The many-times-asked-for, long-time-coming Ebook is almost here….

“This book is your comrade in the trenches. It is a life-book, you will want to read over and over, written in small snippets for daily renewal.”

We are mothers. We are life-changers, nation-builders, destiny-shapers. And for those reasons, we are under attack and for the same reasons we. must. press. on. But sometimes, we need someone to pick us up, give us fresh perspective, renewed hope and stamina to keep going.

“When mothers are strong, their children — regardless of the challenges they face — tend to be strong. When they’re resilient and filled with faith, their children are likely to be resilient and filled with faith…The destiny of mankind is in the hands of mothers….” -Neal Maxwell

This book is born, much from my own struggle with motherhood through a difficult year. “The Lord is my portion” and “He is mighty to save”.

“What happens in society all begins with mothers.” -Mrs. Jehan Sedat

A long time ago the Lord filled me with a passion for encouraging mothers. Motherhood has been under attack for decades. Truly, we are reaping the consequences of generations of women who have followed the Pied Piper’s lure for “something more” leaving in their wake droves of children with little guidance, nurture or character-shaping that was once esteemed vital to a healthy society. Our empty homes cry for women to pick up the torch of faithfulness again, and guard the home front against all that seeks to destroy it.

Motherhood is hard. That’s a fact. It’s labor-intensive, requiring the extraordinary courage and sacrifice of women who know much of their labor will not receive earthly accolades.

That’s why I’m writing this book. Mother’s need encouragement. They need cheered on. They need inspiration, advice, renewal and a constant reminder of the grave importance of their life-work.

When Motherhood Feels Too Hard is a refuge, a retreat, a place to be recharged and better fit for the battle. It is the very best of five years of posts here at Generation Cedar, where I have poured my heart and soul into raising up the arms of mothers in the fight.

It is a book you will want to read over and over, written in small snippets for daily renewal. It is refreshing, inspiring and even offers practical “survival tips” for the overwhelmed mom. You’ll want to print them and you’ll want to post them about your home as a reminder. You’ll want to share it, and mostly, I pray you’ll want to live it.

And to celebrate Generation Cedar’s 5 year anniversary, When Motherhood Feels Too Hard will be unveiled in approximately two weeks!

Even more exciting, and to simply attempt to express my tenderest gratitude to you, my friend and reader, it will kick off for sale at just $1.00 for 1 day!

(Photo by Bria, courtesy of Robin @ Celebrating Motherhood)

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” (John Lennon)

Is it possible, in this noisiest-of-ever-century, that we hardly ever hear, hardly ever see anything much?

Have you ever noticed your world when the power goes off? It’s not just that you can’t check you  email…it’s a deafening silence that might drive some crazy if it lasted long enough. All the hums and quiet roars are dead, and we are left with much less–or is it more?

I think if we don’t live on purpose, we won’t live at all. If we don’t see through the daily whir, and hear through the daily buzz, we might just miss the life we were intended to live.

If you’ve lived very long, you know that life isn’t that long. Can we say as someone did,

“I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.”

It’s not hard, really. It’s not “sky-diving and Rocky-mountain climbing”…

It’s another warm hug today.

It’s stopping, looking up, smiling, listening, being in the moment fully.

It’s choosing to cast a gentle glance in the direction of one you love, rather than a day-worn scowl.

A walk outside, closing your eyes, and raising your face to the warmth of an autumn sky.

Saying out loud to your children…”Isn’t this world glorious–the one our Lord created?”

Curling up to read Dr. Seuss again, ending with a tickle.

Noticing the forlorn look in your daughter’s eye and being willing to stop your day to draw it out.

Speaking words of life into someone’s heart, taking time to really hear what they are saying, instead of what you are going to say when they’re done.

All these smallish things, woven together over a lifetime…that makes a life well-lived.

Live deliberately if at all.

If we could pin point just one place where more erosion to our society has occurred, it is without a doubt the HOME. Broken marriages–the home. Troubled children–the home. Redefining of traditional family life–the home. Women broken and searching for their own worth–the home.

The home is a concentrated point of attack from an enemy who seeks to steal, kill and destroy.

In battle, a known point of attack would be heavily fortified and guarded. I find it no coincidence that “keeper” as in “teach them to be keepers at home” from Titus 2, is translated from a Greek word meaning “to guard”.

Sadly, our enemy has done a stellar job at offering all the right decoys, blinding us to the very NEED to defend home.

We are warriors in the greatest, spiritual sense. Fighting for our homes, our marriages, our children and our own integrity as women of God.

This isn’t about “well, good for you but I’m not made for that sort of thing…it’s not my calling”.

If we have homes, we are called. But we are not called to go at it alone! God has always called the weak and the incapable and then when they admitted, “I can’t do this!“, He replies, “I will go before you…my strength is made perfect in weakness”.

Part of the fighting will be against the battle that rages within us. We can’t give up. Here’s what we do:

• Prepare for the attacks, knowing they are an expected part of life, whatever form they may take.

• Stay mentally alert to the task. We guard, we fortify, we nurture, we restore, we prepare soldiers, we hold up the arms of our commander-in-chief…we do A LOT in a day. Throwing every ounce of energy into that is not wasted time. Anything less, and we won’t have enough resources to guard properly.

• Get up and do it again. Every single one of us has those days where the task feels too hard. Giving up is not an option. We divert the enemy. We change pace, change scenery, change tactics. Then we get on our knees and utilize the power God offers to us. We spend some time in God’s Word, meditate on truth and get ready to do it again the next day.

We ARE called. We are called to fight, defend, guard and build our homes. To build a legacy that will continue beyond us.

The question is, will we answer?

“His master said, ‘Well done, thou good and faithful servant’..”

“‘Parenting is hard’.  My friend announced their family motto.  I agree with her 100%.

There’s the delicate balance between “training them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” and all that entails, and the work that only the Lord can do in a heart…We teach them character, to be thankful, to be cheerful to be servant-minded, but all those things must spring from a heart that acts in gratitude toward a risen Savior.

Sometimes it all seems to flow together naturally….

But sometimes, we see the Deceptor’s hand at work using love of Self to breed rebellion and ingratitude.

It brings every parent to the throne of grace faster than anything.  We can talk, we can plead; but it soon becomes evident that only a work of God can soften that heart, bringing it to a place of joyful submission to the Lord….

We can’t change the heart.  But there are things we CAN do do bring them toward the One who can…

Read all of “Training the (Deceitful) Heart: Giving Our  Children the Mighty Weapons”

 

“The parent’s part is to train them for life, to send them out of the home ready for whatever duty or mission God may have ready for them….What we want to do with our children is not merely to control them and keep them in order, but to implant true principles deep in their hearts which shall rule their whole lives; to shape their character from within into Christlike beauty, and to make of them noble men and women, strong for battle and for duty. They are to be trained rather than governed. Growth of character, not merely good behavior, is the object of all home governing and teaching. Therefore the home influence is far more important than the home laws, and the parents’ lives are of more moment than their teachings.”

It has grieved me more and more to realize that, as a result of a number of factors, I think parents–even Christian parents, are largely unaware of their purpose. Too often children can be seen ruling over parents as the parents strive, the best they can, to maintain some control, but really feeling helpless to the manipulation, dreading certain circumstances where the lack of control is made obvious.

I bumped into acquaintances recently at the grocery store. A mom, dad and their two-year-old. With barely our hellos exchanged, Mom said, “We’re just trying to get through this with her. She’s the child you hear screaming through the store. We’ve tried bribing her, we’ve tried threatening her, nothing works.” I know the girl enough to know that nothing is wrong with her. She’s a normal little toddler exerting her will. I’ve also observed the “problem”. A new set of parents, enamored with her antics, allowing her to rule the home. A misunderstanding of the privilege of growing her to maturity, helping her discover the safety of authority and the necessity of self control.

From our distorted sense of “why” we are given children (they are actually not for us, but for Him) to a society driven by self-indulgence, this generation seems largely unprepared to bring up responsible, mature children who will become responsible, mature adults. And that’s just the beginning for believers who are also instructed to bring up children who will live fully for Him, reflecting His character in all they do.

I just want to encourage you with a few practical words if you are a struggling parent.

• Do not get confused about what authority is and isn’t. So much new-age parenting (and yes, it exists in Christian teaching) forsakes the wisdom of Scripture and teaches that a parent doesn’t have a “right” to claim authority or to require obedience. That is simply a lie and will destroy a child.

• Authority is established EARLY. I have said, “the battle is won or lost in the high chair”. My eight month old is beginning to test the boundaries around him. It seems like a little thing, but when he squeals in anger because I don’t get the spoon to his mouth fast enough, it’s an opportunity for me to help him begin to understand self-control. I can pause, tell him “no” with a calm but serious tone (he gets it!) or, I can do the easy thing and give him what he wants as quickly as possible, laughing at his “cuteness”. But that cuteness will turn ugly fast and soon I’ll find myself in a grocery store line blushing because he’s using the same tactic to get what he wants there, only louder. Yes, from the time they are born, we move them forward; it’s our job to “grow them up” in a thousand ways.

• Don’t flippantly tell a little one to do something that you aren’t prepared to see accomplished. If you don’t really care if they pick up the toy, don’t ask them to. If you do care, make sure they obey when they are told.

• If you are getting angry at your child it’s most likely because you are not requiring obedience. Tell them clearly, get them to answer you so there’s no question whether they heard you, then follow through the first time if there is disobedience.

• Understand that your diligence or lack thereof has huge implications for the “success” of your children. The degree to which you help them develop self-control and self-governance and respect for authority, will enable them to be better husbands and wives, friends, employers, employees, and children of God. Yours is a grave responsibility if you have been given children!

“Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.” Proverbs 19:18

The parent’s part is to train them for life, to send them out of the home ready for whatever duty or mission God may have ready for them….What we want to do with our children is not merely to control them and keep them in order, but to implant true principles deep in their hearts which shall rule their whole lives; to shape their character from within into Christlike beauty, and to make of them noble men and women, strong for battle and for duty. They are to be trained rather than governed. Growth of character, not merely good behavior, is the object of all home governing and teaching. Therefore the home influence is far more important than the home laws, and the parents’ lives are of more moment than their teachings.

-J.R. Miller, Homemaking

More thoughts on this quote coming up!

I ran across this older picture of Mallie. So yeah, maybe as we read through Proverbs 31 we'll hang out in the "clothes herself with fine linens" section.

“Unless God gives you the unique gift of singleness, the Bible says ‘it is a good thing’ for you to get married and have a family. Raise your hand if you hope to be a wife and mother one day”, I asked my little girls, down to the two-year-old.

And then I read….

“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12

That’s packed full of good stuff! “Who can find her?” She was rare then and rare now. An “excellent wife” isn’t just born. I want my girls to know that raising children and being a wife is a monumental task. One that will require all their energies, all their hearts and all their attention. It will utilize all their gifts and creativity. It will take enormous wisdom and fortitude. It is a full time job. That is, to be an “excellent” wife. A “virtuous” wife. It’s a job for which they must begin now to prepare.

We must do the counter-cultural job of teaching our girls, from a young age, that they are likely entering upon the job of a lifetime–a job that will change the world if they embrace it. We must be willing to bear the criticism (ironic, isn’t it?) and teach them to as well. We must learn to give an answer in truth and in love.

It always stumps me that the job of helping a husband, running an efficient home and raising the next generation has been ridiculed into a tiny corner until it is hardly recognized as a “job” anymore. Marriages, the ministry of home, children-turning-adults…how could any other pursuit be more worth our following?

That part doesn’t surprise me. What does surprise me, and saddens me, is that Christians followed suit. We know better. And until we reclaim the home as a place in which soldiers are raised, marriages become a reflection of the gospel, and the family gains enough strength to reach beyond itself and lend a life-saving hand to the lost, we will continue to wonder why the church is impotent and our society ravished.

Yes, it takes time to undo generations of effects that pull some from home. But we have to have a “true north” starting point. We have to recognize truth before we can follow it.

It is our one mission, dear Church, to glorify Him with our lives. It is our mission to stop bending the knee to a humanistic god. It is our mission to raise children who will carry the Light of Christ, the Hope of the world, into the next generation.

Let’s do it.

“The efforts which a mother makes for the improvement of her child in knowledge and virtue, are necessarily retired and unobtrusive. The world knows nothing of them; and hence the world has been slow to perceive how powerful and extensive is this secret and silent influence….the influence which is exerted upon the mind during the first eight or ten years of existence, in a great degree guides the destinies of that mind for time and eternity! And as the mother is the guardian and guide of the early years of life, from her goes the most powerful influence in the formation of the character of man.” John Abbott

When Christians stop being “Kingdom-minded”, they stop making Kingdom choices. Choices like devoting a life to raising the next generation to love God, to honor authority and to live wisely. The very church of Christ has so degraded the blessing of children (and thus minimized a mother’s work), that it is almost unthinkably ignorant. For how can we expect to pass the torch of passion and faithfulness to our Savior unless we have made it our chiefest aim to daily impress His character onto the hearts of our children?

When we understand that our whole existence is to glorify the Lord, we live each moment differently. We get about our Father’s business. We don’t measure “if we should have children” by their convenience or how many vacations it will cost me or whether I can pursue my favorite pastime or career. We don’t have children to look cute in their ball uniforms and homemade hair bows.

We fall down on our knees with the grave responsibility of stewardship over these children, these people who will either further the Kingdom or be a blight on society, based largely on our diligence to the duty of raising them.

Mothers, you must govern your home well. It is the cruelest act of motherhood that you should neglect to teach your children to obey the loving authority over them. For in doing so, you make them unable to submit to God.

Children who have not learned self-government stand to be the most wretched of all men and women, loathing you for your indulgences.

But don’t you see, it isn’t harsh! It wells up from the deepest love, the deepest desire to see our children walking in truth and evokes sheer delight to walk beside them.

When I see my children through Kingdom-eyes, their vices aren’t irritations that bug me and cause me to be angry; they are offenses that sober me and call me to the tireless and tender action of praying for, teaching and tending the garden of their souls.

My children are the very happiest when I have loved them enough to require gratitude, obedience and honor. Their little faces light up into mine when they sense my tenderest sincerity toward their character.

And then, to place my hands on their heads, kneel over them and pray…

“Father, you have blessed me with this child. Thank you that she is growing to love You, thank you that she is obedient, and I pray that she will serve you all the days of her life”….

causes a heart-smile to break across their faces, and they know–it sinks down deep and they KNOW that I am in this for life, through tears, joys and hardship. I am their advocate, and I will stop short of nothing to give “my life for yours” in these few years they are mine.

slow getting awake because the baby had woke several times during the night…

too many morning phone calls (I miss my caller ID!)…

spills and boo-boos galore….

a day where my “neat and tidy” routine gets ambushed a thousand ways.

Once upon a time this kind of day would make me question my whole existence as a homeschooling mother. These kinds of days have pushed many homeschoolers back into the conventional classroom.

But I have learned to stop…look closer….think…

Education is not a set of memorized facts, though facts may be a part of education.

Education is not boxed up in a classroom.

Education is whole, diverse and happens all the time.

Education is part academic and part life experience; the life part is equally important, if not more, according to Scripture. An interruption in our academic schedule does not stop our education.

My older children still did their “school work”–reading, math, grammar, etc., making good use of some travel time.

But they also learned flexibility in dealing with unexpected events in the day. They learned some background history as we listened to a Mozart CD and read the fabulous, accompanying insert about his life. (Have you seen The Classical Composers?)

They learned that my favorite thing to do in the morning is snuggle them tightly, whispering how thankful I am for the gift of their lives.

They learned to quadruple a recipe we made to take to our volunteers at the job site.

They learned patience, tying a sister’s little shoe and helping her sound out her letters.

One that I whisked away with me on a quick errand learned how the huge conveyor belt coming down the mountain near the local cement plant brings rocks from the quarry–and why we hear dynamite blasts ever so often.

She also heard Dave Ramsey’s advice to a caller and asked me, “why does he hate credit cards?” “Well, let me explain…”

My son drank in the mechanics of my father’s newly-purchased saw mill (we’re cutting our wood for our houses from all the downed trees from the storm) when we visited the site for lunch.

One picture from our read-aloud-story sparked a 10-minute explanation about beavers.

And the thank you notes written to a friend afforded a spelling lesson or two. But more than that, it caused us to pause and let gratitude wash over our busy minds.

They learned that we fall to our knees in tears and beg our Heavenly Father to intercede on behalf of our dear friend who collapsed with brain bleeding at 24-weeks pregnant.

Education happens. An interrupted schedule isn’t cause to fret; the flexibility homeschooling provides gives me cause to rejoice as I look for ways to teach my children *wholly* among the imperfections of our day.

May God grant us eyes to see.

“Remember the principle of gardening: a lot of sweat and tears are required before the reward of harvest. It’s the same with mothering.”

A reader sent me an email that is not unlike many that I receive, so I decided to include an excerpt and answer it here in a post. I know we all struggle with many of the same things, so I hope to encourage you “in the trenches” (And, dear friend who sent the letter, I replied to you but the email delivery failed. I hope you don’t mind my posting your question here, the only way I could answer it, without your name, changing a few details for anonymity’s sake.)

A mother writes:

“I have 6 children – 3 who are homeschooled and 3 little ones (1 of those we do some preschool type things with, but not alot). Here is the problem I have: I can’t seem to get it done. We start school and generally just do the basics and school goes on all day long. There are lots of starts and stops to my time with the small children, but it is draining to continue on with school that long. Then, with school lasting so long, I struggle with the household chores. I’ve become very disorganized because I just don’t have the time. It hasn’t always been like this, but I am failing somewhere and I’m looking for some/any guidance. It has become overwhelming and while we want to continue homeschooling I am ready to give up.

Maybe it just comes down to too high of expectations on my part….I really feel like a failure.”

Dear Mother,

You are NOT a failure. It is important to remember that our enemy wants you to believe that. He wants you to give up, to be overwhelmed, he wants to destroy your optimism and ultimately your family. But here’s the good news: “Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world”.

AND…we have to keep revisiting our long-term vision….keep perspective. The academic advantage is only one reason why we homeschool. Imparting our family’s values and worldviews, tying bonds of fellowship, nurturing relationships, building character–there are a myriad of other reasons that should encourage us to dig our heels in. That’s our starting point. Now take a deep breath, and let’s get practical…

Almost everything I would tell you involves “simplifying”. Everyone’s life is unique and varied; but most of us could stand to simplify.

Stuff.

The more I live the more I believe this one thing is slipping from our hands as Americans, but is vital to our “success” as families. We MUST be deliberate about simplifying our lives in every way possible. Less is almost always more. The more we own, the more we do, the more we owe, the less we have left to give each other, to invest in our relationships and practical, important things like sitting around the table at night enjoying a meal together. Take inventory and look hard. Pare down, starting with clothes in your closet. Clean out drawers, under beds, pots and pans, dishes, cabinets–with every thing you purge, the lighter you will feel. Take a weekend or two and get the whole family involved. It’s much better to enjoy owning fewer things you really love than owning a passel of so-so things that demand your precious time to keep them, organize them, clean them and maintain them.

Activities.

If you’ve read my blog long, I’ll sound like a broken record. Busy moms can’t be all they need to be with too many extras. The same simplicity principle applies here. A few activities can enrich your life. Too many will suck it out of you.

Meals

Meals can become much less stressful with a little planning and forethought. The crock pot is your best friend. Find some great recipes (there are a gazillion crock pot recipe sites) and get supper started in the morning. Making double batches of meals and freezing one for a busy night is another great way to give yourself some relief. It takes virtually the same amount of time and cleaning as one meal.

Household chores

• Get as much off counter tops/tables, etc. as possible–it will be easier to clean surfaces.
• Designate “clutter patrol” about twice a day…get everyone to do a quick pick up. Very little ones can help a lot with this and even think it’s fun.
• Keep a “give it away” bag handy to toss things. As soon as it is full, put it in the car to drop off.
• Consider designating one day for thorough cleaning. We do this on Fridays because moods are more cheerful since it is “movie night”. I also only require reading on Fridays and let them off from textbook work (we “school” year ’round). This is also the night we try to have people over-extra motivation for the cleaning.
• Spray sinks and toilets with a bleach/water combination for a quick, clean feeling
• Train your children to avoid putting clean clothes into the laundry hamper. Clothes can usually be worn several days before washing, especially during the winter.
• Encourage everyone (and model it yourself) to keep clutter at bay by carrying at least one object “closer” to its destination each time you go to a different room.
• Keep baskets to catch clutter. Baskets in the living room can catch quickly-tossed toys; baskets at the entrance can hold shoes; keep baskets handy for those items that seem to be used a lot but make a mess and need to stay close.

Homeschooling

Before we even address strategies, make sure basic obedience/character issues are being addressed. If there are problems with bad attitudes or disrespect toward Mom, the school routine needs to be laid aside until these foundational problems are solved.

After that, the”secret”, I think, is laying aside pressures and expectations, honing in on YOUR family’s definition and goals for education, and working from there. Relax. Multiple research findings conclude that a “good education” is encapsulated into “being literate, numerate, and having the ability to reason”. This does not require hours of formal instruction, but rather a casual lifestyle that facilitates a constant thirst for knowledge. Good conversation with parents in tune to asking questions and probing their children to think is more than most students get in an average day.

The importance of providing enough space for creative exploration, problem-solving and hands-on learning cannot be underestimated. Small chunks of instruction–a 15-minute lesson on the concept of multiplying, telling time or a brief overview of how weather works can be far more beneficial than two hours worth of worksheets.

“Teaching” is going on all the time. Don’t become a slave to a textbook or curriculum; use them as tools, not tyrants. (I have taught 5 children to read by phonics with no formal curriculum.) Bath time, driving time, walking together, day or night–all hours of the day provide opportunities for teaching, especially teaching little ones. As they get older, self-directed study becomes more natural because their appetites for learning have been whetted.

There is much, much more on this philosophy in my ebook, Think Outside the Classroom.

Extra tips for “finding” more time:

• Don’t answer the telephone before noon. This has potential to revolutionize your life.
• Multi-task. Have a child do some of his reading to you while you feed the baby or give a bath; meal plan in the car; read to the children during breakfast or lunch…etc.
• Dictate a grocery list to a child while you drive (added spelling lesson bonus).
• Remember to delegate chores; taking the extra time to teach little ones to help keep order is well worth it. A two year old can be expected to put his dirty clothes in the hamper, put shoes where they go, pick up toys and other similar chores with occasional reminders.

Some overwhelmed moms may need a “mommy helper”. In a day where grandmothers, aunts and sisters aren’t as readily available (or willing) to help a young mother, she should not feel ashamed if she needs an extra pair of hands. If you don’t have a community of support, you may consider hiring someone to help with basic chores, running errands, etc.

More than anything, keep it in perspective. Even the busiest, most exhausting days are fleeting. Keep a clean home but don’t obsess if it isn’t like you would prefer. Teach your children to be orderly but remember they are children. Enjoy them, capitalize on the wonders of the curious years, and find as many ways as you can to simply enjoy life where you are and the children in it. Remember the principle of gardening: a lot of sweat and tears are required before the reward of harvest. It’s the same with mothering.

(And don’t forget to run barefoot in the sunshine every now and then )

Part 1:  Margins

Part 2:  Housework Again?

Part 3:  When Technology Hurts

Part 4:  Children Are More Than an Organizational Problem