Great Children’s Books for the Christian Home

I had forgotten what a treasure the Lamplighter series of children’s books are.  I picked up Hedge of Thorns this morning and read a chapter to the children and was again delighted with the quality of the literature as well as the tremendous inspiration it offered.

“I remember kissing her [baby sister] soft hands; and from that time, my little sister became the object of my tenderest love and affection, and I waited with anxious expectation the happy time when I could take her on my Sabbath picnics near the castle of Hemlock Forest…and how happy I was when I had taught her to repeat her first prayer!”

The Lamplighter Rare Collector series are short, interesting books re-printed from the late 19th century, full of literary richness as well as the themes of godly character-building, most familiar to Christian families of the past.  They make great read-alouds!

Just wanted to offer some suggestions for those of you who are looking for great literature!

(By the way, I don’t benefit from suggesting these, I just like them )

There are several sites who sell them, but Grace & Truth Books is the best price I have found.

What Does a Stay-at-Home Mom Do All Day?

Quite honestly, I don’t like the term “stay-at-home mom”.  It testifies to the fact that there are moms who don’t stay at home and I wish it didn’t have to be so.

But there’s an enormous gulf now between “have to work” and “want to work”.  The gulf was a complicated build, and now we can’t even remember the “norm”, when women stayed at home because, well, there was a household to run and  important lives who depended on her, and it didn’t matter that they couldn’t afford new socks–it was her job to darn them so they didn’t have to.

No, our generation doesn’t remember because they were told another story.  They were told that women were home because they *had* to be, (not because it best served their families) and that one little word touches a rebellious chord in us and we jump on the band wagon to “save women from oppression”.  We think “stay” is a derogatory word and though all good sense said that a healthy family needs someone devoted to nurturing it, we passed up the job.

That’s not really what the post is about, but I can never just start in the middle

So now women, some of whom are entertaining the thoughts of coming back home (more and more exhausted working women are getting tired of the “have-it-all” lie and realize home comes closer to anything that offers “all”), don’t know about the art and profession of making a home and are asking, “but what do I do?”

Which strikes a veteran SAHM as comical, because she knows that tasks and opportunities alike present themselves faster than she can ever keep up.

And because readership of this blog makes up a widely-varied audience, I thought it timely to go back-to-basics for a moment and visit the question, “What does a stay-at-home mom do all day?” That is, what does a woman wishing to follow a Proverbs 31 model do?

Remember though...a list of what she “could” do is not the same as what she “should” do. Each woman is in a different season of life, some seasons allowing for greater opportunities than others.  Some are merely surviving with the basics during a busy season; others are finding time to flourish in their gifts and abilities.  But we could all study to be more efficient and become a better home-builders.

• She studies to provide at least somewhat healthy, somewhat economical meals for her family.  This can be a time-consuming job, but there are books written solely on the art of cooking and the incredible ministry found in entertaining your family and friends through the hospitality of the kitchen.  Study it!  (Another word about the ministry of hospitality soon!)  Just in the area of health alone, America is experiencing an epidemic of illness, largely from consuming so much pre-packaged food, a choice usually necessary to maintain the over-booked lives we live.

• If the Lord has given her children, she pours herself into their training, nurturing and developing.  Another full time job almost by itself.  If not, there are a myriad of “mothering” and ministering opportunities sorely in need of a servant-minded woman.

• She helps her husband.  This varies widely from home to home.  But much like an administrative assistant, she can be a “crown to her husband” instead of forcing him to hire another woman for that role.  This is where “the heart of her husband safely trusts her” as she runs a household and “he has no lack of gain”.

• She studies to keep her marriage happy.  The dearth of happy marriages–of marriages at all–is staggering.  Good marriages don’t just happen.  If they aren’t tended, they’ll wilt.

• She studies to save money, to make her home a warm, inviting place, to treat minor illnesses, to repair things, to make things, to plant things, to be busy with her hands.  Books are written–there is no end to this art.

• She engages in meaningful conversation with her children.  An often underrated, but vitally important job in their education–homeschooled or not.

• She “reaches”.  (“She reaches her hand to the needy”. Proverbs 31)  Whether this be the meeting of a physical need for the poor, or a need of a fellow believer, needs abound.  Many needs could be met in the form of an encouraging card, phone call or visit.  It’s just a suggestion, but maybe Prozac has largely filled our lack of availability to hurting women.

• She earns money.  Home industries are easier than ever to begin.  Saving money and making money are doable activities for the SAHM.

• She mentors other moms.

• She takes care of extended family members.  Nursing homes are new.

And I shall close for now, because I have lots of things to do today   Help me, each one of you, where you are, resurrect the art of homemaking.  We need homes…they’re actually pretty rare.

The Best Thing…

What if the best thing I can do for my children is not

another lecture…

another frown…

another privilege removed…

another forced apology…

What if the best thing I can do for my children is to call them away with a love-sick heart that wants nothing more than to “see that my children walk in truth”, and beckon them to kneel with me before the presence of a holy God…to bathe in His grace and know He gives power through it so that we can walk in newness of life.

Yes.  Let me do that for them.  Show them their need for forgiveness so that they can forgive.  Let me do that for them again and again.

Do Your Children Work Too Hard?

I heard it again…quite a typical comment about grown children of large families:

“She was the oldest of six and felt like her mother required too much of her….so she doesn’t want a large family.”

Size of family debate aside…the issue here is not the number of siblings or the work load, but rather a fundamental lesson of the Christian life that the parents failed to transmit.

The conclusion that “I had to work too hard...” does not echo the perspective of a follower of Christ.  The first misunderstanding is that life is somehow not largely about work.

“And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you;” 1 Thes. 4:11

The second one is that even if a work load is heavy, and even if I have a perceived sense of “suffering”, the Christian response to that is opposite the statement above.

Listen closely:

“…We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Rom 5:3-5

Aside from an abusive parenting situation, which is NOT what I’m talking about, we have an obligation to teach our children what God’s Word says, which is counter-culture to all the messages around us.  Period!  Our primary responsibility as mothers, hands down, is to raise children who see every part of the world through the lens of Scripture, not through the lens of what we think feels right or seems right.

Had this young lady been bathed in the truth of God’s Word, she would have seen her Savior’s example and longed to follow it.  Jesus’ life was one continuing “pouring out” of himself physically, emotionally and spiritually.  He lived to be spent and then He told us to copy Him.  There were short reprieves, yes, but probably not as much as we get each night when we sleep for 8 hours at a time.

Americans enjoy the highest level of luxury, freedom and entertainment on the planet.  I submit that it’s tremendously difficult for a Christian living here to even vaguely identify with the life and suffering of so many disciples of Jesus.  In the early days of Christendom, it was a good day if you survived it.  What’s more…

“The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for His name.” Acts 5:41

• Am I raising my children to whine about some work load they have, or am I raising them to delight in being used up for Him?

• Am I teaching them that “to save your life you must lose it”?

• Am I reading about and pointing to the heroes of the faith for them to emulate?

• Am I teaching them to “do hard things” and rejoice in it?

• Am I demonstrating, by my life, that serving is a privilege?

• Am I framing their worldview through the lens of “esteeming others better than himself”?

Let’s not raise “victims” of hard work!  But through joyful, consistent reminding, let’s teach them to count it a privilege to daily serve those around them!

“Mallie (3 yrs. old), you did such a great job folding that towel neatly!  Are you doing your work ‘as to the Lord and not unto men’?”

Training Children To Sit in Church

I’ve probably posted on this topic before, but I received another email asking for tips on teaching children to sit in church, and I assume that email represents many others who haven’t asked.

As I’ve said, we go to a family-integrated church where it is the norm for families to sit together, so it helps that the children serve as peer influences on each other.  “Everyone else is doing it.”

But here are some things we’ve done, some of which were given to me by older women:

After we pass the nursing stage (while nursing, I usually try to go back in after feeding, though sometimes I stay if baby is sleeping as we have a speaker in the cry room), we have the smallest ones sit on mine or my husband’s lap.  Gentle, whispering reminders serve to explain what’s expected (Shhh…we’re praying.  Be still…)

Someone mentioned in yesterday’s thread that the real training takes place at home, and I believe that to be true.  If the children are basically obedient and obey voice commands, church training follows fairly easily.

However, between the ages of 12 mo. and 2 years the training can be the most intense.  This is where a child, after proper voice commands, would be taken out for disipline.  The important thing is to bring him right back in.  If it persists, there would be a limit to the number of times I would take a child out for the sake of disruption, but I would certainly make a note of the areas of training lacking at home in this case and try to practice.  Sometimes a squeeze on the leg and a low whisper is all you need.  By the way, in most cases, my husband takes a child out.

If you take a disruptive child out to let him play, I believe it slows down and even hinders the process.  You’re only training him to know that misbehavior has a reward.

(With all that said, if this is a new thing, give yourself, and your child some grace.  Take it slow.  Set timed goals (half the service) and reward for meeting those.  Work on sitting still at home while someone reads.  Make sure they’ve gotten plenty of sleep, and consider whether he doesn’t feel well.  Don’t get discouraged!)

Another tip I got from my friend:

If you are struggling with a child, take him just outside the service–maybe in the foyer–with a chair facing the sanctuary.  Sit in that chair and pay attention as you would if you were in the service.  Use the same voice commands and discipline as before.  This way, it is less disruptive, the child is practicing, and you are maintaining your expectations and not just taking him out to “give up”.

Some families give their young children special books or drawing pads just for church.  I also think it’s important to talk about expectations and the meaning of worship before you go in.  It’s an excellent way to emphasize the reverence with which we are to approach the place of worship.

Stay tuned for some challenging thoughts from others on family worship.

Parenting–Not Your Job to Figure it Out

Have I ever said parenting is hard work?

I know you have days that you cry, feel like throwing up your hands and giving up.

I know that because I have those days.  Some probably think of me as a seasoned parent, what with 8 children and all.  And I do like to think I’ve at least learned a thing or two.

But don’t think for a minute that I’ve got it all figured out.  Because even if I thought I did, I feel sure God would throw me a curve ball tomorrow to make sure I banished the thought….

After all, when I get it figured out, I won’t need Him anymore.  That’s the whole point.  Don’t forget that it’s not our job to “get it figured out”.

It’s our job to persevere, trust, pray, sacrifice, disciple, allow God to mold us along the way, nurture, encourage, pray again, cry, laugh, hug, ask forgiveness, and do it all again tomorrow.