Wife & Mother: Power to Grow or Destroy

“Lord, I want to be a wife who causes her husband to flourish, and a mother who causes her children to grow.”

This was my earnest prayer after weeks of battling some emotional issues that have strained our family. If you are a wife and mother, I have good news and bad news: but it is the same news. You profoundly affect the atmosphere of your home. There is no way around it.

My emotional, spiritual and physical response to daily life can snowball to the rest of my family and bring peace and life or bring stress and destruction.

So when I prayed that prayer, I cried it from the depths of my soul. I have been brought to a place that is the end of myself. “Nothing in my hands I bring, simply to thy cross I cling” has become the song of my soul.

But the very good news is that the God of all our needs IS sufficient. But He’s waiting for us to realize there is no power in ourselves. He’s waiting for us to “draw near to Him” so He can draw near to us.

There is a tidal wave of peace when we finally throw up our hands and take hold of His and realize our helplessness without the indwelling of Christ.

The prayer I prayed evoked a gentle reminder from my Father…I heard it…“His wife shall be like a fruitful vine about thy house”…

I had always thought this verse referred to fruitful as in “child-bearing”, and it may have those connotations. But today I saw something else:  a fruitful vine is something out of which fruit grows and flourishes and abounds. The power of my position as a wife and mother is LIFE-GIVING nourishment to my family! Or, it can mean death if the Life-Giver is not pouring through me.

That’s heavy! But we all know it’s true.

I am to be the vine–the lifeblood of the fruit that God wants to produce in our home. Does my husband flourish or wilt from my influence? Do my children grow and mature or do they shrivel under a harsh spirit?

Oh, ladies, our role is so crucial and what’s more, our dependence on the God who placed us here is even more so.

Run to Him each morning, each moment, and beg for His mercy and wisdom and spirit. Meet with Him when you wake up and commit your words, your thoughts–your whole day to Him.

“FAITHFUL is He who called you who also will do it.”

John Piper: A Challenge to Women

John Piper posted a 15-point “Challenge to Women” (as well as a list of potential ministry opportunities) that was truly challenging to me.  Oh that we would have a vast army of women realize their potential for the Kingdom! Very powerful.  Here are two of them, and I would encourage you to go and read the rest.  This is refrigerator worthy.

Don’t forget to come back and share your thoughts!

#11.  ”That you not assume that secular employment is a greater challenge or a better use of your life than the countless opportunities of service and witness in the home the neighborhood, the community, the church, and the world. That you not only pose the question: Career vs. full time mom? But that you ask as seriously: Full time career vs. freedom for ministry? That you ask: Which would be greater for the Kingdom— to be in the employ of someone telling you what to do to make his business prosper, or to be God’s free agent dreaming your own dream about how your time and your home and your creativity could make God’s business prosper? And that in all this you make your choices not on the basis of secular trends or yuppie lifestyle expectations, but on the basis of what will strengthen the family and advance the cause of Christ.”

#13.  ”That you develop a wartime mentality and lifestyle; that you never forget that life is short, that billions of people hang in the balance of heaven and hell every day, that the love of money is spiritual suicide, that the goals of upward mobility (nicer clothes, cars, houses, vacations, food, hobbies) are a poor and dangerous substitute for the goals of living for Christ with all your might, and maximizing your joy in ministry to people’s needs.”

Read the rest…

Man Whisperer vs. True Woman

“The self-proclaimed feminist authors claim that feminism has made a mess of male/female relationships. “Feminism teaches women that they are equal to men, but when it comes to love, romance, attraction, and chemistry – men don’t fall in love with a woman because she is an equal. Men fall in love with women who are their compliment: feminine, loving and appreciative.”

Gotta love it!  Turns out the Bible is right after all, we just have different motives for following its principles.

Read the rest of Man Whisperer vs. True Woman

Don’t forget to come back and tell me what you think!

Wives, Guard Against Emotional Pornography

We know what the research says…”Men are stimulated more by sight and physical stimuli while women respond more on an emotional level–to tenderness (which can be expressed physically), and to what she perceives as sensitivity to her needs.”

The misunderstanding of this fundamental difference is a major obstacle in many marriages.  A woman doesn’t understand how a man thinks about sex, so when he’s able to separate the act from the argument they just had an hour ago, she feels hurt and used.

A man doesn’t understand what makes her feel cherished and so it doesn’t make sense to him when she reacts coldly to his sexual advances.

And that’s just one example of how our misunderstanding can affect our marriages.

I was thinking, though, about how wives often hold unfair standards.  I don’t know about you, but if I knew my husband was even entertaining the thoughts of viewing pornography–other women who are painted, surgically altered and altogether not real, I would be devastated.  I know many women struggle with this because many men struggle.  We are, and should be, hurt by this type of infidelity.

But how many times have we committed emotional infidelity against our husbands?

Simply put, for a man to desire to look at another woman’s body hurts us because it means he isn’t satisfied with ours; he is comparing, even if he doesn’t mean to.  And in such a case, a wife feels hurt AND the pressure to “be better” than she is.

Have we ever compared our husbands?  Have we ever admired a trait in another man and secretly thought, “I wish my husband could be more like that”?  Have we read books about men who aren’t realbut felt real, and wished  we could be the recipient of their tenderness and intuition?

If I am stimulated in an emotional way the way he is stimulated in a physical way, there is no difference between those comparisons.  He is simply (though wrongly) admiring qualities that are beyond his grasp.  And any comparison we make on an emotional level is virtually the same sin.

May the Lord give us hearts for our husbands only, patience with their faults, remembering our faults as well.  Let us see him as God sees him–a work in progress, and commit to doing our part in loving him to his potential instead of wishing him to be things he is not. 

If every woman (I’m talking to myself here!) would look at her husband and dwell on his positive traits, encourage him where he is, and determine to be the one person in his life with whom he knows his faults are safe, if he knew she was the one person who saw the best in him, those positive traits would grow and make him a man greater than even he thought he could be. 

I’m challenged.

A Wife’s Part: The Good Wife is a Good Housekeeper

I love the “time warp” between the printing of “Homemaking” (renamed “The Family”, printed in the late 1800′s) by JR Miller and our present day.  It reveals our subtle shift away from what was once considered normal and healthy and is now called outdated and stifling.

It should be an important lesson.  As values shift, our thinking shifts and the whole movement causes a shift in our lives, our families, our communities and our country. Some would call it a “good and necessary movement”.  I can’t seem to see that our families, in general, are faring better this day than they once did.

That’s not to deny that trials and difficulties have always existed in homes where people live!  But that once there seemed to be a stronger chord that held folks together and a sweeter unity that spoke better of home as a place where living really happened.

Miller spoke things that were logical, sensible and fairly accepted in his day. The same words today are hated and rejected.

Is it just an outdated set of ideals?  Or did he teach something valuable that would benefit us if we paid attention?

Every word of this section was delectable, and it saddened me to have to cut it at all.

“The good wife is a good housekeeper.

The mere mention of such things as cooking, baking, sweeping, dusting, mending, ironing, jars upon the poetic rhythm of the lofty themes of conversation. It never enters the brains of these happy lovers that it can make any difference in the world in their home life whether the bread is sweet or sour, whether the oatmeal is well cooked or scorched, whether the meals are punctual or tardy. The mere thought that such sublunary matters could affect the tone of their wedded life seems a desecration.

Love may build its palace of noble sentiments and tender affections and sweet charities, rising into the very clouds, and in this splendid home two souls may dwell in the enjoyment of the highest possibilities of wedded life; but his palace, too, must stand on the ground, with unpoetic and unsentimental stones for its foundation. That foundation is good housekeeping.

In other words, good breakfasts, dinners and suppers, a well kept house, order, system, promptness, punctuality, good cheer – far more than any young lovers dream does happiness in married life depend upon such commonplace things as these. Love is very patient, very kind, and very gentle; and where there is love no doubt the plainest fare is ambrosia and the homeliest surroundings are charming.

I know the wise man said: “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox (i.e., a good roast beef dinner), with hatred therewith;” but herbs as a constant diet will pall on the taste, especially if poorly served, even if love is ever present to season them. In this day of advanced civilization it is ought to be possible to have both the stalled ox and love. Husbands are not angels in this mundane state, and not being such they need a substantial basis of good housekeeping for the realization of their dreams of blissful homemaking.

Where a strengthful womanhood keeps the house wisely and well, in prudent care and orderly comfort and cheerful peace, there, in the daily duties, trying and tasting, her character issues in loveliness of bloom and blessedness of privilege, softly shadowing the household beneath its gracious power and unselfish gentleness; so that the heart of her husband rejoiceth in her, and the love which was planted within those walls strikes down its roots through all the thin soiled fancy and passion into the rich ground of manly reverence and honor, from which to draw a sustenance and life which shall keep it fresh and green in the midst of the years as those that are planted in the house of the Lord.”  -JR Miller

A Wife’s Part: Part 3–What is a Faithful Wife?

JR Miller (from his book The Family) lists the qualities he summarizes as “the ideal wife”.   His eloquence and gentleness of description are unmatched!  I find it hard to condense these chapters as each succeeding sentence grows better than the last!

The first quality is faithfulness.  And he has so many wonderful things to say!  As you read through this description, imagine we all threw off the fetters of wrong thinking that plague us, and became the wife he describes!  How life-changing for our marriages, our children, our churches–for all those around us, to witness the true purity of love in marriage meant to represent Christ and his bride….

“The heart of her husband safely trusts her.”

“A true wife by her character and by her conduct proves herself worthy of her husband’s trust.  He has confidence in her affection; he knows that her heart is unalterably true to him.  He has confidence in her management; he confides to her the care of his household.  He knows that she is true to all his interests–that she is prudent and wise, not wasteful nor extravagant.  It is one of the essential things in a true wife that her husband shall be able to leave in her hands the management of all domestic affairs, and know that they are safe.

…she thinks only of what will do him good.  When burdens press upon him she tries to lighten them by sympathy, by cheer, by the inspiration of love.  She is never a weight to drag him down; she is strength in his heart to help him ever to do nobler and better things.

A true wife makes a man’s life nobler, stronger, grander, by the omnipotence of her love ‘turning all the forces of manhood upward and heavenward’.

….she brings out in him whatever is noblest and richest in his being.

She inspires him with courage and earnestness.

She beautifies his life.

She softens whatever is rude and harsh in his habits or his spirit.

She clothes him with the gentler graces of refined and cultured manhood.

While she yields to him and never disregards his lightest wish, she is really his queen, ruling his whole life and leading him onward and upward in every proper path.

..Some wives are utterly useless, becoming burdens even to manliest, tenderest love.  Instead of making a man’s life stronger, happier, richer, they absorb his strength, impair his usefulness, hinder his success and cause him to be a failure among men….the result is wretchedness.

The true wife clings and leans; but she also helps and inspires…No wife knows how much she can do to make her husband honored among men, and his life a power and a success, by her loyal faithfulness, by the active inspiration of her own sweet life.”

And because “the two shall become one flesh” our Lord speaks of treating each other as our own bodies.  What a husband does to cherish a wife he does as to himself.  But also a wife, in furthering her husband as Miller describes, does so to herself, since their union is inseparable.  Beautiful!

(By the way, I found the entire book by JR Miller HERE for free )