Training the (Deceitful) Heart @ Raising Homemakers

Join me today at Raising Homemakers for a powerful reminder of the most important tool we can give our children…

“‘Parenting is hard’.  My friend announced their family motto.  I agree with her 100%.

There’s the delicate balance between “training them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” and all that entails, and the work that only the Lord can do in a heart…We teach them character, to be thankful, to be cheerful to be servant-minded, but all those things must spring from a heart that acts in gratitude toward a risen Savior.

Sometimes it all seems to flow together naturally….

But sometimes, we see the Deceptor’s hand at work using love of Self to breed rebellion and ingratitude.

It brings every parent to the throne of grace faster than anything.  We can talk, we can plead; but it soon becomes evident that only a work of God can soften that heart, bringing it to a place of joyful submission to the Lord….

We can’t change the heart.  But there are things we CAN do do bring them toward the One who can…

Read all of “Training the (Deceitful) Heart: Giving Our  Children the Mighty Weapons”

 

Training Children: The Life Work

Last week I posted a quote about child training that I promised to expound on a bit…

“The parent’s part is to train them for life, to send them out of the home ready for whatever duty or mission God may have ready for them….What we want to do with our children is not merely to control them and keep them in order, but to implant true principles deep in their hearts which shall rule their whole lives; to shape their character from within into Christlike beauty, and to make of them noble men and women, strong for battle and for duty. They are to be trained rather than governed. Growth of character, not merely good behavior, is the object of all home governing and teaching. Therefore the home influence is far more important than the home laws, and the parents’ lives are of more moment than their teachings.”

It has grieved me more and more to realize that, as a result of a number of factors, I think parents–even Christian parents, are largely unaware of their purpose. Too often children can be seen ruling over parents as the parents strive, the best they can, to maintain some control, but really feeling helpless to the manipulation, dreading certain circumstances where the lack of control is made obvious.

I bumped into acquaintances recently at the grocery store. A mom, dad and their two-year-old. With barely our hellos exchanged, Mom said, “We’re just trying to get through this with her. She’s the child you hear screaming through the store. We’ve tried bribing her, we’ve tried threatening her, nothing works.” I know the girl enough to know that nothing is wrong with her. She’s a normal little toddler exerting her will. I’ve also observed the “problem”. A new set of parents, enamored with her antics, allowing her to rule the home. A misunderstanding of the privilege of growing her to maturity, helping her discover the safety of authority and the necessity of self control.

From our distorted sense of “why” we are given children (they are actually not for us, but for Him) to a society driven by self-indulgence, this generation seems largely unprepared to bring up responsible, mature children who will become responsible, mature adults. And that’s just the beginning for believers who are also instructed to bring up children who will live fully for Him, reflecting His character in all they do.

I just want to encourage you with a few practical words if you are a struggling parent.

• Do not get confused about what authority is and isn’t. So much new-age parenting (and yes, it exists in Christian teaching) forsakes the wisdom of Scripture and teaches that a parent doesn’t have a “right” to claim authority or to require obedience. That is simply a lie and will destroy a child.

• Authority is established EARLY. I have said, “the battle is won or lost in the high chair”. My eight month old is beginning to test the boundaries around him. It seems like a little thing, but when he squeals in anger because I don’t get the spoon to his mouth fast enough, it’s an opportunity for me to help him begin to understand self-control. I can pause, tell him “no” with a calm but serious tone (he gets it!) or, I can do the easy thing and give him what he wants as quickly as possible, laughing at his “cuteness”. But that cuteness will turn ugly fast and soon I’ll find myself in a grocery store line blushing because he’s using the same tactic to get what he wants there, only louder. Yes, from the time they are born, we move them forward; it’s our job to “grow them up” in a thousand ways.

• Don’t flippantly tell a little one to do something that you aren’t prepared to see accomplished. If you don’t really care if they pick up the toy, don’t ask them to. If you do care, make sure they obey when they are told.

• If you are getting angry at your child it’s most likely because you are not requiring obedience. Tell them clearly, get them to answer you so there’s no question whether they heard you, then follow through the first time if there is disobedience.

• Understand that your diligence or lack thereof has huge implications for the “success” of your children. The degree to which you help them develop self-control and self-governance and respect for authority, will enable them to be better husbands and wives, friends, employers, employees, and children of God. Yours is a grave responsibility if you have been given children!

“Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.” Proverbs 19:18

Training Children: The Importance of Home Influence

The parent’s part is to train them for life, to send them out of the home ready for whatever duty or mission God may have ready for them….What we want to do with our children is not merely to control them and keep them in order, but to implant true principles deep in their hearts which shall rule their whole lives; to shape their character from within into Christlike beauty, and to make of them noble men and women, strong for battle and for duty. They are to be trained rather than governed. Growth of character, not merely good behavior, is the object of all home governing and teaching. Therefore the home influence is far more important than the home laws, and the parents’ lives are of more moment than their teachings.

-J.R. Miller, Homemaking

More thoughts on this quote coming up!

Preparing My Two-Year-Old for Her Wedding

I ran across this older picture of Mallie. So yeah, maybe as we read through Proverbs 31 we'll hang out in the "clothes herself with fine linens" section.

“Unless God gives you the unique gift of singleness, the Bible says ‘it is a good thing’ for you to get married and have a family. Raise your hand if you hope to be a wife and mother one day”, I asked my little girls, down to the two-year-old.

And then I read….

“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12

That’s packed full of good stuff! “Who can find her?” She was rare then and rare now. An “excellent wife” isn’t just born. I want my girls to know that raising children and being a wife is a monumental task. One that will require all their energies, all their hearts and all their attention. It will utilize all their gifts and creativity. It will take enormous wisdom and fortitude. It is a full time job. That is, to be an “excellent” wife. A “virtuous” wife. It’s a job for which they must begin now to prepare.

We must do the counter-cultural job of teaching our girls, from a young age, that they are likely entering upon the job of a lifetime–a job that will change the world if they embrace it. We must be willing to bear the criticism (ironic, isn’t it?) and teach them to as well. We must learn to give an answer in truth and in love.

It always stumps me that the job of helping a husband, running an efficient home and raising the next generation has been ridiculed into a tiny corner until it is hardly recognized as a “job” anymore. Marriages, the ministry of home, children-turning-adults…how could any other pursuit be more worth our following?

That part doesn’t surprise me. What does surprise me, and saddens me, is that Christians followed suit. We know better. And until we reclaim the home as a place in which soldiers are raised, marriages become a reflection of the gospel, and the family gains enough strength to reach beyond itself and lend a life-saving hand to the lost, we will continue to wonder why the church is impotent and our society ravished.

Yes, it takes time to undo generations of effects that pull some from home. But we have to have a “true north” starting point. We have to recognize truth before we can follow it.

It is our one mission, dear Church, to glorify Him with our lives. It is our mission to stop bending the knee to a humanistic god. It is our mission to raise children who will carry the Light of Christ, the Hope of the world, into the next generation.

Let’s do it.

The “Kingdom Choice” of Raising Children

“The efforts which a mother makes for the improvement of her child in knowledge and virtue, are necessarily retired and unobtrusive. The world knows nothing of them; and hence the world has been slow to perceive how powerful and extensive is this secret and silent influence….the influence which is exerted upon the mind during the first eight or ten years of existence, in a great degree guides the destinies of that mind for time and eternity! And as the mother is the guardian and guide of the early years of life, from her goes the most powerful influence in the formation of the character of man.” John Abbott

When Christians stop being “Kingdom-minded”, they stop making Kingdom choices. Choices like devoting a life to raising the next generation to love God, to honor authority and to live wisely. The very church of Christ has so degraded the blessing of children (and thus minimized a mother’s work), that it is almost unthinkably ignorant. For how can we expect to pass the torch of passion and faithfulness to our Savior unless we have made it our chiefest aim to daily impress His character onto the hearts of our children?

When we understand that our whole existence is to glorify the Lord, we live each moment differently. We get about our Father’s business. We don’t measure “if we should have children” by their convenience or how many vacations it will cost me or whether I can pursue my favorite pastime or career. We don’t have children to look cute in their ball uniforms and homemade hair bows.

We fall down on our knees with the grave responsibility of stewardship over these children, these people who will either further the Kingdom or be a blight on society, based largely on our diligence to the duty of raising them.

Mothers, you must govern your home well. It is the cruelest act of motherhood that you should neglect to teach your children to obey the loving authority over them. For in doing so, you make them unable to submit to God.

Children who have not learned self-government stand to be the most wretched of all men and women, loathing you for your indulgences.

But don’t you see, it isn’t harsh! It wells up from the deepest love, the deepest desire to see our children walking in truth and evokes sheer delight to walk beside them.

When I see my children through Kingdom-eyes, their vices aren’t irritations that bug me and cause me to be angry; they are offenses that sober me and call me to the tireless and tender action of praying for, teaching and tending the garden of their souls.

My children are the very happiest when I have loved them enough to require gratitude, obedience and honor. Their little faces light up into mine when they sense my tenderest sincerity toward their character.

And then, to place my hands on their heads, kneel over them and pray…

“Father, you have blessed me with this child. Thank you that she is growing to love You, thank you that she is obedient, and I pray that she will serve you all the days of her life”….

causes a heart-smile to break across their faces, and they know–it sinks down deep and they KNOW that I am in this for life, through tears, joys and hardship. I am their advocate, and I will stop short of nothing to give “my life for yours” in these few years they are mine.

“God’s Curriculum”…If You Don’t Teach Them Anything Else!

When I heard Kevin Swanson say, “God has given us a curriculum…it’s Proverbs”, my spirit resonated with that seemingly simplistic statement. That doesn’t mean we need to toss our math and grammar books, it means if we are teaching math and grammar without a thorough teaching of the Proverbs, we are not giving them the tools they need to be truly successful.

That’s because Proverbs is the book of wisdom–the “secret” to life and whether our children will do well at what they put their hand to or not. “Wisdom! Get wisdom!” the Proverbs screams. Why would we clamor to get our academic ducks in a row but neglect this principal thing?

Swanson has made it easy to teach through the book of wisdom with his 3-book series, the Proverbs Study Guide.

Our family uses this in our devotion time, but it could easily be implemented during school as well. I love the simple, short yet thorough explanations Kevin gives of each verse of Proverbs. He ends the lesson with questions for discussion, as important as the lesson itself.

Containing everything from how to handle finances to political and social ethics, we simply cannot neglect to teach our children these most essential life lessons from the Word of God.

The Book of Proverbs Study Series comes highly recommended from this family!