How Birth Contol and Catheters are Related…and Advice to a New Mother

From time to time I choose to publicly answer a reader who has emailed me with a question or thought.  The following question is, I’m sure, a universal one among couples who have approached the issue of birth control and children differently from the norm:

“I am a Christian, homeschooling mom…My husband and I have a daughter who was married to a godly young man last year. They are now expecting child #1!! Needless to say, we are all thrilled!!

Sadly, though, our world, and even our Christian world (“the church”) doesn’t always embrace children or trusting the Lord for when and how many children He wants for a couple.

What would you write to a new mother to help her know that she isn’t crazy for trusting God in this and to help her see the many blessings she can expect?”

(I’ve written extensively on this subject because it is one dear and near to my heart.  Anyone looking for more details and information I’ve written on the topic can do a search from the sidebar.)

After I thought about the things I would say, something struck me again (it has struck before)…our thinking has been so deeply affected that we don’t even realize that it is virtually insane that women even need encouragement regarding child-bearing. That’s not an insult to the mother…that’s an insult to our intelligence, having allowed a system to turn nature upside down in our minds.

What I mean is, the reproduction process works (usually) just like any other bodily function.  It’s natural, it’s normal, it’s built-in. Our ability to tamper with it shouldn’t change that.  Can you think of any other physiological process that requires “encouragement”?

Imagine a new trend…people found out that they could get a lot more work done if they got a catheter.  Think of it, you could go for hours without the need to stop and go to the restroom.  At first people are hesitant, but after a while it catches on.  Then one day somebody gets the idea that they don’t want to use a catheter–they found it caused infection and just doesn’t seem normal.  Problem:  the “norm” has been changed.  And now, if you don’t have a catheter, you’re weird.  So, authors start writing books, blogs and articles about how it’s “OK” to go catheterless.  And despite all the encouragement, those catheterless people will continue to receive criticism simply for not interfering with nature.  If you ask me, that’s insane.  Should people be allowed to get catheters if they want them? SURE!  But should that be the norm?

You’re smirking at my example.  And yet, it’s entirely comparable to the birth control issue with one difference:  there is a lot more at stake…namely, living people.

What would I say to a young, new mother?

1. Keep your eyes on Him who gives life.  Ridicule will come–be sure of it. If the Lord has shown you that “it is He who has made us, and not we ourselves”, you can get it settled in your heart that every child born into your home is a good gift and then set your face like flint to the Son.  If He blesses you with many children, pray that it will be an instrument through which you can glorify Him as you become “set apart” in a culture hostile to life.
2. Research all the health benefits from having babies, avoiding birth control, ovulating less and breastfeeding.  Every bit of research I have done about health-related issues has only confirmed God’s design for our bodies.
3. Keep far-sighted vision.  We have to train ourselves in this society to look past today.  In an instant-gratification kind of culture, it is harder and harder to invest our time and energy into things that can take years to see the final product of our labors.  Keeping our eyes focused on heavenly things–the immortal souls of our children–provides the needed stamina to keep at a job that may seem never-ending.
4. Stay mission-minded.  Motherhood is a natural calling a woman can embrace with full confidence that this is God’s will for her life.  It doesn’t require a plan on our part, a decision we have to make or second-guess. It’s usually the natural result of  marital love.  And if and when it comes, it is our mission field.  Think of it as such.  No missionary ever used the ease or hardship of his circumstance as a measure of God’s will in his ministry.  Nor should we.  The Christian life doesn’t promise anything beyond basic needs regarding our physical realm.  Consider arguments like “affordability”:  If God said he would take care of His own, emphasizing with the statement, “O ye of little faith”, we mock Him to assume we need to take control out of His hands.  ”His own” includes our children, since He, in fact, is the author of life.

As I’ve said many times before, I don’t think it’s necessary to rule out any and every consideration of a couple limiting their family size for extreme reasons.  I don’t claim a dogmatic belief.  What I do believe with all my heart is that our starting point should be the same as that of Scripture.  There is no evidence, whatsoever, that God is for our refusing the blessing of children “just because”, for controlling life and altering normally-functioning body parts. Marriage, intimacy and children are the standard, normal processes. If one chooses to stop the reproduction process, let it be a personal choice.  But according to God and nature, it is the deviant action, not the expected one.

Breast Cancer Awareness: More Helpful Than Bra Color

To raise breast-cancer awareness and encourage women to get early mammograms, yesterday Facebook users posted a number of “cutesie” reminders, including the color of their bra.

So I scratch my head and wonder, again, why we don’t propagate something a little more useful and, um, sensible, something that may actually have a real effect on lessening cases of breast cancer.

And I know I have a blaring flaw when it comes to “lightening up”, but I see everything in connectedness; five seconds after hearing about the “bra-color craze” I had  traced back to the woes of how the Industrial Revolution is tied to the increase of breast cancer…I can’t help it.

But seriously, one of the main preventions of breast cancer is having babies, menstruating less (i.e. pregnant more) and breast feeding.  It’s not rocket science why we’ve seen a dramatic increase in breast cancer over the last 60 or so years.  But nobody’s saying, “if you want to reduce your risk of breast cancer, have more babies, and stay home so you can breast feed them”. (Because let’s face it, that opens the discussion to a whole lot of cause and effect that we don’t want to talk about.)  Well, I just said it.

And I know women who have had several babies, breast fed them all and sadly, still got breast cancer;  I’m not discrediting early detection.  Notice I said it would “reduce” the rate, and I believe scientific evidence proves that.  So, how cool would it be if we started some Facebook group craze about these facts?  Any ideas?  I’m game!

And for many more fabulous benefits of breast feeding, follow the link below:

“We know that breastfeeding drastically reduces the risk of developing breast cancer. For this reason alone, it is worth committing to breastfeed.” Nature’s Brilliant Plan:  Fact About Breastfeeding

Update:  You can now join “Breast Cancer:  Awareness That Makes A Difference”

Miracle Birth for Mother and Baby

Many of you have probably already heard this incredible story, but I thought it worth posting.  Miracles do happen.

One Crazy Lady With Her Large Family

They say that I am crazy for letting you be born,
But one look at your angel face makes crazy all the scorn.

They say we can’t afford you–that you’ll need a lot of stuff,
But your pudgy cheeks remind us that our God is big enough.

They say it’s strange–eight kids so far–and ask what’s wrong with us,
How could we know that proof of married love would cause this fuss?

God’s Word tells me He made us, so when they look at you,
I’ll tell them not to ask me why, because He made you too!

Kelly Crawford

Where Do Babies Come From?

“The lady in the next line exclaimed, clearly shocked, ‘You’re PREGNANT?  Was it planned?’ I didn’t say anything, too busy getting my jaw off the floor. But the little girl thinks and says, ‘God plans everybody’.” -Mary

“And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD.” Genesis 4:1

That verse struck me when I read it out loud.  You don’t hear that much from a woman who has just given birth.

The thing is, we are unable, in the familiarity of technology and the ability to control almost everything, to step back, and with child-like eyes, the eyes Eve had, consider the subject of reproduction in its simplicity, and just be willing to see it for what it is.

Could I kindly steer you away from the “buts” and “what ifs”…I don’t think it matters at all about whether it’s wrong or right to use birth control, what methods are acceptable, etc. I think what matters about children and God’s gift of bearing them is that we start at the right place, longing to know and share God’s heart about His creation and embracing the revelation of that as it is written both in His Word and in our bodies.

“I have gotten a man from the Lord”.

Adam and Eve knew one another…the beautiful, holy, unaltered marriage bed where conception is only seen as a “gift from the Lord”, not something to fear or avoid.

Is that how I view my own reproduction?

Do I have child-like eyes of faith?

When once I get that the Lord gives children, my heart is changed.  I am now grateful with an unspeakable awe that He would grant such a gift.  Perhaps the barren woman has a better understanding of the miracle of an open or closed womb.  Does that require a rigid set of rules concerning my fertility?  No.  When my heart says with Eve’s…”the Lord gives life“, it is enough.

Pencil-Sketch/Scripture Baby Gifts Are Ready

They’re Ready!

After posting about our family project, we decided to make the onesies available for sale.  Ashton did two more designs and I’m thrilled with the way they turned out!  The bags are the girls’ projects, and my oldest has a really full  load this year, so for now, those won’t be available.  Maybe soon, though!

So keep us in mind when you’re looking for that unique, sweet baby gift (and tell anyone else you think might like them , and check out the close-ups of our newest designs!  Find them anytime by clicking the “baby gifts” tab at the top of the page.