Why God Makes us Wait

I’m only waiting for the blessed joy of holding a little one…the waiting is so hard, the questions and concerns of my mind so great…and yet, it’s such a small thing to wait for a joyous end that is sure to come.

Many of you wait in much deeper pain, with greater agony, with larger questions. Perhaps this poem I found comforting will bring comfort to you too.

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, “Child, you must wait!”

“Wait?’, you say, wait!” my indignant relpy.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By FAITH I have asked, and am claiming your word.”

“My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?

I’m needing a ‘yes,’ a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.”

“And Lord, you promised that if we believe
Weneed but to ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply!”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, “You must wait.”

So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting. . . for what?”

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountians to run.

All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want . . but, you wouldn’t know ME.”

“You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint;

You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there;

You’d not know the joy of resting in me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

“You’d never experience that fulness of love
As the peace of my Spirit descendslike a dove;

You’d know that I give and I save . . . (for a start),
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of my heart.”

“The glow of my comfort late into the night.
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,

The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.”

“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that ‘My grace is sufficient for thee.’

Yes, your dreams for your loves ones overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss! If I lost what I’m doing in you!”

“So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
THAT THE GREATEST OF GIFTS IS TO GET TO KNOW ME,

And though oft may my answers is still but to WAIT.”
“And though oft’ My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all is still, “Wait.”

~Russell Kelfer~

Pregnancy Update…

My official “due date” was last Wednesday, the 16th.  I am still pregnant, though

In all honesty, this has been one of my greatest struggles with a pregnancy yet. Part of me knows that the truth is a “due date” is only an average between 4 weeks of what is considered normal delivery time. So technically, I’m not overdue yet, though I feel that way.

I am physically pretty miserable but it’s much harder emotionally waking up *still pregnant* day after day.  (I guess in the back of my mind I’m always hopeful that after this many children I’ll actually go a few days before my due date.) I periodically just break down sobbing, then pull myself together and start again. I went “over” two weeks with my first two, but this is the longest past my due date I’ve gone since those.

In addition, Ellia has the stomach virus.  This is her “love the baby” position. She raised my top and fell asleep on my belly after a rough night for both of us. (I hope this picture isn’t offensive; if it is, tell me, and I’ll remove it. It seemed so sweet to me.)

I am learning that I am certainly not in control and that all one can do is be at peace with God’s time table.  Easy to say, harder to live.

It feels like life has been on hold for weeks.

But despite the irrational notion that sweeps over me periodically where I fear I might be pregnant indefinitely, I know little one will come soon.

Also, God has revealed Himself in such a mighty way through all the comforting words, prayers and flood of love and care through friends from the blog world down to my closest ones.

In addition to friends who have already brought meals to us, a very special young lady begged us to come and stay until the baby is born so she could help out.  She has been here over a week already, (she’s staying until we return from the hospital).  She LOVES to cook (I call her a “food artist”) and delights in the meal preparations each day, entertains the children so I can rest, does what needs to be done, and just generally brings joy and a huge helping hand.

Bria works alongside her, of course…I can’t fail to give her due credit. Bria has been such a constant encouragement to me, full of joy and tenderness and service. But Olivia’s presence here takes so much of the load off and makes it more fun for Bria. (They are like a well-oiled machine together, and then they retreat in the afternoons, giggling with their cups of tea and favorite book or movie, to a quiet place to refresh.)

What a blessing to see the vision these two have!  To be happiest when they are serving! (I can’t even *make* Olivia go home for a break.) And what a beautiful thing as I watch them, along with my children, playing, laughing and eagerly serving our family, finding absolute joy in it, where so many would scoff that “it’s unfair”, or that a mother of many shouldn’t *have* to have help.

Beloved, this is what the body of Christ looks like in motion.

Until you’ve seen it, it’s hard to understand.  They’ve had more fun these few weeks, making special meals, baking cupcakes, having mud fights and sunny picnics and “soapy trampoline” time, anticipating with all the energy of children, the arrival of their baby brother.  It’s not the heavy drudgery some might imagine.

I just have to say “Kudos” to all my children and husband (please don’t think me bragging…I am just so humbly grateful) for their patience, their eagerness to do whatever they can to make me more comfortable, their hearts of gratitude, their infectious joy and smiles and all the wonder they bring to my life.  I feel ashamed, when I reflect on these blessings, to complain for one minute about this anxiety I’m feeling.

God has been so good to us!

By the way, unless something unforeseen happens, I will likely have time to post an “I’m in labor!” for you

Children: Heritage or Possession?

“We are childless by choice”, an old acquaintance–a believer–told me. “We just love our lives.  We travel a lot and enjoy going out and we’ve never really wanted children”.

I replayed the conversation.  I’m not supposed to even think anything of it. Children are now in the category of “option without stigma”. That is, it is politically incorrect to even suggest that parents *should* want children.  After all, we all have the choice.  Choice is King.

But something nags me…

And I realized what it was.

Before the socially acceptable option of choosing life, children were in a category of “spiritual, supernatural, miraculous”.

And rightly so. The Bible calls them a “heritage from the Lord”.  A heritage is an immaterial, intangible gift passed down.  It’s an inheritance the GIVER chooses and over which the GIVER has control.

But now that we are in control of this once supernatural gift, children have moved to a category of “possession”–things that can be acquired or not. And not just that, but possessions often seen as liabilities.

A possession is altogether different from a heritage.

A possession is temporal and usually measured by its immediate value. Decisions about acquiring possessions are mostly based on short-sighted variables and measured according to their benefit to the possessor.

A heritage can only be received, at the benevolence of the one giving. It is thought of in far-sighted terms.  Long-term vision causes us to covet a heritage, even if we must share our resources to maintain it in the present.

Our children, though plenty valuable even in the present (if only we could see it through all our distractions), are gifts only properly understood with a far-sightedness–inheritances that gain value over time.

We have lost our long-term vision.  And we have stopped seeing children as part of that vision.

I don’t think God ever meant for us to think of His heritage so flippantly, to refuse, altogether, the eternal gifts He would give in exchange for more vacations and a richer lifestyle.

He desires godly offspring.  He longs to give us a full, rich inheritance. Let’s not allow our short-sighted ability to control rob us of our heritage.

Waiting is Good…But I Want My Fries NOW.

Waiting is good.

But we’re Americans and waiting is not something to which we are accustomed.

Want fries?  Three minutes.

Want popcorn?  Four minutes.

Want to see the earthquake in Japan?  One minute.

Want a tan?  Thirty minutes.

We are in control.  We want things and we want them fast.

So as I wait for a baby to come, the Lord gently reminds me that I am NOT in control.  He calls forth the young and I can’t flip it, press it, microwave it or order it.

I can only wait.  And the waiting reveals how impatient I am, how frustrated we can become when we are given all we want upon demand.

Photo courtesy of Olivia, taken at my baby shower.

So while I wait, I ponder.  And I praise Him for this little lesson where He delights to show me who is really in control. I turn my face upwards, smile, and exhale...”In your time, Lord.”

(Thank you, my brother, for this observation.)

Pregnancy Count Down

Well, I have to document one last pregnancy picture for my “journal’s sake”.  I think I’m actually bigger than the picture makes me look (tempting as it was, I didn’t use “insta-thin” editing)

There are 13 days until my due date.  This part is so very challenging for me. I’m too big to do much of anything, I want to keep the house fairly in order for whomever stays with our children (though my children trip over themselves to try to keep me from that), and frankly, I’m pretty miserable.  (But part of the misery, my doctor just discovered, is severe anemia, so I’m taking iron which should make me feel much better soon.)  It’s like waiting for company you know is coming but don’t know the time.

And yet, it’s a precious time.  My children are giddy.  We spend a lot of time just sitting on the couch or outside reading these days.  Lots of snuggles, conversations and eager anticipations about what he will look like.  Our children have a pretty varied mix of characteristics, so it’s always interesting to see. They love to watch him move around and for children who have so many siblings already, from the oldest to the youngest, they don’t know what “too many siblings” means.

I’ll save the name as a surprise, but we’re excited about it.  As for birthing plans (hee hee), well, all the planning I can do won’t guarantee anything. Many of you remember watching my first natural birth with the last baby.  (I still remember it vividly.)  And I still admire you natural birth mamas. If there’s anything I’m sure of,  I do plan on staying home a lot longer this time, as my last five babies have proven that I just have long labors.  So pray this isn’t the baby that changes that tradition.  I would prefer NOT to deliver in the car on the way to the hospital (1 hour away).  Though I feel sure my husband is up to the task.

Pregnancy is not easy, though I’ve had it much better than some.  But I think of pregnancy as mission work, only with much less suffering and the sweetest cuddles and kisses at the end.  This waddling and heaviness is a small price to pay for the treasure of another child and I’m so grateful to my Heavenly Father who carries me.

AND…

Happy birthday to my oldest daughter today!  Bria is 17 which means I’m old.

Are You an Older, Godly Woman, or Just Old?

Shouldn’t I be bothered by it?  Shouldn’t we all?  I know I talk about it a lot.  I know there are other matters in the spiritual realm besides our ideas about children.

But somehow, this one is blaring to me, and big, and wrong.

It is my plea that if you are an older woman who desires to be a “godly older woman”, then you MUST echo the things of God, you must speak out of His Word–otherwise, you’re just old…and a liar (professing to believe His Word and speaking things opposite what is there.)

I couldn’t help overhearing the cashier behind me, I wasn’t eavesdropping. She was checking out a sweet-natured, older couple, chatting with them about her new marriage and how her mother was wanting grandchildren.  (I can’t vouch for the couple’s salvation, but I know they were members of a church because they were “buying on the church’s account”.)

The cashier said, “I do NOT want to have children right now…”

The older woman said, verbatim, “And you don’t need to; you need to enjoy life.” (“Children are a gift from God..the fruit of the womb is His REWARD.”)

It echoed in my ears all the way home.  I wish I had had the courage to say something, but I didn’t want to meddle in someone else’s conversation.

I asked the questions…

“What does a statement like that say about the way we view children?”

“What has happened among believers to make us think that way?”

“Did women say this to younger women before birth control was so acceptable and convenient?”

“If not, isn’t that cause for us to at least be cautious about the subject?”

“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”

She lied to that young wife.  She told her that children would cause her unhappiness.  That children were trouble.  That children would rob her of joy.

She also told her that we are entitled to our own, personal fulfillment in life, even at the expense of other people.

She lied about the character of God in that statement because everything the Bible has to say about the fruitfulness of the marriage covenant is directly opposed to that comment.  Without exception.

This is the only reason I tend to be so black and white on the issue of birth control–NOT because I’m legalistic or seek to add to the Word of God.  But because I see an almost constant discrepancy in the two positions.

Is it possible to hold in one hand the belief that BC is good and useful for preventing children according to our own determination, and hold in the other the idea that children are something to welcome and not desire to prevent in marriage?

Is it possible to embrace the idea of preventing children and still think that children bring joy to one’s life, not hindrance?

Comments like these affirm that the general population cannot hold the two together.  And when that occurs, I’m prone to choose one and reject the other because two diametrically opposed positions, when the Bible DOES speak, cannot both be right.

(I’m not interested in a debate about hypotheticals here, please hear what I’m saying.)

God help us to speak truth about Him and about the magnificence of His most beloved creation–US.