tomorrow”. I love that! She is a woman in control of her thoughts, feelings and emotions. I can almost see her, stately, svelte, smart, winsome…the kind of woman people clamor to be around.

5. She “does not eat the bread of idleness…works with willing hands….She rises while it is yet night…Her lamp does not go out at night….”

She is PRODUCTIVE. She is not idle. She spends her time on things that will benefit her household. She is industrious and busy. But in all of that, she is “a woman who fears the Lord”. And you can be sure she did not neglect, amid the busyness of life, the training and instruction of her children in the things of the Lord.

Let us look to her, the true, free woman.

(For a great, encouraging resource, check out The Excellent Wife.)

“Each year, thousands of men and women, even some who claim Christ, reject their covenant vows and give up what God intended to be a celebration of life-long, life-giving unity. Deceived by fleshly desires, they trade in the gift of God-glorifying oneness for a bloody trail of debt, loneliness, and broken children….

Adultery is unique in its cruelty. It is harshly personal. Its jagged blade violates the soul like a violent assault. Such a betrayal communicates rejection and treachery. It digs its claws into the heart, hoping to infect each wound with bitterness and hatred—even self hatred. The very one who has promised to love you until death, who has seen you at your most vulnerable moments, has forsaken his vows and embraced a stranger. What could be more cutting?”

Read the full article HERE.

“Lord, I want to be a wife who causes her husband to flourish, and a mother who causes her children to grow.”

This was my earnest prayer after weeks of battling some emotional issues that have strained our family. If you are a wife and mother, I have good news and bad news: but it is the same news. You profoundly affect the atmosphere of your home. There is no way around it.

My emotional, spiritual and physical response to daily life can snowball to the rest of my family and bring peace and life or bring stress and destruction.

So when I prayed that prayer, I cried it from the depths of my soul. I have been brought to a place that is the end of myself. “Nothing in my hands I bring, simply to thy cross I cling” has become the song of my soul.

But the very good news is that the God of all our needs IS sufficient. But He’s waiting for us to realize there is no power in ourselves. He’s waiting for us to “draw near to Him” so He can draw near to us.

There is a tidal wave of peace when we finally throw up our hands and take hold of His and realize our helplessness without the indwelling of Christ.

The prayer I prayed evoked a gentle reminder from my Father…I heard it…“His wife shall be like a fruitful vine about thy house”…

I had always thought this verse referred to fruitful as in “child-bearing”, and it may have those connotations. But today I saw something else:  a fruitful vine is something out of which fruit grows and flourishes and abounds. The power of my position as a wife and mother is LIFE-GIVING nourishment to my family! Or, it can mean death if the Life-Giver is not pouring through me.

That’s heavy! But we all know it’s true.

I am to be the vine–the lifeblood of the fruit that God wants to produce in our home. Does my husband flourish or wilt from my influence? Do my children grow and mature or do they shrivel under a harsh spirit?

Oh, ladies, our role is so crucial and what’s more, our dependence on the God who placed us here is even more so.

Run to Him each morning, each moment, and beg for His mercy and wisdom and spirit. Meet with Him when you wake up and commit your words, your thoughts–your whole day to Him.

“FAITHFUL is He who called you who also will do it.”

Don’t forget to come back and share your thoughts!

#11.  ”That you not assume that secular employment is a greater challenge or a better use of your life than the countless opportunities of service and witness in the home the neighborhood, the community, the church, and the world. That you not only pose the question: Career vs. full time mom? But that you ask as seriously: Full time career vs. freedom for ministry? That you ask: Which would be greater for the Kingdom— to be in the employ of someone telling you what to do to make his business prosper, or to be God’s free agent dreaming your own dream about how your time and your home and your creativity could make God’s business prosper? And that in all this you make your choices not on the basis of secular trends or yuppie lifestyle expectations, but on the basis of what will strengthen the family and advance the cause of Christ.”

#13.  ”That you develop a wartime mentality and lifestyle; that you never forget that life is short, that billions of people hang in the balance of heaven and hell every day, that the love of money is spiritual suicide, that the goals of upward mobility (nicer clothes, cars, houses, vacations, food, hobbies) are a poor and dangerous substitute for the goals of living for Christ with all your might, and maximizing your joy in ministry to people’s needs.”

Read the rest…

“The self-proclaimed feminist authors claim that feminism has made a mess of male/female relationships. “Feminism teaches women that they are equal to men, but when it comes to love, romance, attraction, and chemistry – men don’t fall in love with a woman because she is an equal. Men fall in love with women who are their compliment: feminine, loving and appreciative.”

Gotta love it!  Turns out the Bible is right after all, we just have different motives for following its principles.

Read the rest of Man Whisperer vs. True Woman

Don’t forget to come back and tell me what you think!

The misunderstanding of this fundamental difference is a major obstacle in many marriages.  A woman doesn’t understand how a man thinks about sex, so when he’s able to separate the act from the argument they just had an hour ago, she feels hurt and used.

A man doesn’t understand what makes her feel cherished and so it doesn’t make sense to him when she reacts coldly to his sexual advances.

And that’s just one example of how our misunderstanding can affect our marriages.

I was thinking, though, about how wives often hold unfair standards.  I don’t know about you, but if I knew my husband was even entertaining the thoughts of viewing pornography–other women who are painted, surgically altered and altogether not real, I would be devastated.  I know many women struggle with this because many men struggle.  We are, and should be, hurt by this type of infidelity.

But how many times have we committed emotional infidelity against our husbands?

Simply put, for a man to desire to look at another woman’s body hurts us because it means he isn’t satisfied with ours; he is comparing, even if he doesn’t mean to.  And in such a case, a wife feels hurt AND the pressure to “be better” than she is.

Have we ever compared our husbands?  Have we ever admired a trait in another man and secretly thought, “I wish my husband could be more like that”?  Have we read books about men who aren’t realbut felt real, and wished  we could be the recipient of their tenderness and intuition?

If I am stimulated in an emotional way the way he is stimulated in a physical way, there is no difference between those comparisons.  He is simply (though wrongly) admiring qualities that are beyond his grasp.  And any comparison we make on an emotional level is virtually the same sin.

May the Lord give us hearts for our husbands only, patience with their faults, remembering our faults as well.  Let us see him as God sees him–a work in progress, and commit to doing our part in loving him to his potential instead of wishing him to be things he is not. 

If every woman (I’m talking to myself here!) would look at her husband and dwell on his positive traits, encourage him where he is, and determine to be the one person in his life with whom he knows his faults are safe, if he knew she was the one person who saw the best in him, those positive traits would grow and make him a man greater than even he thought he could be. 

I’m challenged.