Pregnancy Count Down

Well, I have to document one last pregnancy picture for my “journal’s sake”.  I think I’m actually bigger than the picture makes me look (tempting as it was, I didn’t use “insta-thin” editing)

There are 13 days until my due date.  This part is so very challenging for me. I’m too big to do much of anything, I want to keep the house fairly in order for whomever stays with our children (though my children trip over themselves to try to keep me from that), and frankly, I’m pretty miserable.  (But part of the misery, my doctor just discovered, is severe anemia, so I’m taking iron which should make me feel much better soon.)  It’s like waiting for company you know is coming but don’t know the time.

And yet, it’s a precious time.  My children are giddy.  We spend a lot of time just sitting on the couch or outside reading these days.  Lots of snuggles, conversations and eager anticipations about what he will look like.  Our children have a pretty varied mix of characteristics, so it’s always interesting to see. They love to watch him move around and for children who have so many siblings already, from the oldest to the youngest, they don’t know what “too many siblings” means.

I’ll save the name as a surprise, but we’re excited about it.  As for birthing plans (hee hee), well, all the planning I can do won’t guarantee anything. Many of you remember watching my first natural birth with the last baby.  (I still remember it vividly.)  And I still admire you natural birth mamas. If there’s anything I’m sure of,  I do plan on staying home a lot longer this time, as my last five babies have proven that I just have long labors.  So pray this isn’t the baby that changes that tradition.  I would prefer NOT to deliver in the car on the way to the hospital (1 hour away).  Though I feel sure my husband is up to the task.

Pregnancy is not easy, though I’ve had it much better than some.  But I think of pregnancy as mission work, only with much less suffering and the sweetest cuddles and kisses at the end.  This waddling and heaviness is a small price to pay for the treasure of another child and I’m so grateful to my Heavenly Father who carries me.

AND…

Happy birthday to my oldest daughter today!  Bria is 17 which means I’m old.

Are You an Older, Godly Woman, or Just Old?

Shouldn’t I be bothered by it?  Shouldn’t we all?  I know I talk about it a lot.  I know there are other matters in the spiritual realm besides our ideas about children.

But somehow, this one is blaring to me, and big, and wrong.

It is my plea that if you are an older woman who desires to be a “godly older woman”, then you MUST echo the things of God, you must speak out of His Word–otherwise, you’re just old…and a liar (professing to believe His Word and speaking things opposite what is there.)

I couldn’t help overhearing the cashier behind me, I wasn’t eavesdropping. She was checking out a sweet-natured, older couple, chatting with them about her new marriage and how her mother was wanting grandchildren.  (I can’t vouch for the couple’s salvation, but I know they were members of a church because they were “buying on the church’s account”.)

The cashier said, “I do NOT want to have children right now…”

The older woman said, verbatim, “And you don’t need to; you need to enjoy life.” (“Children are a gift from God..the fruit of the womb is His REWARD.”)

It echoed in my ears all the way home.  I wish I had had the courage to say something, but I didn’t want to meddle in someone else’s conversation.

I asked the questions…

“What does a statement like that say about the way we view children?”

“What has happened among believers to make us think that way?”

“Did women say this to younger women before birth control was so acceptable and convenient?”

“If not, isn’t that cause for us to at least be cautious about the subject?”

“I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”

She lied to that young wife.  She told her that children would cause her unhappiness.  That children were trouble.  That children would rob her of joy.

She also told her that we are entitled to our own, personal fulfillment in life, even at the expense of other people.

She lied about the character of God in that statement because everything the Bible has to say about the fruitfulness of the marriage covenant is directly opposed to that comment.  Without exception.

This is the only reason I tend to be so black and white on the issue of birth control–NOT because I’m legalistic or seek to add to the Word of God.  But because I see an almost constant discrepancy in the two positions.

Is it possible to hold in one hand the belief that BC is good and useful for preventing children according to our own determination, and hold in the other the idea that children are something to welcome and not desire to prevent in marriage?

Is it possible to embrace the idea of preventing children and still think that children bring joy to one’s life, not hindrance?

Comments like these affirm that the general population cannot hold the two together.  And when that occurs, I’m prone to choose one and reject the other because two diametrically opposed positions, when the Bible DOES speak, cannot both be right.

(I’m not interested in a debate about hypotheticals here, please hear what I’m saying.)

God help us to speak truth about Him and about the magnificence of His most beloved creation–US.

Staying Focused

I sit here after a hard week of the “throw-up” virus wreaking havoc in our home. (Five little ones in one night!  And then…well, I’ll spare you.  We had a relapse last night…”Mom, Mallie threw up in her bed again.”  Nooooo!!!!!  This isn’t happening!)  All ten of us have been victims.  That’s the good news, I suppose

I’d like to say I’ve been optimistic and joyful the whole time; but I can’t.

Everyone has gone to bed now and I sit in front of the fire and it’s quiet…and the week’s chaos doesn’t seem so bad just now.

Then “tap-punch-kick” in my belly.

I have felt this on nine different occasions and the most miraculous thing is that it still thrills me like it was the first.

There is a human inside me, a totally unique person, an immortal soul with a decided personality and distinct features I have yet to know–living there, miraculously put into the motion of growth by the very hand of God!

Is there anything that I would feel more privileged doing than being a vehicle through which He chooses to bring a new life into the world? “Mother”…we should cherish the word….and the opportunity with a sacredness and delicacy that has been often crushed.

And I don’t know why, but I think of Mary tonight.  She cherished it too. Chosen to carry salvation, blessed among women.

I want to remember, in the next few months as my back begins to hurt and as the weight pulls on my body, and as I find it more and more difficult to merely walk–I want to remember that “this light, momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,” so that I may “fix my eyes on not what is seen, but what is unseen, not what is temporary, but what is eternal”.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who forgives all my grumbling this week about a silly virus and who gently reminds me with the awe of new life that we are to remain fixed on the eternal.

Divine Appointment: Babies are a Part of the Gospel Picture

I had such a sweet opportunity to share with a woman about children and their role in demonstrating the gospel to the world.  I realize more and more the simple lack of connection that so many people have, and so I’m more eager these days to just drop a seed and let God water it.

I was alone, sitting in the waiting room.  The lady beside me began talking and eventually asked me if this was my first baby.  “Glad you’re sitting down”, I joked.  When I told her it was my ninth, she was truly shocked.  And the questions began.

There was no hint of disdain in her voice,  just sheer curiosity.  She was open. She truly wanted answers about this “bizarre” reality.  And she appeared to be a Christian.

So I answered:

“We just believe that children are a heritage from the Lord.  And along with that, they help paint the true picture of Christ the Groom and His bride, the Church.”

“How do you mean?” She asked.

“Well, God established marriage to be a physical picture of Christ and the church.  In short, it’s a “mini-church” meant to reflect, in every aspect, the relationship between Christ and His bride.

And what is the one thing most churches desire?

To grow.  To increase in numbers. They recruit new members, they evangelize, they advertise, they do everything they can to grow the church–both their local body and the greater body.

How can we expect the Lord to bless our efforts there if we refuse to allow Him to grow the family as He sees fit, in order to demonstrate this parallel in a physical sense?

Isn’t it hypocritical to refuse new members into the family but beg for them in the church?  To turn away “visitors”, potential disciples, from our marriage union?  Would we want to be known as “the church that turns away visitors?“

If we don’t allow the evidence of consummation in our marriages, aren’t we leaving out part of the gospel as we are called to paint the picture, as Christ will consummate His marriage with us, His Bride, on the last day, and the “fruit” of that consummation will be revealed to all?”

The woman stared at me.  I was hoping she wasn’t mad, hoping that I spoke gently and without accusation in my voice.

“I have been a Christian for 19 years and I have NEVER heard of that or thought of that in my life, and it makes so much sense”, she said slowly.

Praise God for Divine Appointments.

“Why Do You Keep Talking About Birth Control?”

Recently, I received this comment and question:

“We are exhausted of hearing about birth control and you bragging about your large family.  The women who read here already want big families so why do you keep talking about it, beating it like a dead horse?  Why don’t you talk about something we care about?”

It could have been a valid question without the “snark”, (and I’m tempted to be flattered that this reader obviously believes my personal blog is the only one in cyberspace) and maybe others wonder as well, so when I received this email (not uncommon from many I receive),  I thought it answered better than I could precisely why I keep talking about it.

May it also encourage ALL of you to know that your role in mentoring, teaching and encouraging other women matters! I am just one woman, not unlike any one of you who can share your heart and passions with those around you.  It is so exciting and amazing to me to watch how the LORD can use a seed-word, dropped along the soil, and water it to make it bear fruit. We must remember the increase comes from Him, but know that He delights in using our feeble words to plant.  Don’t take lightly the opportunities God gives you to speak truth with your lives and your words!

“Kelly, I recently found your blog through a Raising Homemakers post you authored. I became interested in you, not because of that post, but because of your larger than average family. I gave birth to my 3rd child in May and since then my husband and I have been trying to figure out what to do about delaying another pregnancy for a while, or stopping having babies altogether. We were both praying and seeking God and felt that he was calling us to trust him with when and how many children we should have. The idea of having a huge family was overwhelming, so I went looking for other Christian women who had given up their wombs to the Lord to find out their thoughts and testimonies. I think I read almost all of your posts on the subject of birth control and children in one day.

I just want you to know that God really used you to speak to me, encourage me and has really changed my heart toward my current and future children. I went from being terrified of having too many children to so excited that I can’t wait to get pregnant again. (emphasis mine) I feel like a radically changed woman and I know that my life and my children’s lives will be forever changed. Thank you Kelly, for your heart to serve the Lord, for your passion for the Word and for your dedication to speak the Truth even in the face of opposition. Be encouraged and keep up the good work. You ARE making a difference!”

Sincerely, Kayci

To God be the glory, great things He has done!

Raising Children: My Spaghetti-Smeared Generation

Farmer holds a few ordinary seeds in his hand.

But he doesn’t see seeds.  He also doesn’t see, or rather, doesn’t dwell on the work he’s about to give himself to.

OK he does see the seeds, and dirt, and sweat and weeds.  But it’s what lies beyond the seeing….it’s the VISION.

He really sees a swelling harvest from that handful of humble seeds–a miracle he really can’t fully understand.

He sees results of his labor and the fruit of his hands and the many who will be blessed by it for years to come.

Because next year, his seeds will yield more seeds.

And some days he’ll be scratching in the dirt and sweating and seeing nothing but weeds.  But he knows what’s underneath if he’ll only persevere, and he has the FAITH required to believe it will burst forth from the ground.

Someone asked me how I could be excited about a ninth baby.

“Because I don’t see a baby”.

Well, yes I do, and he/she is magnificently more wonderful than a handful of seeds!

But I see more than a baby.

I see a harvest…the fruit of our love, the physical reminder of “two becomes one”, the labor of our hands through the years, a heritage, for me, from my Father.

My vision goes beyond that sweet little face and all the messes I know I will clean up, and the mid-night feedings that aren’t easy, the squabbles and the stains on the furniture, the tears and laughter, and the days I just want quiet…

There’s a whole generation underneath that spaghetti-smeared face that’s been given to me.

And it’s worth it.

And I want to be here when the harvest is fully ripe….

But I won’t.

Because the seeds we plant now will grow beyond us and the harvest will become unable to be measured.

So I will keep pulling the weeds, planting the seeds, nurturing, watering, tending and praying for growth, thanking God for the miracles.

And I will have the FAITH to believe that His glory will burst forth.