Join me at CouponPal.com for the first part in a series I wrote:  “Where There’s a Bill There’s a Way”

This was such an interesting piece. Especially as this article applauded the very behaviors that, in America, parents get ridiculed for and sometimes even punished.

Again, common sense for centuries now takes an expert to fill us all in on the best way to raise our children since Americans, apparently, have lost theirs.

“…why French children are not diagnosed with ADHD in anything like the numbers we are seeing in the United States….

From the time their children are born, French parents provide them with a firm cadre—the word means “frame” or “structure.” Children are not allowed, for example, to snack whenever they want. Mealtimes are at four specific times of the day. French children learn to wait patiently for meals, rather than eating snack foods whenever they feel like it.

French parents, Druckerman observes, love their children just as much as American parents. They give them piano lessons, take them to sports practice, and encourage them to make the most of their talents. But French parents have a different philosophy of discipline. Consistently enforced limits, in the French view, make children feel safe and secure. Clear limits, they believe, actually make a child feel happier and safer—something that is congruent with my own experience as both a therapist and a parent. Finally, French parents believe that hearing the word “no” rescues children from the “tyranny of their own desires.” And spanking, when used judiciously, is not considered child abuse in France.

As a therapist who works with children, it makes perfect sense to me that French children don’t need medications to control their behavior because they learn self-control early in their lives. The children grow up in families in which the rules are well-understood, and a clear family hierarchy is firmly in place. In French families, as Druckerman describes them, parents are firmly in charge of their kids—instead of the American family style, in which the situation is all too often vice versa.”

Read all of  Why French Kids Don’t Have ADHD

Nicholas Farrell nailed it in his piece, Women, Work & Freedom, exposing the truths that most of us are too afraid to say out loud, regardless of the damage we’ve all suffered from ignoring it.

“Women in Europe and America have made one great big fat suicidal error as a result of modern feminism since the movement’s inception: They have confused work with freedom. This confusion has had catastrophic consequences for all of us because it has fatally infected the core activity of any healthy civilization: the creation and upbringing of children….

The truth is the precise opposite….Nearly all work, if we mean the work that most people in the West do day after day in exchange for money, is a life sentence in prison. It is dull, repetitive, and soul-destroying. It does not liberate.” -Nicholas Farrell

I have always puzzled at the claim of “freedom” in the demand of women to work outside the home when it is apparent they haven’t been liberated from anything, but rather had a burden added to their already intensive, full-time job. Not liberation, but stress, anxiety and exhaustion seems to be what women really fought for and won.

I have said before, I’m not trying to be oppressive by saying that women should focus on their roles at home instead of clamoring to get out; I’m trying to illumine the truly liberating life that so many have forsaken for a false promise. (That’s a nice thing, right? And every time I still get harassed for it…go figure.)

And yes, bringing up children had to be villainized, on some level, before feminists could convince the masses of women that they were somehow being short-changed. They were too…distracted, maybe? to realize, as Farrell said, that the secret to a “healthy civilization” is having children and investing, full time, in their upbringing. And, the results are in. We’re splitting at the seams and no one seems to make the connection.

And then there’s this–oh how did we miss this:

“If women stopped work tomorrow it would solve the West’s chronic unemployment crisis overnight. Due to the dire shortage of workers left, salaries would rocket.”

The “can’t afford it” argument? Sometimes that’s true (although usually not), but we created that monster too. If one-income families were the norm, the income would rise to meet it. It’s just so simple: women have an incredibly important role to play (THE most important, perhaps?) and men are sufficiently ready to take care of us and do the grunt work of providing an income. We all have a wonderful, specific cog in this wheel that makes the world go ’round, one just as important as the other. But it takes us all, content with our cogs, to keep the wheel turning.

Read the rest of Women, Work & Freedom

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On the heels of Marilyn Boyer’s great suggestions in the last post about helping an unmotivated learner, this post reminds homeschooling parents that our freedom allows us benefits the classroom doesn’t. We should not feel bound to operate like a classroom, which can be very stifling to many children, suffocating their natural curiosity and love of learning.If your child thrives in a structured, class-room setting, by all means give it to him. But if he doesn’t, the world is his classroom; don’t deprive him.

We must remember that the school classroom functions as it does NOT because that has been found to be the superior method of education, but because that is the only option for mass-producing students. It contradicts, in fact, the evidence that children learn best in a realistic, life-like setting, with hands-on experience.

As John Taylor Gatto reminds:

“It is absurd and anti-life to move from cell to cell at the sound of a gong for every day of your natural youth in an institution that allows you no privacy and even follows you into the sanctuary of your home demanding that you do its ‘homework.’

‘How will they learn to read?’…When children are given whole lives instead of age-graded ones in cellblocks they learn to read, write, and do arithmetic with ease if those things make sense in the kind of life that unfolds around them.”  From Why Schools Don’t Educate

So, what does a “lifestyle of learning” look like from day to day? Different for every family. But, upon many requests, I thought I’d offer some practical ways to encourage your child to utilize his curiosity about his world. The ideas are really endless. I’d love to hear YOURS!

• Simply expose them. To books, to conversation, to places, to people, to animals, to cooking, to building, to nature. We simply cannot underestimate a child’s ability to take in, process and store information–something inherent at birth. This begins at birth and the fewer distractions like TV or phones, the better for motivating them to learn about their world.

• Listen and watch. A child learns things best in the context of what interests him. Find out what that is, give him experiences around his interests and then look to see the learning opportunities. For example, my 8-year-old son loves building things and he loves large machines. And by “love” I mean he’s obsessed. We have let him build a playhouse (with a little help from Sis), supervising his use of the saw and nail gun. It has taken quite a bit of thought about measurements and angles and my husband has been able to really show him the importance of “squaring” the frame, etc. It’s an excellent exercise in problem-solving. That geometry makes sense to him whereas if I handed him a geometry worksheet right now he wouldn’t have a clue.

• Bait the house with books. This is my favorite. I leave books on art, science, animals and other subjects lying around and sometimes an older child will pick it up and become absorbed and even begin to read and explain it to a younger one. Or when someone crawls up beside me, I open it and start reading. I just ordered a set of “Nature Friend” magazines from Ebay and I’m excited to see how they like those too.

• Let them learn from other people. Do you have friends or family who have a particular trade or skill? Would they mind some of your children hanging out to observe? If that isn’t an option, there are great videos that teach different skills for children who show interest.

• Build vocabulary naturally. Being intentional about the words we use with our children is the best way to build their vocabulary. Random words on a worksheet are much harder to memorize than if they learn the word in context of life and language. Conversation is the best way to improve communication skills. Something, in our technologically-filled lives, that takes deliberate attention.

• Focus on the traits that matter. Any time you research for “most important qualities of a successful person” or “qualities employers look for”, or something similar, the results that turn up always focus on character and NEVER include test scores or degrees. Do we take that to heart and intentionally teach and train character? Communication skills, problem-solving, and integrity rank at the top of almost every list.

LIVE. That’s the way to a superior education. Here is part of our check list, academically speaking:

1. Can they write well, speak well and convey their thoughts well? What are some activities that will facilitate these?
2. Are they numerate? Do they know how to handle numbers, do they understand fractions and how to work out number problems? As they get older, do they know how money works, do they understand debt and interest and budgeting? Very important.
3. Can they type?
4. Do they have a good grasp of history and the workings of the government? We especially want them to read biographies from great men and women of the past.
5. Are they exposed to art in a variety of forms, and music? (If they show giftedness/interest, are we doing what we can to help them excel?)
6. Do they have a heavy dose of common sense?

Charge ahead with confidence!

I won’t expound here, as most of you already understand the tragic absurdity in the Gosnell trial, the abortion doctor found guilty of killing babies.

Did you get that? I could stop there and the point would be made.

Taking a life is wrong. It doesn’t matter how scared the woman who is growing a person is, or how poor, or how anything, she simply can’t be given the right to decide if another innocent person deserves to live or die–no one should have that right. Because just as in this case, the slope gets very slippery and your life or mine could end up being weighed in the schizophrenic balance, according to circumstance instead of value, by someone else some day.

It all started with circumstance vs. value, didn’t it? The value of life began to wane when circumstance made it desirable to avoid it and technology made it easy. But then, if you really, really wanted to avoid making a life, and life appeared anyway, then what? It was the first stepping stone to “taking care of things” after the fact if it didn’t work before.

We’ve tried to make the rules and we’ve made a huge mess. Why? Because “the heart is deceitfully wicked.” No sadness of plight should sway our belief in right and wrong. We need a mooring, an immovable standard. We have one, but have forsaken it.

The lines get blurred and we can’t even make sense of it anymore. What is murder? What is a woman’s choice? Why are they not called the same? Is it measured by bloodshed? A tidy abortion just doesn’t offend us the same as a messy one. Geography? Outside or inside the womb? Where is the line? Either way, a baby dies. Why is Dr. Gosnell guilty while thousands go free?

“The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul.” Psalm 19:7

“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil.” Isaiah 5:20

“Hear, O my people, and I will testify unto thee: O Israel, if thou wilt hearken unto me; But my people would not hearken to my voice; and Israel would none of me. So I gave them up unto their own hearts’ lust: and they walked in their own counsels.” Psalm 81:8, 11-12

Have Americans Got it All Backwards?

Yes, a resounding “yes”! But I’m just a country Mom. What do I know? That’s why this article was so much fun; it confirmed what I already believe and have found proof in living. But now that a “qualified” person finally said it, (you know, someone who did the research–the only thing that makes it real and believable to the masses), I can feel even more confident about our parenting choices.

You’re gonna love it too.

The author, Christine Gross-Loh, writes:

“The parent I used to be and the parent I am now both have the same goal: to raise self-reliant, self-assured, successful children. But 12 years of parenting, over five years of living on and off in Japan, two years of research, investigative trips to Europe and Asia and dozens of interviews with psychologists, child development experts, sociologists, educators, administrators and parents in Japan, Korea, China, Finland, Germany, Sweden, France, Spain, Brazil and elsewhere have taught me that though parents around the world have the same goals, American parents like me (despite our very best intentions) have gotten it all backwards.”

(While I may not agree with every aspect of the article, I certainly agreed with the bulk of it.)

Her findings, the short version:

• We need to let 3-year-olds climb trees and 5-year-olds use knives.

“Ellen Hansen Sandseter, a Norwegian researcher at Queen Maud University in Norway, has found in her research that the relaxed approach to risk-taking and safety actually keeps our children safer by honing their judgment about what they’re capable of.”

• Children can go hungry from time-to-time. (Meaning, you don’t have to rush to give children snacks every time he asks; it could hinder their healthy meal-eating habits. And you certainly don’t need to allow your children a special menu different from what is offered to the whole family.)
  

“[Korean] children are taught that food is best enjoyed as a shared experience. All children eat the same things that adults do, just like they do in most countries in the world with robust food cultures. (Ever wonder why ethnic restaurants don’t have kids’ menus?). The result? Korean children are incredible eaters. They sit down to tables filled with vegetables of all sorts, broiled fish, meats, spicy pickled cabbage and healthy grains and soups at every meal.” (Korea has the lowest rates of obesity.)

• Instead of keeping children satisfied, we need to fuel their feelings of frustration.
  

(I didn’t care for the term “fuel their frustration”. I think the point is not to give a child everything he wants to keep him happy–as if this were rocket science.)

“Studies show that children who exhibit self-control and the ability to delay gratification enjoy greater future success.” (Imagine!) “Anecdotally, we know that children who don’t think they’re the center of the universe are a pleasure to be around.”

• Children should spend less time in school. (My personal favorite.)

“The Finnish model of education includes a late start to academics (children do not begin any formal academics until they are 7 years old), frequent breaks for outdoor time, shorter school hours and more variety of classes than in the US.” (Finnish students frequently rate the highest, academically, in the world.)

• Thou shalt spoil thy baby.
  

According to research, Japanese children, who co-sleep with their parents, become more independent later in life. (This is probably one I don’t necessarily disagree with, but personally haven’t implemented simply because I enjoy MY sleep in my bed with my husband . In the early nursing months, baby does sleep some with me and I don’t sleep well at all.)

• Children need to feel obligated.
  

“In America, as our kids become adolescents, we believe it’s time to start letting them go and giving them their freedom. We want to help them be out in the world more and we don’t want to burden them with family responsibilities. In China, parents do the opposite: the older children get, the more parents remind them of their obligations.

Eva Pomerantz of the University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign has found through multiple studies that in China, the cultural ideal of not letting adolescents go but of reminding them of their responsibility to the family and the expectation that their hard work in school is one way to pay back a little for all they have received, helps their motivation and their achievement.

Even more surprising: She’s found that the same holds for Western students here in the US: adolescents who feel responsible to their families tend to do better in school.”

Read all of “Have Americans Got it All Backwards?”

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The last point was especially good, and the one MOST OFTEN ridiculed in our culture. So many parents have the crazy idea that it’s good for their children to be released of any familial obligation, and that it’s nearly abuse to require them to do their part in the responsibilities of the family. We give them their vehicles, gadgets, college money, let them roam free, and create entitlement monsters. And we’re surprised when their own family falls apart?

Hope this dose of good, common sense will take root and help us raise healthier, smarter, more stable adults for the next generation.

Assume the best about your children; they are still learning, growing and they need you to believe in them.

Be available. There are so many distractions. Fight them. It’s one of the most important things a mother can do.

Call them fun nicknames.

Devote yourself to imparting wisdom to your children.

Exhale deeply. It’s only spilled milk.

Firmly draw lines.

Gently enforce them.

Help them do the most important thing in life: seek God and the infinite wisdom found in Him. It will CHANGE the course of their lives….every aspect.

Include them in what you do. It is the best way to teach and to make them feel valued.

Just relax. What seems like a big deal today won’t be tomorrow. Maintain perspective.

Keep the vision. You’re raising men and women and your influence on them will be over soon.

Let them experiment, explore and do things on their own. That’s the best education you can give them.

Model for them (by God’s grace) the attitudes, responses, habits and kindness you want them to have.

Never fail to repent when you have sinned.

Object to activities, reading material, movies/tv or any other forms of media and entertainment that do not line up with Philippians 4:8…no matter what their friends are doing.

Passionately love them.

Quit worrying about keeping up with others’ expectations. You are the mom to these children; God has given you a unique gift to raise them.

Remind your children constantly that their purpose in life is to use all their gifts, talents, strengths and passions to glorify their Creator.

Search out their interests; then give them the freedom and tools to explore them. This is where children best thrive.

Tell stories. Stories about your childhood, make-believe stories, educational stories. It’s a gift to their imaginations.

Use your time wisely. Say “no” to things that do not help your family grow and meet your life-long goals.

Voraciously read to them.

Walk with your children, listening, answering and smiling. Point out the birds, the clover, the sounds around you. Let them see you in awe at the beauty and creation of God.

X-pect them to be polite, courteous and kind. When they’re not, point it out, and replace it with an appropriate response.

Yesterday is over, with its mistakes. Purpose to fill today with joy. Your children will never forget it. It’s the little things in a day that will imprint on their memories.

Zealously bring your children before the throne of God, reminding yourself that they belong to Him.

(Another oldie but goodie…Dandelions & Mothers)

This approaching Mother’s Day  has brought about such mixed emotions. I read, with belly full of squirming life, the horrific details of the Gosnell trial in front of us, and am painfully aware that the abortion industry knows no bounds, and is becoming a bloodier and more murderous force, cloaking its audacity with “compassion for women”, all the while slaughtering them.

I’m also aware of how absurd and inconsistent we are. What Gosnell did was heinous; but no more heinous than if he had killed those babies just minutes before, right before they emerged from their mother’s womb (which happens every day), when he would have been protected, instead of on trial for murder, by the Supreme Court who deems it constitutional to kill a baby as long as there isn’t too much blood, apparently.

Motherhood is viewed by some to be so repulsive, they are willing to kill to avoid it. And once killing a baby is a protected option, all children must suffer the devaluation of their existence. As Rachel Jankovic so aptly put it:

“Abortion in our country is not a standalone moment, brought about by women who somehow haven’t heard of adoption. Abortion is that dark crisis choice served up to millions of women every year, courtesy of our cultural religion of self-fulfillment. It is the bloody path taken by many women who feel that they really “had no choice” (at least if they were going to finish law school, if they were going to have a career, if they were going to be slim in their bikinis in time for Spring Break). Everyone acts like abortion is a sad thing, but a necessity. But the truth is that abortion is the sacrifice that our religion of selfishness requires.” The Real Life of the Pro-Life Home

What Can We Do

We all want to do something. Some picket the sidewalks and beg women to spare their babies, praying that God’s grace would intervene in the last moment. We all need to be a voice.

And yet the jaws of this deadly monster seem too fierce to combat.

I’ll tell you what we can do, before we start picketing…we can repent, as the Body of Christ, for feeding the abortion industry, by lying to families about what God says about children and perpetuating the fear and stigma of pregnancy outside a “perfect” situation.

Pastors can repent for not honestly transferring the Word of God to their congregations about children and what they’re for and how we are to think about them.

• We can repent for not living out, in front of the world, the living gospel, which includes the embracing of the blessing and purpose of children.

• We can repent for saying we are “pro-life” but not fully living it. For mocking mothers with more than three children or ignoring her needs, treating her as irresponsible, which is to play our part in the death culture.

• We can repent for killing our own babies through abortifacient means like the pill and IUD, before we claim to be bothered by Dr. Gosnell’s crimes.

• We can repent for thinking, and making others think, that we have absolute control over life and have a right, a responsibility even, for the most temporal of reasons, to refuse to welcome children and worse, chide others who don’t do the same.

• We can repent for coddling the children we do have, treating them as trophies rather than the steward-gifts from God that they are, given to us for HIS glory and purpose.

Christians can stop being hypocrites and start being consistent in their theology about life. We are pro-every-life, or we are not really pro-life. That’s what we can do.

Right now, in our culture, in our time, there is something uniquely potent about mothers sacrificing for their children. As we lay down our lives for them, presenting ourselves to God as a living sacrifice, that sacrifice makes an aroma. That sacrifice directly contradicts and blasphemes everything the world is fighting for. As you care for your children, on the long days and tired moments, disciplining yourself, sacrificing yourself for them, you are reaching out to the world. When you present yourself as a living sacrifice, the aroma of that sacrifice cannot be contained. We do not turn inwards towards our children and towards our homes because we do not care about the world. We turn inwards because the world needs to smell this sacrifice….

Motherhood is the big-leagues of self-sacrifice. Millions of women kill to avoid it. In our culture of self-gratification, to embrace selfless motherhood is a revolutionary act. To see the sacrifice and rejoice in it. To recognize that the cost is your own life, and to willingly lay yourself down. The world hates the smell of that sacrifice, because it is the smell of grace. They hate it because it is the smell of something living and burning at the same time — something that is impossible without a risen Savior.

There are times to stand on sidewalks and hold signs, but holding a sign isn’t what makes a mother pro-life. Being pro-life means putting the life of another ahead of your own. It means being daily grace to the small souls nearest to you.” The Real  Life of the Pro-Life Home, Rachel Jankovic

Purpose of Children

And it’s not just our negative attitudes toward children that are wrong, but also our lack of understanding the grand purpose of their role in the Kingdom. If we acknowledged God’s purpose for children, our entire paradigm would shift.

Doug Wilson (Rachel’s father) says it perfectly in Raising Arrow Children:

“Like arrows in the hands of a mighty warrior…Blessed was the man who had sons who stand with him in a crucial showdown at the city council. They were shoulder to shoulder behind him, and not over on the other side. Neither were they all at home playing video games or out back smoking in the alley….The patter of little feet around the house is a blessing of God, one that we know by natural revelation. But the promise of formidable children is a promise given to us by special revelation….Acorns are cute, but sprawling oaks weathering a storm are glorious. And when we focus on the real blessing of “adorable” children, this can be the cause of mission drift.”

They are a precious gift to us, but our happiness and fuzzy feelings are not the reason we’re given children. Their purpose is not to win beauty pageants or become the best athlete so we can brag on Facebook about them. Their purpose is to “contend with the enemies”. To be raised as mighty warriors, strong, competent, wise and bold. To further the gospel, to stand for truth, to increase the army of God and to glorify Him in all the earth.

And that takes a committed, deliberate, costly focus.

We will never see the atrocities of abortion begin to wane until His own people become truly pro-life and know their reason for being so.