Real Living Only Happens On Purpose

(Photo by Bria, courtesy of Robin @ Celebrating Motherhood)

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” (John Lennon)

Is it possible, in this noisiest-of-ever-century, that we hardly ever hear, hardly ever see anything much?

Have you ever noticed your world when the power goes off? It’s not just that you can’t check you  email…it’s a deafening silence that might drive some crazy if it lasted long enough. All the hums and quiet roars are dead, and we are left with much less–or is it more?

I think if we don’t live on purpose, we won’t live at all. If we don’t see through the daily whir, and hear through the daily buzz, we might just miss the life we were intended to live.

If you’ve lived very long, you know that life isn’t that long. Can we say as someone did,

“I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.”

It’s not hard, really. It’s not “sky-diving and Rocky-mountain climbing”…

It’s another warm hug today.

It’s stopping, looking up, smiling, listening, being in the moment fully.

It’s choosing to cast a gentle glance in the direction of one you love, rather than a day-worn scowl.

A walk outside, closing your eyes, and raising your face to the warmth of an autumn sky.

Saying out loud to your children…”Isn’t this world glorious–the one our Lord created?”

Curling up to read Dr. Seuss again, ending with a tickle.

Noticing the forlorn look in your daughter’s eye and being willing to stop your day to draw it out.

Speaking words of life into someone’s heart, taking time to really hear what they are saying, instead of what you are going to say when they’re done.

All these smallish things, woven together over a lifetime…that makes a life well-lived.

Live deliberately if at all.

Warrior-Mothers…Guarding Home

I’ve used the term “warrior-mother” before and I like that word. I think it is accurate, and oddly ironic up against the culture’s drum beat of “I am woman, hear me roar”.

If we could pin point just one place where more erosion to our society has occurred, it is without a doubt the HOME. Broken marriages–the home. Troubled children–the home. Redefining of traditional family life–the home. Women broken and searching for their own worth–the home.

The home is a concentrated point of attack from an enemy who seeks to steal, kill and destroy.

In battle, a known point of attack would be heavily fortified and guarded. I find it no coincidence that “keeper” as in “teach them to be keepers at home” from Titus 2, is translated from a Greek word meaning “to guard”.

Sadly, our enemy has done a stellar job at offering all the right decoys, blinding us to the very NEED to defend home.

We are warriors in the greatest, spiritual sense. Fighting for our homes, our marriages, our children and our own integrity as women of God.

This isn’t about “well, good for you but I’m not made for that sort of thing…it’s not my calling”.

If we have homes, we are called. But we are not called to go at it alone! God has always called the weak and the incapable and then when they admitted, “I can’t do this!“, He replies, “I will go before you…my strength is made perfect in weakness”.

Part of the fighting will be against the battle that rages within us. We can’t give up. Here’s what we do:

• Prepare for the attacks, knowing they are an expected part of life, whatever form they may take.

• Stay mentally alert to the task. We guard, we fortify, we nurture, we restore, we prepare soldiers, we hold up the arms of our commander-in-chief…we do A LOT in a day. Throwing every ounce of energy into that is not wasted time. Anything less, and we won’t have enough resources to guard properly.

• Get up and do it again. Every single one of us has those days where the task feels too hard. Giving up is not an option. We divert the enemy. We change pace, change scenery, change tactics. Then we get on our knees and utilize the power God offers to us. We spend some time in God’s Word, meditate on truth and get ready to do it again the next day.

We ARE called. We are called to fight, defend, guard and build our homes. To build a legacy that will continue beyond us.

The question is, will we answer?

“His master said, ‘Well done, thou good and faithful servant’..”

Training the (Deceitful) Heart @ Raising Homemakers

Join me today at Raising Homemakers for a powerful reminder of the most important tool we can give our children…

“‘Parenting is hard’.  My friend announced their family motto.  I agree with her 100%.

There’s the delicate balance between “training them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” and all that entails, and the work that only the Lord can do in a heart…We teach them character, to be thankful, to be cheerful to be servant-minded, but all those things must spring from a heart that acts in gratitude toward a risen Savior.

Sometimes it all seems to flow together naturally….

But sometimes, we see the Deceptor’s hand at work using love of Self to breed rebellion and ingratitude.

It brings every parent to the throne of grace faster than anything.  We can talk, we can plead; but it soon becomes evident that only a work of God can soften that heart, bringing it to a place of joyful submission to the Lord….

We can’t change the heart.  But there are things we CAN do do bring them toward the One who can…

Read all of “Training the (Deceitful) Heart: Giving Our  Children the Mighty Weapons”

 

Training Children: The Life Work

Last week I posted a quote about child training that I promised to expound on a bit…

“The parent’s part is to train them for life, to send them out of the home ready for whatever duty or mission God may have ready for them….What we want to do with our children is not merely to control them and keep them in order, but to implant true principles deep in their hearts which shall rule their whole lives; to shape their character from within into Christlike beauty, and to make of them noble men and women, strong for battle and for duty. They are to be trained rather than governed. Growth of character, not merely good behavior, is the object of all home governing and teaching. Therefore the home influence is far more important than the home laws, and the parents’ lives are of more moment than their teachings.”

It has grieved me more and more to realize that, as a result of a number of factors, I think parents–even Christian parents, are largely unaware of their purpose. Too often children can be seen ruling over parents as the parents strive, the best they can, to maintain some control, but really feeling helpless to the manipulation, dreading certain circumstances where the lack of control is made obvious.

I bumped into acquaintances recently at the grocery store. A mom, dad and their two-year-old. With barely our hellos exchanged, Mom said, “We’re just trying to get through this with her. She’s the child you hear screaming through the store. We’ve tried bribing her, we’ve tried threatening her, nothing works.” I know the girl enough to know that nothing is wrong with her. She’s a normal little toddler exerting her will. I’ve also observed the “problem”. A new set of parents, enamored with her antics, allowing her to rule the home. A misunderstanding of the privilege of growing her to maturity, helping her discover the safety of authority and the necessity of self control.

From our distorted sense of “why” we are given children (they are actually not for us, but for Him) to a society driven by self-indulgence, this generation seems largely unprepared to bring up responsible, mature children who will become responsible, mature adults. And that’s just the beginning for believers who are also instructed to bring up children who will live fully for Him, reflecting His character in all they do.

I just want to encourage you with a few practical words if you are a struggling parent.

• Do not get confused about what authority is and isn’t. So much new-age parenting (and yes, it exists in Christian teaching) forsakes the wisdom of Scripture and teaches that a parent doesn’t have a “right” to claim authority or to require obedience. That is simply a lie and will destroy a child.

• Authority is established EARLY. I have said, “the battle is won or lost in the high chair”. My eight month old is beginning to test the boundaries around him. It seems like a little thing, but when he squeals in anger because I don’t get the spoon to his mouth fast enough, it’s an opportunity for me to help him begin to understand self-control. I can pause, tell him “no” with a calm but serious tone (he gets it!) or, I can do the easy thing and give him what he wants as quickly as possible, laughing at his “cuteness”. But that cuteness will turn ugly fast and soon I’ll find myself in a grocery store line blushing because he’s using the same tactic to get what he wants there, only louder. Yes, from the time they are born, we move them forward; it’s our job to “grow them up” in a thousand ways.

• Don’t flippantly tell a little one to do something that you aren’t prepared to see accomplished. If you don’t really care if they pick up the toy, don’t ask them to. If you do care, make sure they obey when they are told.

• If you are getting angry at your child it’s most likely because you are not requiring obedience. Tell them clearly, get them to answer you so there’s no question whether they heard you, then follow through the first time if there is disobedience.

• Understand that your diligence or lack thereof has huge implications for the “success” of your children. The degree to which you help them develop self-control and self-governance and respect for authority, will enable them to be better husbands and wives, friends, employers, employees, and children of God. Yours is a grave responsibility if you have been given children!

“Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.” Proverbs 19:18

Training Children: The Importance of Home Influence

The parent’s part is to train them for life, to send them out of the home ready for whatever duty or mission God may have ready for them….What we want to do with our children is not merely to control them and keep them in order, but to implant true principles deep in their hearts which shall rule their whole lives; to shape their character from within into Christlike beauty, and to make of them noble men and women, strong for battle and for duty. They are to be trained rather than governed. Growth of character, not merely good behavior, is the object of all home governing and teaching. Therefore the home influence is far more important than the home laws, and the parents’ lives are of more moment than their teachings.

-J.R. Miller, Homemaking

More thoughts on this quote coming up!

Preparing My Two-Year-Old for Her Wedding

I ran across this older picture of Mallie. So yeah, maybe as we read through Proverbs 31 we'll hang out in the "clothes herself with fine linens" section.

“Unless God gives you the unique gift of singleness, the Bible says ‘it is a good thing’ for you to get married and have a family. Raise your hand if you hope to be a wife and mother one day”, I asked my little girls, down to the two-year-old.

And then I read….

“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12

That’s packed full of good stuff! “Who can find her?” She was rare then and rare now. An “excellent wife” isn’t just born. I want my girls to know that raising children and being a wife is a monumental task. One that will require all their energies, all their hearts and all their attention. It will utilize all their gifts and creativity. It will take enormous wisdom and fortitude. It is a full time job. That is, to be an “excellent” wife. A “virtuous” wife. It’s a job for which they must begin now to prepare.

We must do the counter-cultural job of teaching our girls, from a young age, that they are likely entering upon the job of a lifetime–a job that will change the world if they embrace it. We must be willing to bear the criticism (ironic, isn’t it?) and teach them to as well. We must learn to give an answer in truth and in love.

It always stumps me that the job of helping a husband, running an efficient home and raising the next generation has been ridiculed into a tiny corner until it is hardly recognized as a “job” anymore. Marriages, the ministry of home, children-turning-adults…how could any other pursuit be more worth our following?

That part doesn’t surprise me. What does surprise me, and saddens me, is that Christians followed suit. We know better. And until we reclaim the home as a place in which soldiers are raised, marriages become a reflection of the gospel, and the family gains enough strength to reach beyond itself and lend a life-saving hand to the lost, we will continue to wonder why the church is impotent and our society ravished.

Yes, it takes time to undo generations of effects that pull some from home. But we have to have a “true north” starting point. We have to recognize truth before we can follow it.

It is our one mission, dear Church, to glorify Him with our lives. It is our mission to stop bending the knee to a humanistic god. It is our mission to raise children who will carry the Light of Christ, the Hope of the world, into the next generation.

Let’s do it.