Parenting Hangs in the Balance

Parenting is a hot topic.  Opinions swing from one end of the spectrum to the other.  And yet, there seems to be evidence abounding (mainly at Wal-Mart, for whatever reason) that there are some missing links to this colossally important job of raising children.

And while we’re on the topic, may I just boldly say, it matters to me how you raise your children, as it should matter to you how I raise mine.  We all live in this society together and whether we’re talking about smashed mail boxes or tax-payer prison costs, we are affected by the job each of us does as parents.

You can read all the books and try to figure out what sounds best to you, but I don’t think that’s the most solid approach to parenting.

In my opinion, there are several sure-fire ways to know what good parenting is. It’s not rocket science, but Read more »

10 Things to Teach Your Children Before They Leave Home

1. Self-control. It starts when a baby is just months old–opportunities to gently remind her that even though you like her a lot, she is not the center of the universe, never will be, and doesn’t need to aspire to be.  This spans from controlling the physical passions of a baby throwing food off a high chair to sexual urges as an adolescent, and continues into areas of finance (you must pay for what you want), handling disappointments and dealing with the difficulties of life.
2. “School” is not the goal — learning is, and that is never over.
3. Good books are essential for growth.
4. Be honest, no matter what.
5. Be diligent, no matter how small the job.
6. Forgive others.  Never hold a grudge, especially against those who have asked your forgiveness.
7. People are more important than things–live like it.
8. Listen to people when they talk.
9. Be courteous and remember your manners everywhere you go.  (Courtesy is a stamp of excellence and a ticket to success.)
10. Believe God enough to do what He says, even when it doesn’t make sense or it’s not the popular choice.

The True Test of Homemaking: Ask a Child

“Before we can say that we have realized the ideal of a true Christian home, we must prove its spirit.  What impression would our home and its life make upon a pure and simple-hearted child?

We may build a palace of marble.  We may fill it with the rarest beauties of art.  We may adorn it in the most luxurious fashion. We may furnish it in the most costly manner.  It may be perfect as a gem in all its appointment, a piece of art in itself.  Then our home-life may be as stately as royalty itself.  There may be the most perfect order, the loftiest courtesy, the utmost precision of movement.  Each member of the family may fulfill his part with unfailing promptitude.

Bring in the child and ask it what it thinks of your home.  “It is very beautiful,” responds the little one. “It is very grand.  It is a palace.  Does a king live here?”

You turn away disappointed.  You have failed to make such a home as you wished.  You have piled up grandeur, you have made a splendid piece of art; you have succeeded in setting up a model which all will admire; but you have not made a home of love, of tenderness, and of praise.

You begin anew.  You do not seek this time for grandeur.  You build your home with taste and thought.  You put into it as many lovely things as you can afford.  You set up your household life and fill it with the spirit of prayer, of love, of gentleness, of unselfishness.  Again you call the child.  She moves up and down, in and out.  She sleeps under your roof; she eats at your table; she tastes of your pleasures; she mingles in the life of your household.  You ask her what she thinks of your home, and she replies, “I think Jesus lives here!”

It is not the grandeur that impresses her now, but the spirit that dwells within; not the stateliness,  affectionateness, not the courtliness, but the sweetness.  She finds love everywhere–love that shows itself in tone, in act, in look, in word and in countless little manifestations of thoughtfulness and unselfish tenderness. It impresses the untaught feeling of the child as a home like that in which the Master would live.

This is the true test of home-making.”

-J.R. Miller The Family

Is There Such a Thing as Singleness?

Bringing up Children is no Part-time Job

It starts as early as sunrise some mornings.  And though I’m sleepy, I have a choice.

I can let my sleepiness be an excuse to waive off the challenges of the early morning, or I can rise up, face those little people with a smile and a cheery, “Good morning, doll face”, and get my mommy gear on.

“I know you’re hungry, but don’t whine.  Be patient while I cook the grits.”

The training begins.

“Will you please get the spoons for me?”

“Speak kindly, please, she didn’t mean to do that.”

Reminding, replacing, encouraging, embracing.

“Who left their bowls at the table?”

Even though it would be easier to just take it to the sink myself, I go downstairs to call them up.

Habits are being formed, like railroads, as Sonya Shafer says, that will guide them for the rest of their lives.  Regular, good habits will give them a much easier ride.

There seems, in our day, to be a lot of children derailing.  Someone didn’t take the time.

“Let me show you how to hang up your clothes.”

“No, you don’t speak to your brother in that tone of voice.”

“Why don’t you let her go first…isn’t that what the Bible says?”

“Thank you so much for getting your sister out of the high chair.  You’re going to be a great Dad.”

Not even day by day, but minute by minute, we build people, shape people, grow people.

Cultivating habits of attentiveness, diligence, courtesy, integrity, honor, service, love, gratitude.

“Look people in the eyes when you speak.  It shows them you care about what they are saying.”

And I must prove I mean it by stopping to look them in the eyes….a hundred times a day.

It’s a relentless job.  There is little room for rest.  And sacrifice is always required.

But there is sweetness and peace in doing hard things that will impact the future, all the way into eternity.

Now that’s big.

A bigness worth a full time effort.

Child Character Training: Proverbs Into Practice

From my inbox:

“I understand the concept of “teaching the Proverbs” and do read them to my children, but can you give specific examples of how I can teach the character traits throughout the day?”   -Cathleen

I’m so glad she asked that question!  In fact, just this week, the Lord has given me two distinct opportunities to see the fruits of this practical, Proverbs training in our home.

First example:

Background:

This young child is reluctant.  He is “cautious” which causes him to be a bit negative and less-than-ambitious about doing chores.  “I can’t” is a common phrase and we are working on a more “can-do” attitude with him.

Scenario:

I asked this child to sweep the kitchen floor while I wiped off the counters.  He hesitated with the “I can’t” look on his face.

Solution:

Anticipating his hesitation, I cut him off and pretended to not even notice.

“Thank you for agreeing to help me!  I bet you’re going to be like the diligent man we talked about this morning.  What was the lazy man called?  (wait for response)  A sluggard.  You are NOT a sluggard.  Do you remember the animal that was so diligent from the Proverbs we read?  Was it an ant?  You’re like an ant!  I’m so happy to have a diligent son like you.”

Task accomplished, all smiling.

Second example:

Background:

This child struggles with diligence and working in a timely manner when asked to do an undesirable task.

Scenario/Solution:

During our Proverbs study time this morning, I used this child to illustrate the example of a diligent man. 

“When (child’s name) cleans the kitchen, if he was a sluggard, he would leave the counters dirty, leave the dish rag wet and crumpled in the sink, etc.  But he wants to be diligent.  So when he cleans the kitchen, he’ll sweep the floors, empty the drain, etc.”

I went on to talk to them about how being diligent isn’t just a blessing for obvious reasons, but that the Bible also says “Whatever you do, do it with all your heart as to the Lord”, and that every task they accomplish has the potential to be “work for the Lord”.

Now would you believe, as I went over the chore list afterward, the child I used in the illustration eagerly volunteered for the kitchen???  (It’s NOT his favorite job.)  He went on to say, “I want to do it by myself”.  And I watched as he cleaned every square inch of that kitchen, down to spot mopping and arranging some cabinets!!!

So I praised him for his diligence, I called the other children into the kitchen and told them, “This is what a diligent job looks like!” and hugged him, expressing how blessed I feel to be his mom.

In both of these instances, I tried to get ahead of the situation by praising their work before it was even done, anticipating that they would rise to the challenge.  It worked.

I hope these examples provide concrete ideas and encouragement for you.  And don’t become weary in well-doing…my children don’t always volunteer to clean out the cabinets   And it’s not always smiles and hugs at chore time.  But a concerted effort to build these traits sure goes a long way!